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Follow up – September 2019 – As I am.

Follow up – September 2019 – As I am.

October 3, 2019
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I intend to go through my intentions for the year at the end of each month. This gives me a monthly reminder of my intentions as well as ample space for reflection and possible adjustment.

September. Everything is running at full speed ahead. I don’t think I’ve ever had such a jampacked calendar as now. It’s a bit over the top, honestly. It means I don’t have the possibility to be as flexible as I normally am, and that means I cannot say yes to things I’d like to do. Hence, this is to change, and at the final week of October the jampackedness of my calendar starts to ease up, so then…

2019. The year when I will…

* have my bodily wellbeing in focus by:

  • continuing with my daily Seven accompanied by burpees: ✅
  • Headspace Meditate daily: ✅ For 71 days I have done at least three sets of Wim Hof-breathing (Found a new favorite video that I do the first 15 minutes of) as a start of the day, which is a wonderfully meditative moment, which also helps me to be in my body. Besides that, for two weeks I’ve been having a  daily Deepak Chokra-meditation moment as well. Absolutely lovely!
  • run a minimum of  75 runs –> run-when-I-feel-like-it-intention: Not even once.
  • take cold (outdoors) baths as often as I can – and add to this by taking cold showers: YEEEEES! The water temperature is finally getting low enough so I can actually claim I am doing cold baths. Five times in September I’ve either gone bathing in the ocean (cold baths more or less, as the temperatures might not have been below my own made up limit of 14 degrees, but it definitely hasn’t been ”summer weather”) or taking cold showers. I just love it!
  • dance Lindy hop as often as I can (taking a class during the spring, and then there’s the social dancing as well!): The intermediate level C course has started with two lessons under my belt so far. It’. Is. So. Much. Fun. To. Dance. Lindy hop!
  • continuing to ride my bike and walk as much as possible: walked slightly more than 70 and biked a bit more than 240 km. I have taken action on the statement of last months summary, to get “at least 10 km in my body” on a daily basis, by adding ”Minimum 10 k today” Way of life-app where I keep track of various things (mostly because I let go of Headspace as my meditation runstreak keeper. And yes. I am nuts. My vice is runstreaks, this is a fact.)

* have my mental and spiritual wellbeing in focus by:

  • reading at least 75 books, of which 12 in Swedish and 12 in English already have been chosen. These 12 + 12 I will be blogging about: Have read 59/75 books and am all of a sudden three books ahead of schedule. I have Nextory audiobooks to thank for this, as this has made me listen to audiobooks instead of podcasts. However, I am a physical-book-reader at hears, and that’s a fact as well. I have blogged about Lame Deer, Seeker of Visions (book 9 of 12 in English) and Vad jag älskade (book 9 of 12 in Swedish, but I actually read and blogged about it in June already. However, I screwed up then and forgot, so I blogged about another book as well, which I ”keep as book number 6”).
  • learn at least five songs by heart including lyrics on the guitar, which will be made possible by my aim at ten minutes of guitar playing on a daily basis: Having decided on learning Shallow, Utan mina andetag, Still haven’t found what I am looking for, Try and Annie’s song by heart during the summary of August has helped… but just a teeny weeny bit. I have only played the guitar 7 days in September, so, I repeat myself: There’s room for improvement here. This also linked perfectly to the jampacked calendar. I. Do. Not. Want. To. Have. It. Like. This. So. I had better change it then!
  • I will let the wonderful book The book of Awakening by Mark Nepo be my daily companion: Back on track, I am now reading my daily Nepo, more or less. At long last!
  • hold digital 24-hour sabbats at least twice a month: In September I held digital sabbat three times, on 7-8th, 21-22nd and 27-28th. In October I mark off 3-6 (! Going on a choir journey – why not stay off social media and screens in general during the trip?), 10-11 and 25-26 for my upcoming digital sabbats.

* have creation in focus by:

  • booking at least four two-day writing retreats during the year: These are the dates: 13-14 September, 28-28 October, 11-12 November, 9-10 December. Now… that didn’t really work out. Or… at least, there wasn’t much writing being done. But I did keep it top of mind, which is better than before. SWith a bit of luck and focus, next time will be better!
  • keeping up with daily Facebook Lives for as long as there’s energy in doing it:
  • blog daily: Well… not really. 8 Swedish blog posts and 3 English ones. Far from ”daily”, Since September 27th I am back on track though!
  • start to pod: Have cut 7 episodes with 15 to go… so I had better block off some calendar time for this work as well. 19, 26, 27 September. That didn’t do the trick either. The jampacked calendar had me make other priorities. October looks even worst, so I block off 4th and 15th of November to get my pod up and running again.
  • release (at least) 4 e-books in 2019: thoughts are swirling, nothing concretized as of yet. The chances of this happening might just have gotten better as well, given the fact that I have marked writing retreats in my calendar?

