Monthly Archives September 2016

A cruel and heartless world, anyone?

A cruel and heartless world, anyone?

September 29, 2016
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BoldomaticPost_It-s-not-our-job-to-toughen-oI read the quote by L R Knost on what our job is, what my job is, and I nod, agree, and then give a deep sigh. Not because I disagree. I don’t, not at all. I agree wholeheartedly!

The sigh comes more from having met so many people – in person, or via their writings, articles, blog posts, or through their social media presence, tweets, Facebook status updates and the likes – who seem to think the opposite. People who state “It’s a tough world and if kids don’t get knocked around a bit – metaphorically at least – during their upbringing and time in school, they will not know what hit them when they grow up and join ‘the real world’ as adults“.

Maybe not spoken in those exact words, but definitely sending that message. And I simply do not believe that is the way towards a more loving and peaceful world. On the contrary. And for me, the trick is this: I cannot raise my children to be more loving and wholehearted if I am cruel and heartless. Again – kids (and everyone else as well, I dare say) do as we do, not as we say.

It’s time to walk the talk. For real. Because I want to do my job, I want to be a part of making the world a little less cruel and heartless, and more loving and peaceful.

But how? How do I do that? How do I act lovingly? What is a wholehearted action? How do I show up in the world, lovingly and wholeheartedly?

I think I might write down a few bullet points for loving and wholehearted respectively, translating the fluffy words into actual activities (actions, words, gestures). Then I can look within to see if I am walking my talk, or not. What do you think, are you?

Since 2012 I have blogged over at herothecoach.com in a jumble of Swedish and English. This post is a sample of what I’ve been writing – in English – there over the years. As of 2016 all my English posts appear here instead. I hope you enjoy this #ThrowbackThursday, originally published here, and if you do, please subscribe to updates so you won’t miss out on future posts.

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Being gentle to me – Reflection September ’16

September 27, 2016
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Doing gentle. To me.
What does that mean, to me, right now?
Facing changes ahead, that will have a large impact on life, I am forever grateful to myself, for having learned how to be gentle towards me. The current situation would be much harder to live through, were I not. That’s for sure.

So how has me being gentle towards myself manifested this past month?
doing gentle in septemberI’ve been working hard in the garden, which is definitely one way to practice gentleness towards me. Getting sweaty and dirty, in close contact with soil and plants. Heavenly. Letting head and heart take a rest, to just be. Grounding myself, connecting with nature, getting in touch with my Self and universal Mind.

I’ve been writing. Letting words pour out of me, onto paper (virtual as it might be, it’s still paper). Gaining perspective, discovering where I am at. Making my current state of mind, this constantly fluctuating entity, clear to me, giving me a chance to pay heed when there’s wisdom in the vicinity or sticky thoughts up to no good.

I’ve been cuddling up close to kids and cats. Stealing an extra hug and kiss now and again. Hugging myself as well, knowing the sensation of arms around me helps me get in touch with my innate wellbeing, reminding me it’s there, already and always. Going #PokémonGo:ing with my youngest, chasing Pokémons and enjoying the constant chatter about what’s been caught or seen where, comparing our respective Pokédex, collecting balls and hatching eggs.

Talking to friends. Sitting in silence with them. Holding, and being held. Physically and spiritually. Thriving in the connections created, when sharing in vulnerability, honesty, and mutual respect and compassion. Enjoying the silence that is so rich, when love is all there is. Deepening relationships, evolving from acquaintance to friend. Meeting virtual friends in the flesh, falling into opened arms as if that’s been done hundreds of times before, when in reality (this current reality, at least) for one of these, it was a first.

Life is grand. Absolutely grand. In all its richness, with vibrant colors, thrills and laughter, tears and fears of what might be… and what might not be? Who knows? And it doesn’t matter. What want’s to happen will be welcomed. By me. As I, I am being gentle to myself.

