agreement

The gift of coaching

The gift of coaching

March 17, 2020
/ / /

This morning started with me getting a gift, the gift of coaching a wise woman, assisting her in finding insight and just-do-it-determination.

But… isn’t the gift hers then?

Well. Yes. That too.

But what I find true in most coaching sessions I do (when they are done… hm. How can I phrase this? When it makes sense for me to coach said person, when it’s truly a mutual agreement, and when there is absolutely no sense of me doing it just to be kind. Those coaching sessions!) is that they are truly a gift for me as well. I am reminded of my own wisdom, I am inspired by my client’s journey, and their struggles and bumps-in-the-road help me shine a light on similar aspects in my own life.

The synchronicity is palpable and that’s another signal that we are a good match. When what my clients are working on is a different shade of grey perchance, but still, close enough to my shade at the moment, I am kept on my toes. I do my utmost to keep just ahead of my client, in order to serve to the last drop of my capacity, knowing that at anytime my client will leap ahead of me, having me stretch farther, giving it my all to catch up and just, barely, pass them by again.

It means I do the work, and they do the work, and when we meet up, there are synergies, even though, don’t get me wrong, while I am coaching, I coach. I am fully present with my client and they are in the driver’s seat. My agenda, my needs, do not take center stage. But whatever I am working on at the moment is there. It’s present, and that presence is, to my experience, of service to the process.

(And I know coaches are not supposed to admit this. But hey. Perhaps that’s why I am not interested in having clients who are “way behind me” [don’t get me wrong here! There’s no judgment to this, just discernment on my part.] but rather those that are but a step behind me, helping me keep sharp and at my best. I would not have thought of this without these two questions coming from coach Dave: Who can I coach? And who do I want to coach? Great questions those!)

Read More

Longing for tomorrow

January 20, 2017
/ / /

So I found this article, with the long and cumbersome title:
I polled 1,500 people about their best relationship advice – and everyone said the same thing.

I read it.

Pondered a bit.

Wrote down the advice-headings, with the intent of writing my reflections to each piece of advice.

And now. I’ve been acting on it. And as I read the article a few weeks ago, for the past week, as I have been sitting with this, the content of the article itself isn’t top of mind… which I think is good. It makes it easier for me to let go and see what comes to me, when I read them:

  1. Be together for the right reasons
  2. Have realistic expectations about relationships and romance
  3. The most important factor in a relationship is not communication, but respect
  4. Talk openly about everything, especially the stuff that hurts
  5. A healthy relationship means two healthy individuals
  6. Give each other space
  7. You and your partner will grow and change in unexpected ways
  8. Get good at fighting
  9. Get good at forgiving
  10. The little things add up to big things
  11. Sex matters… a lot
  12. Be practical and create relationship rules
  13. Learn to ride the waves

There they are, the common threads of 1500 people giving Mark Manson the basis of the article, condensed into these thirteen statements. As I write, I agree with some, tweak others and cringe at a few. As usual, when writing, I observe myself. Seeing what happens, as I let the words form, spotting feelings, beliefs, wishes and desires, fears and sensitive topics, and – most of all – expectations.

sproutOh, these expectations! Seldom voiced, rather thought internally, with the hope that through osmosis or mind-reading they will automatically pop into the mind of the expectee. And how rarely it works. So I am thrilled at spotting them, getting them down on paper, sometimes even working out a draft agreement I would like to suggest, as a way to get out from underneath the trappings of expectations.

This weekend, I might just make good use of these observations and ideas, written down – visualized – dreams and desires.

It’s as if I’ve collected a fair amount of building blocks, that can be used to craft and create something new; letting it sprout, whatever it will be. Something that better serves Me, and You, and as a direct consequence; better serves Us (throwback to advice number five).

I breathe in. Breathe out.
And long for tomorrow, open to whatever will come.

Read More