Search Results for fear

Lovingkindness, a way to let go of hesitation and fear

Lovingkindness, a way to let go of hesitation and fear

February 29, 2020
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Three days a week, there’s a prompt in The Creative’s Workshop. Something to ponder, to reflect and act upon, to respond to. Prompt number 8 called for action, and as much as it scared me, at first, once done, I’d shed a ton of anxiety and hesitation. 

This sentence hit’s the bullseye. Spot on. Hurtfully so:
It’s not that you can’t organize and ship a minimum lovable product. It’s simply that you’re hesitating.

You see, I want to do more with #tankespjärn than I have been doing so far, and yes I am afraid. I am hesitant. I fear failure.

Deep inhalation!
Letting it out.

Lovingkindness.
Breathe in love. Breathe out fear.
Breathe in strength. Breathe out hesitation.
Breathe in determination. Breathe out fear of failure.
Breathe in courage. Breathe out poor excuses.
Breathe in words from the Angel’s advocate. Breathe out words from the Devil’s advocate.
Breathe in just do it. Breathe out procrastination.

That’s what I wrote. To get myself ready to do the work the prompt actually called for, which was to make a list of steps that will take me (closer) to what it is I want to create, and then list what I need to do to make each step a reality. 

After spending 15-20 minutes on it, there I was, with a list of five steps with a number of actionable to-dos for each one. And all of a sudden, anxiety and hesitation are replaced with a sensation informing me that This is doable!

 

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My greatest fears

November 17, 2016
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Have joined up for the 30 days of being fearless-Facebook group started by Billie Allen. *And yes, it’s another numbered time-constrained challenge. You know I’m a sucker for these by now!*

One post in the Facebook-group read:

If you could overcome your greatest fears, how would your life be different? How would you be different?

Here’s my reply:

“Greatest fears”. It sounds so grand, so large. 

I believe my “greatest fears” are in reality fairly small… not daring to speak up, to make the most of the gifts I have to bring to the world, to stand up for someone in need for fear of being harassed myself, or ridiculed, etc.

FearsI am on a journey to walk thru my fears, not to “overcome” them as such, but to live life, and pass thru them, not having them be a hindrance, but rather, a possible bump in the road onwards, that gives the journey it’s texture. 

As I bump thru my fears, I become more me. Less restrictive, less mindful of what other people might or might not think about me, more in tune with my thoughts and emotions, daring to show my feelings, laugh out loud when I feel like laughing, sing to a great song when I hear it, regardless if I’m on a plane or alone at home. Less worried, less concerned with expecting stuff from myself and/or others, more exuberant, living life more fully, with up’s and down, more interested in people. Being less afraid, I’ve gotten to be a much better listener, no longer afraid of what might arise within myself from the stories I’m told. 

It’s an ongoing journey and I enjoy every twist and turn of the road, being less concerned about what I would have deemed right or wrong, good or bad, in the past.

Namaste!

If you could overcome your greatest fears, how would your life be different? How would you be different?

Since 2012 I have blogged over at herothecoach.com in a jumble of Swedish and English and this post is a sample of what I’ve been writing there over the years. As of 2016 I only write in Swedish there, and in English here. I hope you enjoy this #ThrowbackThursday, originally published here, and if you do, please subscribe to updates so you won’t miss out on future posts.
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Doing gentle – 25 – Fear brings an invite

July 3, 2016
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I used to run away from fear. Fear scared me. I thought it was something to avoid, at all costs, that which fear was warning me about. Then I got into a different relationship with fear. I learned to ask myself a verifying question to see if the fear was real, as it were, or just a figment of my imagination.

Should I send out an SOS?

(Dial 112, or 911, call the police, the fire department, an ambulance, however this is done where you live.)

Most often. (Almost always… or actually, always.) The answer would be no. The police wouldn’t come, there was no fire to put out, and none was in harm’s way. Most often, (almost always… or actually, always), it was imagined. Fear of speaking my mind. Of showing up. Of making myself visible.jump

Then it shifted again. My relationship with fear took on a third form. And this time, fear has a totally different energy to it. There’s bubbles in it. Excitement. An edge, telling me, here’s something you might want to try, my friend. An invitation, that’s what fear brings today, to me. An invitation, to step up, to level up, to become that which is within my grasp, that which I can choose to do, to be, to become. Speak my mind. Show up. Be visible.

No longer hide in the shadows of my imagined fear, but rather step into being all that I can be.

An invitation to dance. Dance in the light. Dance with the world. Dance with that which knocks at the door. Once it comes a-knocking, it’s up to me to accept the invite, or not. My choice.

Welcome to my humble abode, where the underlying tone centers around being gentle to oneself. On Sundays I share thoughts on how I do gentle, and I hope you enjoy it. If you do, please subscribe to updates so you won’t miss out on future posts in this series.

