Monthly Archives May 2017

#blogg100 – You are not.

#blogg100 – You are not.

May 31, 2017
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”You may feel alone,
and separated,
and powerless.
But you are not.”

At times… it can feel like I am.
Alone.
Separated.
Powerless.

But it is, as always, a feeling, stemming from a thought. And thoughts aren’t Truth, to be taken at face value. Thoughts are thoughts, and like some of the more obviously ridiculous ones, all thoughts can be treated with a bit of a distance. Look at them, while asking yourself How does this serve me?

Taking thoughts seriously is a choice I make. And as it is a choice, why not be deliberate in my intentions – choosing to take seriously thoughts that do serve me, rather than the ones that do not?

you are notThis does not mean I do not feel alone. Separated. Sad. Angry. Upset, grieving, confused. Any and all shapes feelings can take on – they are there. I experience them, from time to time. It simply means, that when I’m in this emotional space and place, my bigger Self often step forward, gently hugging me, telling me I’m ok, and saying Look, there’s a thought that’s making you feel really bad. How is that serving you?

Making it possible for me to not only experience, but simultaneously observe, bear witness. And, most importantly, allow me a moment of pause, to make my deliberate decision, whether or not to continue to focus on the feeling, or not.

Because.
I may feel alone, separated and powerless.
But.
I. Am. Not.

#Blogg100 challenge in 2017 – post number 92 of 100.
The book “The parents Tao Te Ching” by William Martin.
English posts here, Swedish at herothecoach.com.

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#blogg100 – Gone for good.

May 29, 2017
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”…and then something inexplicable happened. Something great and timeless and beautiful and confounding just disappeared. Something was gone… gone for good.”

Death can cause great, timeless, beautiful and confounding things disappear. These words are written to describe what happened in the room when Clarence Clemons died. But great, timeless, beautiful and confounding things must not be fellow humans. It can be other things, any thing, of great and timeless beauty; a thing that, one day, is simply gone.

The MeYouWe of a relationship that suddenly shifts, inexplicably, whenever Me or You shift to our core. Making the MeYouWe transform and turn into something else, a totally new entity. An unknown, making it’s first rounds of the world, not certain of its place in time and space. Wanted? Not wanted?

The desperation when Me or You try to hold on, try to make the ghost of MeYouWe rise again, take form, reappear as it were… even though that is not possible. Not once a Me or a You have made a profound transformation.

It. Is. Not. Possible.
MeYouWe as it was, is no more.
A new MeYouWe might emerge. Or not. Because BoldomaticPost_People-come-into-our-lives-fopeople come into our lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime, as someone wise once told me – I’ve forgotten when and from whom I learned of it. The words have stayed with me, and have granted me release when looking back at long lost relationships, where for one reason or another, the MeYouWe that existed – suddenly, inexplicably – disappeared, however great, timeless, beautiful and confounding it may have been. Gone. Be it for a reason or a season, off it went.

Silently, within the confines of my inner dialogue, softly, I whisper to myself: people come into my life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. And I cannot know which, until it becomes apparent. Friends for life; suddenly no longer a part of my day-to-day existence, however unimaginable that notion might have seemed. With gratitude, warmth, and love for what was, I can let go, in order to let come… a new friend? A new love? Never knowing, and not needing to know, if this will be the commencement of a relationship of a reason – a season – or lifetime.

It will be. Either one. And that’s as it should be.
And then something inexplicable might happen…

#Blogg100 challenge in 2017 – post number 90 of 100.
The book “Born to run” by Bruce Springsteen.
English posts here, Swedish at herothecoach.com.

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Beyond the regrets of the dying

May 28, 2017
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in Tip
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regretsPodcast-Sunday. Yet again. And I don’t know what to write about, what to recommend. Not because there’s not a lot of options – I have listened to hundreds of podcast episodes I’d gladly share with you, on any given day. But today, I am feeling vulnerable, naked, bared to the bones. And I don’t know how to match my sentiment with a podcast recommendation… something I don’t have to do. But I want to. Truly. So after giving it some thought, I gift you with Bronnie Ware on Good Life Project: Beyond the 5 regrets of the dying.

