Monthly Archives June 2016

I’m so sorry

I’m so sorry

June 30, 2016
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I am so sorry, so very very sorry.
For the way it has become.
For my part in it.
For whatever it is that made it this way.

I’m also very tired. Tired of carrying the feeling that there is something to be on the look out for, and that something doesn’t contain any niceties. On the contrary. In something there lies harsh words, needles causing tiny pin pricks, at times just one or two, other times loads of them; sometimes very general, othertimes oh so easy to tell that I’m at bull’s eye and the dart arrow hits right smack in the middle of it, or at least that what it feels like.

Perhaps more than anything, I feel sad about the entire situation. Because I just don’t see the sense in it. And perhaps that affects me more than the rest?

I used to want to make sense of the world, order and structure it to suit my liking, because that made me feel safe and good. I’ve let a lot of that go, but in this instance, at least right now, within my current state of mind while writing this (and who knows if I’ll ever publish it?), I would like to make sense of it.

Won’t you please tell me? Why the animosity? What’s with the pin pricks? What within you makes you believe that’s the way forward? What value do you get from this behaviour? How does this serve you?

I know it doesn’t serve me, at least not in a glaringly obvious way. Perhaps deep down on an unconcious level it does somehow…. what do I know? But it sure doesn’t feel like it does me much good. It drains me of energy. And it’s made me go off one of my favourite pastimes. And that’s a shame, because I really liked hanging around there. Not so much nowadays.

I struggle to make sense of it, and cannot. I uncover a fear or two, that I think can be contributing causes, but, seriously, this has gone on for too long, there has to be more behind it, than just a small fear or two.

coming close

So maybe I did get really close? I certainly let you in, and perhaps, in my loving, I did touch you? Maybe I came close enough to make you see something within you, that perhaps scares you even more? Can that be it?

Well, what do I know?
I don’t. And it’s really not for me to find out either.
I just wish it would stop. I would like to be friends, but barring that, friendly or at least civil would be a great start. More than anything I would like to prove this isn’t how it has to be:

“People want to be loved; failing that admired; failing that feared; failing that hated and despised. They want to evoke some sort of sentiment. The soul shudders before oblivion and seeks connection at any price.”
― Hjalmar Söderberg, Doctor Glas

So what do you say, won’t you please take my outstreched hand and together we can turn a new leaf, start afresh from here, forget what has been and be in the now?

Since 2012 I have blogged over at herothecoach.com in a jumble of Swedish and English. This post is a sample of what I’ve been writing – in English – there over the years. As of 2016 all my English posts appear here instead.

 

I hope you enjoy this #ThrowbackThursday, originally published here, and if you do, please subscribe to updates so you won’t miss out on future posts.
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Doing gentle – 24 – Cherish your inner observer

June 26, 2016
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Listened to a podcast and got a new word for my inner observer, the one that I usually visualize for myself by stretching my arm out to the side, making a little camera of my hand and point it towards myself. The word was Meta-me. Observing oneself is a meta-skill you see, the skill of you observing yourself doing something. Metacognition is a word of the day right now, and that’s what this inner observing is all about.

Having a new word for this practice of mine, made me really happy. I recognized that I am doing something that is really beneficial, and for me, my meta-me is key in doing gentle towards myself. meta-meMy meta-me is far from the inner dictator that used to run the inner show, so to speak. My meta-me is kind, gentle, encouraging, accepting, loving and most of all, very non-judgmental. And that has really been the difference that’s made all the difference!

So, why don’t you join me today in cherishing your inner observer, praising it, thanking it, rejoicing in the fact that it exist and makes life… well. Better actually. Having a greater connection with my meta-me these last few days, has truly made my life better. In all it’s glory, the up’s, the down’s, and everything in between, observing where I currently am, makes it easier to be just there, where I am. It helps me be (more) non-judgmental. It makes it easier for me to accept, to not spend my energy in vain fighting something I don’t want…. and actually, it helps me work for what I want, instead.