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Putting ourselves out there

June 28, 2020
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The Creative’s Workshop has been a truly transformative experience, partaking in something like this, especially during the times we are living in–the workshop started beginning of February 2020, just before COVID-19 and the Coronavirus-pandemic sort of became a reality for us all–feels like a meant-to-be-moment in my life.

As the workshop is coming to an end, many of us are reluctant to let go, a reluctance akin to that which I believe humans feel upon leaving the womb. It’s been nourishing and sheltered and has felt very safe and loving, and yet… outside, that’s where everything learned from within the bubble is to manifest. Because we do live in a world of form, a physical world, putting ourselves out there is of importance. That’s how we seed generosity, that’s how we share of ourselves, our fears and favorites, our mishaps and major wins, our questions, insights and creative outputs.

The very final Open Mic, organized by one of the groups created within the workshop, has a record turn-out, and even though I’ve only understood the beauty of the Open Mic these past 4-5 weeks, participating in them has been one of many highlights of my TCW-exploration.

So I want to share a bit of the glory of TCW with you, the out there-part of the world.

Here’s a new take on Arlette Manassehs limerick, put into visuals by Manu Satsangi:

Timmy Riordan sang the most beautiful song for us: Lean into Me

Laura Tucker of the Free your inner guru-podcast shared a bit of her experience recording an episode with Charles Wilson, which can be found here: Music is Medicine

Jayashree Krishnan, who painted Pop the cat for me, painted a smashing portrait of Seth Godin (who’s the man behind the Akimbo workshops, along with a crew of skilled professionals and coaches!) during the Open Mic, who’s also got a GoFundMe-project for a series of watercolors on care-workers that she’s been sharing within and without TCW. Please check it out, fund it, and share the word!

And then there was Isabel Núñez Cortés sharing a piece of her music, from a scoring competition she’s participating in. My take, listening to the music while watching the video was: But… What? This i s n ‘ t the real score for this video? It sounds just like it’s supposed to! 

I could go on, given the fact that there were 20+ people on the celebratory final OM, but… I won’t. Or. I might… in the future. But not now. I think you’ve already gotten enough to go around for a long time (cuz I am totally counting on y’all to click and view and listen and share and subscribe and fund and seed generosity in any way, shape or form you can!). And I want to make sure everyone listens to Charles Wilson (same one who’s participating in Laura’s podcast) on George Floyd and the Struggle for Equality which he played live as the finale of the OM-finale, and man… that was a m a z i n g to witness:

It’s been an honor to be a part of this workshop as well as these Open Mic-sessions!

❤️   

(But how can I stop here? When I haven’t said a word about Kathy Karn or Jim Grady, not to mention Amandawhom I have mentioned about before though!– or Jennifer or Sue or… 

Someone.
Please.
Make me stop!

But how can I?)

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I am not alone.

June 20, 2020
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Today we recorded another episode of Buddhas by the Roadside, spending most of the time talking about (dis)embodiment. Somewhere along the lines of conversation, jumping from bare feet, to menstrual cycles, to what gets schooled out of humans during childhood and in adult life, the amazement of the designs behind the human body as well as the bodies of tigers and penguins and house-cats, I was reminded of this passage, which I’d read earlier in the morning. It can be found on June 19th in The Book of Awakening by Mark Nepo.

”This is why it helps to share our journey with others, because in so doing we become a chorus of voices, and the stress of going solo lessens once we discover that we are not alone.”

I don’t remember what stepping stone(s) brought me to it in the Buddhas-conversation, but I remember why I’d snapped a photo of it upon reading it. When I went for the shotgun-approach *again*, caught myself in the act, and then sort-of did a combo shotgun/sniper rifle-approach instead, one of my fellow The Creative’s Workshoppers got inspired and wrote something along the lines of taking my lead.

”This is why it helps to share our journey with others, because in so doing we become a chorus of voices, and the stress of going solo lessens once we discover that we are not alone.”

As I read these lines, I was reminded of how happy that made me. The knowing (!) that I am not alone.

For some reason (I believe it to be deep, the need to know we are not alone. Deeply existential. The most basic fear of humans is that of being shunned. We are not solitary creatures.) knowing she’d follow along, had me exhale. In relief. Knowing (!) I am not alone.

And. If I hold it in, whatever it is that has me think I am the only person on Earth feeling this… If I hold it in, not giving anyone the opportunity, the possibility, to reach out a hand, tap me on the shoulder, and gently say Oh my friend, I know what you are feeling. Been there, done that. You are not alone.

Indeed, sharing is caring holds multiple meanings.
And I am enamored with them all.