Welcome to my humble abode, where the underlying tone centers around being gentle to oneself. I will be reflecting on a monthly basis on what that means to me, in the moment, and this is one of those reflections. I hope you enjoy it. If you do, please subscribe to updates so you won’t miss out on future reflections.

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Doing gentle – 37 – Experiment!

September 25, 2016
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Do you experiment?
In life? At work? In relationships? With yourself? Alone, or together with others?

experimentI’ve not understood the importance of experimentation until just a few years ago. And I have areas where it’s easier to experiment, to play, to discover, and other areas in life, where there’s a resistance. A fear? Possibly. Probably, even. However. I do try. I experiment, more and more. I’ve let go of any lingering belief that I have to Know what will come, in order to even try something out. That I have to have the full plan in place, before I can even take one step. I don’t. And you don’t either.

We get to play around, dilly-dally, experiment. Try something out. If it didn’t work out as you thought, redesign and try again. Perhaps you got even farther from where you thought you’d get – redesign again. Reiterate. Over and over again.

And as Tay Lopez says, never run an experiment longer that eighteen months. After eighteen months, you either know that it works, and then you can decide on whether to keep on doing it. (But it’s no longer an experiment then, right!) If it doesn’t work. Call it quits. Regardless of sunk cost, let it go. It’s not worth it, any more.

Run a diet, try being a vegan for a month? Have fun with a new exercise plan. Sign up for a marathon, and get running! See how many books you can read in a year. Take a leave of absence from work and travel the world. Accept a challenge to blog daily for a hundred days in a row. See if you can grow enough vegetables to be self-sustained for the summer, for the fall, for nine months out of a year, or perhaps for a full year? See what happens if you don’t buy anything new (food excluded) for a full year. Say Yes to everyone who asks you something?

There is no end to the number of ways we can experiment in and with life.

Go for it. Experiment!

Welcome to my humble abode, where the underlying tone centers around being gentle to oneself. On Sundays I share thoughts on how I do gentle, and I hope you enjoy it. If you do, please subscribe to updates so you won’t miss out on future posts in this series.

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Beyond words

September 24, 2016
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I am beyond words.

As I close my eyes, I see swathes of vibrant colorful blobs of paint exploding onto a blank piece of canvas.
A large canvas, expanding in all directions. an endless amount of space to paint.

Life. Love. Liberation.

KlasInfluenced by Klas Parknäs, the wonderful Finder I have had the pleasure of spending two afternoons with at the Gothenburg Book Fair, ending tomorrow. I left today, and won’t be there physically to witness the birth of this Gift to the world.

But I am there. In spirit.

As Klas has been painting, talking, listening, standing radiant in his inspiration, he is a guiding light for me, right now. Shining a light, bright enough for me to better be able to make out the shoreline, far away in the distance. I have left the life boat, and I am swimming. Stroke by stroke, shore is coming closer.

Life. Love. Liberation.

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Boys and girls

September 22, 2016
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Boys and girls. Blue versus pink. Cars against dolls. Rowdy or mild-tempered. How we almost expect a teenage boy to have scruffy clothes and stink of sweat, while we would be horrified if it was a teenage girl. Excusing certain behavior with “boys will be boys”, while expecting girls to help fellow boys in Kindergarten put on gloves, tie their shoes and zip up jackets.

I could go on forever, listing things, habits, colors and much more, that for some reason have been deemed either to be for boys. Or for girls. Men and women too, of course.

I don’t want to do that though.

What I want to do is have you read this article: 10 Words Every Girl Should Learn. And once you’ve done that, you read this article as well: Beating the Toy Aisle Blues (and Pinks).

Read them?