So – join me as I express my gratitude towards my meta-me, and express your gratitude towards your meta-you! What a friend to have around – the best ever!

Welcome to my humble abode, where the underlying tone centers around being gentle to oneself. On Sundays I share thoughts on how I do gentle, and I hope you enjoy it. If you do, please subscribe to updates so you won’t miss out on future posts in this series.

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Being gentle to me – Reflection June ’16

June 25, 2016
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When life shifts.

Have you ever thought about those shifts?
Plodding along, struggling, wrestling with trying to come to terms with this or that, dismayed and uncomfortable.
And then. A shift.
In a moment, something happens, an insight opens the gates to a new vista, something which could never be visible before, because I was not able to see it.

Being gentle to myself, both before, during and after shifts like that, now that is truly a gift!

Not hassling myself for not getting to the shift quick enough. No longer trying so hard to work it out, using logic. But rather, being ok with what is, even when what is is that “pre-shift”-state which can seen like an endless journey. Knowing, deep within me, that it will come. midsummerOr it won’t. Either way – life is what it is, and I am fine. My wellbeing has nothing to do with this. My wellbeing isn’t dependent upon me being “post-shift”. Not at all.

During the shift; being gentle to myself, welcoming whatever insight showed up. Being in full acceptance, which for me is the meaning of unconditional love.

And then moving on in life – expanding, discovering, uncovering – from a different standpoint. A shift means creating my experience of the world from a different come-from-place. Being curious. Loving. Excited. Vulnerable.

Living life. Gently.

Welcome to my humble abode, where the underlying tone centers around being gentle to oneself. I will be reflecting on a monthly basis on what that means to me, in the moment, and this is one of those reflections. I hope you enjoy it. If you do, please subscribe to updates so you won’t miss out on future reflections.

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Love and understanding

June 23, 2016
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Love and understanding. Yesterday I was reminded, again, that love and understanding is always the answer.  

Asking myself, I know that if I have done something wrong, something I am not proud of, perhaps even ashamed of having done, getting told off, made to stand in a corner to repent, perhaps even being ostracized, that never (!) creates a setting where I dare to truly look within and take ownership of my actions, and know or find a way forward from them, away from them, levelling up, rather than just repeating them over and over. Never.

What does create a setting where I am willing, able, to look within, honestly and consciously, and evolve, is, always, love and understanding. Unconditional. Non-judgmental.  That always does the trick. Given that I step into it myself. That’s the barrier for me. I also need to look at me with love and understanding.

Sometimes I don’t. And then I won’t. Evolve I mean, by looking honestly within. Taking full ownership of myself, my believes and my actions. If I’m stuck in a mode of self-loathing, judgment and disdain, there is no progression. I am stuck. Believing the inner chatter telling me how bad, worthless and pathetic I am, I don’t get away from it. I cannot rise above it, seeing it for what it is: thoughts. Transient, as thoughts are to their very nature.

But when I step into love and understanding within myself, seeing whatever mindless mental chatter there is for what it is, transient thoughts, not Truth, anything can happen. That’s what I’ve experienced. Anything can happen from that place, the potential is unlimited, endless. Anything.

And what a place that is to come from, to live from, where anything is possible. Where love and understanding forms the base, the come-from-place. Love and understanding for me. For you. For us. For everything.

What happens for you when love and understanding is your come-from-place?

Since 2012 I have blogged over at herothecoach.com in a jumble of Swedish and English. This post is a sample of what I’ve been writing – in English – there over the years. As of 2016 all my English posts appear here instead.

