Search Results for gentle with myself

Being gentle to me – Reflection November ’17

Being gentle to me – Reflection November ’17

December 1, 2017
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self-honoringLetting myself off the hook – allowing myself to stay attached, even though it doesn’t make sense anymore. Long after the original meaning has been lost, the decision had been made and step after step had been taken, increasing my  distance to what was once there, I still let myself be attached… until, one day, I woke up ready to let go of my attachment.

I read what I wrote in the paragraph above, and exhale and relax, knowing this is not something I would never have granted myself, had it happened 5+ years ago. What a long way I’ve come, in being gentle towards myself.

The difference that makes the difference? Self-honoring, perhaps? Learning h o w to be gentle towards myself, as well as slowly coming to terms with the fact that I deserve it, I am worthy of love and tenderness, also from myself? Learning not to take myself too seriously, and most definitely not to believe all the thoughts that come whizzing through my head?

I cannot say there’s one difference that has made the difference, rather, it’s a combination of things that all have been working in synergy, leading up to this place in time, where I know how to, and do, let myself off the hook, letting things unfold within without me pushing, prodding, persuading myself into letting go before I am ready to. No longer ripping myself apart, because I think I should this or that, making me do it, even though I’m not ready for it. No. No more. That violent behavior towards myself that was my modus operandi for years and years, for decades even, it has been – permanently I hope, trust and believe! – replaced by me practicing the art of being gentle to myself.

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Being gentle to me – Reflection August and September ’17

September 25, 2017
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I don’t know if you’ve noticed the absence of my monthly reflection on how I do gentle to myself; I did. But I didn’t act upon it, so in a sense, that’s me being gentle to me. It’s not a m u s t to write these monthly reflections, it’s an intention, a gift I give myself, but also one that I can refuse, if that’s what feels best. And honestly, I didn’t really know what to write.

Acceptance on chestnutYou see, it’s been a time of winding down, a time of less emotional storms and upsets, a time of me simply being. At the same time it’s been a time of winding up, of getting my sh*t together, a time of me figuring out what being me means, right now, right here.

A chapter is closing, and I am deliberately trying to close it with gentleness and great care. And that feels really good – that’s what’s deserved.

At the same time, I know I’ve been necessarily blunt with others at times, and the only thing I can do (after saying sorry) is to take heed, to remember what it felt like, what it lead to, and try to behave more in the way I want to (being proactive rather than reactive) from now on, and most importantly: to not beat myself over the head for my bluntness. That won’t make it alright, and it certainly doesn’t serve either party, so, no. I am not taking that route. And I hope I’ve learned that lesson to the degree that I will never again chose the ”beat myself over the head”-route. I’ve done that enough, and nothing good comes from it.

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Being gentle to me – Reflection June ’17

June 28, 2017
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So much of what I’ve been writing about in these monthly reflections run like a thread through my experience of life, my self-gentleness takes on similar expressions from month to month, but what I did do in the month of June that was truly gentle to me, was to host a very special birthday party for myself. I sent out the invitations a while ago, hosting an open house from afternoon until the last guest would leave, with a request for each guest: to bring something edible that would do well at a buffet table, be it a snack, a starter, main course-type food or a dessert of some kind. In return I promised to take care of the drinks.

At three o’clock when I’d said people could start to come, two things struck me:
1) I was filled with energy, which felt different to most parties I’ve hosted. By the time the party is about to start, I’m normally exhausted from cooking and cleaning and preparing and getting everything in place. This time – not at all. I’d fixed tea and coffee, and put out assorted drinks, glasses, mugs, plates and cutlery, but that was about the extent of it. Great feeling, I tell you!
2) There was no one there! That gave me food for thought, because, of course, I had told everyone that they could come whenever it would suit them best, so perhaps I would be waiting for hours? I didn’t have to wait for long though until the first guests started to drop in, which was somewhat of a relief.

The family tradition holds that the celebrant gets to drink from the silver crystal glass. Photo: Annika Jeppsson

The family tradition holds that the celebrant gets to drink from the silver crystal glass. Photo: Annika Jeppsson

Having left it completely up to my guests to bring whatever they felt like, when one guest asked for coffee and cake, all I could say was “Sorry, there’s no cake yet!” because no one had brought any. We did get some cake eventually, so all turned out well.

It was a great adventure to see what everyone would bring. We got freshly baked bread and olives, melons and quiche, cheese pie and potatoe gratin, chicken sticks and lots of assorted cheeses, a taco fry with tortilla chips, pizza and apple pie, chia brownies and hazlenut/peach cake, and lots more.

I had a blast, had great fun botanizing amongst all the yummy stuff brought by everyone, and am absolutely enamored with the idea to ask the guests to bring something to eat – for sure, this is the way I will do hencefort when I want to invite a larger gathering over for one or another reason.