* have financial husbandry in focus by:

  • sowing, sowing and sowing a little bit more; on a weekly basis intentionally work on my various income streams: ✅
  • keep tabs on my set invoicing goal on a monthly basis: ✅I reached my set goals in January and March and in August! Whoop! Did not in February, April, May, June, July or September (but wasn’t that far off this month).
  • keep an accounts book on private income and expenses: ✅

And finally – on all levels – experiment and play, experience pleasure and exploring and challenging myself, all the while being gentle to myself: Started the month in the same way that I finished last month, by volunteering at Backyard Sessions, have ridden the grand old-tinker lady Tinka with Pernilla at Lyckegården, been dog-sitting both Sigge (picture proof below) and Maya, ridden my bike to Malmö C at a speed far above anything I thought I’d ever reach on my oldfashioned and very straightforward three-geared ladies bike, been cultural with Heléne once again, this time EsterBlenda at Skarhult Slott – lovely! A forest- and mushroom picking experience, some wonderful cold baths and a GMP training which gave me quite a surprise. All of a sudden my doodle from the GMP-training of 2016 appeared in the presentation,  as Karen Ginsbury had found it when she was googling earlier in 2019. (If you are in the Life Science/Pharma industry and looking for yearly GMP-updates/trainings: Find a course wit Karen Ginsbury. She is outstanding!)

 

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Follow up – August 2019 – As I am.

September 14, 2019
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I intend to go through my intentions for the year at the end of each month. This gives me a monthly reminder of my intentions as well as ample space for reflection and possible adjustment.

August. For the first year in a long time I have worked quite a bit more than usual, and August has been a month filled with work.

2019. The year when I will…

* have my bodily wellbeing in focus by:

  • continuing with my daily Seven accompanied by burpees: ✅
  • Headspace Meditate daily: ✅I will change this from Headspace daily to meditate daily. After five years I have decided not to renew my headspace subscription. Daily meditations is something I intend to continue with though, rest assured! I have loved Headspace and I highly appreciate Andi Puddicombe… and yet. It’s time for something new.
  • run a minimum of  75 runs –> run-when-I-feel-like-it-intention: Not even once.
  • take cold (outdoors) baths as often as I can – and add to this by taking cold showers: I long for some colder water! And will continue to head down to the ocean as often as I can so that I will simply glide into cold baths in parallell with the water temperature dropping.
  • dance Lindy hop as often as I can (taking a class during the spring, and then there’s the social dancing as well!): Oh yes indeed, at long last! A few dance sessions in August, and I have my dance partner Dennis to thank for getting me going! And soon the class will commence again. I can’t wait!
  • continuing to ride my bike and walk as much as possible: walked just short of 120 and bikedjust shy of 350 kilometers. Lots of kilometers in my body during August! I love it and my body does too – this past year I have had a kind of urge to get “at least 10 km in my body” on a daily basis.

* have my mental and spiritual wellbeing in focus by:

  • reading at least 75 books, of which 12 in Swedish and 12 in English already have been chosen. These 12 + 12 I will be blogging about: Read 49/75 books. Blogged about The Underground Railroad (book 8 of 12 in English) and Factfulness (the corresponding Swedish one).
  • learn at least five songs by heart including lyrics on the guitar, which will be made possible by my aim at ten minutes of guitar playing on a daily basis: Guitar lessons are on again, and the realization that I have to decide which five songs to learn by heart is becoming clearer by the day. So… to make life easier for myself, I decide right here and now: Shallow, Utan mina andetag, Still haven’t found what I am looking for, Try and Annie’s song. Have jotted them down in my BuJo and have written the song titles in the weekly ToDo-columns.
  • I will let the wonderful book The book of Awakening by Mark Nepo be my daily companion: Nope, still not fully into the routine of reading the daily text. I will put the book on my nightstand table to see if that might do the trick.
  • hold digital 24-hour sabbats at least twice a month: In August I held two digital sabbats, on August 2-3 and 9-10. In September I plan for the same on 7-8, 20-21 and 27-28.

