Monthly Archives July 2016

Doing gentle – 29 – There are no Musts

Doing gentle – 29 – There are no Musts

July 31, 2016
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Sometimes I forget that Musts are a figment of our imagination. Must’s, should’s and would’s, have to’s. They are made up. Imagined.

I’ve heard someone say there are only two Musts: we must die (at least so far) and we must choose. And I guess that’s a fair estimate.

The rest of them, the Musts, the Should’s, Would’s and the Have to’s, are all made up. Make belief.

Oh, no, some people say when they hear me tell them that Must’s don’t exist, they do, they do exist! I must feed the kids a warm meal every night, and I definitely have to give the house a good cleaning every time my mother-in-law is coming to visit.

But no. Sorry. You don’t have to feed the kids a warm meal every night. You don’t even have to feed them actually. You probably want to feed your kids, and you might think it is a great idea for them to have a warm meal at night, but it’s not a Must. It’s a choice you make.

tablecatAnd you definitely don’t have to clean the house before your mother-in-law comes over. No way. There’s no rule that says this is a Must. Except, perhaps, within you. In your mind, there is that rule. And that rule might be yours. I mean, truly, something you’ve designed because you love your mother-in-law so much and know that she feels so much better in a clean house. It might be someone else’s rule and if that’s the case, I suggest you find out who’s voice is telling you to clean house? Regardless, it’s still not a Must. If you do it, it’s because you choose to do it. If you don’t well, then it’s because you chose not to do it. Either way, it’s not a Must. It is a choice.

So. What Must’s exist in your life, that you might as well start to name appropriately? I mean, why not say what is really going on.

I want to feed my kids a warm mean every night, because I think it’s important for their growth and development, and because I love sitting down the whole family at night, talking and sharing our daily experiences with each other. 

I want to clean our house now, since mother-in-law is coming, and I want it to look nice for her.

So. Ditch the Must’s. You don’t need them. Instead, do what you want to do, and call it for what it is. A Want To rather than a Must.

Welcome to my humble abode, where the underlying tone centers around being gentle to oneself. On Sundays I share thoughts on how I do gentle, and I hope you enjoy it. If you do, please subscribe to updates so you won’t miss out on future posts in this series.

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Being gentle to me – Reflection July ’16

July 30, 2016
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Home for a few days after our family holidays, and as I sit here, I reflect on the golden opportunity I got during our holidays, to practice being gentle to myself.

You see, around the halfway point of our 16-day long travels to the Pacific North West – Seattle and Vancouver – with a bonus stopover in Iceland, my daughter suddenly said:
Mom, I don’t understand how we can leave Vancouver on the 27th and get a full day in Iceland if we are to come home on the 28th?

I stopped in my tracks, while we were walking in Discovery Park, just having finished eating our take away dinner.
Paled.

Instinctively responded:
No, no, it checks out, I swear.
We leave on the 27th and arrive the 27th and then take off again the 28th. 

Gave her the facts as I knew them.
She looked at me with her wise eyes, and I realised the facts didn’t exactly support my case.
Doubt crept into my mind.

Well. Actually, you might be right, but let’s wait until I can check for sure before we start to worry about it.

Deep down I realized I had gone wrong somewhere.
Started berating myself.

Could I actually have made such a huge mistake? How could I have been so dumb?

A few hours later we were finally home in our one-night AirBnB just north of downtown Seattle, ready for the coming train journey to Vancouver, and I got my IPad out. Checked the tickets. And oh yeah…. How right she was and how dumb I was!

The planned 31 hours on Iceland suddenly dwindled to approximately seven. Not quite according to my brilliant plan, let me tell you.

I went online, desperate to rectify my error. Checking Icelandair’s website to see if a ticket change was possible… got some weird responses. Send them a desperate email and found their Facebook page, so I sent the same desperate cry for help in a message. Soon enough I got a reply (on Facebook, the email wasn’t answered for days). Sure they could reschedule… for an extra cost of half the original roundtrip tickets, and that was simply not a way forward.

So there was nothing more to do than thank Alma for pointing my error out to me, and let the family know that our slightly longer than a full day-Icelandic adventure was no more. With the exception of a visit to the Blue Lagoon which we could still squeeze in, Icelandair promised, but they strongly recommended I pre-booked it. I immediately did, which was lucky as most of the slots that day were already filled up. Hubby cancelled our one-night accommodation in Reykjavik, which thanks to booking.com was refunded in full.

Blue LagoonAt that point, I let go. Let go of my berating, the name-calling and annoyance. I forgave myself for not being sharper when booking the plane tickets, instead getting the time zones all confused. Nothing more to be done. No way to undo my error. And no reason what-so-ever to keep on beating myself up. That would not make life better for anyone, something I’ve learned the hard way. Being gentle to me, for me, means just that: being gentle to myself in my internal dialogue, especially when I’ve made a mistake.