Not least because this was truly an act of gentleness towards my self. I do recognize though, that for someone not as used to letting go of all sense of control, it might be somewhat stressful. But I have let go of that. What would come, would be what we would be eating. Period. And I mean, it’s not as if my fridge, freezer and larder are empty, and there’s always take-out, so, I mean, there’s really nothing to worry about, nothing at all!

Welcome to my writings, where the underlying tone centers around being gentle to oneself. I reflect on a monthly basis on what that means to me, in the moment, and this is one of those reflections. I hope you enjoy it. If you do, please subscribe to updates so you won’t miss out on future reflections.

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Being gentle to me – Reflection May ’17

May 25, 2017
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And so another month has passed in this thing we call Life. Capital L. Deliberately. Because that’s how I, today, believe Life should be lived, as if it’s something to pay attention to, to be deliberate and intentional about.

Well, that doesn’t feel very gentle; on the contrary, aren’t you putting a lot of pressure on yourself by stating this? As if Life is all about the results and performance, stacking up some pretty high expectations there, aren’t you?

No. That’s just it.
I don’t laden Life with high expectations, with a number of unspoken demands of result, or believes about what is the Right way to live it. At least, that’s not how I experience it nowadays. On the contrary. Life, to me, is filled with all sorts of events and non-events, the entire range of emoitions avilable to a human being and is somehow a container for everything between heaven and hell.

The difference lies in my wish to live Life with delibreration and intentionality, being aware and conscious. Loving fully – except when I can’t, and then I can practice not-loving fully. Laughing and having fun, contrasted by times when I am desperately sad and grieving.

come rain or shineCome rain or come shine, wherever you go, there you are Jon Kabat-Zinn says, and I think that sums it up. Knowing this, deep in my bones, while taking responsibility for what situations and surroundings I place myself in, the company I elect to keep, the stories I feed myself. This is how I live Life. Deliberate. Intentional. For me, these are words of possibilities, like champagne bubbles within. And what better way to be gentle to me than to live a Life of possibilities?

Welcome to my writings, where the underlying tone centers around being gentle to oneself. I reflect on a monthly basis on what that means to me, in the moment, and this is one of those reflections. I hope you enjoy it. If you do, please subscribe to updates so you won’t miss out on future reflections.

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#blogg100 – Gentle care.

May 11, 2017
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gentle care”Treat yourself with gentle care.”

The theme for this entire website centers on being gentle towards myself. It is something which I have had to learn how to be; during my upbringing and entry into adulthood, I got extremely good at the opposite, at being very harsh with myself, rather than gentle. So I’ve worked hard at ridding myself of dictatorial and judgemental inner voices, slowly releasing them, paying less and less attention to their commands, understanding – after a while – that I truly did not have to take the word of the inner voices as Truth, as Orders, as something which I had to abide by.

”Treat yourself with gentle care.”

Yesterday I got a new opportunity. I have assignments to complete, and had, at the same time, promised my presence in another project all day today… and the two simply do not add up. So I cringe, falter, hesitate, feel embarrassed that I cannot live up to my promise to take part in the meetings planned for today… and finally come to the conclusion, that I have a choice. Between the two. One or the other will have to take top priority today, both cannot. And I chose. I chose the assignments, that are sorely late as they are, and given other assignments the upcoming days, if I did not, they would fall even farther behind.

”Treat yourself with gentle care.”

The relief in making a decision. In communicating it. And in having the most wonderful gentle response back – with understanding, and a great capacity for work-arounds, my presence will be missed, yes, but the meetings will take place anyway, and will be well-managed at that. I could have been faced with harshness, with hurt and a wish to impose feelings of shame and inability to live up to promises. I was not, and for that I am grateful, but even if I had – the fact still remains: I have a choice, and I chose. So now I will throw myself wholeheartedly into the assignments of the day, making sure I give it my full attention, with no sense of regret. This is what is, and it is as it should be.

If anything, I am patting myself on the back, prodly telling myself how good I’m gotten at treating myself with gentle care!

#Blogg100 challenge in 2017 – post number 72 of 100.
The book “The parents Tao Te Ching” by William Martin.
English posts here, Swedish at herothecoach.com.

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Being gentle to me – Reflection April ’17

April 26, 2017
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I wonder if this last month has possibly been the month of me being the least gentle towards myself, that I’ve experienced in the past several years… A month of intense work and too little time to simply be. I haven’t been intentionally mean towards myself, not at all, but there’s been deadlines looming that have made me step into a get-it-done-mode where the soft and silent inner voice has been completely run over. Especially since I let that part of me run the show in February; a month where a lot of the work could have been done that I’ve been doing this month as a consequence.

