assumptions

The generous thing is asking for help.

The generous thing is asking for help.

May 5, 2020
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Yes. The generous thing is asking for help.

And. Of course, this can be misused, everything can be misused!

So if you are a person asking for help a lot, when you ask, why are you asking?
What’s your reason? What’s your rationale? Is it a habit you’ve gotten into, a way to get out of taking responsibility for your own life? Is it a way to skirt your issues, your fears, your perceived inadequacies? In a sense, is you asking a way for you to hinder yourself (unconsciously) from growing, from learning, from expanding as a human being? A way of belittling yourself? Or is it truly because you’ve done the work, and are asking when appropriate, which I wrote in yesterday’s post as well? If so, yes, yes, yes, the generous thing is asking for help!

And if you are a person constantly asked to help, when you help, why are you helping?
What’s your reason? What’s your rationale? Is it a habit you’ve gotten into, a way to get out of taking responsibility for your own life? Is it a way to skirt your issues, your fears, your perceived inadequacies? In a sense, is your helping a way for you to hinder yourself (unconsciously) from growing, from learning, from expanding as a human being? A way of belittling yourself? Or is it truly because you’ve done the work, and are helping from a place of you taking responsibility for answering/helping truthfully, which I wrote in yesterday’s post as well? If so, yes, yes, yes, the generous thing is helping!

These aspects are really important to take into consideration

Based on a knowing that people are holding themselves (self-)worthy, (self-)responsible and (self-)honored, regardless if asking or helping, or in any other situation, I am much freer to Be in the world without taking on what is not mine to take on (There’s my business, your business and God’s business, to quote Byron Katie). This knowing might well be called an assumption. And I am not prone to liking assumptions, given that assumptions are the mother of all fuck-ups, and yet… this might well be one of those instances where it actually does serve me.


#tankespjärn, for those who wish to discover. More. Other. New.
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Critical chain (book 2 of 12)

February 16, 2020
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My guess is this book has been standing unread in my bookshelf for the better part of 12-13 years or so. Possibly even longer, who knows. (Imagine if books could tell their stories? I mean, the individual book: Oh yeah, I remember the day she picked me up at the bookstore and brought me home, I was so thrilled, but honestly, I’ve been feeling extremely neglected for the better part of 1,5 decade…) The book in question is Critical chain by Eliyahu M. Goldratt.

Being involved in a project building a manufacturing site for pharma, the book called out to me when it was time to pick my 12 + 12 books. Had I not had this current project top of mind, it would likely have stayed on the bookshelf for another decade or so.

Reading it, I’ve underlined several passages directly relating to my project managing quandaries du jour, but none of that is especially interesting outside the scope of project management. However, there’s this one passage that directly relates to another one of my current ventures, the most-likely-or-at-least-hopefully-soon-to-be-released-podcast-adventure I am on with Caspian and Dominic.

“Presenting a problem as a conflict between two necessary conditions makes a lot of sense. But I was almost programmed to proceed to find a compromise. In academia we don’t call it compromise, we call it optimize. Three-quarters of my articles are optimization models of some kind. You can imagine how difficult it was for me to accept that a much better solution, or even solutions, emerge by refusing to attempt to find a compromise, and instead concentrating on exposing the underlying assumptions.”

The I of the quote is Johnny Fisher, a professor at a university, in this fictionalized business/project management-skills book. If you’ve read The monk who sold his Ferrari by Robin Sharma, you know the type of book this is. If you haven’t, well, basically it’s a novel teaching a specific project management skill.

Concentrating on exposing the underlying assumptions.

That sentence jumps out at me, almost punching me in the nose with its insistent underlying message. For many years, and many times, I’ve said that assumptions are the mother of all fuck-ups, and so far I’ve yet to be proven wrong. And at the same time, assumptions can be so sly, so cunning, undercover bordering on stealth-like, elusive as a unicorn, because what they point to is my personal truths. And those just are. I don’t question them. I am rarely aware of them, they just are. So how, then, to expose them? Perhaps in different words, but still, that’s one thing we are looking at in the podcast-adventure.


The book I am blogging about is part of the book-reading challenge I’ve set for myself during 2020, to read and blog monthly about 12 Swedish and 12 English books, books that I already own.

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Advent Calendar – December 16, 2019

December 16, 2019
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I admit.

