Monthly Archives October 2016

Being gentle to me – Reflection October ’16

Being gentle to me – Reflection October ’16

October 31, 2016
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An odd month.
A month of upheaval, in som many forms, in so many lives, not just mine.

I’ve been tired of words.
I haven’t written as much for myself, as I did in previous months.
I’ve deliberately avoided listening to podcasts, in instances where I would have just a month ago.
Tired of the words. Cannot take another word, another wisdom, another great idea triggering me to think new thoughts.

I’ve been tired. And sad. Sad
(And yes. Internally, sometimes, fighting against that which is. Now. Not wanting it. Wanting something else. And hence, pain!)

Instead of podcasts, I’ve listened a lot to Peaceful Piano.
Soothing tones caressing my weary soul.
Like a lullaby, rocking me softly, granting me peace and quiet, gently drying the tears off my cheeks.

And throughout it all, I’ve let it be. All of it.
Witnessed the changes within, and without.
Letting it all come, when and how it showed up.

Being gentle to me, is one of the most important things I can do, any given day. These days, especially so, as I’ve been in such need for it. And being gentle to myself is not done in one instant during a day. It’s more of a base tone, always there in the background, coloring my world with tenderness and care.

How grateful I am that I have practiced the art of being gentle for a few years now!

Welcome to my humble abode, where the underlying tone centers around being gentle to oneself. I will be reflecting on a monthly basis on what that means to me, in the moment, and this is one of those reflections. I hope you enjoy it. If you do, please subscribe to updates so you won’t miss out on future reflections.

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Doing gentle – 42 – Personality? 

October 30, 2016
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Have you fallen for the ruse that a personality is a fixed set of likes/dislikes/habits and reactions that make up the basis of who you are?

I had. And in someways, I still fall for it. But most of the time, I don’t. I have come to understand that I have a choice. The choice of right now.

personalityYou see. When someone tells me It’s just who I am and expect me to take that as a Truth that cannot be changed, I cringe. However, if instead they would say It’s who I am, right now there’s an opening. Yes, there has been a choice, a choice to be bad-tempered, angry and upset, stingy, of rigid mind or whatever, in a given moment, but there’s also a willingness to see that in a day, or two, or five years, or whenever, there might well be another choice being made.

Whatever the choice, it’s not a permanent one. It’s fluid. Like life. Because life is fluid. It’s in constant flux. There’s never an emotion that lasts forever, because life cannot be lived like that. And hence, there’s never a ”personality trait” that’s a forever thing, unless we chose it over and over again.

And even then. It’s really not. Because however enamored we are in our personality, it can never be something which we are, 100% of the time.

She’s such a happy person.
Yeah. Except when she’s not. When she’s sad. Or scared. Or feeling vulnerable and alone.

He’s always such a grouch.
Yeah. Except when he’s not. When he sees an old favorite movie on TV, remembering happy days in his youth. Or when he wakes up from a lovely dream, carrying the feeling from it into his day.

Personality is not a permanent fixture. Simply because nothing can be permanent, permanence isn’t part of being human. Feelings, emotions and state of mind shift, constantly, and hence, the manner which we meet the world shifts along with it.

What choice are you making right this minute? What character trait are you choosing to meet the world right now?

Welcome to my writings, where the underlying tone centers around being gentle to oneself. On Sundays I share thoughts on how I do gentle, and I hope you enjoy it. If you do, please subscribe to updates so you won’t miss out on future posts in this series.

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Still water

October 27, 2016
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Had a great coach session with my coach today, and he sent me this wonderful quote by William Butler Yeats afterwards:

“We can make our lives so like still water that beings gather about us that they may see, it may be, their own images, and so live for a moment with a clearer, perhaps even with a fiercer life because of our quiet.”
– William Butler Yeats
(Earth, Fire and Water – The Celtic Twilight, 1893)

It came about, since we talked about the feedback I’ve gotten from people, saying that I have this calm about me. And the interesting thing is, for most of my life (up until the last few years), calm would not even by a longshot be the word people would use to describe me with. Far from it. I would never have come up with it myself either. 20130925-110355.jpg

But now, I feel it. It’s there. Deep down, I am calm. Something has shifted within! Now, that doesn’t mean I am calm all the time. Not with all people. Not in all situations, and so on. I can get really worked up and passionate, but that’s something else. Within there is a stillness, that I wouldn’t trade for the world. That stillness within comes from me being Me. Fully. It’s not something I’ve added. On the contrary, it’s me finding myself again, and letting my light shine.

What lies within you?