 

I hope you enjoy this #ThrowbackThursday, originally published here, and if you do, please subscribe to updates so you won’t miss out on future posts.
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Doing gentle – 23 – Dare to choose light over darkness

June 19, 2016
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I have a friend who told me she’s cut all news media from her life. The news on TV, daily newspapers, listening to the radio and so on. She’s deliberately cut it out, because it was too filled with worry, anxiety, dread, crimes, hatred, fear, terror. Too much darkness. She told me she’s choosing light instead. She’s deliberately choosing to surround herself with light. Love. Happiness. Generosity. Care and concern. She says, if there’s something going on that she really needs to know, she’ll be told. Or, she can ask.

What’s this thing about Panama-papers?

What’s happened in Brussels?

What went down in Orlando?

When she’s told, she knows enough. She doesn’t then dive headfirst into the news sites, to find out all the gory details. It’s enough to be told, to have an inkling.

glimmerThere’s been a revelation that many people we thought we could trust, have been hiding money in Panama. Investigative journalism uncovered a bunch of papers revealing names and companies, and that’s what the Panama-papers refers to.

Bombs went off, killing people. In Brussels as well as at the airport.

A mass-shooting at a night club, killing fifty people.

That’s enough. She need not know more than that.
Because she chooses light. Over darkness.

More darkness might smother the light. Whereas more light is the only thing that can affect the darkness, make it less dark.

Makes me wonder. Perhaps it’s time for me to look at my news intake as well. Or at least, balance it more? Make sure my daily diet consists of a lot more light than darkness. If nothing else, because it makes me better equipped to spread light into the world. If I get a light-recharge, so to speak, I can share my light, gladly, generously. Spread it around, and perhaps, light up a few dark alleyways?

Welcome to my humble abode, where the underlying tone centers around being gentle to oneself. On Sundays I share thoughts on how I do gentle, and I hope you enjoy it. If you do, please subscribe to updates so you won’t miss out on future posts in this series.

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Hope spots!

June 18, 2016
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Saturday evening. Out watering in the garden, making sure the beans, and sugar snaps and courgettes are getting what they need. Finishing up when hubby comes asking if I want to watch something with him. Of course I do!

Sit down, open up Netflix, and start to scroll. Too much to choose from, not a clear enough image of what I want to see… Hubby stops me, asks Whats Mission Blue that you just scrolled past? I scroll up and read “Meet the woman who’s spent more than 7000 hours underwater and lives to save the worlds dying oceans” which was enough to hook me, so I pressed play.

One and a half hour later I am grateful that I did. I am also grateful that I/we have chosen to go vegetarian as one amongst a number of other informed conscious choices that I/we have made.

“I wish you would use all means at your disposal—films, the web, expeditions, new submarines, a campaign!—to ignite public support for a network of global marine protected areas, hope spots large enough to save and restore the ocean, the blue heart of the planet.” – Dr. Sylvia Earle

Hope spots – what a beautiful name, for something which is – truly – hopeful and possibly life-saving. You see, we’ve wrecked the oceans. And the problem is that it’s hard to tell for us. Because the surface of the ocean looks the same, regardless if the expanse underneath the surface is thriving or dying. And since humanity cannot survive without living oceans, we depend upon them.

But the hope spots, oh, the hope spots!

Crying out to me – we are here! Let us be in peace and tranquility, and we will do that which living systems do when left alone: revert to our innate wellbeing. That is true for humans as well as for oceans, and all other living systems.

Hope spots.
I love the idea of hope spots.
Especially since I’ve come to view hope less as a passive noun, a wish, and more as an active verb, to have hope.

I do have hope. I do. In my darkest moments, sometimes I lose sight of it, only perceive futility… and then, before I know it, there’s light. Again. The darkness is slowly taken over by light, ray after ray of life-giving light. Recharging my spirit with courage and tenacity, with the energy to keep on hoping, taking action, loving, caring, laughing.

Hope spots!
Let’s join hands to create more of those, an abundance of hope spots, all over!

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In a love bubble!

June 17, 2016
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Today I turn fortyfour.