*deep sigh*

I think I’ll just leave it at that… no, wait, I don’t want to send you off to listen to Bronnie Ware and Jonathan Fields with a sense of despair and possible pending doom.

*taking a deep breath, gathering strength*

Perhaps you’ve heard of Bronnie Ware, the palliative carer who tended many dying people, and finally sat down to write about their top regrets, and the lessons Bronnie learned from their lives. It went viral, with good cause. The top five regrets were as follows:

  1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
  2. I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.
  3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
  4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
  5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

This is not what the conversation centers on though. You can read the blog post, or the book, if you want to delve deeper into these regrets, and possibly take stock of your life, and how you are faring in each of the five.

What Bronnie and Jonathan are in conversation about goes above and beyond these life lessons. Bronnie tells the story of her somewhat unusual childhood, sharing visions of endless dark and starry nights, of silence and empathy, and of letting come that which wants to come, which is precisely the state I am in right here, right now. Letting go, in order to let come that which wants to come.

In 2015 I ran a series on herothecoach.com with Sunday postings of podcasts to my liking. In 2017 I will be re-posting some of those blog posts, mixing them up with new podcast recommendations, such as this one.

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#blogg100 – The hidden life of trees.

May 27, 2017
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This book, written in a wonderfully gentle and inviting way, is making me gasp, drop my jaw and realize the extent of my (and our!) ignorance. I simply did not know… and neither, likely, do you. Did you know that trees can taste? Smell? Feel? Communicate with their peers? That they collaborate in the most amazing manner, both within their own species, but also with other species – especially fungi – and  even with other tree species at times?

“I encourage you to look around where you live. What dramas are being played out in wooded areas you can explore? How are commerce and survival balanced in the forests and woodlands you know? This book is a lens to help you take a closer look at what you might have taken for granted. Slow down, breathe deep, and look around. What can you hear? What do you see? How do you feel?”

He writes about trees, wooded areas and forests… and it made my recent visit to a forest quite different compared to previous visits – as I looked around me, trying to take in all of the activities happening around me, activities I was blind to before. Most of which are actually invisible to the eye, and yet, knowing about them made the forest around me buzz in a way I’ve never experience before.

Dalby Söderskog

All the while I’m thinking of trees, I also hear Wohlleben talking directly to me. Asking me to take a deeper look at life, my life; my hidden life?

“This book is a lens to help you take a closer look at what you might have taken for granted. Slow down, breathe deep, and look around. What can you hear? What do you see? How do you feel?”

#Blogg100 challenge in 2017 – post number 88 of 100.
The book “The hidden life of trees” by Peter Wohlleben.
English posts here, Swedish at herothecoach.com.

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#blogg100 – Two to tango.

May 26, 2017
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”Battles require two parties.
One fighting alone soon tires.”

In the same way that it takes two to tango, right?!

But oh, can this be a tough nut to crack. Actually trying to live it is not the easiest, that’s for sure. I gather it’s not just the situation at hand that makes it hard to choose my battles wisely, it’s so much more.

History – what I’ve experienced before, in similar situations; what I thought then and how that made me feel.

Preconceived notions, about child-rearing and parenthood, about being a woman, a mother, a wife, a daughter, a colleague, boss, friend.

The ingrained patterns I’ve picked up along the way, making for quick and easy shortcuts from stimuli to full on battle in the blink of an eyelid… before I’ve had a chance to collect my wits and ask myself: what serves me here? What’s the best me to bring to the situation? And if I cannot, what can I do to pause this before anyone gets hurt?

battlingBut once in a while, I manage to disengage – or not engage at all to begin with – from an ongoing fight, and yes, it’s quite amazing what happens when the tension is released. Because that’s what battling requires – two (or more) parties exerting tension; one pushing, the other shoving; one shouting, the other shouting louder; one throwing a punch, the other dodging, getting ready to throw a punch of his or her own. When I use my energy for something other than battling you;  no longer applying the tension that helps you define your position – both of us has a chance to get a new perspective upon the situation we’re in. And then… anything can happen!

