Monthly Archives August 2016

That which is

That which is

August 29, 2016
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that which isThat which is, it is. No less. No more. Just, what is.

I can like it. Or not.
I can dislike it. Or not.
It doesn’t really matter, because it is.
How I respond to it, will cause me to suffer. Or not.

Is it really as simple as that?
Yes. It is.

But just because I know this, doesn’t always mean that I like it. However, the fact of the matter is, what I believe should be, that is not, is the cause of all my suffering. Not accepting the now, the here, the isness of the present moment.

So I sit here, letting it all flow through me. All the emotions. The highs. And the lows. Especially the lows. Oh, those lows. Letting go…. letting come. Not clinging to any one emotion, or thought. Not fighting them off either. They can come. But if the answer is No when I ask How does this serve me? – then I will gently show them the door, and resist the temptation (habit?) to hold on desperately to what should be, rather than what isn’t. To frenetically fend off that which is, when I want something else instead.

That which is, it is.
What I can do, is to call forth the best me I can, under the circumstances.

Closing one door, knowing that somewhere, a door is opening. Somewhere. It will come to me. When it is time.
Until then – letting go, letting come. Like a breath. Inhale. Exhale.

Knowing, owning, accepting, that what is, is. 

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Doing gentle – 33 – Four crucial phrases

August 28, 2016
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There are four very important phrases, that I heard as I listened to Krista Tippett on On Being interviewing David Isay, founder of StoryCorps – phrases that hold enormous power. They point to conversations to have with those around you, those most dear to your heart. Preferably, have them before that important someone dies.

The phrases are the following:contour

Thank you.

I love you.

Forgive me.

I forgive you.

When these phrases are spoken with conviction – true – into the world, something shifts.

It grounds you, both of you, all of you, in the moment. In the now. Here. In life. In love. In understanding and connection.

When did you last say these four phrases to someone important in your life?

And is there perhaps a conversation you should have, before it’s too late?

Welcome to my humble abode, where the underlying tone centers around being gentle to oneself. On Sundays I share thoughts on how I do gentle, and I hope you enjoy it. If you do, please subscribe to updates so you won’t miss out on future posts in this series.

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Being gentle to me – Reflection August ’16

August 27, 2016
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In my daily Headspace meditation, this morning I heard Andy Puddicombe say, in the first out of thirty sessions on the topic of stress, that stress is wanting things to be different, from how they are right now. Little did I know that shortly thereafter I would get the perfect opportunity to practice this lesson.

Reacting. Or not. Falling into the abyss of a reactive emotion. Or not.
Anger. Irritation. Frustration.

I reacted. And fell. Deep and hard.
Made good use of the angry energy though, digging for hours on end in the front yard. But at a price.

And yeah, sure, I would have liked to have been a person, earlier today, who responded with grace and humility, rather than irritation and annoyance. I didn’t though. And as I sit here reflecting, here my second training opportunity for the day arrives, served on a silver platter.

React. Or not? Fall into the abyss of a reactive emotion. Or not?
Shame. Regret. Self-contempt.

No. This time, I gently, but firmly, bid those emotions to leave by the door that I leave open for then. And as they make their way over there – slowly, going in circles, hoping I will let up and start to engage with them despite having bid them good bye – I take the opportunity instead to reflect with a gentle perspective upon the day. On the choices I made, and the consequences those choices led to. Accepting. Fully. The outcomes that serves me – having done a really good day’s work in the front yard at the top of the list – as well as the ones that clearly doesn’t serve me – relationships bruised by me falling into the abyss, dragging others down there with me in the fall.cooling summer evening

A stressful situation? Well. I guess that’s the thing. It could be. But I don’t choose to want things to be different, from how they are right now. Because what was, is past. And I cannot turn back time, and retrace my steps, making other choices that those I did. So no, I sit here, in the cooling summer evening, accepting what is. Accepting what was. The only thing I can do, is apologize for my behavior, and learn from the happenings of the day. When a similar situation arise in the future, I might be able to make a different choice from the get-go, one with fewer non-serving outcomes. Or not. Regardless, I chose to be gentle to me. Because the opposite, being harsh and judgmental towards myself, doesn’t make life better for anyone.

This is what being gentle to me means in the month of August 2016. What does it mean to you?

Welcome to my humble abode, where the underlying tone centers around being gentle to oneself. I will be reflecting on a monthly basis on what that means to me, in the moment, and this is one of those reflections. I hope you enjoy it. If you do, please subscribe to updates so you won’t miss out on future reflections.