#tankespjärn, for those who wish to discover. More. Other. New.
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Women Who Run With the Wolves (book 5 of 12)

June 13, 2020
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Women Who Run With the Wolves.
By Clarissa Pinkola Estés.

In a sense. That’s enough.
You should simply get a hold of this book and read it. Regardless if you’ve read it before or not. Read it.

”Creativity is a shapechanger.”

550 pages of gold. Pure gold.
I would estimate that less than 20% of those pages have escaped my pen, my marginalia is on most every page. And there’s probably at least 100 dog-ears as well, pointing to the absolute gems of the book. The pieces I simply cannot imagine not being able to easily find again.

”As we create, this wild and mysterious being is creating us in return, filling us with love. We are evoked in the way creatures are evoked by sun and water. we are made so alive that we in turn give life out; we burst, we bloom, we divide and multiply, we impregnate, incubate, impart, give forth.”

The quotes I’ve chosen are from the chapter named Clear Water: Nourishing the Creative Life, and this book will forever be intimately linked within me, with The Creative’s Workshop, which I started about the same time I picked up the book. Even more so the weekly Reading Retreats I’ve shared with a few of my fellow workshoppers, which is where I’ve gotten a lot of hours into this book.

”If you are scared, scared to fail, I say begin already, fail if you must, pick yourself up, start again. If you fail again, you fail. So what? Begin again. It is not the failure that holds us back but the reluctance to begin over again that causes us to stagnate. If you’re scared, so what? If you’re afraid something’s going to leap out and bite you, then for heaven’s sake, get it over with already. Let your fear leap out and bite you so you can get it over with and go on. You will get over it. The fear will pass. In this case, it is better if you meet it head-on, feel it, and get it over with, than to keep using it to avoid cleaning up the river.”

As this is one of the twelve English books I’ve chosen to do book reflections on upon finishing them, the simple fact that I’ve written not just one, but two blog posts referring to Women Who Run With the Wolves before the official blog post on it, says a lot.

The fact that I’ve brought it up in threads in The Creative’s Workshop more than ten times, adds even more weight.

And then there’s the realization that this is The Book I would bring with me to a deserted island if ever asked that somewhat cheesy question What book would you bring with you to a deserted island? I imagine I will be rereading it over and over again. Or simply use this book as my daily companion (replacing The Book of Awakening, perchance?), picking it up, flicking to a random page, and reading a stanza or two.

”A powerful way to renew or strengthen one’s intention or action that has become fatigued is to throw some ideas away, and focus.
Take three hairs out of your endeavor and throw them to the ground. There they become like a wake-up call. Throwing them down makes a psychic noise, a chime, a resonance in the woman’s spirit that causes activity to occur again. The sound of some of one’s many ideas falling away becomes like an announcement of a new era or a new opportunity.”

Now you’ve gotten even more, and yet, only from one chapter. And there’s. So. Much. More.
So. If you weren’t convinced when I wrote this to start with, I write it again:
Get a hold of this book and read it. Regardless if you’ve read it before or not. Read it.


The book I am blogging about is part of the book-reading challenge I’ve set for myself during 2020, to read and blog monthly about 12 Swedish and 12 English books, books that I already own.

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Playing hide-and-seek

June 4, 2020
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There is so much I see at the moment.

I see me, my reactions to what’s happening around me/us, my thoughts, fears, hopes, wishes.

I see you, your reactions to what’s happening around you/us, and even though I cannot see your thoughts, fears, hopes, wishes, I sense them for sure.

This. Might. Become.
Another one of those texts that I need to sit with, a text, a message, a something I want to get out. It’s cooking inside me. I have hardly started to get it on print, but it’s percolating inside heart and head alike. It’s a visceral, physical something as well as transient thoughts playing hide-and-seek with me.

Again, I don’t feel up to it, not right now. I want to bring it my very best, and that is not where I am. I am spent. So I take a break.
Spot the poppies in the garden through the kitchen window, so I bring my phone with me, step outside, and let myself see them, feel them.

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What makes you not a Buddhist (book 4 of 12)

May 8, 2020
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Dzongsar Jamyang Khyentse, author of What makes you not a Buddhist, has really managed to clarify for me what makes me not a Buddhist, and consequently, what would make me a Buddhist. I appreciate his take on this, and the book, short and easy-read that it is, is very informative and to-the-point.

”All compounded things are impermanent.
All emotions are pain.
All things have no inherent existence.
Nirvana is beyond concepts.”

If you do not accept these four truths, you would not be a Buddhist.
If you do, well, then… you are?!

”The recognition of impermanence is the key to freedom from fear of remaining forever stuck in a situation, habit, or pattern.”