I read them, and went bonkers. Then I stumbled upon this as well:

iwrotehtearticle

Oh. I just remembered another example of the absurd world we live in, as well. I read another article (or a Facebook-update?) the other day, about a lady who had stopped moving over whenever she came upon people when walking, to see what would happen. Guess what she found out? Women move over. Men do to. But not all of them. I think she was up to a count of having collided with 26 men (and zero women), when she shared her observation with the world. And you know what? I actually tried it out the other day, when I was talking a walk in the park close to home. I was walking along, came upon a man coming at me, and I suddenly got it into my head to try it out for myself! We would have collided if he hadn’t moved, which he did, in the last instant. I am grateful for him for moving over, but what I found most interesting was how uncomfortable it felt NOT to move over. Extremely uncomfortable.

So. There I go. I am a person who moves over. Which in itself is not a bad trait, not at all. But it’s interesting, the feeling I got when I didn’t. When I was hell bound on standing my ground so to speak. Makes me think about my own behavior, how much of it which is truly Me, and how much is culturally accepted behaviors I’ve learnt the hard way, which might, or might not, serve me, but which I perform automatically, without giving it any thought. Makes me think of the way of the world, and the culture I am a part of co-creating on a daily basis, moment by moment.

Oh well. There’s plenty do to in the world, to make it a better place, a place where I can be me. Regardless of what that means (within moral and legal constraints of course – unless the law is discriminating itself, which unfortunately is the case in many places where for instance homosexuality is outlawed, just to name but one absurd example). Being me. And a place where you can be you. Period.

So. Here’s a challenge (or rather, many!). For me. Definitely. But perhaps also for you? I’m gonna observe my surroundings for a few days, to see if I can spot this:

BoldomaticPost_Socialized-male-speech-dominan

I hope you enjoy this #ThrowbackThursday, originally published here where you also can find my ongoing blogging in Swedish. If you enjoy the read, please subscribe to updates so you won’t miss out on future posts.

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My sounding boards

September 20, 2016
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Have you noticed how some thoughts can sound perfectly wise inside our heads, and when we finally share them with someone, it’s as if we see them for the first time, and we get to see how warped our thinking has been?

I think we all need that. A sounding board. Someone to sound off the thoughts within our head with. Helping us see them. Someone who mirrors what we think, and reflects it back to us. Someone who’s not emotionally involved, and hence can take another perspective, elevating our own understanding and wisdom. Opening up for what wants to happen, rather than getting stuck in petty thoughts of jealousy, anger or the urge to lash out at some perceived wrong-doing.

Sometimes all it takes is someone who listens to me for me to step out of the drama and return to a state of open mind, heart, will, that state that I firmly believe is our baseline. That’s what we are built for.

I have several sounding boards. And at times when life throws me curve ball after curve ball, I get to reap the rewards of having created relationships as close, loving and accepting such as the ones I am thinking of as I sit here writing this post. And I exhale, slowly, letting my shoulders drop, knowing I am being held in a warm embrace of love.

held loved

Held. Loved.

Exhaling, I release my gratitude into the world, for the relationships I have co-created with such wonderful people. My sounding boards. In times of need. Just as I am theirs, when they need one and turn to me.

To hold, and be held.
To love, and be loved.

Thank you!

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Doing gentle – 36 – What would you do if you weren’t afraid?

September 18, 2016
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I hold myself back. Out of fear. Out of fear, of the imaginary kind. Not the kind where it’s the appropriate response. The imaginary kind, the one that often stems from mind-reading, that is, from making up a story in my head, about what someone else will think or feel. Most often, something that isn’t so at all.

without abandonWhat would I do if I weren’t afraid?
I would love without abandon. Recklessly. Full on.
I would laugh. Out loud, often, joyfully!

I would ask. Boldly. Or sometimes… I would ask really small questions; ones that feel like they are huge. And then, I would get the Yes, or the No, and life moves on. It doesn’t stop, I don’t die of embarrassment or what-ever else I’ve portrayed would happen.

I would enjoy the moment. Not hold back. Go for it. Acknowledge that which I desire, that which I want to do, or taste, or have, or feel, and go for it.

Not hold back. Go for it.

What would you do if you weren’t afraid?

