#blogg100

#blogg100 – Allow yourself the same.

#blogg100 – Allow yourself the same.

May 19, 2017
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”Give your children time to play without agenda,
to read without purpose,
to daydream without limits,
and to discover without fear.
Allow yourself the same.”

In a society giving praise to the highest possible efficiency, constantly striving for better, more, higher, larger, cheaper, I suspect the lines above might cause severe discomfort.

Without an agenda? Surely not! Must there not be an agenda, always knowing what we are headed for, what the goal is?

Reading without purpose, just for the…. fun of it? For the pleasure of it? Simply because it’s something we want to do. Not to get better, to learn, to widen our horizons, to sharpen our argumentative skills…. but simply, because we want to?

Dream without limits – oh no! Stay down, little one, you cannot break any glass ceilings, you are the wrong color, gender, sexuality, religion, ehtnicity…

And the last one.
Discover without fear.
Perhaps the one raising the most objections?
Fear. Ever-present, and almost revered.

Oh no, surely I cannot do that, it might be dangerous!

What, me? No way, there’s no way I can give a talk in front of onehundred people, I’d surely make a mess of it.

Get out of that tree, you might fall down, son!

Watch out for strangers, you never know what they might be up to!

When faced with phrases like this, we commiserate, nod sympathetically and share the sentiments… all the while sending the signal that this fear is real, it actually is something to avoid, that danger might befall you and your loved ones. But is it true? Is there – truly – danger ahead? Or are we simply paying too much attention on thoughts that don’t serve us at all?

discover without fear

What might we – I – discover, if the volume of the internal fear-monger is lowered? What might be experienced, learned, lived, if curiosity is allowed to take the place of fear? What’s there to discover?

Allow myself the same… If I don’t – what message am I sending my children and those around me? Is it the message I want to send?

#Blogg100 challenge in 2017 – post number 80 of 100.
The book “The parents Tao Te Ching” by William Martin.
English posts here, Swedish at herothecoach.com.

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#blogg100 – Beyond the word.

May 17, 2017
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Missing link“No one can give away wisdom. A teacher can only lead you to it via words, hoping you will have the courage to look within yourself and find it inside your own consciousness…

Beyond the word.”

Standing in front of a group, of fifty, sixty, seventy people, having a basic outline of what to say, what to point at, all the while knowing it’s precisely this that is needed for it to make any significant impact: for them to have the courage (or perhaps curiosity? What if we talk about it in terms of requiring curiosity rather than courage? Might it not be easier to step an inch into the unknown then? Curious invokes a less dangerous sensation within than Courage does, at least in me. What about you?) to look within. To consider what they hear, see, experience, to let it sit. Not outright rejecting what is said off hand, not necessarily swallowing it hook, line and sinker either. But truly, letting it sit within – tasting, feeling, sensing. Being open enough to try it out, looking at – and acting in! – the world from a different angle, gifting yourself a new perspective.

Going beyond the words of what I say, being quiet enough to hear what is voiced within. Perhaps, there you will find something new? Something – beyond the word – which makes your universe expand?

#Blogg100 challenge in 2017 – post number 78 of 100.
The book “The missing link” by Sydney Banks.
English posts here, Swedish at herothecoach.com.

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#blogg100 – On creation and criticism.

May 15, 2017
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“Works of art are of an infinite solitariness, and nothing is less likely to bring us near to them than criticism. Only love can apprehend and hold them, and can be just towards them. Decide each time according to yourself and your feelings in the face of every such declaration, discussion or introduction; if you should still be wrong, the natural growth of your inner life will lead you slowly in the course of time to other perceptions. Let your judgments have their own quiet, undisturbed development, which must, like all progress, come from deep within, and cannot in any way be pressed or hurried. It means everything to carry for the full time and then to bring forth. To allow every impression and every germ of a feeling to grow to completion wholly in yourself, in the darkness, in the unutterable, unconscious, inaccessible to your own understanding, and to await with deep humility and patience the hour of birth of a new clarity: that is alone what living as an artist means: in understanding as in creation.”

gerilla artOh.
How that rings true within me.

…nothing is less likely to bring us near to them than criticism. 

For sure, good can and might come out of criticism, but just imagine the amount of ”works of art” not born to this world, due to the fear of being criticized alone. And not but from others. I believe many have the most strident critic within them; stopping works of art from being born, out of fear of what inner or outer critics might (or might not!) say.

…the natural growth of your inner life will lead you slowly in the course of time to other perceptions.

So please. Create.
Knowing there’s no hurry. No rush.
Let it take its time and be whatever it wants to be.
But do not withhold that within you that which is to be, that which wants to be… perhaps even, that which must be?

It means everything to carry for the full time and then to bring forth.

Once born, it might not be, what you wanted it to. But the next creation, might. Or the one after.
In time, I believe it will. To get there, one has to let go, and let come, that which wants to happen.

