Monthly Archives October 2019

Ebook in the making

Ebook in the making

October 29, 2019
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Here I am. Day two of my writing retreat with Sara, and I am busy, but not writing, at least not as much as yesterday. You see. I had an(other) epiphany last night: At this very moment, I have 1768 posts on my Swedish blog and 527 on my English. Soon 528, once this goes live. It’s a gold mine! A lot of these just short of 2300 posts are really good, and it’s a shame that I don’t make more of them.

I have had “create an ebook” on my intention for this year, without taking action, and truth be told, I’ve had it on my radar for at least 3-4 years by now. It. Is. Time. To. Act.

I am acting.
I’ve downloaded bookwright from Blurb that I am fairly used to working with that program, and am busy creating my first ebook. To make it as easy as possible for myself, I am ebooking (is that a verb? If not, it is now!) my Doing Gentle-series of which there are 45 blog posts with an added monthly Being Gentle-reflection, which I figure will make a great ebook or two.

(The truly observant person will, at this point, scratch their head, going Hm… Wasn’t she on another mission? To write and schedule at least 7 blog posts, to get her set up to ensure there’s more time to review and rewrite blog posts?

Yes. You are right. I was. I am. It’s just… today there’s energy for ebooking, which there hasn’t been before. Ever. So, when the urge hit me, I decided to go with the flow.

Dumb move? Well. We won’t ever know, will we? And anyway, it’s not a life-or-death-matter, and… come to think of it, perhaps there’s a way to get both these missions of mine accomplished. I want to reuse material and I want to create time to review and trim texts that are as yet unpublished. Perhaps I should set up a reposting-scheme, reusing existing blog posts on a more regular basis, like I did with my #ThrowbackThursday-posts in 2016?)

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There are darlings to be killed

October 28, 2019
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You should write and publish with a delay, so you have time to go back and review/rewrite your posts after a few days, a week, or so, he said, giving me something to ponder.

And yes.
I should.
And more importantly.
I want to.

Because I know the quality of my texts would improve if I did. If I write, leave be for a while, and then revisit my texts, it’s easier to kill darlings when there are darlings to be killed; easier to twist and turn the text to ensure the message is clear as can be: easier to sense into the relevance of the text.

When I give myself (and you, dear reader) this gift, my texts are better, more to the point, hold greater clarity and fewer detours and/or dead ends.

I should.
And more importantly.
I want to.

And…. this has repercussions. Because I don’t have seven days worth of blog posts planned and scheduled. Let alone fourteen days worth. Which is where I ”should be at” if I want to make this shift.

Luckily, at this very moment I am sitting opposite Sara, who lovingly invited herself to come join me for one of my planned writing retreats. Since we’ve done writing retreats together with much success on previous occasions, I happily accepted, and now, sitting here, I know I am beholden to her. Without her presence, I would most likely be running circles around myself, doing anything but w r i t e, just like I did my last attempt.

So I give myself a mission to get seven days worth of blog posts in the pipeline, thereby giving me the opportunity to write, and revisit, before publishing.

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I am a beginner.

October 8, 2019
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in Tip

At long last, I switch from Mail to Spark on my MacBook, cheered on by Caspian. And all of a sudden, it’s as if I am a beginner again. Spark works differently than Mail, which in turned worked – and looked – like any other email-software I’ve used at least in the last ten years or so. Not a lot of changes, regardless if I’ve upgraded or changed the software I use to check my email.

But this…
Something else.
New functionality.
Completely different mindset compares to ”the old geezers” of email-software.
(And yes, Gmail has played around a bit with new functionality as well.)

So. I am a beginner. Having to start anew. Learn the new functions, how to navigate, archive and delete, how to sync my folders from Mail to here… or rather, the folders from my Exchange server that are visible in Mail but were nowhere to be found in Spark. Until I started to actually do the work of getting to know this new software.

Can be challenging. Especially if I am under the illusion of not having enough time, being stressed or at least so busy that every single new thing just feels like a burden.

And yet… oh how I love it. I love changes!
Love feeling like a rookie; it’s almost as if I can feel my neural pathways getting all confused, running around haphazardly up there (in my brain), until… slowly but steadily, the new neural pathways generated by my rookie-ness start to become solidified. By then, the old ones are starting to degenerate, and soon enough I will be a rookie at Spark no more.