Since 2012 I have blogged over at herothecoach.com in a jumble of Swedish and English. This post is a sample of what I’ve been writing – in English – there over the years. As of 2016 all my English posts appear here instead. I hope you enjoy this #ThrowbackThursday, originally published here, and if you do, please subscribe to updates so you won’t miss out on future posts.

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Breaking down

October 26, 2016
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At the moment, it’s a tad too much, everywhere.

Asylum investigations and quotations.

Machine troubles and children hugging me.
On of my legal guardians, an unaccompanied minor refugee, sleeping on the sofa waiting for a better solution and getting some money in return lent to a fellow human in need of a few days of grace.
PokémonGo-hunts and deep conversations with my self, as well as with the one who isn’t there any more.
Bakin sourdough bread and the little nervous twitch in my eye lid, twitching away reminding me that I’ve lost something, in all of this. Lost me. The whole being that I am.

just nuBreaking down. Giving myself te minutes of total conkout… before pulling myself together again.
Onwards, onwards. Assignments to see through, meetings to be present in and at, life continues even though it feels as if it’s simply too much. Because truth be told, it’s simply that thing we call life, that’s happening. All of it.

Tears roll down my cheeks and I am gently rocked by beautiful words by Lisa, faith in love insists to be heard, knocks on my heart asking Remember me? I’m here, always and already. 


Postscript:
This post was originally published on October 25th in Swedish, at the very moment of break down. Afterwards I picked myself up, and life continues in full swing. As it always does.

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Doing gentle – 41 – Ask questions

October 23, 2016
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Having gone gentle on myself, I am much more curious about myself, and hence, also ask myself all sorts of questions these days, questions which I never would have dared voice even inwardly five-ten years ago. With my gentle approach towards myself, I’ve let go of a lot of the judgment which means I allow myself the freedom to ask, and answer, all sorts of questions and queries, and truly be open to whatever answer pops up.

Because of that, I have gotten much better at asking questions. Both of me and those around me. One such question is How does this serve me?, which I’ve asked myself over and over again the past years. And yes, How does this serve you? is also a question I’ve asked of many others, especially my coaching clients. duoFunnily enough, the most common answer seems to be Hm. It doesn’t serve me. Why on earth am I doing this?

However, I notice that the hardest questions to ask, are to those I feel very close to, those who are important to me. I’ve recently realized I hold myself emotionally captive with regards to what Others, those important others, think. Or as it were, what I think they might be thinking…

And off I go, believing I am a great mind-reader. Clearly not something which serves me. So. It’s time for me to ask more questions, and stop holding myself hostage.

Welcome to my humble abode, where the underlying tone centers around being gentle to oneself. On Sundays I share thoughts on how I do gentle, and I hope you enjoy it. If you do, please subscribe to updates so you won’t miss out on future posts in this series.

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Into my head…

October 21, 2016
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At the moment, I find that it’s easy for me to fall into my head. To try to work things out, reason with myself (and others), make sense of stuff using logic. And that’s not the place for me at the moment. The stuff that’s on my mind, isn’t stuff to work out using logic.

Now. I have a spectacular brain, it works like a charm, and for many things it’s the best friend I’ve got. It serves me well, and I am grateful for it. But there are times when it’s not the go-to-place to work things out. And now is such a time.

I was reminded *again* today that I fall into the trap of trying to think my way out of a conundrum. And it simply doesn’t work. Not for this conundrum at least.

doors withinSo. I sit here.

Tired after a day with a lot of back-and-forth between head and heart, and yet, oddly pleased with my day.

I’ve cried. Oh how I have cried.
I’ve hurt. Oh how I have hurt.

But more than anything, I’ve seen new things.

The joy of discovering what’s on the inside reverberates loudly within, as I sit here, reflecting on the activities of the day.

A door within has opened, a door I never knew existed. And as with most doors, there’s probably some tears and hurt inside it.
But I don’t fear that. I think…. *There goes my head again…*

Feeling lost, not having spotted this door, not knowing of its existence, but having this sense that there’s something just out of sight, out of reach. That’s where the pain lies. Now that the door has revealed itself… I experience more curiosity than anything else. A bit of apprehension though, to be fair, because at the moment, right now, I lack the energy for a first walk-about inside this new chamber. So I won’t even take a peek. Instead, I will listen to my yawning body, and retire for the night. There’s plenty of time to go walk-about tomorrow!

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What is reality?

October 20, 2016
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Reality. The stuff, the world; that which we live in. Right?

Or.
Is it perhaps what I make of the world I live in? Am I shaped by reality? Or do I shape my reality?

What do I bring, to the experience I have of the world? My world, rather than The world?

