Monthly Archives September 2019

Willing myself to write

Willing myself to write

September 30, 2019
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It’s past ten pm, I have yet to blog and finish a meditation challenge-activity as well as send off a challenging activity of my own to my digital #tankespjärn client, before I hop into bed. Pop the cat is draped elegantly across the sofa, right next to me, my guess is he’ll run after me once I get off the couch, to beat me to bed.

I am not really in blogging-mode, and yet, here I am, willing myself to write. You see, these past months I’ve not made time for blogging in my extremely jam-packed calendar, and it affects me. I ground myself when I write; I become aware of what I am, where I am, who I am when I sit down to let my fingers tip-toe across the keyboard. So the fact that I’ve been a busy bee coupled with the fact that I haven’t blogged is starting to take its toll. Blogging is a part of my wellbeing practice.

Had a friend suggest I ”just write, you don’t need to publish it”. But that’s just it. I don’t ”just write”. Or at least, way too seldom. Publishing my writings is what makes me write, especially as I have the intention to blog daily. That means I write daily, and that is of huge benefit to me.

So here I sit. Ten past ten at night, after a long day of three different networking meetings, four almost-half-hour bike rides, and both choir and guitar practice. Writing. Getting into the habit of blogging daily again. A habit that serves me.

Possibly I should take a helicopter view of my blogging routine, and set up a new set of intentions. Perhaps daily isn’t optimal? Perhaps it should be every other day, perhaps only on weekdays, perhaps… well. Who knows. For now, though, getting back on the horse again seems like the wisest thing I can do.

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Lame Deer, Seeker of Visions (book 9 of 12)

September 29, 2019
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in Tip
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“The way to power is by giving, not by taking.”

I got it from Sara. She read it, marking the pages where she found little gems of wisdom and insight, and then mailed it to me.  And I, in turn, made it one of my twelve English books of the year: Lame Deer, Seeker of Visions by John (Fire) Lame Deer and Richard Erdoes. The book was first published the year I was born, 1972, and the copy I was gifted is an enriched classic published 1994.

“A fascinating story” is a blurb by Library Journal included in the preface. And yes. It is. Spanning high and low, delving into Lame Deers personal life as well as ancient stories such as that of White Buffalo Woman, dipping a toe into the use of herbs as medicine and components of rituals, and much more.

There are several passages I found of great interest, here are two providing me with great amounts of tankespjärn:
“A medicine man shouldn’t be a saint. He should experience and feel all the ups and downs, the despair and joy, the magic and the reality, the courage and the fear, of his people. He should be able to sink as low as a bug, or soar as high as an eagle. Unless he can experience both, he is no good as a medicine man. Sickness, jail, poverty, getting drunk – I had to experience all that myself. Sinning makes the world go round. You can’t be so stuck up, so inhuman that you want to be pure, your soul wrapped up in a plastic bag, all the time. You have to be God and the devil, both of them. Being a good medicine man means being right in the midst of the turmoil, not shielding yourself from it. It means experiencing life in all its phases. It means not being afraid of cutting up and playing the fool now and then. That’s sacred too.
Nature, the Great Spirit – they are not perfect. The world couldn’t stand that perfection. The spirit has a good side and a bad side. Sometimes the bad side gives me more knowledge than the good side.”

“This kind of medicine man is neither good nor bad. He lives – and that’s it, that’s enough. White people pay a preacher to be ‘good’, to behave himself in public, to wear a collar, to keep away from a certain kind of woman. But nobody pays an Indian medicine man to be good, to behave himself and be respectable. The wicasa wakan just acts like himself. He has been given the freedom – the freedom of a tree or a bird. That freedom can be beautiful or ugly; it doesn’t matter much.”

How different this is to the way the culture of the world I perceive myself a part look at it. We strive for goodness, for the perfect gurus, damning each and everyone forever if there were ever a speck of dust marring their perfect image. We do it for politicians and business leaders, for holy men and women and artists, for anyone we want to put on a pedestal.

Being put on a pedestal, never be allowed to slip up, make a mistake, falter. Neither here and now, in the future nor for that matter, in times gone by.  Could there ever be a position I’d want less than that one?


The book I am blogging about is part of the book-reading challenge I’ve set for myself during 2019, to read and blog about 12 Swedish and 12 English books, one every other week, books that I already own.

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Follow up – August 2019 – As I am.

September 14, 2019
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I intend to go through my intentions for the year at the end of each month. This gives me a monthly reminder of my intentions as well as ample space for reflection and possible adjustment.