* have creation in focus by:

  • booking at least four two-day writing retreats during the year: Last month I blocked my calendar, and have to move the first one forward one day to the 13-14th of September. With a little bit of luck I will be accompanied by my soul sister in October! These are the dates: 13-14 September, 28-28 October, 11-12 November, 9-10 December.
  • keeping up with daily Facebook Lives for as long as there’s energy in doing it:
  • blog daily: More or less back on track.
  • start to pod: Have cut 7 episodes with 15 to go… so I had better block off some calendar time for this work as well. 19, 26, 27 September. Check!
  • release (at least) 4 e-books in 2019: thoughts are swirling, nothing concretized as of yet. The chances of this happening might just have gotten better as well, given the fact that I have marked writing retreats in my calendar?

* have financial husbandry in focus by:

  • sowing, sowing and sowing a little bit more; on a weekly basis intentionally work on my various income streams: ✅
  • keep tabs on my set invoicing goal on a monthly basis: ✅I reached my set goals in January and March and in August! Whoop! Did not in February, April, May, June and July (the two latter not so surprising).
  • keep an accounts book on private income and expenses: Getting back on track in conjunction with doing this blog post [in Swedish], as I get a kick in the butt when I read this intention. Mentally however, this is top of mind, I am much more aware and conscious concerning both income (privately it’s mostly a matter of rent from AirBnB, which has paid off the journeys of this summer) and expenses.

And finally – on all levels – experiment and play, experience pleasure and exploring and challenging myself, all the while being gentle to myself: Reflecting and writing, have intense and intimate conversations, have spent an absurd amount of time with Caspian and the premier of his Sunday Service was a lovely event (Thanks Brother from another mother and the family box for the music!), a visit to Arken with Heléne, a walk from Vejbystrand to Torekov with my dear brother, Sigge the Dog visiting, lindy-hopping at Moriskan and down by the beach, a visit to Stockholm with a multitude of great meetings and a gloriously challenging weekend with the Better Globe-gang, being a volunteer at Backyard Sessions and a spontaneous disco at Saras place.A lovely month all in all!

 

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Friction

August 20, 2019
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Synchronicity. Around… Friction.

On Akimbo.
In a conversation with D and C, a conversation you just might be privy to listening in on one of these days.
With my campfire sisters, as well as in my reflection with D on that conversation we had.

And now.
As my final words of the third Mastermind-session (of 13 total) that we just wrapped up, me and my four participants.

Friction.
It makes the world move.
Without friction. No cars. No bikes. No nothing really.

We would possibly be sliding around haphazardly… might be fun. But it’s not what we have. Because we do have friction.

We even have two kinds.
There’s friction. And then there’s Friction with a capital F. Life-giving. The Friction that makes me grow, rather than just wear me down.

There’s form. And the formless.
For some, oh it’s a stretch to conform to form. Rules. Boundaries. That’s where the friction is at. Play with it. Work it. Use it. See what happens within the form.

For some, so the opposite. The formless, the vast expanse of endless possibilities. Nothing to hang onto, no given starting point. That’s where the friction is at. So play with that. Work it. Use it. See what happens within the formless.

Dance between them.
The Friction and the Frictionless. Between that which is such a stretch and that which is easypeasy.

As you dance – the event horizon for you and your relationship with the form and the formless will shift. Transform. Expand, ever onwards. Might it even constrict?

Yeah. I think it just might. And then… another transformation. Something born, which was always and already there, within you, you just had never opened that specific door within before.

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Follow up – July 2019 – As I am.

August 5, 2019
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I intend to go through my intentions for the year at the end of each month. This gives me a monthly reminder of my intentions as well as ample space for reflection and possible adjustment.

July… a month spent travelling with everything that entails. Such as very little blogging!

2019. The year when I will…

* have my bodily wellbeing in focus by:

  • continuing with my daily Seven accompanied by burpees: ✅
  • Headspace daily: ✅
  • run a minimum of  75 runs –> run-when-I-feel-like-it-intention: My bigtoe joint is still acting up. Pains me. So I walk and ide my bike rather than jog.
  • take cold (outdoors) baths as often as I can – and add to this by taking cold showers: Cold showers rather than baths, as the water temperature is above my personally set limit (≤14 degrees).
  • dance Lindy hop as often as I can (taking a class during the spring, and then there’s the social dancing as well!): So far no Lindy hop-dancing this summer. Luckily I have signed up for the continuation class starting in September!
  • continuing to ride my bike and walk as much as possible: walked just short of 60 and biked a bit more than 240 kilometers.