How do I warp the reality into my reality just by having myself be the filter that everything I take in, gets filtered through?

I don’t know precisely what my filter adds to reality as I perceive it. I don’t need to. But knowing That my filter adds to reality, as I know it, is crucial. Understanding this, means I know that no other person on earth can have the exact same experience of the world as I have. No one. Everyone has their own unique filter, through which we take in that which we live in.

So the next time you and a friend talk about a shared experience, and you cannot understand how your friend says X happened, even though you know for a fact it was Y. This is the reason. You both took in the facts of the situation through your personal filter. It’s a bit like applying a filter on a photograph in Instagram. The starting point is the same, but the result can be just about anything, an endless diversity.

Given that – what is reality, really?

Since 2012 I have blogged over at herothecoach.com in a jumble of Swedish and English. This post is a sample of what I’ve been writing – in English – there over the years. As of 2016 all my English posts appear here instead. I hope you enjoy this #ThrowbackThursday, originally published here, and if you do, please subscribe to updates so you won’t miss out on future posts.

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I know. I know. I got the message!

October 18, 2016
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torticollisWoke up with torticollis.

Again.

It haunted me for almost two years, until the spring, when it lifted.

*not again, please no…*

And. I know, I know, I got it.
I know why it went away then.
And I know why it’s back today.

It brings a message.

Having been dense enough not to pick up on the not-so-subtle message for the two years preceding my aha-moment in the spring, I cannot help but surrender to the message today. I cannot let myself be blind to it, not when I know what the Universe is telling me.

So I will. I listen. And I will act.
The message is to speak up.
To share what I feel, think, experience.
Not to sit silent, be passive, but to step up, say my piece, take responsibility for me and my life.

Message received, Universe.
I will act.

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Doing gentle – 40 – What do you fill your days with?

October 16, 2016
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What do you fill your days with? Light? Or darkness? Love? Or fear? Trust? Or distrust? Ownership? Or victimhood?

Have you ever asked yourself these questions? Do you see that it’s actually a choice we can make, all of us, for our own lives?

magpieBecause it truly is. It is a choice. I get to choose. And I can make those choices as a kind of guiding light, and/or in every moment. For me, I’ve made most of those choices on the level of guiding light, as a kind of direction in life, rather than as a choice in the moment. For instance, I’ve very clearly chosen trust. I trust those around me, I trust in the goodness of people, and I did that because I want to live in a world filled with trust, rather than distrust. When I am in distrust, life sucks, honestly. It’s so much more energy-wasting to go around distrusting people, organizations, companies, societal systems, than it is to work out of the basic assumption that I trust in all of these. I trust they are in it for the betterment of us all.

I do get knocked down once in a while, of course. And that’s hard. But I don’t want to change my basic trust in people, because when I am in trust, I feel so much better.

Welcome to my new website, where the underlying tone centers around being gentle to oneself. On Sundays I will be sharing thoughts on how I do gentle, and this is the fortieth of those. I hope you enjoy it and if you do, please subscribe to updates so you won’t miss out on future posts in this series. Also make sure to track back and ready the previous posts.

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Silly attachment?

October 13, 2016
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Witnessing attachment all over. Within myself. In my beloved family members. In people standing in front of me in the queue to the boat shuttle to Saint-Tropez. In parents scolding their children at restaurants.

Everywhere. Attachment to a specific outcome. To a certain way of doing things. Of how to behave, act, speak.

And specifically – attachment to our own thoughts. If the thoughts we got attached to were thoughts with pleasant accompanying feelings, well, it wouldn’t really be so bad would it? But so much of the attachment is to the thoughts with accompanying feelings leading to damning results. Where I storm off, feeling totally insulted, belittled, ashamed, embarrassed… All because a thought popped into my mind, generating this feeling, and then *magic trick* having me believe in it! How I wish I had a magic trick to reverse that, making me un-believe it. Because so often what I get attached to is just plain silly stuff, that really don’t matter at all in the big picture. What do I want to spend my time and energy on? Attachment to small petty stuff, really not anchored in values and virtues that I would like to be associated with, both when I think about me and when other people do? Or truly, living my values, making them a way of my Now, painting the picture of my every moment in shades and hues of those very values and virtues? Why do I let attachment to silly stuff stop me, from living my values? And does it?

Since 2012 I have blogged over at herothecoach.com in a jumble of Swedish and English. This post is a sample of what I’ve been writing – in English – there over the years. As of 2016 all my English posts appear here instead. I hope you enjoy this #ThrowbackThursday, originally published here, and if you do, please subscribe to updates so you won’t miss out on future posts.

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