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The choice is mine

August 25, 2016
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Now. I might just be really slow on the uptake, but I was seriously astounded by an aha-moment I had a few months ago when I read what went something like this:

Each time you eat you have a choice, whether or not to put something in your mouth that brings you either towards health or towards unhealth.

Now, I am very conscious about food and know what’s healthy etc, but still – the simplicity of this statement brought me to a stand still. I froze. And realized the beauty of actually putting it down to this, each and everytime I either eat or drink. Because sometimes I might not care, I’d rather choose something yummy and totally bad for me than refrain. And that’s fine. Because othertimes I’ll choose to refrain or to pick and choose more carefully, in order to actually bring me towards physical health.

Now, for some things I’d rather have a once-in-a-lifetime-choice to make rather than having to decide each and every time. But for other things, not so prone towards the never-again-option that pops into my head when I think about this. For the #cleanse4expansion project I’m currently running, I decided when I started to do a minimum of 15 minute of daily cleansing. Easy. Choice made. Mind made up. And yup, I’ve stuck by it, because I said I would. But when it comes to eating and drinking, I’ve certainly thought about it a lot, but haven’t made any decisions like that. Yet. Might. Who know’s right?

But still. The “stop eating crap all the time”-diet certainly appeals to me. That’s for sure. And I don’t. Eat crap all the time, that is. Once in a while, yup. Haven’t gone absolute on this. Yet, as I just said. I might. I am certainly well on my way to a severely reduced crap-intake, that’s for sure. Being flexitarian I very rarely eat meat (and when I do, it’s very seldom “industrial-grade” meat), on account of this our skillet is very rarely used, I eat more and more organic food, lots of fruits and vegetables, my morning green smoothies are to die for, the raw food balls I make are an excellent snack together with a handful of (organic and soaked) almonds, and so on.

But am I a purist? No. Not at all. I eat the occational take-away pizza. Chips, cakes, popcorn, desserts. I eat candy. Or at least did. Am contemplating cutting candy out of my diet actually – with the exception of chocolate. I love chocolate, dark, organic, preferably plain. Yum. Well. You get the picture. And the thing is, being more aware that there is a choice to eat/drink my way towards health or unhealth makes the choice to go for the healthy stuff easier and easier. But it all comes down to one thing: I feel better. I have more stamina. My body and I are becoming good friends. I listen more to what my body is telling me, and I am more loving towards it. I want it to thrive!

So, have you tried the new “stop eating crap all the time”-diet yet?

Since 2012 I have blogged over at herothecoach.com in a jumble of Swedish and English and this post is a sample of what I’ve been writing there over the years. As of 2016 I only write in Swedish there, and in English here. I hope you enjoy this #ThrowbackThursday, originally published here, and if you do, please subscribe to updates so you won’t miss out on future posts. 
Oh, a quick update a year later might be appropriate: I am now a lacto-ovo-vegetarian and candy is out. Caffeine and alcohol have never been the thing for me. Chocolate though… still have a soft spot for that delicious treat! 
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Doing gentle – 32 – Set up a Mastermind-group

August 21, 2016
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For three years now I’ve been a part of an official Mastermind-group. And it’s been more impactful than I think I’ve given it credit for. There’s four of us in my Mastermind-group, and we meet up roughly every third week. When we started, we all lived in the same city, and our meetup’s were physical. For the past almost two years, we’ve mostly done SKYPE-sessions, with members calling in from all over the globe.

For us, a meeting normally runs for two and a half hour, so there’s plenty of time. We set them up daytime, most often in the morning. We try to schedule a full semester of sessions when we have our first meeting every term (August and January). In the summer, before going for vacation, we go on a Mastermind-retreat, doing a bit of work, but mostly relaxing, enjoying ourselves and having a blast together.

We know each other so well by now, both work-wise but also personally, that our topics can center on anything, and I literally mean anything! But that’s been a journey, in and of itself. We didn’t start there. We’ve grown together, learned to trust and love one another. These are three souls who know me inside and out, people I know are always there for me, ready to hold space for me, give me a hug in hard times and kick my behind when I’ve gotten stuck and needs a jolt.

Every meeting one of us acts as chairman, and we always rotate this position.
Our fall-back agenda reads something like this, with somewhat fluid time slots, depending on our mood and needs, with a bit of bio-breaks here and there as well:

1) Check in – 3-5 minutes each

2) Every one provides their question of the day, something they need help with, or input on, or if there’s just something on your mind you’d like to speak into the room and perhaps get some feedback/feed forward on – 3-5-7 minutes each

3) Reflection round on the individual questions/topics, where the others give their input – 7-10-15 minutes each

4) Take-away of the day – 1-3 minute each

5) Feedback for the chairman – 2 minutes total

6) Boost session where we go around the table and boost each other, one by one – 3 minutes each

perchedSometimes, we have a specific topic for the meeting, and we experiment more with the content of the agenda, than we did when we first started our meetings. The first semester we had a facilitator as well, who invited us all to the Mastermind-group. That was very helpful, and I for one am very grateful for that initiative.