* have my mental and spiritual wellbeing in focus by:

  • reading at least 75 books, of which 12 in Swedish and 12 in English already have been chosen. These 12 + 12 I will be blogging about: Read 36/75 böcker. 7 books behind schedule, which is betetr than where I was at two weeks ago, when I was down by 11 books… Blogged about Clapton’s guitar – watching Wayne Henderson build the perfect instrument (book 7 of 12 in English) and the Swedish counterpart is Tankar för dagen, manual för ett snällare liv.
  • learn at least five songs by heart including lyrics on the guitar, which will be made possible by my aim at ten minutes of guitar playing on a daily basis: Zero. Zero! Geez…
  • I will let the wonderful book The book of Awakening by Mark Nepo be my daily companion: My travels made me slip out of this habit, and I have yet to step into it fully again.
  • hold digital 24-hour sabbats at least twice a month: Digital sabbats on July 6-7 and 26-27. In Augusti I plan for the same on 2-3, 9-10, 16-17.

* have creation in focus by:

  • booking at least four two-day writing retreats during the year: pondering a few ideas about writing retreats, including the possibility of running a digital retreat? My ideas from January remain but I am starting to feel silly writing that. So perhaps I should just plan it? 12-13 September, 28-28 October, 11-12 November, 9-10 December. There. Done. Booked. The chance of these writing retreats actually happening just got a lot higher!
  • keeping up with daily Facebook Lives for as long as there’s energy in doing it: Have deliberately ended this suite of daily lives (in June), and hence I am removing it from my yearly intentions.
  • blog daily: It’s August and my vacation is over. So I step onboard this intention again, as of right now.
  • start to pod: Well, well, well. Borrowed the podstudio of my friend J and hance I have a 2 hour raw file to cut and produce. So there will be new episodes soon, count on it!
  • release (at least) 4 e-books in 2019: thoughts are swirling, nothing concretized as of yet. The chances of this happening might just have gotten better as well, given the fact that I have marked writing retreats in my calendar?

* have financial husbandry in focus by:

  • sowing, sowing and sowing a little bit more; on a weekly basis intentionally work on my various income streams: ✅
  • keep tabs on my set invoicing goal on a monthly basis: ✅I reached my set goals in January and March, not in February, April, May, June and July (the two latter not so surprising). Feels like an area to step up my game in!
  • keep an accounts book on private income and expenses: Have a bit of a backlog in my accounts book, I will get on it, I promise.

And finally – on all levels – experiment and play, experience pleasure and exploring and challenging myself, all the while being gentle to myself: July. Well. Me and the youngest one went to England with my mom and aunt to visit relatives and attend a lovely graduation celebration at St John’s. (Pop the cat got to stay at home, or rather, had his own vacation away from home.) Me and the young one then jumped on EuroStar to Brussels, took the train to The Hague (thanks a lot for your kindness and hospitality Vanessa!) and Amsterdam (dito Mayke!) before we got on a Flixbus back home. Took a swim in the North Sea, had a few lovely bike rides and I can warmly recommend Rembrandt’s House, what a lovely and perfectly sized museum! Once back home I had work waiting for me, although I must confess I haven’t worked full time precisely. But still! Lunch with family in Simrishamn, daCapo-party and helping with a move from Limhamn to Oxie, a podclub meetup on attachment theory, two CoachWalks and an assorted amount of hobnobbing at that.

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Surround yourself with people who…

June 18, 2019
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My life. And your life. We create them, our lives. We create them all by ourselves. (But not alone!) Make sure you make a life as rich and beautiful as this absolutely adorable summer bouquet my sweetest friend A arranged for me. A bouquet with a variety of flowers, colors, fragrances, shapes – as abundant and beautiful as life can (should!) be.

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Given freely. Received deeply.

June 16, 2019
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That’s the best type of feedback (be it a compliment, appreciation, praise…). The one that is given freely and received deeply. Those words – given freely, received deeply – are words my word savvy and wise friend Mayke wrote in response to something I shared with her and the other Campfire Sisters.

My last blog post (in Swedish) was about seeing and being. How I have to be open in order to be a part of both these aspects, as I can neither be seen nor see, otherwise. How seeing, and being seen, is such an integral part of being human, and what a gift it is, when we add to the seeing/being seen part some type of feedback on what we see.

The post intertwined perfectly with Mayke’s words which made me take special notice.
Synchronicity. There’s something here for me to dive deeper into. To explore. Taste. Play with.

And as I talked to a friend I got another piece of the puzzle. I told her how I am greatly helped to see myself when I share with others. Share what is. Within and without. Feelings. Experiences. Fears and longings. Life. All of it. It helps, as what I get in return (the feedback. Of being seen, in what I am, where I am, how I am.) gives me perspective. Opens new vistas, which in turn might (or not) grant me insights. So I share a lot. Might it be a type of insurance? Ensuring I get seen? (By myself, as well as others.) Same reason why I blog the way I do? 