And it’s ok. I mean, I am still fit as a fiddle, eating, sleeping (well… could do with a bit more sleep, truth be told), knitting and taking time for family gatherings, so it’s not been 100% work, far from it. And the masochist within takes some pleasure in the getting-it-done-mode also; it’s rewarding to see a delivery become more and more defined, pieces falling into place and making sense, not to mention the thrill at shipping it, only to be allowed to follow it up with an invoice for a job well done.Tired and lack-lustre

But I am tired.
Sit in the sofa yawning like crazy.
Feel lack-lustre.

It’s as if life is taking its toll, all of a sudden, and I just want to Be. Doing nothing. Throw away all ToDo’s, cancel all meetings and assignments; put life on Pause for a little while.

But I won’t. Because I don’t want to, truly.
But yes, postponing ToDo’s that are possible to postpone without serious consequences, for sure.
Saying no to meetings and or assignments that aren’t crucial, definitely.
Asking for help and assistance, as and when I need it; listening within and being open with my needs, you bet.
And stepping up for myself – hell yeah!

All in all, being gentler towards myself, supersizing on Gentleness this next month, as I replenish and recharge while simultaneously finishing off my last large assignment for the year.

Welcome to my humble abode, where the underlying tone centers around being gentle to oneself. I will be reflecting on a monthly basis on what that means to me, in the moment, and this is one of those reflections. I hope you enjoy it. If you do, please subscribe to updates so you won’t miss out on future reflections.
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Being gentle to me – Reflection March ’17

March 28, 2017
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There’s this thing come July, that I simply do not want to do, this year around. I’ve done it a handful of times, and it’s given me so much. Connection, exploration, insight, fun and laughter as well as frustration and realization of the boxes that block creativity from flourishing… often for a good cause, but leading wrong, so wrong.

This year though – I do not want to go there. I do not want to be there. I do not want to put any energy into it.

So I said it.
Straight out.

I don’t want to go there this year. 

Sick and tired of it.
I felt it already last year, that my heart wasn’t in it. And even less so this year.

So I said No, to this, which translates into a Yes, to me.

GardeningI will be going next year. Next year there’s a reason, a project I’m involved in, which is very close to my heart. This year, there’s not, and so I want to stay at home. All summer, actually. I haven’t made any plans for the summer, no travels booked or anything, I simply want to stay at home. Resting. Relaxing. Enjoying the garden, the summer evenings, letting myself slow down to the speed of life.

Saying No to this, and Yes to me, is how I’ve practiced being gentle to me, in the month of March.

It’s not the first go I make at saying Yes to me, I’ve been practicing, making it easier each time. It also helps when the person receiving the No, realize it’s not about them. It’s all about me. It’s a No for now because of my need for a Yes right now, for me. And I am proudly honoring myself by granting me the respite I need.

Welcome to my humble abode, where the underlying tone centers around being gentle to oneself. I will be reflecting on a monthly basis on what that means to me, in the moment, and this is one of those reflections. I hope you enjoy it. If you do, please subscribe to updates so you won’t miss out on future reflections.

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Being gentle to me – Reflection February ’17

February 27, 2017
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It’s been an odd month. A lot of hopelessness and despair, frustration and fear, surrounding me. So what have I been doing to be gentle to me, under these conditions? Well… I’ve let myself off the hook, in many ways. I’ve let up on some of the requirements I normally meet, have let my confused and muddled mind be. A lot of knitting, which for me is a very relaxing activity, where my brain can simply let go. A lot of The Good Wife on Netflix, which works perfectly together with the knitting. I’ve not had the wherewithal to read, so no books. I’ve not been able to make myself focus on some aspects of work, so less of that as well. I’ve done the top priority activities, but cut back on the rest.

Wellbeing picking up againAnd now?
Well. The wellbeing is picking up, on all fronts, mine as well as for those in my surroundings. And it makes it easier to start to focus again, to get into the aspects of work that I’ve not been able to make myself sit down with in the past month. The items that require a bit more from me, a coherent thought, an arc of intention, that demands my full attention. And today, for the first time in a few weeks, I finally truly felt that again. So I enjoyed it, getting into the flow of things, of digging around in a system, searching for the common thread, pondering the best way to recreate it, into a new system, utilizing the best from the old, and trying to let go of the less good bits.

And throughout it all – this underlying knowing that it’s not forever. It will not last, the sense of hopelessness, the lack of energy due to despair. It cannot. Nothing ever does. The flux of life will pick up it’s frequency again, starting to swing back and forth, back and forth, providing me with high’s and low’s. Coupled with the knowledge that whatever it is I am not doing, is noting that won’t keep, the worst case scenarios of me not giving it my all – for a month – simply aren’t that bad, even if I use all of my imagination.