#Blogg100 challenge in 2017 – post number 76 of 100.
The book “Letters to a Young Poet” by Rainer Maria Rilke.
English posts here, Swedish at
herothecoach.com.

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#blogg100 – Worthy of imitation.

May 13, 2017
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The parents Tao Te Ching is brimful of little nuggets (and large ones for that matter). Nuggets that makes me gasp for air, shake my head with regret at what I’ve omitted to give my children during their upbringing, nod in agreement, rejoice at having learned how to and what I actually have done as a role model for them… and every other sentiment available for a parent, regardless of the age of the children. Mine are seventeen going on eighteen, and twelve going towards thirteen.

kidsAs I read and experience all of the above mentioned, and then some, I don’t wallop myself over the head, blaming myself for not having been a better parent, damning myself for not doing that, or for doing this. No. What has been has been, and that’s as it should be. But I can look at it, what has been, and take it in – what I did, what I did not. Why I did, why I did not. Looking within, reflecting, daring myself to look in the mirror that the book holds up in front of me, and with an open heart and mind, look at my reflection.

Gently, I look at myself, at what I see, at what the past has to show me, and learn from it. Because there’s a lot of road ahead of me, as a parent, still. It is not too late to ask for forgiveness, for those things I’ve done or not, that might have been harmful in some way. Acknowledging it, and, more importantly, learning from it. Trying out new ways to parent, new ways of relating to my precious children, as they are fast approaching adulthood. Being the best parent and person I can, in words as well as action. Because, and we all know this, and it’s one of the first quotes in the foreword to the book as well, in the words of James Baldwin:

”Children have never been very good at listening to what their parents tell them, but they never fail to imitate them.”


And as they come of age, being a role model worthy of imitation has never felt as important. Giving me great cause to continue to learn, to grow, expand as a human being. To continue to walk the path of my life, with gentleness and curiosity, making sure I grasp every opportunity to laugh and enjoy life to it’s utmost.

#Blogg100 challenge in 2017 – post number 74 of 100.
The book “The parents Tao Te Ching” by William Martin.
English posts here, Swedish at herothecoach.com.

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#blogg100 – Gentle care.

May 11, 2017
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gentle care”Treat yourself with gentle care.”

The theme for this entire website centers on being gentle towards myself. It is something which I have had to learn how to be; during my upbringing and entry into adulthood, I got extremely good at the opposite, at being very harsh with myself, rather than gentle. So I’ve worked hard at ridding myself of dictatorial and judgemental inner voices, slowly releasing them, paying less and less attention to their commands, understanding – after a while – that I truly did not have to take the word of the inner voices as Truth, as Orders, as something which I had to abide by.

”Treat yourself with gentle care.”

Yesterday I got a new opportunity. I have assignments to complete, and had, at the same time, promised my presence in another project all day today… and the two simply do not add up. So I cringe, falter, hesitate, feel embarrassed that I cannot live up to my promise to take part in the meetings planned for today… and finally come to the conclusion, that I have a choice. Between the two. One or the other will have to take top priority today, both cannot. And I chose. I chose the assignments, that are sorely late as they are, and given other assignments the upcoming days, if I did not, they would fall even farther behind.

”Treat yourself with gentle care.”

The relief in making a decision. In communicating it. And in having the most wonderful gentle response back – with understanding, and a great capacity for work-arounds, my presence will be missed, yes, but the meetings will take place anyway, and will be well-managed at that. I could have been faced with harshness, with hurt and a wish to impose feelings of shame and inability to live up to promises. I was not, and for that I am grateful, but even if I had – the fact still remains: I have a choice, and I chose. So now I will throw myself wholeheartedly into the assignments of the day, making sure I give it my full attention, with no sense of regret. This is what is, and it is as it should be.

If anything, I am patting myself on the back, prodly telling myself how good I’m gotten at treating myself with gentle care!

#Blogg100 challenge in 2017 – post number 72 of 100.
The book “The parents Tao Te Ching” by William Martin.
English posts here, Swedish at herothecoach.com.

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#blogg100 – Love, my heritage.

May 9, 2017
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“Demand no advice from them and reckon with no understanding; but believe in a love that is preserved for you like a heritage, and trust that in this love there is a strength and a blessing which you are not bound to leave behind you though you may travel far!”

I read the words Rilke wrote many years ago, and am able to rest in them. To rest in the love, preserved for me, like a heritage. There, always, however far and wide I might travel, always and already within me. In the same way as Home is within me. Always and already. Not created outside of me; it resides within me.

“But your solitude will be your home and haven even in the midst of very strange conditions, and from there you will discover all your paths.”

heritageRilke continues to write about Home, and I know deep with in, there are new paths ahead, paths to explore, with curiosity and an open mind.

Honestly though – what does it mean these lines of his? Does it mean anything; does it even have to? Can I simply rest in the fact that the words speaks to me as I read them, there is something there, a message? A confirmation? Listening beyond the words, I am embraced by the feeling within, and it is all good. A knowing that the strength and blessing truly is there for me, for us, regardless of what paths lie ahead.