Follow aegirdottr on Instagram.

Anyway.
I got a gift today. Or rather, I got two.

The actual gift was a wonderful piece of art. The added bonus was the feedback. Given freely. And oh so deeply received. Warms the soul. Makes my eyes well up in tears, my heart overfilled with gratitude and my face light up with a huge smile.

Given freely. Spontaneously. From the heart.
Received deeply. Wholeheartedly. Straight into the heart.

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Follow up – May 2019 – As I am.

June 10, 2019
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I intend to go through my intentions for the year at the end of each month. This gives me a monthly reminder of my intentions as well as ample space for reflection and possible adjustment.

May went pass quick as a space rocket, and what a gloriously wonderful, fantastic and expansive month it’s been at that!

2019. The year when I will…

* have my bodily wellbeing in focus by:

  • continuing with my daily Seven accompanied by burpees: ✅
  • Headspace daily: ✅
  • run a minimum of  75 runs –> run-when-I-feel-like-it-intention: No running in May and hence, I am tweaking this intention. My big toe joint is messing up, I do believe it’s gotten a bit too much Lindy Hop dancing!
  • take cold (outdoors) baths as often as I can – and add to this by taking cold showers: 7 cold baths in May, and sadly I have to report that the water temperature is increasing day by day so… no more cold (!) baths to be had until the fall. I have put my personal limit at 14 degrees, above that and it’s not a cold bath any more.
  • dance Lindy hop as often as I can (taking a class during the spring, and then there’s the social dancing as well!): Have attended a few social dances after the class ended. Planning to keep it up during summer!
  • continuing to ride my bike and walk as much as possible: walked 60 and biked just short of 300 kilometers.

* have my mental and spiritual wellbeing in focus by:

  • reading at least 75 books, of which 12 in Swedish and 12 in English already have been chosen. These 12 + 12 I will be blogging about: Read 24/75 böcker. Blogged about The Wind-up Bird Chronicle (book 5 of 12 in English) and the Swedish counterpart is Tjärdalen.
  • learn at least five songs by heart including lyrics on the guitar, which will be made possible by my aim at ten minutes of guitar playing on a daily basis: Oh my… 8 times in May. That’s all the love I’ve given the guitar this month. I will do better!
  • I will let the wonderful book The book of Awakening by Mark Nepo be my daily companion: ✅
  • hold digital 24-hour sabbats at least twice a month: 4-5 and 18-19 May I took well-deserved digital sabbats. If you’ve yet to try it out, do, if only for the joy of returning to the digital once the sabbat is over! In June I aim for the same on 6-7, 15-16 and then I’ll have to see what happens in Kenya!

* have creation in focus by:

  • booking at least four two-day writing retreats during the year: pondering a few ideas about writing retreats, including the possibility of running a digital retreat? My ideas from January remain.
  • keeping up with daily Facebook Lives for as long as there’s energy in doing it: ✅
  • blog daily: ✅
  • start to pod: Haven’t booked any new recording sessions so the existing episodes of Doing Gentle with an Edge are available in a podplayer close to you, but no new ones are in the pipe line just yet.
  • release (at least) 4 e-books in 2019: thoughts are swirling, nothing concretized as of yet.

* have financial husbandry in focus by:

  • sowing, sowing and sowing a little bit more; on a weekly basis intentionally work on my various income streams: ✅I am really levelling up on this aspect!
  • keep tabs on my set invoicing goal on a monthly basis: ✅I reached my set goals in January and March, not in February, April and May.
  • keep an accounts book on private income and expenses: Worked better in May, but not optimal, so I will keep “Need to find a better routine to avoid the trap of filling my account-book way after the fact….” from last month.

And finally – on all levels – experiment and play, experience pleasure and exploring and challenging myself, all the while being gentle to myself: May has been such a rish month I cannot visualise it with one photo only, so I give you two! The pilot round of 60 timmars tankespjärn took place May 8-10 and both before, during and after #tankespjärn has been my given focus! And what an experience, what a treat! My garden is thriving and I am getting helo from knowledgeable and skilled friends with green fingers – what a difference that makes! I was inspired by Michel and Mariella Issa, I have been brain storming with Janine who started the Skåne Networking Community on FB which took of like lightning! I have sung to my hearts content (Gaaaalen!), enjoyed my cold baths (I even went skinny dipping at the choir summer festivities!) and been to TEDxSlottsparken-rehearsal (I will be the moderator, I look forward to it immensely! It takes place on June 14th 2019, and will be live streamed, so keep your eyes open!), been to a funeral, seen Guds olydiga revben after a book by Gunilla Thorgren (God’s disobedient rib is the translated title) – and was completely wow:ed! Add to that the fun me and Monika has at the Party-a-long with Dirty Dancing at Spegeln. And then on top, I’ve worked my ass off, spent a full day in teh company of the Swedish Medicinal Agency at a client, have been cleaning my house over and over again, took photo’s and put up an add on AirBnB, posted adds for a bunch of stuff on Shpock and have been appointed Special Legal Guardian (Särskilt Förordnad Vårdnadshavare) to my very first unaccompanied minor (Gode Barn). Feels grand!