So. Being gentle to me this past month has been about cutting myself some slack, allowing me to recharge my batteries and giving me space to simply Be.

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Being gentle to me – Reflection January ’17

January 25, 2017
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After a full year of monthly reflections on what it means, for me, to be gentle towards myself, you might think this is a topic that I’ve exhausted. That I’ve written what’s possible for me to write about. But far from it. I am, constantly, observing that I am being gentle towards myself, in situations where it greatly gladdens me, instances where I know – and I do mean Know – that in the past I would not have been able to chose gentleness, if nothing else than for the reason that I simply did not know it was an option!

Choosing to be gentle towards myself is becoming second nature. It is something that comes first, almost always, nowadays, and from that I conclude that I have practiced the art of being gentle for long enough, so it no longer takes as much effort to choose the path of gentleness, as compared to when I first realized that it was, indeed, a viable option for me – and anyone! – to choose.

I normally say the first big insight that it was even an option, was when I did not bring cash to pay my therapist, some 10-11 years ago. I was ashamed, and wildly kicking myself verbally, and she was astonished that I was so hard on myself. She told me what she’d done if the situation had been reversed, and my jaw fell. I simply could not believe it was an option not to beat myself up internally for having done such a low thing.

But as I sit here and look back at my journey of discovery into the world of gentleness, I spot the birth of my first child as one of those moments, when I was given the choice – by the midwife – to be more gentle to myself. Under slightly unusual circumstances – as me and my then-husband had separated and filed for divorce just a few weeks prior to the birth of our child – I was accompanied by two friends, while giving birth.

When we got to the hospital, I got into a warm bath, and after a while, the midwife looked at me and more or less gave me permission to keep my focus on me, rather than on the comfort of my friends. I was conversing them, staying cheerful and positive, all the while having contractions that hurt like hell… The midwife looked at me, and calmly said You don’t have to entertain your friends. They can take care of themselves. You conserve your energy. You will need it later.

And now, as I reflect back on that moment, I see what I chose then, as I did heed the experienced midwife’s words, was to be gentle to myself. To let myself off the hook to be a gracious “hostess” to my two friends. To truly see that they were there for me, because I had asked them, because I had a need for their strength. In that moment, they were there solely for me and my unborn child. Not the other way around. comfortable spotAnd that was ok. I could let myself off the hook, and relax into being supported, fully, without having to reciprocate, in that time and space. That there would be a time for me to be there, fully, for them. But that would not be the moment of birth of my firstborn. That’s for sure.

Funny that… How I have these recollections of specific moments when I discovered that being gentle to myself was a choice I could make. That there was a choice, and that gentleness was one of the options open to me. As a result, it’s much easier for me to love myself, to like myself, and to enjoy the daily exploration of Life. The life I lead from the place of being gentle to me, is a ridiculously comfortable spot to live from, as compared to my life while being harsh on myself (oh, so harsh!).

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Being gentle to me – Reflection December ’16

December 25, 2016
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What a month I’ve had. A month of more sense of the present than ever. Presence. In the Now. Not a lot of thoughts on the past. No questions of why we ended up where we did, what we could have done differently, why we didn’t… None of that hindsight questioning of me and my choices. Simply being in the realization that I am where I am. And so are we. We ended up right here.

Not a lot of thoughts on the future either. No worrying, fretting or anxious questions on what will be, where it all will go, whether or not we will stay married, or not, and what either choice would mean, for me, for us, for the kids… None of that either.

Simply being here, right now.

Enjoying myself immensely. Feeling light than in years – ever? Cooking. Doing the laundry. Blogging. Taking walks. Dogsitting Sixten. Eating dinner with the kids, talking, listening, laughing. Walk n Talking with hubby. Working, giving trainings, sending out quotations and getting some new assignments. Writing protocols, knitting, singing my heart out in two Christmas choir concerts with my choir as one of four participating choirs.

Enjoying lifeYou know – life. All of the mundane chores of ordinary day-to-day life – truly enjoyable. Grateful for having it, living it, being present for it. Being gentle to me, in the most loving way, simply being here and now, and cherishing every second of it. Right now, it’s time to do my daily Seven exercise, get dressed, have some breakfast and then take a walk – possibly with my youngest – to catch some Pokemon’s. Later on there will be more people coming over, to have fun and enjoy life with.

The last monthly reflection of the year, leaving me with a strong sense of gratitude and love. Love of life, with all in the up’s and down’s and the many shapes and forms it serves me up, each and every day. Loving life!

Welcome! Here the underlying tone centers around being gentle to oneself. I will be reflecting on a monthly basis on what that means to me, in the moment, and this is one of those reflections. I hope you enjoy it. If you do, please subscribe to updates so you won’t miss out on future reflections.

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