Luckily, by then, I will have found something new to be a rookie at!

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Defense mechanisms

October 7, 2019
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Defense mechanisms.
How powerful they are.
They run automatically in situations where something (what? The soul? My psyche? That which is beyond human, the greater force behind all in the universe, Mind?) triggers me. Runs to protect me. It’s like a script triggered by a series of logical if-this-then-that-sequences gets flipped into action, and bam, I am no longer consciously running the show that is my life, but rather a passive bystander, possibly bearing witness. More likely a puppet, arms, and legs flailing, a defense mechanism in full swing.

How grateful I am that they exist, as they do what they are named for. They do defend me. Once in awhile though, they are triggered by a faulty sequence, having me defending myself, when there is nothing – or no-one – to defend myself against. I can also learn to go into a specific defense mechanism because it’s come to be a habit. Serving a purpose once upon a time, but no more. Where the trigger switch is a remnant of days long gone, making me react on a faulty premise.

I like observing. Myself. Others. Individual as well as group dynamics. Sometimes it’s hard not to ache for those whos defense mechanisms no longer defends them. Quite the opposite. The defense mechanism of old has turned into a self-inflicting wound of today, triggered, again and again.

Without the power of observation and the habit of reflection (and doing gentle, by God, doing gentle towards oneself while reflecting!) it must feel like being repeatedly stabbed by a knife. Over. And over.

This has been me. I realize. As I write.

Perhaps there’s some trace of this behavior left in me… but it’s not prevalent. It’s not something which, when I look within, I can put a finger on and say Oh yeah, that thing, yes, that happens quite often. I don’t have any of those left, at least not in the way I live my life today. Perhaps there would be if my circumstances shifted. But they haven’t. So there aren’t any big ones left, so to speak. Not in me. But I do see it in others.

And it pains me. I try to stick to empathizing, as I do not want to sympathize. I do not want to pity or belittle. I try to take care of the pains I experience myself. Not always easy when I am pained on behalf of someone else. Well worth the effort though. What helps me stay centered is the adage from Byron Katie of My business, your business, God’s business. Some things are simply not mine to deal with. 

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Follow up – September 2019 – As I am.

October 3, 2019
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I intend to go through my intentions for the year at the end of each month. This gives me a monthly reminder of my intentions as well as ample space for reflection and possible adjustment.

September. Everything is running at full speed ahead. I don’t think I’ve ever had such a jampacked calendar as now. It’s a bit over the top, honestly. It means I don’t have the possibility to be as flexible as I normally am, and that means I cannot say yes to things I’d like to do. Hence, this is to change, and at the final week of October the jampackedness of my calendar starts to ease up, so then…

2019. The year when I will…

* have my bodily wellbeing in focus by:

  • continuing with my daily Seven accompanied by burpees: ✅
  • Headspace Meditate daily: ✅ For 71 days I have done at least three sets of Wim Hof-breathing (Found a new favorite video that I do the first 15 minutes of) as a start of the day, which is a wonderfully meditative moment, which also helps me to be in my body. Besides that, for two weeks I’ve been having a  daily Deepak Chokra-meditation moment as well. Absolutely lovely!
  • run a minimum of  75 runs –> run-when-I-feel-like-it-intention: Not even once.
  • take cold (outdoors) baths as often as I can – and add to this by taking cold showers: YEEEEES! The water temperature is finally getting low enough so I can actually claim I am doing cold baths. Five times in September I’ve either gone bathing in the ocean (cold baths more or less, as the temperatures might not have been below my own made up limit of 14 degrees, but it definitely hasn’t been ”summer weather”) or taking cold showers. I just love it!
  • dance Lindy hop as often as I can (taking a class during the spring, and then there’s the social dancing as well!): The intermediate level C course has started with two lessons under my belt so far. It’. Is. So. Much. Fun. To. Dance. Lindy hop!
  • continuing to ride my bike and walk as much as possible: walked slightly more than 70 and biked a bit more than 240 km. I have taken action on the statement of last months summary, to get “at least 10 km in my body” on a daily basis, by adding ”Minimum 10 k today” Way of life-app where I keep track of various things (mostly because I let go of Headspace as my meditation runstreak keeper. And yes. I am nuts. My vice is runstreaks, this is a fact.)

