knitting

Sources of joy

Sources of joy

May 16, 2018
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Sources of joyThe GIFTED book club.
Choir practice.
An evening of playing cards with my eldest.
Deeply immersed in a book that is riveting in one way or another.
Knitting!
Recording my upcoming podcast.
Receiving feedback from a participant in the pre-school-staff programme me and Pernilla have been running for a year, bringing tears to my eyes as I read about life-changing experiences.
Laughing with a friend.
Feeling the strength of my body as it takes me back and forth across town on my bike.
Slowly tilting my face up towards the sun, feeling the warmth of it, after months of cold weather.
The butterfly flitting around in my flowering garden.

You know what?
I could write and write and write here, boring you all to bits, because there’s so much joy to be found. Everywhere! I mean – truly!

God.
I’ve gone all Pollyanna here, haven’t I?

I mean… who would have thought I’d ever be able to state, emphatically, that I find sources of joy in things such as folding dry laundry, boiling some water and pouring it in a cup with a few leaves from the garden (walnut, back currant, raspberry and a moroccan mint-leaf), pouring a large glass of green smoothie and plonking myself down with it on the stairs to the garden to drink it while reading the morning paper, receiving a surprise postcard from a friend and colleague from a spur-of-the-moment visit to New York and any number of small and seemingly insignificant events, activities and interactions.

Well. This is the way it is. Most of the time. Not always, of course not always, but surprisingly often, I don’t see ”drab everyday life”. I see sparkles and magic, experience gratefulness and joy; so if you want to, feel free to call me Pollyanna.

Do you have any sources of joy that are a surprise to you, as you start to reflect upon the concept?

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Being gentle to me – Reflection February ’17

February 27, 2017
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It’s been an odd month. A lot of hopelessness and despair, frustration and fear, surrounding me. So what have I been doing to be gentle to me, under these conditions? Well… I’ve let myself off the hook, in many ways. I’ve let up on some of the requirements I normally meet, have let my confused and muddled mind be. A lot of knitting, which for me is a very relaxing activity, where my brain can simply let go. A lot of The Good Wife on Netflix, which works perfectly together with the knitting. I’ve not had the wherewithal to read, so no books. I’ve not been able to make myself focus on some aspects of work, so less of that as well. I’ve done the top priority activities, but cut back on the rest.

Wellbeing picking up againAnd now?
Well. The wellbeing is picking up, on all fronts, mine as well as for those in my surroundings. And it makes it easier to start to focus again, to get into the aspects of work that I’ve not been able to make myself sit down with in the past month. The items that require a bit more from me, a coherent thought, an arc of intention, that demands my full attention. And today, for the first time in a few weeks, I finally truly felt that again. So I enjoyed it, getting into the flow of things, of digging around in a system, searching for the common thread, pondering the best way to recreate it, into a new system, utilizing the best from the old, and trying to let go of the less good bits.

And throughout it all – this underlying knowing that it’s not forever. It will not last, the sense of hopelessness, the lack of energy due to despair. It cannot. Nothing ever does. The flux of life will pick up it’s frequency again, starting to swing back and forth, back and forth, providing me with high’s and low’s. Coupled with the knowledge that whatever it is I am not doing, is noting that won’t keep, the worst case scenarios of me not giving it my all – for a month – simply aren’t that bad, even if I use all of my imagination.

So. Being gentle to me this past month has been about cutting myself some slack, allowing me to recharge my batteries and giving me space to simply Be.

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Reverting to maker-mode

February 20, 2017
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It’s chaotic inside of me, as someone close is suffering. It affects me, as a lot of thoughts pop into my mind, about the fate and future of this one soul; what I can do, or not do; thought on a society that has let the rights of a few be more important than the needs of the many.

This makes me weary. Lacking in energy. It’s as if I’ve grown lackluster, myself. I am ever grateful that I’ve learned to be gentle towards myself, and to let myself be, in a situation as this, rather than push hard and beat myself up for not living up to the highest possible standards (mine, that is). Because I have a hard time to focus, truth me told.

click clackSo I retreat, after doing what I am capable of doing workwise, and then… I knit. With an unfinished sock in my hands, the gentle click clack of the knitting needles, and the tendency to get sore fingers from the slightly coarse organic wool/nettle-yarn, that I so love, my mind is free to simply be. No demands. No expectations. To be let off the hook of accomplishments and deadlines, I revert to maker-mode and rejuvenate. If it was warmer outside, I might be putting my hands into soil, cultivating my garden, but given a few degrees plus, rain and fog-filled grey days with gusts of wind that cut to the bone, I stay inside, my fingers find a similar sense of satisfaction in turning the yarn into a thing, a creation, something that can be used, providing warmth and beauty both.

I know. It will not last forever. Something will give, the situation will resolve itself, somehow – and I pray for it to turn out as best it can – and I will revert to my normal level of energy and accomplishment. In the meantime, I settle into the couch, throw a woolen blanket over my legs, and pick up the knitting needles, click clacking myself into peace of mind.

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Not much good for anything

November 22, 2016
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My mind was wandering. Constantly checking social media, email, SMS. Desperate for a hit of connection. So I said to myself: Stop. No more. Take a break and do something else. You’re not much good for anything right now. 

So I took out the yarn and needles and pattern for a wool sweater that I bought in Visby this summer. I’ve just cast a quick glance or two on the pattern before, realizing I would need to sit down for quite some time, in order to get started. Having procrastinated on getting started for four months, now was the time. Turned on the Good Life Project Ambassador VIMEO that I missed out on Thursday last week, and plonked down in the sofa.

Listening, and knitting. Knitting, and listening.

Once Jonathan was done, I was in full swing and wanted to carry on knitting. Remembered my friend Michael Sillion having suggested a youtube-clip with Seth Godin to me, so Seth became my second companion for the afternoon. Now I feel much calmer, centered, and both inspired and proud of myself. Jonathan and Seth gave me both intellectual and spiritual challenges to contemplate, and I got started on the sweater.knitting

As I didn’t have any pressing items on my To Do-list this afternoon, I let myself be. I let the jittery non-focussed me have an opportunity to slow down and refocus. That was a deliberate choice I made. Turned out the not-much-good-for-anything-state of mind that I was in earlier, actually turned out to be a much-good-for-knitting-and-taking-in-some-challenging-input-state of mind. Who would have known?

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