August. For the first year in a long time I have worked quite a bit more than usual, and August has been a month filled with work.

2019. The year when I will…

* have my bodily wellbeing in focus by:

  • continuing with my daily Seven accompanied by burpees: ✅
  • Headspace Meditate daily: ✅I will change this from Headspace daily to meditate daily. After five years I have decided not to renew my headspace subscription. Daily meditations is something I intend to continue with though, rest assured! I have loved Headspace and I highly appreciate Andi Puddicombe… and yet. It’s time for something new.
  • run a minimum of  75 runs –> run-when-I-feel-like-it-intention: Not even once.
  • take cold (outdoors) baths as often as I can – and add to this by taking cold showers: I long for some colder water! And will continue to head down to the ocean as often as I can so that I will simply glide into cold baths in parallell with the water temperature dropping.
  • dance Lindy hop as often as I can (taking a class during the spring, and then there’s the social dancing as well!): Oh yes indeed, at long last! A few dance sessions in August, and I have my dance partner Dennis to thank for getting me going! And soon the class will commence again. I can’t wait!
  • continuing to ride my bike and walk as much as possible: walked just short of 120 and bikedjust shy of 350 kilometers. Lots of kilometers in my body during August! I love it and my body does too – this past year I have had a kind of urge to get “at least 10 km in my body” on a daily basis.

* have my mental and spiritual wellbeing in focus by:

  • reading at least 75 books, of which 12 in Swedish and 12 in English already have been chosen. These 12 + 12 I will be blogging about: Read 49/75 books. Blogged about The Underground Railroad (book 8 of 12 in English) and Factfulness (the corresponding Swedish one).
  • learn at least five songs by heart including lyrics on the guitar, which will be made possible by my aim at ten minutes of guitar playing on a daily basis: Guitar lessons are on again, and the realization that I have to decide which five songs to learn by heart is becoming clearer by the day. So… to make life easier for myself, I decide right here and now: Shallow, Utan mina andetag, Still haven’t found what I am looking for, Try and Annie’s song. Have jotted them down in my BuJo and have written the song titles in the weekly ToDo-columns.
  • I will let the wonderful book The book of Awakening by Mark Nepo be my daily companion: Nope, still not fully into the routine of reading the daily text. I will put the book on my nightstand table to see if that might do the trick.
  • hold digital 24-hour sabbats at least twice a month: In August I held two digital sabbats, on August 2-3 and 9-10. In September I plan for the same on 7-8, 20-21 and 27-28.

* have creation in focus by:

  • booking at least four two-day writing retreats during the year: Last month I blocked my calendar, and have to move the first one forward one day to the 13-14th of September. With a little bit of luck I will be accompanied by my soul sister in October! These are the dates: 13-14 September, 28-28 October, 11-12 November, 9-10 December.
  • keeping up with daily Facebook Lives for as long as there’s energy in doing it:
  • blog daily: More or less back on track.
  • start to pod: Have cut 7 episodes with 15 to go… so I had better block off some calendar time for this work as well. 19, 26, 27 September. Check!
  • release (at least) 4 e-books in 2019: thoughts are swirling, nothing concretized as of yet. The chances of this happening might just have gotten better as well, given the fact that I have marked writing retreats in my calendar?

* have financial husbandry in focus by:

  • sowing, sowing and sowing a little bit more; on a weekly basis intentionally work on my various income streams: ✅
  • keep tabs on my set invoicing goal on a monthly basis: ✅I reached my set goals in January and March and in August! Whoop! Did not in February, April, May, June and July (the two latter not so surprising).
  • keep an accounts book on private income and expenses: Getting back on track in conjunction with doing this blog post [in Swedish], as I get a kick in the butt when I read this intention. Mentally however, this is top of mind, I am much more aware and conscious concerning both income (privately it’s mostly a matter of rent from AirBnB, which has paid off the journeys of this summer) and expenses.

And finally – on all levels – experiment and play, experience pleasure and exploring and challenging myself, all the while being gentle to myself: Reflecting and writing, have intense and intimate conversations, have spent an absurd amount of time with Caspian and the premier of his Sunday Service was a lovely event (Thanks Brother from another mother and the family box for the music!), a visit to Arken with Heléne, a walk from Vejbystrand to Torekov with my dear brother, Sigge the Dog visiting, lindy-hopping at Moriskan and down by the beach, a visit to Stockholm with a multitude of great meetings and a gloriously challenging weekend with the Better Globe-gang, being a volunteer at Backyard Sessions and a spontaneous disco at Saras place.A lovely month all in all!

 

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