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Follow up – March 2019 – As I am.

April 6, 2019
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I intend to go through my intentions for the year at the end of each month. This gives me a monthly reminder of my intentions as well as ample space for reflection and possible adjustment.

March. What a month! And it’s already finished, but far. It’s been a month with a lot happening – both in and with me.

2019. The year when I will…

* have my bodily wellbeing in focus by:

  • continuing with my daily Seven accompanied by burpees: ✅Soon I have 1700 Sevens in a row…
  • Headspace daily: ✅
  • run a minimum of  75 runs: 1 run in March as well. I will take a run when I feel like it.
  • take cold (outdoors) baths as often as I can – and add to this by taking cold showers: 1 cold bath in March, one which had me go into the water twice on the other hand.
  • dance Lindy hop as often as I can (taking a class during the spring, and then there’s the social dancing as well!): 7/10 classes completed, haven’t missed a single one.
  • continuing to ride my bike and walk as much as possible: walked almost 60 kilometers and biked just short of 310 ditto.

* have my mental and spiritual wellbeing in focus by:

  • reading at least 75 books, of which 12 in Swedish and 12 in English already have been chosen. These 12 + 12 I will be blogging about: Read 17/75 böcker. Blogged about A fine balance (book 3 of 12 in English) and the Swedish counterpart is I det sista regnet.
  • learn at least five songs by heart including lyrics on the guitar, which will be made possible by my aim at ten minutes of guitar playing on a daily basis: Missed out on playing the guitar three days in March, and have stopped setting a timer for 10 minutes. Sometimes I just play one song, sometimes two, sometimes three. So 10 minutes a day isn’t something I live up to on a daily basis, but I am playing, more often than not! And soon I have Utan dina andetag down pat and Shallow which is our current homework-song is coming along quite nicely as well, because I really enjoy this song!
  • I will let the wonderful book The book of Awakening by Mark Nepo be my daily companion: ✅
  • hold digital 24-hour sabbats at least twice a month: 9-10th and 23-24th of March I observed my digital sabbat. In April I aim for the same on 12-13th and 19-20th.
  • börja podda: Alltså… inledande avsnittet klart, upplagt på Soundcloud, och ytterligare tio avsnitt fiffade… men iTunes ratade mig. På kryptiska grunder med en hjälptext som inte gjorde mig klokare. Så jag skrev om. Ratad igen. Skrev om igen. Ratad igen… så då lusläste jag den där hjälptexten ännu en gång och skrev om igen, på lite annat vis. “Submitted for review” i över en vecka, över månadsskiftet… men idag (4 april) så är den “Active”! Whoop. Oj liksom – men det får jag skriva mer om i nästa månadssummering ju! *cliffhanger*
  • släppa (minst) 4 e-böcker under 2019: Spinner tankar men inget som konkretiserats. Än.

* have creation in focus by:

  • booking at least four two-day writing retreats during the year: pondering a few ideas about writing retreats, including the possibility of running a digital retreat? My ideas from January remain.
  • keeping up with daily Facebook Lives for as long as there’s energy in doing it: ✅
  • blog daily: ✅
  • start to pod: Well…. the introductory episode is finished, upoladed to Soundcloud, and another ten episodes are ready to go… but iTunes rejected me. On cryptical reasons with a help text that did nothing to make me wiser. So I re-wrote the metadata. Rejected again. So I re-wrote it once more. And was rejected yet again… so I took a finetoothed comb to that help text, and re-wrote once more, but with a twist. “Submitted for review” was the status on iTunes for more than a week, passing the end of the month… but on April 4th, the status was changed to “Active”! Whoop!! I mean – wow! But hey… more of that in next months monthly summary! *cliffhanger*
  • release (at least) 4 e-books in 2019: thoughts are swirling, nothing concretized as of yet.