#Blogg100 challenge in 2017 – post number 70 of 100.
The book “Letters to a Young Poet” by Rainer Maria Rilke.
English posts here, Swedish at herothecoach.com.

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#blogg100 – Limitations taken upon myself.

May 6, 2017
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”It may be interesting to ask,
What limitations have I,
unthinking,
taken upon myself?
It is very difficult for you child’s horizons
to be greater than your own.
Do something today that pushes
against your own preconceptions.
Then take your child’s hand
and gently encourage her to do the same.”

The event horizon calling me again.
Calling out to me, holding me. Safe in the knowledge that it’s not dangerous to cross over, to step beyond the edge of the known, into the wholly unknown.
Into realms brand new to me.

That in and of itself is possibly one of the greatest gifts I have to give, to myself, my children, friends and family and all those around.
The very fact of owning the concept of the event horizon, not intimidated – or, if so, at times, still not turning around, running away as fast as I can, but staying put – nor frightened – or, if so, at times, still not turning around, running away as fast as I can, but staying put.

Staying put… but not forever. Slowly inching forward Mark Nepo-style; an inch into the unknown.

Mark Nepo

If I manage this, not all the time, but enough times, then I will be pushing against my own preconceptions. There’s no way not to. By doing that, the limitations I’ve taken upon myself, unthinking, will become fewer and fewer. (Albeight they might be joined by new ones, brand new limitations, falling in line after the old and familiar ones.)

Living by example; not a burden, but a gift.
(Possibly a gift in the way the stinging nettle is a gift. If not careful, it will hurt, at least temporarily, as I pick it, to make the most yummy green smoothies, feta cheese-and-nettle-pie and nettle pesto. But the richness of all I can do with the stinging nettle, is more than enough reward when compared to the potential drawback and occational sting. The moments of me experiencing the burden of living by example are few and far apart; I neither shy away from them nor do I chase after them, becoming overwhelmed if and as they occur. I can be present to them, experience them, and let go…)

#Blogg100 challenge in 2017 – post number 67 of 100.
The book “The parents Tao Te Ching” by William Martin.
English posts here, Swedish at herothecoach.com.

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#blogg100 – Show up and be seen.

May 5, 2017
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“Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it’s having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome. Vulnerability is not weakness; it’s our greatest measure of courage.”

I read the words of Brené Brown and inhale sharply, almost gasping at the air. perfect me

Knowing this is where I am at.
A moment of truth.
A time to show up and be seen, with absolutely no control whatsoever of the outcome.
Time to be vulnerable, showing up wholeheartedly, not leaving any part of me behind.

Showing up, as me.
Being seen, as me.
The perfectly imperfect and flawed human being I am;
on display.

Do I have the grace to pull it off?
Am I courageous enough to face whatever may come, whatever may happen?

#Blogg100 challenge in 2017 – post number 66 of 100.
The book “Rising strong” by Brené Brown.
English posts here, Swedish at
herothecoach.com

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#blogg100 – Learning by doing.

May 1, 2017
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Parents tao te chingSitting in the most serene and relaxing surroundings, ensconced on a day bed in the light filled relax room at the Ystad Salt Creek Spa, I pick up one of the books I brought with me. The parents Tao Te Ching, by William Martin. I’m at the spa, together with my eldest child, and am finally at exactly the right time and place for this book. And is it ever just right. The beauty. Simplicity. Gentle nudgings, in the form of questions or statements, making me nod, cringe, smile, rue past behavior, happily bring to mind moments of great connection… all of which is a part of my parenting. That, and so much more.

”Mature adults don’t necessarily create children, but children help create mature adults.” 

For me it is definitely due to my children that I have grown into the person I am today. Parenting, hard, tricky, filled with trap doors and hidden fears, made me go into therapy, ages ago. And since then, it’s been a wonderful journey, walking the way of life (which, incidentally is one way to translate Tao). High’s and low’s abound, as well as shallow middle ground, getting through the days, one after the other.

”Making babies – having children – is a capacity bestowed by biology, but raising them well is an art we learn by doing.”

I for one am definitely still in the learning by doing-phase of parenting, that’s for certain.

#Blogg100 challenge in 2017 – post number 62 of 100.
The book “The parents Tao Te Ching” by William Martin.
English posts here, Swedish at
herothecoach.com.

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#blogg100 – Close your eyes.

April 29, 2017
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“That the deaf man cannot hear
the sound of the crashing ocean
waves, or the blind man cannot
see the beauty of an autumn sky,
does not mean the sea and the
sky do not exist.

So, like the blind man, close
your eyes.

Like the deaf man, block your
ears; go inside and realize… that
which you seek has been there,
within you, all along.

This is when the blind will see
and the deaf will hear.”

crashing waves

#Blogg100 challenge in 2017 – post number 60 of 100.
The book “The Missing Link” by Sydney Banks.
 Page 43.
English posts here, Swedish at herothecoach.com.

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