Finished reading the book, and the morning after, was sent day 19 of the 21 days of Abundance-meditation by the (Deepak) Chopra Center. And funnily enough, the exercise for the day, attached to the meditation, centers around the parable of This too shall pass.

And I have to say, in my ever-deepening knowing of this, through and through, I find life more enjoyable to life. The high’s. The low’s. The nothing-much-is-happening-at-all’s. All of it.

”[…] when we remember that things are impermanent, we are less likely to be enslaved by assumptions, rigid beliefs (both religious and secular), value systems, or blind faith. Such awareness prevents us from getting caught up in all kinds of personal, political, and relationship dramas. We begin to know that things are not entirely under our control and never will be, so there is no expectation for things to go according to our hopes and fears.”

This is right up my alley, and something that greatly helps me in life. But no. I don’t see myself as a Buddhist, nor do I have any desire too. But I also want to clarify that in no way, does this mean that I don’t feel. That I don’t cry tears of despair as well as tears of the utmost joy.

I do. And I want to.
In no way do I want to go through life numb.
But knowing that whatever is, is right now and not forever, makes it easier to feel in the now, and not fall down the rabbit hole (at least not as often, as long, or as easily) of getting stuck in remembrance of feeling into what was, or imagining what might be.
Being here. Now.
Knowing nothing lasts forever. 

Recognizing the instability of causes and conditions leads us to understand our own power to transform obstacles and make the impossible possible. This is true in every area of life.


The book I am blogging about is part of the book-reading challenge I’ve set for myself during 2020, to read and blog monthly about 12 Swedish and 12 English books, books that I already own.

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The generous thing is asking for help.

May 5, 2020
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Yes. The generous thing is asking for help.

And. Of course, this can be misused, everything can be misused!

So if you are a person asking for help a lot, when you ask, why are you asking?
What’s your reason? What’s your rationale? Is it a habit you’ve gotten into, a way to get out of taking responsibility for your own life? Is it a way to skirt your issues, your fears, your perceived inadequacies? In a sense, is you asking a way for you to hinder yourself (unconsciously) from growing, from learning, from expanding as a human being? A way of belittling yourself? Or is it truly because you’ve done the work, and are asking when appropriate, which I wrote in yesterday’s post as well? If so, yes, yes, yes, the generous thing is asking for help!

And if you are a person constantly asked to help, when you help, why are you helping?
What’s your reason? What’s your rationale? Is it a habit you’ve gotten into, a way to get out of taking responsibility for your own life? Is it a way to skirt your issues, your fears, your perceived inadequacies? In a sense, is your helping a way for you to hinder yourself (unconsciously) from growing, from learning, from expanding as a human being? A way of belittling yourself? Or is it truly because you’ve done the work, and are helping from a place of you taking responsibility for answering/helping truthfully, which I wrote in yesterday’s post as well? If so, yes, yes, yes, the generous thing is helping!

These aspects are really important to take into consideration

Based on a knowing that people are holding themselves (self-)worthy, (self-)responsible and (self-)honored, regardless if asking or helping, or in any other situation, I am much freer to Be in the world without taking on what is not mine to take on (There’s my business, your business and God’s business, to quote Byron Katie). This knowing might well be called an assumption. And I am not prone to liking assumptions, given that assumptions are the mother of all fuck-ups, and yet… this might well be one of those instances where it actually does serve me.


#tankespjärn, for those who wish to discover. More. Other. New.
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Not wanting to ask for help

May 4, 2020
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Like a constant hum in the background, the insistence on not wanting to ask for help. I hear it from many, most even. It’s uncomfortable, it feels scary, in part perhaps due to thoughts about belittling oneself by asking? Or is it more to do with not knowing that the answer will be favorable, and from fear of the unknown, the uncontrollable, it’s easier to simply bore down into whatever it is and try to manage by yourself, instead of putting yourself through the risk of being turned down?

One of the interesting facts about help – almost no-one claims to like asking for help, but most everyone loves to help. So the generous thing is to ask for help, when appropriate, giving others an opportunity to step in and help.

For me, asking for help is something I’ve gotten quite good at, in large part due to the fact that since childhood I have a friend who’s a great helper, and at the same time, someone who would never say that she can help if she cannot. So I know, upon asking, that if she says Yes, it’s unequivocal, and if she says No, it’s because she cannot. Making it very easy for me to ask, as I know she takes full responsibility for answering truthfully. And when there’s a No, it’s not because she doesn’t like me, or thinks I am silly to ask, or… you know, all those dead-ends the mind has a habit of detouring into now and again.

But is there a difference between asking for Help versus asking for Assistance? Or is that difference purely semantic? And, equally important to ponder, is there a difference between Helping versus Assisting?


#tankespjärn, for those who wish to discover. More. Other. New.
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