Author Archives Helena Roth

Strands of neediness.

Strands of neediness.

August 15, 2017
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Half of a yellow sun“For a brief irrational moment, she wished she could walk away from him. Then she wished, more rationally, that she could love him without needing him. Need gave him power without his trying; need was the choicelessness she often felt around him.”

The tangled mess of love entwined in strands of neediness; strands that can be as smooth as silk, and as coarse as a fibrous hemp rope. A need that can feel soothing at times, harming at other times.

I suspect I and Olanna (the character in the book, thinking these thoughts to herself) are not the only ones familiar with this sensation. And, is it not also such, that once the aspect of need in and of one’s lover dissipates, there is a shift, a huge shift, at least on the inside?

When the choicelessness is no more, and the choice – to love, or not to love; to stay, or not to stay – is there, I reclaim my power and my world immediately doubles in size. And with that comes both great exhilaration, but also, perhaps, dread? Because having the option of choice does not always make life simpler, does it?

Inspired to continue blogging on the theme from the #blogg100-challenge in 2017 I give you: The book “Half of a yellow sun” by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie.

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Liberated being

August 13, 2017
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Short and sweet, another Good Life Project riff, on the word transformation and how it’s being used in the world of yoga, self-awareness and mindfulness. The term transformation, as it’s used in this crowd, really comes from is the sanskrit word/concept of jivanmukta. And jivanmukta isn’t about transformation, it’s about liberation. It translates into Liberated being.

BoldomaticPost_l-i-b-e-r-a-t-e-d-b-e-i-n-gWhen I listened to this podcast, there was a release within. A flash of lightning, an aha, that told me something I already knew, I just hadn’t put it into words. Jonathan Fields did that for me.

Liberated being – not transformed.
L i b e r a t e d !

So free yourself. Let yourself out of the cage created by and for you. Reveal what is already there, know there is nothing to transform. You don’t have to become someone else, transform into some other being, with different, better, more worthy traits and skills.

It’s all within you.

You cannot be found outside of You. You can only be found within.
So stop looking outside, thinking there’s something you can do, be, buy to find yourself. You cannot. Look inwards. Not to transform. To reveal. To get to know your true essence. To step into it, fully.

Sometimes. It scares me.
Becoming aware of my true essence, to feel, sense, notice it.
Other times, it’s the most divine experience, uplifting, hope giving, and enormously empowering. Because the power is there, within me. None else can empower me.
It’s within. I. Have. It. Already.

Let it out. Liberate it. Set it free.

It? Me!
Set me free. Let me out. Liberate myself.

Liberate thyself?

In 2015 I ran a series on herothecoach.com with Sunday postings of podcasts to my liking. In 2017 I will be re-posting some of those blog posts, or posts with other podcast recommendations – and this is one of them, originally posted here – , mixing them up with new podcast recommendations. 

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Releasing criticism

August 6, 2017
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During the Christmas holidays I took long solitary walks along the beaches off the coast of Vejbystrand, where my mother lives. Beautiful landscape, highly varying weather, and great podcasts to keep me company, vejbystrandwhen I didn’t feel like walking in silence.

One of the podcasts I listened to was this one, the Good Life Project-interview with Tara Sophia Mohr, who said something to the likes of this:

Feedback tells me nothing of me, and everything about the person giving it. 

And I stopped in my stride. Went back on the podcast, and listened again, and yup, that’s what she said, Tara. That the feedback she get’s tells her everything about the feedback-giver, and nothing about herself.

Wow. I giggled a little to myself, and could imagine the amount of energy I’ve wasted on fully diving headlong into someone else criticism and feedback about me – taking it for truth. Scary almost, now that I think of it.

Now, she made it clear, that just because she doesn’t believe feedback tells her something about her, that she’s not interested in hearing it. On the contrary, she’s extremely interested in it – just because it tells her so much about those she’s interacting with.

Come to think of it, it’s been a while since I listened to this episode of Good Life Project, and I think I might take my own recommendation and re-listen to it the upcoming week.

What do you make of her statement? Agree? Disagree?

In 2015 I ran a series on herothecoach.com with Sunday postings of podcasts to my liking. In 2017 I will be re-posting some of those blog posts, or posts with other podcast recommendations – and this is one of them, originally posted here – , mixing them up with new podcast recommendations. 

 

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Headspace-hiccup

August 4, 2017
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headspace from 800+ to 1As I did my daily morning Headspace-meditation, my runstreak was reset from 800+ days to 1. Oh well. Perhaps I forgot yesterday? I might well have. Thing is, I can’t check. The Headspace-app allows me to see my Headspace-journey, but only what sessions I’ve done in which order, not the time/date for each (or at least, the last one). I know I did my 800th meditation in a row on Tuesday because I screenshotted and Instagrammed that joyous occation. I did the same today (less joyous though it might have been), and figure I will simply get back on the horse, but have a small nagging sensation of having done a quick Restore-session yesterday morning as well, so I sent off a rambling email to Headspace Support.