And guess what? Our visit to the Blue Lagoon was wonderful. I don’t think I’ve ever been cleaner and the whole setting was absolutely spectacular.

Welcome to my humble abode, where the underlying tone centers around being gentle to oneself. I will be reflecting on a monthly basis on what that means to me, in the moment, and this is one of those reflections. I hope you enjoy it. If you do, please subscribe to updates so you won’t miss out on future reflections.
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Rooms of insight

July 28, 2016
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I got pinged on Facebook by Iwan Karlsson. He wrote:

Please. Read this. It’s important. Helena Roth Give me some input.

The blogg post he was asking me and others to read was by Judy Sedgeman, called Ask the deeper questions. Please read the blog post before you carry on reading here.

I answered Iwan:

Wow. 
Thank you ever so much for pinging me here! I absolutely loved this blogpost. I agree, 100% with it. We have the answers within ourselves, and I believe children to a large extent have the capability to live with their thoughts. Then society, norm, schooling etc set in, and gradually shut those innate systems down. 

It’s time to
1) show people they have it all inside, the inside-out revolution!
2) ensure we create systems, norms etc that do NOT diminish ourselves, but rather ensures we learn how to truly live in peace, understand ourselves and our perception of the world around us. 

Thank you Iwan!

I have been asking questions for some time now. As I surge ahead asking questions, it’s as if I open up new doors within me, to rooms of insights and even more curiosity. This then triggers even more questions, and off I go, in a positive upward spiral.

20130502-230956.jpg

The more questions I ask, the deeper they become. And boy, am I happy to be in this discovery phase within myself, where my perception of the world becomes clearer by the minute. Writing a blog post every day is one way I have of both asking and answering questions, and I am so happy I have gotten into this habit.

Where are your deep questions?

Since 2012 I have blogged over at herothecoach.com in a jumble of Swedish and English. This post is a sample of what I’ve been writing – in English – there over the years. As of 2016 all my English posts appear here instead. 
I hope you enjoy this #ThrowbackThursday, originally published here, and if you do, please subscribe to updates so you won’t miss out on future posts. The fun part about this post, is that I’ve gotten to know Judy since I first published this blog post, and she is one awesome and wise woman, let me tell you!
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Doing gentle – 28 – Pause

July 24, 2016
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Allow yourself a pause, and let yourself really feel if the road ahead is the one for you. Sometimes, that’s what we need. A pause. When it’s not time to make a decision, either way. When it’s a time for pausing, and catching up with yourself. I have had times when I’ve been swaying back and fro between This or That. Never really been able to put my finger on which one it should be…. Thinking I made up my mind, only to regret it, and stay in indecisiveness for days, perhaps weeks on end. Until the time is suddenly there. When the decision is made, and you just know, that you’ve made the right decision. Or possibly, that the decision made you.

pauseI think, we forget to grant us this pause sometimes. We push and push and have loads of intellectual arguments about why we need to make the decision, and preferably yesterday. But it won’t be the right one, the one best serving you, if you push it into existence. Let it come. Because it will. When it’s time. And in order to let it come, you just might have to let go of something else. You just might have to let go of the logical reasons why you should make the decision, perhaps let go of the opportunity in front of you, because it’s not time. If the decision doesn’t sit in you, all of you, your true Self, it won’t be right. It’s not time.

So let yourself pause, when pause is what comes up for you. When the times comes to make a move, you’ll know. That inner, very quiet and gentle voice, guiding you, with a soft yet very firm hand, in the direction your life is supposed to take.

Allow yourself the pause!

Welcome to my humble abode, where the underlying tone centers around being gentle to oneself. On Sundays I share thoughts on how I do gentle, and I hope you enjoy it. If you do, please subscribe to updates so you won’t miss out on future posts in this series.

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In, and of, heaven

July 21, 2016
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Today, in a coaching session with my coach, I found myself in heaven. Cuddled up in my armchair, with Carla on SKYPE, talking, listening, reflecting, and most of all, being.

Sharing the sensations of the past months, the conversations, meditations, insights. Experiences. And wham – I’m there. In heaven. In the softest of places, simply being. My voice, in communion, getting more gentle, soft-spoken. Pulse, breath, all slow down, calmness reigns. Indicating the state I’m in.

To meditate on a pinprick of light, in the middle of my chest. A pinprick of pure light, love, compassion, happiness. A pinprick which slowly grows, filling up every cell of my body, going further, beyond the physical boundaries of my body. Slowly expanding, with every intake of breath, pausing on every exhalation. Inhalation, expansion. Exhalation, stillness.

pinprick

Expansion – Stabilization. Expansion – Stabilization. Expansion – Stabilization.

