Wholehearted

Wholeheartedness – Reflection June ’17

Wholeheartedness – Reflection June ’17

June 1, 2017
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A month has passed, when I could no longer deny the soft whisperings of wisdom from within. I cried, I wrote, I refused to see the obvious, as it was laid out in front of me… but with the help of good friends, I finally opened my eyes, my mind and my heart, so that I could see – with all senses – what I have been trying to deny, for some time now.

I first spoke it into the world, in a sharing circle, with three wise ladies who simply held me. No words necessary; held in a loving silence, embraced by warmth and acceptance. A safe haven to give birth to this insight.

And, like with learning to ride a bike, or learning how to read, once it’s learned – it cannot be unlearned. The same is valid here. Once I’d spoken this truth into the world, it became solid. Impossible for me to continue to ignore.

farewell. and welcomeIt’s not been a fast process. It’s taken its time. Like a child in the womb, needing nine months to develop, this too, has been a period of gestation, needing months to develop. And finally – I was ready for it. In pain, in joy; both dreading and rejoicing in the occasion.

With my whole heart, I am taking steps forward, expanding into a new reality.

Letting go; letting come.
Farewell. And welcome!

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Wholeheartedness – Reflection May ’17

May 4, 2017
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Dropping all againstness. No. Not even dropping it. Not an act, I’ve not deliberately dropped anything, it simply vanished, disappeared into thin air. No more struggling against that which is, against that which is not, trying to transform what is or is not into the opposite position.

Feeling scared. At first.
Feeling ashamed. As well.

And then… those feelings went the same way as all my againstness; one day, simply gone.

Now. A touch of sadness remains, but also tranquility. I am with the isness of it all; nothing more, nothing less. Just that. All of it. In the isness, all that is, and all that is not is contained; held in a space of love where all is, as it is.

Wholehearted?
You bet! All of it. Every last piece of it. It’s all there.isness

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Wholeheartedness – Reflection April ’17

April 1, 2017
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Ghost in the shellSitting in bed after having a slow morning. Went to the movies last night, the late night show, which I never ever go to. Except yesterday. And it was a nice break from what I usually do. Before the movies my friend Michael Sillion had thrown out an invitation to a #FutureDinner in the universe, and we ended up being five people at Satori, eating, talking, connecting; going deep.

It was a great experience, and I feel as if I’ve been shaken from my complacent and slightly lethargic “non-routine of socializing”, because truth be told, I’ve become more of a recluse since me and hubby separated, than any of us would have thought. I think I’ve needed it, but now, I think I need to start to aim myself outwards again. I mean, I am all about the inside and boy do I ever listen closely to whatever wants to happen, from within. But it’s time, to also listen more to what wants to happen without – me in the company of others. Wholeheartedly.

When Michael made the invite, I was so close to saying No thank you. Without really thinking about it. I managed to stop myself though, and deliberately decided to break out of my rut, by saying Yes, thank you, I’d love to join you!

It takes effort.
It’s easier, and less exhausting, to simply stay within the narrow confines of home and closest family. But I want more now. I want different. I want to spice up life, with other peoples input, thoughts, ideas, strange beliefs making me go: Huh, never thought about that, how fascinating!

So – anybody wanna join me and the kids for dinner tonight?

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#blogg100 – Rising strong.

March 18, 2017
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The intention I set for 2017 is wholeheartedness, and the book Rising strong by Brené Brown that I read in 2016 played a great part in making it so.

“Rising strong after a fall is how we cultivate wholeheartedness in our lives;
it’s the process that teaches us the most about who we are.”

Rising StrongRising strong. Means what?
To you? I don’t know.
To me – living, falling down, getting up, showing up, vulnerable and courageous; and still to keep on. One step at a time.

“We need more people who are willing to demonstrate what it looks like to risk and endure failure, disappointment, and regret – people willing to feel their own hurt instead of working it out on other people, people willing to own their stories, live their values, and keep showing up.”

When I am with people who do this, who step out on a limb, who demonstrate what life is all about, they grant me space to do the same. They don’t hog the space, don’t steal the lime light from me and you and the rest of us. On the contrary I would say. They make the light shine so brightly, so far and wide, that we are all in it, we all have the space and place to be who we are. With all the trapping of human life on earth.

Brené Brown is a qualitative reasearcher, specifically a grounded theory researcher, and as such, she’s interviewed thousands of people on the topics she’s focussing her theory on. And what she found to be the common trait of people who live wholeheared lives is this:

“They’re curious about the emotional world and they face discomfort straight-on.”

For me, my whole life started to pivot once I stopped being afraid of whom I might meet when I looked within, when I started to be curious instead. Now, meeting me, within me, or in meeting you, is the most fascinating exploration of all – never really knowing what might pop up, and in constant wonderment, rather than the fear of “bad traits”, of jealousy and greed, of stingyness and weakness. No. I don’t fear myself anymore, the light and the shadow both are welcome. More than welcome even, greatly anticipated! Jumping up and down on the spot, eagerly awaiting the coming of what-ever-may-be, like a small child waiting for a favorite uncle. Ready to face it, come what may. Thrills and lows alike, warmly embraced and faced.

#Blogg100 challenge in 2017 – post number 18 of 100.
The book “Rising strong” by Brené Brown.
English posts here, Swedish at
herothecoach.com.

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Wholeheartedness – Reflection February ’17 

February 1, 2017
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A month of having wholeheartedness as my intention for the year.
staying togetherA month of breakthroughs.
Where me and my husband have made a decision to stay together while continuing to live apart.

Where I have seen patterns of old, patterns that no longer serve me or anyone around me for that matter. And just seeing patterns like this, means they start to fall apart, no longer the easiest route for my system to revert to when triggered. The path no longer represents the automatic and unconcious way ahead.

Where I see how easy it is for me to say Yes. To be open to opportunity, to possibility. Saying Yes, and learning new things. And yet. Also cramming my schedule. Knowing I can fit it all in, deliver the goods…. with the cost of putting myself on the backburner. As a solopreneur, once in a while this is a wise move. Given one thing: that I take extra care of myself these upcoming months, ensure I stick to my daily rituals, that so vitalize me, makes me nourish connections and be aware of the contribution I am bringing to the world.

A month of deep inner discovery and exploration. Of expansion. This word that so lights me up. It’s like a balloon for me – filling with gas, rising higher and higher. Seeing more, encompassing more, taking in more. And at the same time, not just having focus on the “more”, but also revelling in all that is. The mix of the new and the old, that which has been within me for a long time, and that which is new. In fertile soil, new things sprout from the collisions of new and old, growth results, and I, I am walking around in my internal garden, like a happy gardener, tending, caring for, watering and weeding, as needed.

A month that makes me grateful for being alive. For living and breathing. Wholeheartedly.

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