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Letting go – Letting come

September 15, 2016
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Found this little video snippet in the MITx U.Lab-group on Facebook, about the power in spending more time being, rather than doing. And no. I don’t knock doing. I know we live in a world where we have to do both this and that, to survive. But still. I’d venture a bet that the doing part sort of works itself out, without us fussing so much over it. But the being part. Now, that’s something that it seems we’ve almost forgotten about, how it’s done. *pun intended*

One of the concepts within the #ULab is Letting go – Letting come. And I love that. I’ve let myself sink into that concept, it’s like a soft woolen blanket, wrapped around me, reclining in a comfortable armchair…

Letting go.

When letting go, I open up for new things. If I let them, that is. It can be as hard to let go of my resistance to let go, as it can be to let come. These ladies talk about what they wouldn’t give for a chance to revisit their younger self. Being kinder to themselves, with the ability to let go, spending more time being, not doing.

It’s beautiful this video, I’ve watched it several times now, and causes me to stop.
Pause. Look around me. Inhale and smell my surroundings.
Take in the sounds close and afar, feel my body relax as I exhale. Noticing.

Relax. Breathe.
#LetGo. 

What might come, if you let go?

Since 2012 I have blogged, mostly in Swedish, over at herothecoach.com and this post is a sample of what I’ve been writing over the years, in English. I hope you enjoy this #ThrowbackThursday, originally published here, and if you do, please subscribe to updates so you won’t miss out on future posts. And as an extra gift for you – check out #ulab – Leading from the emerging future, that is just starting in September 2016. I have joined in – again – and I strongly recommend that you do too!

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Boundaries?

September 14, 2016
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What do I want? What are my needs? What’s ok, and what is not ok, for me, right now? Am I speaking up, for myself? Am I allowing that silent voice within, the wisdom, to speak? Am I listening to it?

So many questions.
A lot of thoughts, feelings, emotions and beliefs.

But boundaries?

Not so sure about that.

No. That’s not true. I am sure about it.
And I can feel a bit of resistance to accept the answer. That’s why I tried to confuse myself, by writing “not so sure about that” even when I am.

Because I am not setting clear boundaries, as I haven’t fully delved into my needs, so I don’t know what those boundaries are right now. What is it I want? What do I need, right now, in order to be gentler to myself than I ever have been before?

Breathe.
Close my eyes.

Exhale and listen.
What wants to happen now?

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Doing gentle – 35 – Know you can never be broken

September 11, 2016
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Deep within you, there is a light, a core, that is You. This light can only shine. And it always does. However, as we grow up, we put on layer upon layer on top of this light, sometimes to the extent that the light cannot pass through all the layers, and you forget about it. Forget about You, and your inner light. But it’s there. Always and already, it is there.

inner coreThis light is the reason why I know – to the best of my understanding at this moment of time – that you cannot be broken. People don’t break. Our layers might. They can crack, start to rust, crumble to pieces, get run over, knocked down, battered and bruised. And because these layers are so prevalent, both our own, and on those around us, we get fooled into thinking that it’s us who are cracked, knocked down, battered and bruised. That we, as individuals, are hopelessly broken. Torn to pieces. Impossible to mend.

And I say. No. This is a mistake. A misconception, a misbelief, that is far from the truth. The truth that You cannot ever be broken. Because You rest deep within, in that eternal light, the light that can only shine, and which cannot be broken. Cannot be bruised, battered, knocked down.

When I look at a person, who appears battered and bruised – and sometimes, that person is me – with all my knowing, with all my belief, in every cell of my body, I know this to be true:
You can never be broken. 

And hence , You don’t ever need to be fixed. There is nothing to fix, you see. You just need to see You, to find You, within, hidden beneath those layers. To start to get acquainted with yourself, and the shining light that you are, again.

Welcome to my humble abode, where the underlying tone centers around being gentle to oneself. On Sundays I share thoughts on how I do gentle, and I hope you enjoy it. If you do, please subscribe to updates so you won’t miss out on future posts in this series.

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