* have financial husbandry in focus by:

  • sowing, sowing and sowing a little bit more; on a weekly basis intentionally work on my various income streams: ✅
  • keep tabs on my set invoicing goal on a monthly basis: ✅I reached my set goals in January and March, not in February.
  • keep an accounts book on private income and expenses: ✅I have to say, keeping tabs on my finances, both incoming and outgoing, sure makes for a higher state of consciousness around what there is. I highly recommend it.

And finally – on all levels – experiment and play, experience pleasure and exploring and challenging myself, all the while being gentle to myself: brother and sister-in-law on a quick visit to Sweden so me and the youngest kid of the house got on a train to Vejbystrand for just short of 24 hours (where I totally make said youngster completely embarrassed to have a mother like me, as I stand in the middle of the square in Ängelholm and start to d a n c e until brother, sister-in-law, mother and aunt arrive on the bus. Youngster n o t happy, let me tell you. The residents of Ängelholm smiled on the other hand!), brother gave me an introductory course in genealogical research with help of the app Ancestry, getting the last of the pod-work done as well as records an introductory episode, went to a vernissage and a 24-hour castle get-away with my most lovely wives (yes!), give birth to, and starts to work on an idea that is very close to my heart in coaching conversations with Dave, spend a full weekend dedicated to Stabat Mater with a concert in Denmark as well as in Malmö with a get-together at my place after the Malmö-concert, for friends and family who are attending the concert, manages to go skinny dipping in the ocean (cold bath!) despite the fact that it’s almost storm winds out, coaches, walks, enjoy the sunshine and bike rides and generally: living life!

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Follow up – February 2019 – As I am.

March 2, 2019
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I intend to go through my intentions for the year at the end of each month. This gives me a monthly reminder of my intentions as well as ample space for reflection and possible adjustment.

During February my back has been messing me up in a number of ways. Or… messing me up, might not be the proper phrasing. My back has helped me look at “as I am” with new eyes. And that’s actually really cool. So I will be letting go of a few of my specified goals, all the while continuing to explore these intentions in different ways, in the company of both D and D. More on that to come, in other words!

2019. The year when I will…
* have my bodily wellbeing in focus by:

  • continuing with my daily Seven accompanied by burpees: ✅for February, even though I chose to stop with my daily burpees on February 27th. After 1005 days of at least one, and often many more burpees.
  • Headspace daily: ✅
  • run a minimum of  75 runs: 1 run2 in February. This goal might also be one that’s a possible contender for a change, with me raking a run when the body wants it, rather than “because I said so”.
  • take cold (outdoors) baths as often as I can – and add to this by taking cold showers: 2 cold baths in February.
  • dance Lindy hop as often as I can (taking a class during the spring, and then there’s the social dancing as well!): class has started, 3 out of 10 classes dine, with social dancing straight afterwards. I absolutely love dancing lindy hop!
  • continuing to ride my bike and walk as much as possible: walked 40+ kilometers and biked a tad more than 320 ditto.

* have my mental and spiritual wellbeing in focus by:

  • reading at least 75 books, of which 12 in Swedish and 12 in English already have been chosen. These 12 + 12 I will be blogging about: Read 10/75 books. Blogged about Professional capital – Transforming teaching in every school (book 2 of 12 in English), and the Swedish counterpart is Igelkottens elegans.
  • learn at least five songs by heart including lyrics on the guitar, which will be made possible by my aim at ten minutes of guitar playing on a daily basis: Played guitar every day but one in February, and am still working on learning songs by heart. It’s tricky, I can do the strumming, or the singing, but it’s harder to do both at the same time. Have started to work more at singing by heart during choir practice as well, to get me more used to not having to take sneak peaks at the sheet music.
  • I will let the wonderful book The book of Awakening by Mark Nepo be my daily companion: ✅
  • hold digital 24-hour sabbats at least twice a month: two sabbats in February, 12-13 and 23-24. In March I aim for sabbat on 9-10, 16-17 and 29-30.

* have creation in focus by:

  • booking at least four two-day writing retreats during the year: pondering a few ideas about writing retreats, including the possibility of running a digital retreat? My ideas from January remain.
  • keeping up with daily Facebook Lives for as long as there’s energy in doing it: ✅
  • blog daily: ✅
  • start to pod: In February I will release the pod episodes I recorded this summer – is what I wrote when I evaluated my intentions after January. I intended to, until my back stepped in and said Stop. So perhaps I will release them in March?
  • release (at least) 4 e-books in 2019: thoughts are swirling, nothing concretized as of yet.