I went to Kenya fairly certain I would be able to find stuff that I would do differently or knew just the right way to improve on, or that I had “the answer” to.

Prejudice. I admit.
I was. I am.

On item after item, I was proven wrong in my assumptions.
I thought I’d know better… and yet, here I was, over and over again, being proven wrong as well as impressed by what I saw.

Like the Suggestions-box on the office wall. I took the photo at the Nyongoro plantation, but I saw the same type of box at the Kiambere plantation as well as at the head office in Nairobi.

You see, two of the founders of Better Globe have spent a good deal of time helping companies in Kenya and Uganda achieve ISO 9000-standard. ISO 9000 is the family of quality management standards of the International Organization for Standardization and as such is a globally recognized standard. Working many years in the pharmaceutical industry, I’ve come across the standard many a times, and have even given two-day trainings in Quality Management Systems with a focus on ISO 9001.

Better Globe Forestry (BGF) operates according to all the best practices (and a few next ones at that!) of the quality standard – and the suggestion boxes were but one of the most visible clues around – without actually being certified, because knowing the standard as well as they do, the management of BGF also knows there’s no real point to them being certified. And that actually impresses me even more! This is what quality should be about – doing the best you can, while operating under a continuous improvement cycle, regardless of whether you happen to be certified or not. There are companies out there who have chosen to become certified, for the certification, rather than because they want to run and operate the best company they can. But not BGF, they go the other way. They use the standard, for the quality aspects of it, because they do want to run and operate the best company they can.

What I saw throughout the trip impressed me. Greatly.

And not just me, even though my fellow travel companions – CEOs, CFOs, marketing directors, investors, high-level coaches, management consultants, and I don’t know all. Many years of experience that’s for sure! – aren’t the ones writing this blog. I am. But I promise, we were a l l, unanimously, very impressed with what we saw.

So yeah. Rightly so, I was stripped of my prejudices, and I am frigging glad I was!


Advent Calendar for 2019: sharing pictures and stories/reflections from my trip to Kenya in June. I went to visit “my trees” and get a hands-on experience of the social entrepreneurship of the Kenyan forestry company that I buy trees through.

Full disclosure: I am proud to say I am both a customer and an ambassador for the company. If you are curious to find out more, let me know and I’ll gladly get in touch with you! Here’s my sponsored link: https://betterglobe.com/27216 

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#blogg100 – Generous assumptions.

April 15, 2017
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What’s the most generous assumption that I can make about his response while still acknowledging my own feelings and needs?

Brené Brown is speaking about her husband, telling a story from their marriage. Being vulnerable, and showing all her struggles, her misinterpretations, her expectations and fears.

What’s the most generous assumption that I can make about someone’s response while still acknowledging my own feelings and needs?

What a great question to carry with me, in any setting, any relationship, any conversation with a tendency to turn sour. Because here’s the stinger: it’s all make belief anyway. I mean, whatever assumption I make, I am making an assumption, i.e. making up a reason for what caused you to do what you did, or to omit to do what you should have done. Why not make that assumption as generously as possible, giving me some breathing room and most definitely putting rose-tinted glasses on? Why would I ever do the opposite? Making an assumption that puts you in the worst possible standing in front of my eyes, making you out to be the worst monster on earth – why would I do that? Causing me heartache, and sending that energy right back at you, likely causing you heartache as well.

BoldomaticPost_with-a-generous-spiritNo, better to be generous. As kind as I possibly can. I can experience being snubbed, stood up, taken for granted or any number of other feelings, all of which might hurt, in one way or another. But thinking generous thoughts about your possible reasons for doing – or omitting to doing in some cases – it, makes it less of a problem really. It takes away a lot of the hurt inside. And when I am being generous in my mind, towards you, it’s actually easier for me to act in the same manner towards myself. From that view point, it’s a lot easier, and likely much more constructive, to voice my needs and acknowledge my feelings. When I speak from my perspective, with a generous spirit, I am less likely to cast blame on others and fall into the role of the victim.

I’ll be playing around with this for a while, and I’d love for you to join me:
What’s the most generous assumption that I can make about someone’s response while still acknowledging my own feelings and needs?

#Blogg100 challenge in 2017 – post number 46 of 100.
The book “Rising strong” by Brené Brown.
English posts here, Swedish at
herothecoach.com.

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