The pinprick grows, meter by meter, kilometer by kilometer, country by country. I envision my beloved friends and family, spread across the globe, bathing in the light, love, compassion, happiness stemming from deep within my chest. Love guides me to them.

Soon, it’s as if I am at the crest of this wave, the wave of expanding light, love, compassion, happiness. I am in it, as well as of it. Experiencing and witnessing, all at once. Not in one spot along the rim of the ever-expanding pinprick, but all over it. In every single point, in all dimensions.

I see the Earth, this blue and green planet, then the moon comes into focus, followed by our solar system. The pinprick engulfing the Milky Way, while I continue to ride its crest, expanding into another galaxy, and another, and another…

The sensation of falling backwards, into infinity, with all that is, right in front of me. Being in it, as well as of it. I am it. Infinity. Heaven. On Earth. All of universe is right there, within me. I can feel the sensation, pulsing, pulsing, slow, but steady. A pulse felt in all that is me, today, now. My skin, hair, eyes, all of my inner organs, my heart, brain, all my senses.

It’s as if I’ve gained an extra sense. There’s sight, sharper than before. But known to me. There’s smell, hearing, taste. Touch. Nerve endings tuned in to notice minute details. All known to me, since eons. But richer, sharper, more attuned to actually performing to their fullest capacity.

And then. Something else. Universality. A sense which enriches all the other senses, a heightener. Boosting, maximizing. And then some.

I am in, and of, the universe.
I am not merely human, I am it all.
All that breathes, all that lives, but more, still more.

I am stardust.
Stellar wind blows through me.
I am in, and of, heaven and earth, and all that has ever existed.
And I am not alone. This is what we all are, where we all are.

Known to some, unknown to many. Including me. Up until very recently. But not anymore. Once experienced, it cannot be un-experienced. Like reading. Internalized, forever a part of me.

I just never knew. Wasn’t ready for it before. But it was always there. Within.

I know this. There is no need to search for heaven. It’s already within you. Open up to it. That’s the only thing to do, nothing else, because when the student is ready, the teacher appears.

Since 2012 I have blogged over at herothecoach.com in a jumble of Swedish and English. This post is a sample of what I’ve been writing – in English – there over the years. As of 2016 all my English posts appear here instead. 
I hope you enjoy this #ThrowbackThursday, originally published here, and if you do, please subscribe to updates so you won’t miss out on future posts.
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Doing gentle – 27 – How fascinating!

July 17, 2016
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Have you seen Benjamin Zander? He is wonderful, and he has a life-hack that I’ve adopted. When something happens which is hard to grasp, perhaps really not something you wanted, or just out-of-the-blue odd, he throws his arms into the air, and exclaims How fascinating! When a colleague make a decision that is totally off, or you kid paints all over the new sofa with permanent markers. When you accidentally put a teaspoon of salt into the pot instead of sugar, or open the washing machine only to notice that in the white laundry a red sock was hidden, turning the entire load pink.

How fascinating!How fascinating!

This exclamation surprises me. It shifts the inner dialogue. It’s like an old-fashioned record-player, that jumps a song if you bump into it. Might scratch the record a bit at that, but you suddenly hear a new tune, and not the one you believed was coming. That’s what happens to me at least.

And I must say, using Benjamin Zanders wonderful How fascinating is a great way to become more gentle with yourself, especially in instances when you’re the one who messed up. When I was the one who loaded the washing machine. When I was the one making the dessert inedible. When I do something so stupid I don’t even want to own up to it.

How fascinating!

It changes the inner dialogue. Try it!

Welcome to my humble abode, where the underlying tone centers around being gentle to oneself. On Sundays I share thoughts on how I do gentle, and I hope you enjoy it. If you do, please subscribe to updates so you won’t miss out on future posts in this series.

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Touching the silence

July 14, 2016
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The other week I had a coaching experience that was something else. It touched the silence, and it’s a genuine privilege when that happens. I don’t know if you’ve ever been there? It can happen in any situation, but I’ve personally only noticed it in conversations.

What I notice is that each participant (and it can be more than one, I’ve experience this in larger groups as well) goes quiet. Not necessarily silent, but more quiet. Voices go softer, more quiet, and there is an almost tangible silence to the conversation, there is something else there. If I was religious I’d say God became present, or participating, and in a way, maybe that is just what happens. Only, I believe we all carry “God” within us. That higher power embodies us all, but we don’t always feel it, experience it, or even remember it’s there.