The Mastermind-concept was coined by Napoleon Hill, but was, as I understand it, a reflection he made after interviewing many of the most successful people in the United States in the 1920s and 1930s. The way we run our Mastermind is an adaptation to suit us, and I strongly urge you to try it out yourself! Surrounding yourself with people who will hold your back, while always holding you to be the best possible You will impact your life in ways you never imagined.

Welcome to my humble abode, where the underlying tone centers around being gentle to oneself. On Sundays I share thoughts on how I do gentle, and I hope you enjoy it. If you do, please subscribe to updates so you won’t miss out on future posts in this series.

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Experiment more!

August 18, 2016
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Yesterday me and my business partner Ulf had a brainstorm around the purpose of our mutual endeavors, and really diving deep into the question Why was great fun. While we were brainstorming, laughing, lunching and planning, several things from the Tai Lopez-podcast from London Real that I recommended last week popped up for me. It made me realize there were many things that I’ve been quietly digesting since last weekend when I listened to the show twice.

These things in particular were very well suited to the wild ideas and discussions of yesterday:

* Experiment more – but never longer than 18 months. If it’s not good after 18 months, cut your losses and get out!

* Double down – meaning: do more of that which works really well, the actions that serve you and your business, making a profit, as well as learning, growing, staying and getting fit and expanding as a human being.

* Friends & family – surround yourself with friends and family, and double down on relationships with people close to you. It’s not about having the highest number of friends, make each friend really valuable instead. money

* Fuel units – that’s what Tai calls money. Fuel units. If you have a car, you need fuel units to make it move. Same goes with everything else. We need fuel units to make things happen in the world, and with them you can do good, just as you can do evil. But since the golden circle (our Why) for me and Ulf is “to make the world a little better“, we’re opting for doing good.

Just a few tidbits of the three hour long Tai Lopez-interview on London Real, but tidbits which I am playing with, in my head, and in my conversations. And, as importantly, in taking action as well. I’m playing with the idea of looking at all action taken, all courses laid out, all plans, conversations and endeavors I engage in, as experiments. Nothing is permanent. Everything is in movement, constantly shifting. Decisions are made, in the moment, but very few of them are written in stone, even though I have certainly been guilty of treating many decisions as being permanent. And then, in a heartbeat, something happens and life get’s flipped upside down. So why not play around and experiment more?

Since 2012 I have blogged over at herothecoach.com in a jumble of Swedish and English and this post is a sample of what I’ve been writing there over the years. As of 2016 I only write in Swedish there, and in English here. I hope you enjoy this #ThrowbackThursday, originally published here, and if you do, please subscribe to updates so you won’t miss out on future posts.

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Death wish in an envelope!

August 17, 2016
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in Tip
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I got the best surprise in the mail today – the actual, physical snail mail, that is, surprises are often so much nicer there than in my email inbox! A big padded envelope, with a big sticker reading Steve Chandler on it. I had an inkling what it might be, and it was! Yeah! An autographed copy of Steve Chandler’s latest book Death wish, just released a few weeks ago.death wish

Last fall I donated to this project of his, and he sent me the sweetest email, thanking me. That’s all I expected. So receiving the book in the mail was a wonderful surprise. This book is definitely going right to the top of my reading-list, that’s for sure.

If you haven’t discovered Steve, I strongly suggest you do. The love, humor and wisdom he generously shares with the world is inspiring, and I for one am very happy our paths have crossed. A path that took him from addiction to a glorious life, a story I am eager to read more about!

Thank you Steve, for sending me your book. I will read it without expectations though [side note: my favorite pod with Steve is an episode on Expectations vs Agreements. I don’t know how many times I’ve listened to it. It’s amazing so go get it!], with an open mind, an open heart and an open will. I do promise to share my reflections though, count on it!
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My Gerbera!

August 16, 2016
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I’ve had the most wonderful summer project, which had me join a knit-along, the Organic Summer KAL16 organized by Organic Knitters. You can find beautiful photos of the shawl, Gerbera, a pattern created by Linnea Ornstein, under the hashtag #OrganicSummerKAL16, on Instagram.