Fortyfour years ago I was born, drew my first breath of air and started on a journey that’s taken twists and turns I never could have dreamed of. But they did. And I am both happy and grateful for that, otherwise I wouldn’t be here. And right now, right here, is where I want to be. I love life. Truly love it. I am wrapped in a love bubble that is in constant expansion, encompassing more and more with each passing moment.
morgonblomma

The day started with hubby and kids singing prettily for me, with candle light and the divine scent of the Helenae rose. And once I got out of bed, the day has been mine. I’ve spent the entire day with my beloved family, and they literally bathed me in love. We went swimming, ate falafel, went to the movies and watched Me after you *and boy did I ever cry my heart out*, watched the soccer game between Sweden and Italy while munching on cherries and apricots before eating birthday dinner, made my hubby and kids while I took a love bath on social media.kvällsblomma

Because, yes. I reside within a love bubble. For real. The world exploded in a love bubble during the final weekend of Supercoach Academy, and since then it’s fluctuated a bit. Never fully gone from my senses; sometimes very apparent, and once in a while a tad harder to pick up on. But now. It’s never been clearer to me than now. And never have I felt so aligned within my Self, as right now, something my wonderful coach Carla mirrored back at me in our coaching session earlier this week.

Thank you all for being a part of my world – those I brush up against on a daily basis as well as those I more seldom brush up against, but whom are never the less there.

Thanks for meeting me in a world of love, concern, generosity and wholeheartedness.

Thanks for all the love! <3

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Create personal door signs

June 16, 2016
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For today’s prompt of National Journalling Month aka #NAJOWRIMO, write and/or draw three signs that you would hang on your home door, work door, or even your forehead to let others know what you allow and don’t allow in your life. For example, a sign might be, “No Gossiping” or “Please Knock First.”

Now write about your signs and how you will enforce them, or how you already enforce them. Are there ways you can communicate your signs without actually posting them? Or should one or more of them be physically posted?

stay out door signs

I am taking part of the MITx #ULab MOOC and one of the things that has really struck a cord in me have been the voices of judgement, cynicism and fear, that Theory U talk about as detrimental to deep listening. Listening to these voices are effective road blocks hindering you from being able to drop down into presencing.

So how to enforce them? Do I need to print these out, laminate them and post them around the house? Well. That might not be a bad idea actually… But is it a necessity? Well no. Not really. I am lucky that I have created a setting whereupon I am around people who remind me of when I do listen to, or talk from a place of judgement, cynicism or fear. My coach Carla does a great job, constantly reigning me in to self-compassion and other-compassion, for instance. Friends in my MasterMind-group and in #skolvåren hold a space where I can voice thoughts stemming from these emotions without being condemned, while gently reminding me of my why, and how I want to show up in the world. Having that “safe space” where I can rage against the world and perceived injustices is a great outlet of frustration, and getting it out of my system makes it easier to get back on track faster.

I am a great help myself in keeping the voices of judgement, cynicism and fear out, as I have gotten so used to observing myself. So I am better at noticing when I am judging, being cynical (which probably is the one of these emotions that pop up the least for me) or acting out of fear. That opens up for asking myself whether or not it’s in service to me to continue to entertain these thoughts or if I should show them the way to the door.

What really make a difference though is to tune in to the energies of people I am in conversation with. Where are they coming from? Is it the voice of judgement, cynicism and fear speaking, or are they speaking from an open mind, open heart and open will? If it is, and I can spot it, it’s much easier for me to refrain from stepping into judgement myself. Rather, empathy is invoked in me, because I know full well what it’s like to come from the place of judgement/cynicism/fear. Sometimes, the conversation can take a sudden turn to something deeper when I drop down to a deeper place of listening. Sometimes. Not so. And I’ve learned, the hard way, to step out of that type of interaction if there is no shift in energy or awareness. There is neither giving nor receiving in those instances, and hence, I bow out. Politely if I can, silently at times, and hopefully, very seldom with a tiny jab in the back. Because that’s not who I want to be in the world. 

What about you? What would your three door signs look like?

