acceptance

Garden TLC

Garden TLC

May 14, 2020
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Monday. No gardening. None. 

Tuesday. No gardening. Not even a chance at it, except if I’d done it before leaving home at seven am, or after coming home at 10 pm. And not even I am that bonkers…

Wednesday. Cold as h*ll, especially so after a weekend of Swedish summer temperatures, which immediately had me acclimatized. Donned cap, gloves and winter coat before headed out to water my garden beds. So yes. 30 minutes – check.

Thursday. Warmer, though no summer heat exactly. Donned garden garb plus cap, and went out at 7 pm, with a Zoom call scheduled for 8 pm. Put more soil onto of the potato shoots peeping up. Planted three squash-plants and four kale plants. Potted the remaining seven squash-plants (where on earth should I put these? They are up for grabs if anyone is interested!) as well as three of the nine tomatoes I bought from a neighbor the other week. The thirty-minute mark came and went, and I stayed at it for another fifteen minutes, before reluctantly putting the tools away in my garden shed, and brought my potted kale, tomatoes and squash plants back indoors with me, to continue their softening process tomorrow morning. This way, in case the kale, squash and tomatoes I planted outside today will not make it, I have some spare plants left.

Oh…
How I enjoy looking at my garden, witnessing its response to my lavishing it with tender love and care (and a dab of water or two).
And even more, the joy at realizing how important and nurturing it is to be in it. With it.
Plants, soil, water. The green color. The brown, the black, the budding flowers. 

What a grand source of wellbeing and connection to all that is.
And how happy I am to simply enjoy it. No Musts. Just Wants.
Once in a while, however much I want to, it just won’t be. And that’s as it is. Nothing more. Nothing less. Acceptance.

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I do now.

March 20, 2020
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When I think back and – gently – lay my eyes on Helena of the past, I can see the strain. The harsh inner dialogue. The insecurity, the lack of self-honoring, the constant belittling of myself. Not thinking I was good enough, never ever good enough. Knowing, somehow, that I’ve lots to give (as we all do), but not knowing what, not knowing how (to birth it), not being in touch with it.

I do now.

My inner dialogue has changed completely. I am gentle with myself today, gentle with an edge. #Tankespjärn provides that edge. (And it’s along the edges the magic happens.) Having learned to do #tankespjärn, to humbly receive it, to generously gift it to those who are interested, I have had such a pivotal shift in life, from being the most negative person I’ve ever encountered… into something completely different. Perhaps not the most positive person alive, but heck, I sure do have a hard time staying pissed, annoyed, angry, for longer periods. And most often, I am in full acceptance of what is, instead of wasting my energy on refusing to accept what is.

From this point of acceptance, I can create. Freely.
Reshape what is, into what it can and wants to become.

#tankespjärn is the essence of this pivotal shift of my life, which has me Live today, not simply go through the motion. That’s why I want to share it, with anyone who wants to receive it.

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When breath becomes air

February 4, 2017
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in Tip
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When breath becomes airWowed.
By the beauty of the language.
By the vulnerability and gentleness of Paul.
By the hard-earnedness of the insights shared.

A must-read.
A book I know I will be able to read, over and over again, and always find something new in.

The foreword alone, is a magnificent read – by Abraham Verghese, author of another book that wowed me, in much the same way. Similar and yet, different. But the language. The beauty of the language, the skill of using words, of stringing them together, into sentences and paragraphs that move me, shaking me to my core. Brings tears to my eyes, and lets me soar high on the winds of possibility. All at the same time.

In the acceptance, the experience, of death, Paul Kalanithi generously shares with us a gift, that lasts long after his passing. A passing I cannot help feel was premature. So much he could have continued to give, to his loved ones, patients and colleagues, and to the world.

But I had perhaps not heard of him then – and the same might go for many a people. And it becomes apparent to me, as I read, that the focus within, that says this was not fair, he should have lived much longer, isn’t serving me. It retracts from the message of the book, and so I let it go. Stop resisting, and fall into acceptance, as I read, feverishly, page after page, turning them quickly, not wanting to miss a word and at the same time eager for the next page to reveal its beauty to me. And in accepting, the gift of Paul sharing what he learns as he walks into the valley of death, expands my world, with every breath I take. And then…. breath becomes air.

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Doing gentle – 31 – Acceptance.

August 14, 2016
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I think many people mistake Acceptance for Submission. Submitting to what ever is. For me, that’s not at all what I put into Acceptance. Submission is victimhood. Acceptance is taking ownership. Acceptance means to learn to be ok with what is.

The world is unfair.

My hair doesn’t seem to want to grow longer than slightly below my shoulders, however much I would love for even longer hair.

I can sing, but there are some people in my choir who can sing much better than me. 

My boss said some really shitty things about me at the last gathering at work.

Submission – would be to make yourself the victim here.

contrastThe world is unfair. I am just one person, there’s nothing I can do to make the world a better place.

My hair doesn’t seem to want to grow longer than slightly below my shoulders, however much I would love for even longer hair. Poor me, I will never have the kind of flowing waist-long hair that I see in commercials.

I can sing, but there are some people in my choir who can sing much better than me. I might as well give up singing in my choir, given that I will never be as good as these people.

My boss said some really shitty things about me at the last gathering at work. Its so unfair, he shouldn’t have said those things about me, especially not in front of all my colleagues. I feel so ashamed, what must everyone think of me?

Acceptance – means you see that this is what happened. You accept that this happened, because it did. You accept that the world is unfair, that my hair is the length it is, that I can sing the way I sing, and that my boss said what he said. I cannot make this not have happened. Because it did. The next step to Acceptance, for me, is that I can then work on what I want to happen here. I can make my energy go into making what I want to be, what I want to happen, rather than fight that which is.

The world is unfair. Yes. I get to engage in organizations or causes that work at changing this. I am but one person and I cannot do everything, but I can, and will, do what I can, to leave the world a better place when I am gone.

My hair doesn’t seem to want to grow longer than slightly below my shoulders, however much I would love for even longer hair. Yes. That means I get to be patient, to see if my hair will actually grow longer. I also get to enjoy the fact that my hair is much longer now than it’s ever been since I was a wee lass.

I can sing, but there are some people in my choir who can sing much better than me. Yes. Lucky me! I get to enjoy singing together with these wonderful singers, learn from them, and practice my own singing, so I can be the best singer I can be.

My boss said some really shitty things about me at the last gathering at work. Yes. He must have been in a really bad place within himself, to act that way. What ever that was about within him, it certainly didn’t have anything to do with me.

Acceptance. To accept that which is, in order to be in a better position, stronger, fully loaded, to put all my energy into that which I believe or know can be.

Welcome to my humble abode, where the underlying tone centers around being gentle to oneself. On Sundays I share thoughts on how I do gentle, and I hope you enjoy it. If you do, please subscribe to updates so you won’t miss out on future posts in this series.

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