I’ve been meaning to email Headspace since the new update anyway, asking for a time/date-stamp and point out the oddity of their rewards-system which I don’t think is in sync with what seems resonable to be the general aim of Headspace (getting people to meditate, daily. Period.), so I added that (that’s the rambling part) to my general question:

Hi,
My Runstreak was reset today and I have a faint memory of doing a quick Restore-session yesterday (ie Thursday the 3rd of August). However as its still n o t possible to get the time stamp in my Journey (please add this! A feature like that in iMessage or Messenger – hold and time/date appears) I wonder if it was actually the 2nd that I did the last session previous to my quicky today (restore Friday 4th).

The o n l y good thing about having lost my runstreak of 800 days is that I will actually get some rewards again – you do Realize you are actually rewarding people for not keeping to their runstreak by sending out give-away-headspace for 15-30-90 etc up to 365 days and then zip, nada, zilch. And I don’t even get a Goal for my efforts. Oh well. Going slightly off topic here but as I wrote I might as well give you what’s in my mind. The old buddy-visual was better than the new one also, but thanks for re-adding buddy-runstreak at least.

Hoping to hear from you,
Helena

A while ago, I got into my head thinking “how awful it would be if I lost my pretty and long Headspace runstreak, which is so much moore impressive than it was last time I lost it“, so even though I bothered with sending the email, I am not upset, but rather am quite happy at observing my reaction at seeing the number 1 in my runstreak: Oh well. I must have forgotten to Headspace yesterday.

Not beating myself up. Not blaming myself for being stupid to loose my runstreak. Nothing of the sort. Just a simple “Oh well”, knowing it doesn’t really mean anything. I will continue doing my Headspace, because I like giving myself the gift of a few minutes that are mine, solely mine, each day.

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Being gentle to me – Reflection July ’17

July 31, 2017
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Being gentle to me, this past month, as been a lot about going with the flow.

It’s summertime.
There’s less assignments from clients.
Kids are off from school.

Paper borderSo I am doing that which I feel like doing, and not doing the rest.
Going on short excursions, overnight or just for the day.

Reading books I want to read – so I am. Loads of them! Going for walks I want to take – so I do. Same with the occasional run.

Haven’t felt like blogging this past week – so I haven’t. Before that, I did, daily.

Borrowed a steamer and got rid of the (very ugly) paper border in the dining room, that we just never got around to removing before. That was satisfyingly hard work, as was the hedge trimming (more like a massacre really) I did together with the neighbors.

Brought the guitar with me to my mom’s place, but have only played once so far. Will simply add dates at the end of my original 60 day-streak to make up for not playing daily.

Not putting any guilt trips on me, for that which I’m avoiding. I just am. Same goes with that which I am doing. I just am.

Welcome to my writings, where the underlying tone centers around being gentle to oneself. I reflect on a monthly basis on what that means to me, in the moment, and this is one of those reflections. I hope you enjoy it. If you do, please subscribe to updates so you won’t miss out on future reflections.

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Why we are here!

July 30, 2017
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Yesterday I had another one of those “Wow, this podcast is so good, I want to listen to it again, as soon as I’m done listening to it the first time around”-moments, and the podcast that made me all excited was the One You feed-episode with Glennon Doyle Melton.

I found a lot of really significant passages in the conversation in this podcast, and a few of them went straight to my heart. One of them centers on the habit we have of not sharing our vulnerability with each other. Glennon tells a story of when she wrote a post on Facebook, sharing her vulnerability in 25 bullets. The response was amazing and supportive, but also, people dared to show their vulnerability with her, after she had shown her. And she was struck by the fact that people she knew, she only really thought she knew, because there was so much pain and hard experiences in their life, that they had never shared with her. She shares her reaction to this, in the podcast:

I was pissed! Because what are we doing? Why are we even calling each other friends? We sit together and we’re talking about things that do not matter, and you’re in so much pain, and I have the same pain. This just gotta be what we’re here for: to talk about this stuff! 

hold backNow, why is it like that? Why do we barely go skin-deep? Why is it so hard to be vulnerable? Why do we hold back, from sharing our pains, losses, grievances, but also our joys, tender moments and highest wishes and dreams? And why do we believe the mind-made monsters about what will happen if we are wholehearted and vulnerable, when  in my experience, usually it’s the opposite. Yes, there will be haters, but haters will be haters, to quote Taylor Swift, and why should we (or I) let that stop me? And what I have received in love and connection on account of opening up and being vulnerable, far surpasses the “hate-responses”.

And still. I hold back. I shy away. I hold my tongue, for fear of the reaction, even though I know that if someone came to me with what I am dying to share, I would open my arms and heart and just hold a space for whomever it was who shared their vulnerability. Why don’t I think others would do the same for me? Isn’t that why we are here?