#Blogg100 challenge in 2017 – post number 87 of 100.
The book “The parents Tao Te Ching” by William Martin.
English posts here, Swedish at herothecoach.com.

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Being gentle to me – Reflection May ’17

May 25, 2017
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And so another month has passed in this thing we call Life. Capital L. Deliberately. Because that’s how I, today, believe Life should be lived, as if it’s something to pay attention to, to be deliberate and intentional about.

Well, that doesn’t feel very gentle; on the contrary, aren’t you putting a lot of pressure on yourself by stating this? As if Life is all about the results and performance, stacking up some pretty high expectations there, aren’t you?

No. That’s just it.
I don’t laden Life with high expectations, with a number of unspoken demands of result, or believes about what is the Right way to live it. At least, that’s not how I experience it nowadays. On the contrary. Life, to me, is filled with all sorts of events and non-events, the entire range of emoitions avilable to a human being and is somehow a container for everything between heaven and hell.

The difference lies in my wish to live Life with delibreration and intentionality, being aware and conscious. Loving fully – except when I can’t, and then I can practice not-loving fully. Laughing and having fun, contrasted by times when I am desperately sad and grieving.

come rain or shineCome rain or come shine, wherever you go, there you are Jon Kabat-Zinn says, and I think that sums it up. Knowing this, deep in my bones, while taking responsibility for what situations and surroundings I place myself in, the company I elect to keep, the stories I feed myself. This is how I live Life. Deliberate. Intentional. For me, these are words of possibilities, like champagne bubbles within. And what better way to be gentle to me than to live a Life of possibilities?

Welcome to my writings, where the underlying tone centers around being gentle to oneself. I reflect on a monthly basis on what that means to me, in the moment, and this is one of those reflections. I hope you enjoy it. If you do, please subscribe to updates so you won’t miss out on future reflections.

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#blogg100 – Changed.

May 22, 2017
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“We could easily be made to believe that nothing had happened, and yet we have been changed, as a house is changed into which a guest has entered.”

Do you notice how you change? Day by day, year by year, and finally, decade by decade?

Sometimes it’s hard to notice how I change over time; the change itself slips me by somehow. It’s as if I cannot put a finger on it, being too subtle a change to pinpoint. Really only obvious once I am face to face with myself, in a situation where my actions – or lack thereof – are so completely different to what I would have done in the past. Startling at times, or shocking. Sometimes I give myself a great big self-hug, so pleased at the apparent change.

changeThe other day, texting with dear and close friends, I realized that one significant change in me, is how I’ve come to accept what is, to a degee that I never have before. When I talk to clients about my current understanding of acceptance, I show it, physically. Not accepting, I stand, turning backwards, and fight what is. Spend all my energy trying to un-make what is, which never works, by the way. It is a futile war waged against the past, trying to undo what has already occurred. With acceptance, I turn, facing ahead, knowing what is is, using my energy more deliberately, to create and to instigate a change that I am attracted to and excited about.

The difference this has caused in how I experience my life, is so grand I don’t know what words to use to describe it. A large part of it is the energy-conservation – not wasting my energy fighting what is. With the energy not spent in futility, the possibility for creation is… ripe, apparent, infinite? Always and already, creation is right there at my fingertips; anything can happen, anytime.

#Blogg100 challenge in 2017 – post number 83 of 100.
The book “Letters to a Young Poet” by Rainer Maria Rilke.
English posts here, Swedish at herothecoach.com.

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Music as medicine

May 21, 2017
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I listen to podcasts in the Overcast-app. However, since the beginning of the year, the app won’t update, so I can not access any new podcasts. Instead of trouble-shoot and solve it (I even think I know why it stopped updating…), I’ve been listening to some of my favorite podcasts instead, over and over again. I’ve been listening many times over to my favorite Swedish podcast series with Per Johansson and Eric Schüldt, but as those are in Swedish, I won’t be writing about them (here). Without a doubt, my favorite podcast show, all categories, is – and if you’ve been reading my blog for a while, this will not come as a surprise to you – On Being with Krista Tippett.