But we do. And when we touch the silence, that higher power within is very much alive and thriving. This is not something that require a specific setting to come about though, as it’s always there. We have the potential to tap into this higher power at all times, because it’s within us. Always. It’s also what connects us. All of us. At all times.

*giggling a little*

This might come across as though I’ve suddenly been born again, somehow, and you might think all sorts of things about that. But, I don’t care about that, I won’t let my thoughts about what you might or might not think, limit me or my writing. This is my experience and I use this blog as a way to journal, I guess. I journal my experiences, my insights, my ponderings, my questions.

I wrote above that I’ve only experienced this in conversations. 20140501-065402.jpgBut, now that I think about it, that’s not true. I just realized it to being akin to the feeling of flow. And flow is something that I’ve experience by myself many times. I don’t always remember instances of flow, but since I’ve been out flying quite a lot this year, I have noticed that I do tend to end up in flow, on planes, when I bring out my miniPad and write blog posts. Times just wiz by, and I am left with a number of journal-entries/blog posts. Call it whatever you may. But in one sense, they represent moments of me touching the silence, capturing it onto paper, saving them for posterity. Like photographs. A snapshot of my state of mind, at that very moment.

Have you experienced touching the silence, and if so, would you please tell me about it? I’d love to know if this way of describing it resonates with you?

Since 2012 I have blogged over at herothecoach.com in a jumble of Swedish and English. This post is a sample of what I’ve been writing – in English – there over the years. As of 2016 all my English posts appear here instead. I hope you enjoy this #ThrowbackThursday, originally published here, and if you do, please subscribe to updates so you won’t miss out on future posts.
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Doing gentle – 26 – Appreciate yourself

July 10, 2016
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When did you last pat yourself on the shoulder and tell yourself you did that thing you’ve been struggling with great? Did you ever pat yourself on the shoulder? Regardless, why don’t you try it? And I really mean doing it, physically, pat yourself on the shoulder and give yourself some appreciation!

shadowflowersThere. I did it. I just spent an hour writing, and got 8500 characters down on paper during that hour, which felt great! So I patted myself on the shoulder and – out loud – told myself Great job!

It actually feels really nice. And the funny thing is, I can do that whenever I want to. I don’t need anyone else for this, I can do it all on my own. And that is important. I love getting appreciation from others, but when I appreciate myself, and really make myself aware that I do like what I’m doing, that I am proud of my accomplishments, I can fulfil my need for recognition myself. And that means when I get it from outside, it’s an extra special treat that I get to cherish to it’s fullest!

So. I strongly recommend that you get in the habit of appreciating yourself. Physically pat yourself on the shoulder when you do something great and tell yourself, out loud, what it is you appreciate just having done.

Welcome to my humble abode, where the underlying tone centers around being gentle to oneself. On Sundays I share thoughts on how I do gentle, and I hope you enjoy it. If you do, please subscribe to updates so you won’t miss out on future posts in this series.

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Falling into a rut

July 9, 2016
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I am. Falling into a rut. Here. On this blog. And it saddens me a bit.

pen to paperOn Thursdays I post a Throwback Thursday post, and Sundays is Doing Gentle-time. On the 25th each month, I do a general reflection on what being gentle towards my actually means to me, in the moment.

But that is almost all. And that is what a rut looks like, at least for this lady.

And I want more. Different. Other things.
I want to write more.
Reflections. Observations.
Tips on great podcasts, books, video snippets, articles.

I have so many ideas where I want to put pen to paper to allow them to take form. Transform from existing solely within the confines of me, into something I can share with you.

So why don’t I?

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Hope as a verb

July 7, 2016
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Spent the afternoon yesterday in a Masterclass with Alan Seale of Transformational Presence Leadership and Coaching, and the class centered around hope. How hope in and of itself can both be a passive noun, a wish, but also be an active verb, to have hope.

hope and vision

I truly enjoyed the conversation around hope, how it can be passive, being something I wish for, but honestly don’t take any steps to making it come true. And how it can be active, when I give it a bit more flesh, if I transform it into a vision, into something more than a simple wish.masterclass

For me, the afternoon was the third piece of a puzzle that opened up for me on Monday a week ago, and it kind of felt like I sealed the deal here. There is no way back, I know my vision and I know what it will take to get there.

When I build on the hope, enlarging it, turning it into something more concrete, it’s also much easier to ask myself: So, what is my next step?

 

Since 2012 I have blogged over at herothecoach.com in a jumble of Swedish and English. This post is a sample of what I’ve been writing – in English – there over the years. As of 2016 all my English posts appear here instead.

I hope you enjoy this #ThrowbackThursday, originally published here, and if you do, please subscribe to updates so you won’t miss out on future posts.
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