Gerbera 1
Gerbera 2
Gerbera 3
Gerbera 4

Gerbera done

I bought two skeins each of the yarn Cheeky Merino Joy from Rosy Green Wool, in the colors Wild mallow and Arctic sea (the chosen yarn) and here you can see the progress of this project, as I started, unravelled, started again, got a bit further, unravelled again and so on… until finally I bought some knitting markers, and was able to get my bearings in the pattern, which was more complicated than I’ve ever knitted before. And given that I have hardly knitted at all in two decades or so, I am very proud and happy about the process and end result!

Quite amazing, isn’t it, that a piece of yarn, knitting needles and two hands can create something as beautiful as this?

 

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Doing gentle – 31 – Acceptance.

August 14, 2016
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I think many people mistake Acceptance for Submission. Submitting to what ever is. For me, that’s not at all what I put into Acceptance. Submission is victimhood. Acceptance is taking ownership. Acceptance means to learn to be ok with what is.

The world is unfair.

My hair doesn’t seem to want to grow longer than slightly below my shoulders, however much I would love for even longer hair.

I can sing, but there are some people in my choir who can sing much better than me. 

My boss said some really shitty things about me at the last gathering at work.

Submission – would be to make yourself the victim here.

contrastThe world is unfair. I am just one person, there’s nothing I can do to make the world a better place.

My hair doesn’t seem to want to grow longer than slightly below my shoulders, however much I would love for even longer hair. Poor me, I will never have the kind of flowing waist-long hair that I see in commercials.

I can sing, but there are some people in my choir who can sing much better than me. I might as well give up singing in my choir, given that I will never be as good as these people.

My boss said some really shitty things about me at the last gathering at work. Its so unfair, he shouldn’t have said those things about me, especially not in front of all my colleagues. I feel so ashamed, what must everyone think of me?

Acceptance – means you see that this is what happened. You accept that this happened, because it did. You accept that the world is unfair, that my hair is the length it is, that I can sing the way I sing, and that my boss said what he said. I cannot make this not have happened. Because it did. The next step to Acceptance, for me, is that I can then work on what I want to happen here. I can make my energy go into making what I want to be, what I want to happen, rather than fight that which is.

The world is unfair. Yes. I get to engage in organizations or causes that work at changing this. I am but one person and I cannot do everything, but I can, and will, do what I can, to leave the world a better place when I am gone.

My hair doesn’t seem to want to grow longer than slightly below my shoulders, however much I would love for even longer hair. Yes. That means I get to be patient, to see if my hair will actually grow longer. I also get to enjoy the fact that my hair is much longer now than it’s ever been since I was a wee lass.

I can sing, but there are some people in my choir who can sing much better than me. Yes. Lucky me! I get to enjoy singing together with these wonderful singers, learn from them, and practice my own singing, so I can be the best singer I can be.

My boss said some really shitty things about me at the last gathering at work. Yes. He must have been in a really bad place within himself, to act that way. What ever that was about within him, it certainly didn’t have anything to do with me.

Acceptance. To accept that which is, in order to be in a better position, stronger, fully loaded, to put all my energy into that which I believe or know can be.

Welcome to my humble abode, where the underlying tone centers around being gentle to oneself. On Sundays I share thoughts on how I do gentle, and I hope you enjoy it. If you do, please subscribe to updates so you won’t miss out on future posts in this series.

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A world in or out of focus

August 11, 2016
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Dramatic blue skies.

A small holt of trees, branches slowly moving from the wind.

Out of focus. In focus.

My IPhone had trouble focussing in the dusk.

The image to the left remind me of the way I see the world when I have taken off my glasses. To the right, I have put them on again. I am the filter for my experience of the world. Because regardless if I have my glasses on or not, the trees and the sky remains the same. No difference at all. Except in my perception of them.

And just as I understand that my glasses help me perceive the world around me with greater clarity, I know that sometimes I am in a high mood. When I am, my experience of the world is a world in focus. When I’m in low mood, it’s like I’ve lost my glasses and everything is out of focus. But alas, again, remember that the world itself can never be out of focus. It just it. It is I who am in or out of focus, in high or low mood, and my experience of the world will be shaped accordingly.

In focus. Out of focus.

Constantly shifting. A part of human nature. What makes all the difference in the world is being aware of my mood – because if I see that, I will understand why my world – in any given moment – appears to be in or out of focus.

Since 2012 I have blogged over at herothecoach.com in a jumble of Swedish and English and this post is a sample of what I’ve been writing there over the years. As of 2016 I only write in Swedish there, and in English here. I hope you enjoy this #ThrowbackThursday, originally published here, and if you do, please subscribe to updates so you won’t miss out on future posts.

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