In 2015 I ran a series on herothecoach.com with Sunday postings of podcasts to my liking. In 2017 I will be re-posting some of those blog posts, or posts with other podcast recommendations – and this is one of them, originally posted here – , mixing them up with new podcast recommendations. 

 

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Where is away?

July 23, 2017
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I’ve written several times before about the podcast of Julia Butterfly Hill interviewed by Chris Martenson on Peak Prosperity. Find it on iTunes or here: http://www.peakprosperity.com/podcast/85294/julia-butterfly-hill-living-meaning

Here’s another part of that podcast that really hit me hard:
Unfortunately, in privileged societies, we are so disconnected from the impact of our choices. And one of the examples that I started using years ago that thankfully is now finally making it into the cultural conversation is:

When you say you are going to throw something away, where is away?

And the fact that we have that word proves how disconnected we have become because away is a place. And it is here. It might not be right in our backyard, but we all might have different houses; we share one home. There is no such thing as away. Away has people attached to it. It has places attached to it. It has animals attached to it. The fact that we think there is an “away” is a magnifying glass into how little we realize how much of a difference we truly make.

imageHonest to God, I’ve never really thought about it this way. I mean, my lifestyle has a smaller ecological footprint today that it did ten years ago, and I try to minimize it more, but still, I’ve never gone fully into the thought of AWAY not existing, of it being a place. Which of course it is!

Huh. Have to ponder that one even more I feel. And perhaps it’s time for another listen to this podcast, that really made me go Oh, Ah, Uhuh, over and over again. Did it provoke the same responses in you?

In 2015 I ran a series on herothecoach.com with Sunday postings of podcasts to my liking. In 2017 I will be re-posting some of those blog posts, or posts with other podcast recommendations – and this is one of them, originally posted here – , mixing them up with new podcast recommendations. As I was writing the post A Plastic Ocean I was reminded of Julia Butterfly Hill’s statement in the podcast interview on Peak Prosperity, when she says When you say you are going to throw something away, where is away?, and sure enough, just minutes after me thinking this, that exact point was made in the documentary as well. And it sure is a great point, for when you say you are going to throw something away, where is away?

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A Plastic Ocean

July 22, 2017
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Ziplocked berriesThis past week we’ve been hard at work picking all the berries from the garden. Red and black currants, raspberries and gooseberries. Today we finished off the last of it – with the possible exception of raspberries, we might get another liter or two from the garden with a bit of luck (and sunshine). As I was taking care of all the berries, bagging them and preparing them for the freezer, I watched the documentary A Plastic Ocean.

Far from a feel-good-documentary, but well worth the watch. But honestly, sometimes it get’s too much, hearing about horrendous amounts of harm the human species is capable of. Tonight was one of those nights, making me almost paralyzed with the futility of even making the smallest of efforts.

And yet, as I was bagging my berries in Ziploc plastic bags, I know that these are bags that will be reused, over and over again. Because I do reuse all the plastic bags I use (and they aren’t that many to be honest), after washing them out, having them dry off in the dish rack. I do make that effort, and gladly at that. Living in Malmö in Sweden, I also know that once the Ziploc bags are torn and I will throw them in the trash, they will go to the city incinerator, which generates a lot of heat for heating houses in town. Probably not the best idea anyway, burning plastic is far from ideal, but hopefully it will stay clear of becoming micro plastic in the oceans at least.

If you’ve yet to watch A Plastic Ocean, please do!

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Souls connecting

July 20, 2017
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Today I’ve spent the day walking in Christiania in Copenhagen with Anna and Becka, two ladies I would not know were it not for social media. Becky likes to tell the story of how she, three years ago, on her first day on Twitter, a total newbie, managed to send off a tweet, which I picked up on and immediately replied with a question if she’d like to guest blog for #skolvåren (aka #schoolspring) and the rest is history as they say. We’ve been friends ever since. But as she’s a Swedish lady living in Mexico (a Swexican!) we’ve not had an opportunity before now to meet in the flesh.Christiania

Becka and Anna also hooked up via social media, and Becka hooked me and Anna up… and yes, as you might surmise, the rest is history there as well! Me and Anna have met a number of times, as we live fairly close to each other, but today way the first time we each met Becka.Three friends meeting up in the flesh

It’s quite amazing how deep a connection can become between friends, without meeting physically. And then, when the opportunity arises to actually do meet up in the flesh – it just feels so natural, easy, like old friends meeting up after a long time apart. The connections made online deepen the connection possible upon meeting physically – this I’ve experienced time and time again, and it never ceases to amaze me. So now I sit here reflecting upon the day, with the wonderful taste of the Mexican drinking chocolate gifted to me by Becka in my mouth, and a warm happy feeling within.Mexican Chocolate

Across oceans, continents, time zones – souls connect regardless!

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