* have financial husbandry in focus by:

  • sowing, sowing and sowing a little bit more; on a weekly basis intentionally work on my various income streams: ✅
  • keep tabs on my set invoicing goal on a monthly basis: ✅
  • keep an accounts book on private income and expenses: ✅

And finally – on all levels – experiment and play, experience pleasure and exploring and challenging myself, all the while being gentle to myself: got a message from a squirrel outside the window during a Mastermind-call, my working-together-days with the Better Globe-gang are rewarding on so many levels (especially so once little Snötass (Snow-paw) joined us. She’s adorable. And not mine – here Pop the cat reign sovereign.) and my back is definitely kick-starting a lot of inner workings, and I also wrote a Swedish blog text titled Jag ser… which means I see that might just be the most important thing I’ve ever written. My coach Dave did a five day Reignite your business-challenge on Facebook that I participated in with great results, I had a full day photo-session with Anders Roos, and I think both me and the youngest one have started to get used to having the eldest kid on the other side of the globe. Spring is upon us with warmth, sunshine, flowers blooming and the most wonderful spring air!

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In pain.

February 10, 2019
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Friday morning it started. Again. My lower back pulsating, sending small hints that soon, in a few hours or at most a day, there will be massive pain, making me so weak that getting out of bed, putting socks on, or sitting down is a major hassle. A painful hassle.

Lying on heated wheat bags, with hips/legs in a 90 degree angle to alleviate the pain.

I know to be in motion when this happens. To not freeze on account of the pain, but rather the opposite. To move as much as I can, to stand, dance, wiggle my body, apply heat (or cold, but heat is so much nicer…) and whatever other ways to try to get through the pain incident as quickly as I can. 

It used to be my neck. Freezing up every now and then… and I finally got the message: speak out, because you’re holding something vital back, that needs to be communicated. Once I got the message, I picked up on the cues, and as I often (always?) knew what it was I was holding back, and to whom, this problem has all but disappeared.

Now it’s my lower back. And it has been for a few years. And I haven’t gotten the message. I’ve gotten a strengthening program for my core, and that’s helped, but out of the blue (or so I thought until today), this back pain would flare up, making life really painful for a few days.

Invited to lunch at D’s place, I knocked, stepped in and exclaimed: my back is killing me! He continued cooking, we talked, we ate (oh my, delicious doesn’t even begin to describe D’s cooking!), had tea, and then he asked if I wanted to work with him on my back. An offer too good to decline.

I showed him, the difficulty I had in leaning down to touch the floor, and with a sense of disgust told him about the sensation of being totally weak, lacking strength and control of my lower back, effectively stopping me from functioning in the world in the way I normally do.

So we got to work.
Him asking. Me responding.
Him paying very close attention to the energies, where they took me, what they had me do.
Scratch my forehead.
Peck on his knee with my finger.
He had me describing the pain; the location of it; the size of it; the shape of it; the sensation of it.

For an hour (or so?! I don’t know…) we continued, with me sensing into the pain, discovering the connection to old Helena (the one I was, before… The one that started to transform into new Helena, i.e. me, a few weeks before the birth of my first child) as well as Warrior Helena, my longings, needs, fears. Delving into my relationship to these two archetypes of Me, as well as noticing the shifting sensation in my back. Melancholy, tears, disgust, disappointment, the disembodied feeling of being a Brain and a Body rather than an integrated Being. Coming to understand the need to make allies with both old Helena and Warrior Helena.

That’s the message.
With the neck, my body told me to communicate with others.
With the lower back, my body is telling me to communicate with me. All of me. All aspects of me. To make all parts of me my allies, and not enemies, or parts to be ignored, taken for granted or be ashamed of. 

It’s hard to put into words, but in a gentle way a lot of ground was covered, a lot of work done. When done, D asked: How’s the back now? I smiled at him, wiggled about on the sofa a bit, afraid to show him what I believed to be true: that the pain was gone. So after stalling for a while – wanting to live in the hope that what I sensed from my lower back was true, rather than the fear of trying it out only to discover it wasn’t – I stood up, bent over, touched the floor without the least bit of problem or pain, danced around a bit, grinning from ear to ear: The pain is gone. Gone!

Oh!
The relief – the constant background pain, similar to the low-murmuring noise of ventilation. The relief when the pain disappears equal to that which occurs when the ventilation suddenly shuts down.
Amazement – how is this possible? Talking, sensing, doing the work, and all of a sudden, the pain is just gone?
Gratitude – how lucky am I, to have a friend like D. Someone who can help me find out more about myself, the messages my body is desperately trying to tell me, guiding me in the process of discovery. He’s done it before, he’ll do it again.
Wonderment!

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