* have my mental and spiritual wellbeing in focus by:

  • reading at least 75 books, of which 12 in Swedish and 12 in English already have been chosen. These 12 + 12 I will be blogging about: Have read 59/75 books and am all of a sudden three books ahead of schedule. I have Nextory audiobooks to thank for this, as this has made me listen to audiobooks instead of podcasts. However, I am a physical-book-reader at hears, and that’s a fact as well. I have blogged about Lame Deer, Seeker of Visions (book 9 of 12 in English) and Vad jag älskade (book 9 of 12 in Swedish, but I actually read and blogged about it in June already. However, I screwed up then and forgot, so I blogged about another book as well, which I ”keep as book number 6”).
  • learn at least five songs by heart including lyrics on the guitar, which will be made possible by my aim at ten minutes of guitar playing on a daily basis: Having decided on learning Shallow, Utan mina andetag, Still haven’t found what I am looking for, Try and Annie’s song by heart during the summary of August has helped… but just a teeny weeny bit. I have only played the guitar 7 days in September, so, I repeat myself: There’s room for improvement here. This also linked perfectly to the jampacked calendar. I. Do. Not. Want. To. Have. It. Like. This. So. I had better change it then!
  • I will let the wonderful book The book of Awakening by Mark Nepo be my daily companion: Back on track, I am now reading my daily Nepo, more or less. At long last!
  • hold digital 24-hour sabbats at least twice a month: In September I held digital sabbat three times, on 7-8th, 21-22nd and 27-28th. In October I mark off 3-6 (! Going on a choir journey – why not stay off social media and screens in general during the trip?), 10-11 and 25-26 for my upcoming digital sabbats.

* have creation in focus by:

  • booking at least four two-day writing retreats during the year: These are the dates: 13-14 September, 28-28 October, 11-12 November, 9-10 December. Now… that didn’t really work out. Or… at least, there wasn’t much writing being done. But I did keep it top of mind, which is better than before. SWith a bit of luck and focus, next time will be better!
  • keeping up with daily Facebook Lives for as long as there’s energy in doing it:
  • blog daily: Well… not really. 8 Swedish blog posts and 3 English ones. Far from ”daily”, Since September 27th I am back on track though!
  • start to pod: Have cut 7 episodes with 15 to go… so I had better block off some calendar time for this work as well. 19, 26, 27 September. That didn’t do the trick either. The jampacked calendar had me make other priorities. October looks even worst, so I block off 4th and 15th of November to get my pod up and running again.
  • release (at least) 4 e-books in 2019: thoughts are swirling, nothing concretized as of yet. The chances of this happening might just have gotten better as well, given the fact that I have marked writing retreats in my calendar?

* have financial husbandry in focus by:

  • sowing, sowing and sowing a little bit more; on a weekly basis intentionally work on my various income streams: ✅
  • keep tabs on my set invoicing goal on a monthly basis: ✅I reached my set goals in January and March and in August! Whoop! Did not in February, April, May, June, July or September (but wasn’t that far off this month).
  • keep an accounts book on private income and expenses: ✅

And finally – on all levels – experiment and play, experience pleasure and exploring and challenging myself, all the while being gentle to myself: Started the month in the same way that I finished last month, by volunteering at Backyard Sessions, have ridden the grand old-tinker lady Tinka with Pernilla at Lyckegården, been dog-sitting both Sigge (picture proof below) and Maya, ridden my bike to Malmö C at a speed far above anything I thought I’d ever reach on my oldfashioned and very straightforward three-geared ladies bike, been cultural with Heléne once again, this time EsterBlenda at Skarhult Slott – lovely! A forest- and mushroom picking experience, some wonderful cold baths and a GMP training which gave me quite a surprise. All of a sudden my doodle from the GMP-training of 2016 appeared in the presentation,  as Karen Ginsbury had found it when she was googling earlier in 2019. (If you are in the Life Science/Pharma industry and looking for yearly GMP-updates/trainings: Find a course wit Karen Ginsbury. She is outstanding!)


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