Since 2012 I have blogged over at herothecoach.com in a jumble of Swedish and English. This post is a sample of what I’ve been writing – in English – there over the years. As of 2016 all my English posts appear here instead.

 

I hope you enjoy this #ThrowbackThursday, originally published here under a slightly different title, and if you do, please subscribe to updates so you won’t miss out on future posts.
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Look up, he told me.

June 15, 2016
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look up

Look up, he told me. Look up!

There is the sky. The sun. The world.
It is not all dark, drab, solitary. There is more than misery. Much much more.
Look up. Live. Exult. Rejoice. Cherish that which is, and to hell with the rest.
Live life to it’s fullest. That’s a choice we can make. That’s a choice I can make.
Do I?

Look up – it is not hopeless. All is not lost.
There is light, there is love, there is sunshine and generosity.
Humor, passion, friendship. Causes to pursue. Projects to dedicate myself to.
Relationships. Laughter and ice cream and green smoothies.
Wet kisses from infants and teasing tweens. And there’s knitting.
Adventures to be had.

Life. Live it.
Looking up.
That’s where it can be lived – by me.

Or.
I can choose to keep my head down. To look down, refuse to see that which is there, right in front of me, if only I raise my head from it’s downward slump.
That which is there but which may never ever come into the world, unless I look up, until I uncover it.
The endless possibilities in life that may come into my awareness, into my life.
When I look up. When I live. Fully. When I love without abandon.

Look up. Live. Love. 

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Doing gentle – 22 – Listen to your body

June 12, 2016
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I admit. I confess. I am a recovering addict of the disembodied Western culture. I have lived most of my life as a brain with two feet. All in my head, very intellectual and to a large part, totally oblivious to my body, and its needs.

I’d hear people say Oh no, I cannot eat raw onion because it gives me gas, and I would think – really? They see those connections? They connect the dots between what they ate, or drank, the other day, with their current state? Wow. I had no clue. Truly, no clue what so ever.

A brain on two feet. With this bulk in-between that sometimes made life hard, but mostly sort of just was around. And then, I started to listen to my body. Slowly I am rediscovering it, rediscovering myself, and am turning into a full human being, with a body of emotions and sensations, as well as a brain. I’m all of that, and there doesn’t have to be a disconnect at all. In fact, I think the separation of body and mind, might actually be setting us (at least me!) up for imagining there is a disconnect there, that is not real, that is simply a figment of my imagination.

I’ve had personal experiences of my body trying to inform me, but being too dense to pick up on the message. Knowing there’s something amiss, but not astute enough in the language of the body to decipher the message. I had a kink in my neck for almost two years. Had to go see a chiropractor every other month, just to maintain a reasonable level of movability and comfort. And then… I made a life-decision. A decision I’ve been avoiding for years. And wham – all of a sudden, the kink is gone. It’s been five months since I went to the chiropractor and the problem is simply not there anymore.

I also suffered from dry patches on my lower legs for decades. listenFlaring up in stressful situations, but never really gone, except some summers when sun and warmth would make them go away. Then I went to see a hypnotherapist, and we started to explore anger, my anger. Three sessions scheduled, and between session two and three, I got undressed to go to bed. And I saw it! I put my bare leg onto the bed, and asked my husband Do you see? He looked at me, at my leg, and said Your dry patches are gone. What have you done? What had I done? Well. I don’t really know, except that I’d made peace with myself, with my anger, and no longer felt the need to express my anger in the same way as before.

So. Listen to your body.

Even though it might be a wee tad hard to know what the message is, your body is telling you if there is something amiss or not. So listen. I know I am, nowadays. My body has won me over, and I know it’s informing me in the best way it knows how to.

Welcome to my humble abode, where the underlying tone centers around being gentle to oneself. On Sundays I share thoughts on how I do gentle, and I hope you enjoy it. If you do, please subscribe to updates so you won’t miss out on future posts in this series.

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