Craig Minowa is the lead-singer of Cloud Cult, a band I’d never heard before I listened to the conversation Music and the ritual of performance at On Being.

After experiencing a personal tragedy, Craig used music as medicine, to get himself through the experience. He says that music is…BoldomaticPost_music-as-medicine

”[…] Something very, very spiritual and sacred. If you look at the history of music, for the vast majority of time, people have used music as medicine, or as a connection to the divine, and as a very, very sacred tool.”

If you are anything like me, you’re nodding your head, going Oh, yeah, tell me about it! I can’t even begin to count the number of times when music was my savior in bad times! But music is not just medicine for bad times, it can easily add innumerable levels to the highest of mental states of wellbeing. Not to mention the sensations of creating music – alone or together!

In 2015 I ran a series on herothecoach.com with Sunday postings of podcasts to my liking. In 2017 I will be re-posting some of those blog posts, mixing them up with new podcast recommendations, such as this one
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#blogg100 – Allow yourself the same.

May 19, 2017
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”Give your children time to play without agenda,
to read without purpose,
to daydream without limits,
and to discover without fear.
Allow yourself the same.”

In a society giving praise to the highest possible efficiency, constantly striving for better, more, higher, larger, cheaper, I suspect the lines above might cause severe discomfort.

Without an agenda? Surely not! Must there not be an agenda, always knowing what we are headed for, what the goal is?

Reading without purpose, just for the…. fun of it? For the pleasure of it? Simply because it’s something we want to do. Not to get better, to learn, to widen our horizons, to sharpen our argumentative skills…. but simply, because we want to?

Dream without limits – oh no! Stay down, little one, you cannot break any glass ceilings, you are the wrong color, gender, sexuality, religion, ehtnicity…

And the last one.
Discover without fear.
Perhaps the one raising the most objections?
Fear. Ever-present, and almost revered.

Oh no, surely I cannot do that, it might be dangerous!

What, me? No way, there’s no way I can give a talk in front of onehundred people, I’d surely make a mess of it.

Get out of that tree, you might fall down, son!

Watch out for strangers, you never know what they might be up to!

When faced with phrases like this, we commiserate, nod sympathetically and share the sentiments… all the while sending the signal that this fear is real, it actually is something to avoid, that danger might befall you and your loved ones. But is it true? Is there – truly – danger ahead? Or are we simply paying too much attention on thoughts that don’t serve us at all?

discover without fear

What might we – I – discover, if the volume of the internal fear-monger is lowered? What might be experienced, learned, lived, if curiosity is allowed to take the place of fear? What’s there to discover?

Allow myself the same… If I don’t – what message am I sending my children and those around me? Is it the message I want to send?

#Blogg100 challenge in 2017 – post number 80 of 100.
The book “The parents Tao Te Ching” by William Martin.
English posts here, Swedish at herothecoach.com.

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#blogg100 – Beyond the word.

May 17, 2017
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Missing link“No one can give away wisdom. A teacher can only lead you to it via words, hoping you will have the courage to look within yourself and find it inside your own consciousness…

Beyond the word.”

Standing in front of a group, of fifty, sixty, seventy people, having a basic outline of what to say, what to point at, all the while knowing it’s precisely this that is needed for it to make any significant impact: for them to have the courage (or perhaps curiosity? What if we talk about it in terms of requiring curiosity rather than courage? Might it not be easier to step an inch into the unknown then? Curious invokes a less dangerous sensation within than Courage does, at least in me. What about you?) to look within. To consider what they hear, see, experience, to let it sit. Not outright rejecting what is said off hand, not necessarily swallowing it hook, line and sinker either. But truly, letting it sit within – tasting, feeling, sensing. Being open enough to try it out, looking at – and acting in! – the world from a different angle, gifting yourself a new perspective.

Going beyond the words of what I say, being quiet enough to hear what is voiced within. Perhaps, there you will find something new? Something – beyond the word – which makes your universe expand?

#Blogg100 challenge in 2017 – post number 78 of 100.
The book “The missing link” by Sydney Banks.
English posts here, Swedish at herothecoach.com.

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