Follow up – February 2019 – As I am.

Follow up – February 2019 – As I am.

March 2, 2019
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I intend to go through my intentions for the year at the end of each month. This gives me a monthly reminder of my intentions as well as ample space for reflection and possible adjustment.

During February my back has been messing me up in a number of ways. Or… messing me up, might not be the proper phrasing. My back has helped me look at “as I am” with new eyes. And that’s actually really cool. So I will be letting go of a few of my specified goals, all the while continuing to explore these intentions in different ways, in the company of both D and D. More on that to come, in other words!

2019. The year when I will…
* have my bodily wellbeing in focus by:

  • continuing with my daily Seven accompanied by burpees: ✅for February, even though I chose to stop with my daily burpees on February 27th. After 1005 days of at least one, and often many more burpees.
  • Headspace daily: ✅
  • run a minimum of  75 runs: 1 run2 in February. This goal might also be one that’s a possible contender for a change, with me raking a run when the body wants it, rather than “because I said so”.
  • take cold (outdoors) baths as often as I can – and add to this by taking cold showers: 2 cold baths in February.
  • dance Lindy hop as often as I can (taking a class during the spring, and then there’s the social dancing as well!): class has started, 3 out of 10 classes dine, with social dancing straight afterwards. I absolutely love dancing lindy hop!
  • continuing to ride my bike and walk as much as possible: walked 40+ kilometers and biked a tad more than 320 ditto.

* have my mental and spiritual wellbeing in focus by:

  • reading at least 75 books, of which 12 in Swedish and 12 in English already have been chosen. These 12 + 12 I will be blogging about: Read 10/75 books. Blogged about Professional capital – Transforming teaching in every school (book 2 of 12 in English), and the Swedish counterpart is Igelkottens elegans.
  • learn at least five songs by heart including lyrics on the guitar, which will be made possible by my aim at ten minutes of guitar playing on a daily basis: Played guitar every day but one in February, and am still working on learning songs by heart. It’s tricky, I can do the strumming, or the singing, but it’s harder to do both at the same time. Have started to work more at singing by heart during choir practice as well, to get me more used to not having to take sneak peaks at the sheet music.
  • I will let the wonderful book The book of Awakening by Mark Nepo be my daily companion: ✅
  • hold digital 24-hour sabbats at least twice a month: two sabbats in February, 12-13 and 23-24. In March I aim for sabbat on 9-10, 16-17 and 29-30.

* have creation in focus by:

  • booking at least four two-day writing retreats during the year: pondering a few ideas about writing retreats, including the possibility of running a digital retreat? My ideas from January remain.
  • keeping up with daily Facebook Lives for as long as there’s energy in doing it: ✅
  • blog daily: ✅
  • start to pod: In February I will release the pod episodes I recorded this summer – is what I wrote when I evaluated my intentions after January. I intended to, until my back stepped in and said Stop. So perhaps I will release them in March?
  • release (at least) 4 e-books in 2019: thoughts are swirling, nothing concretized as of yet.

* have financial husbandry in focus by:

  • sowing, sowing and sowing a little bit more; on a weekly basis intentionally work on my various income streams: ✅
  • keep tabs on my set invoicing goal on a monthly basis: ✅
  • keep an accounts book on private income and expenses: ✅

And finally – on all levels – experiment and play, experience pleasure and exploring and challenging myself, all the while being gentle to myself: got a message from a squirrel outside the window during a Mastermind-call, my working-together-days with the Better Globe-gang are rewarding on so many levels (especially so once little Snötass (Snow-paw) joined us. She’s adorable. And not mine – here Pop the cat reign sovereign.) and my back is definitely kick-starting a lot of inner workings, and I also wrote a Swedish blog text titled Jag ser… which means I see that might just be the most important thing I’ve ever written. My coach Dave did a five day Reignite your business-challenge on Facebook that I participated in with great results, I had a full day photo-session with Anders Roos, and I think both me and the youngest one have started to get used to having the eldest kid on the other side of the globe. Spring is upon us with warmth, sunshine, flowers blooming and the most wonderful spring air!

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Slow down. Ease up.

February 16, 2019
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As I walked through the door, exclaiming my back is killing me, D picked up on the message. When we sat down to work with the pain, he asked me: What did you feel as you stepped through the door?

I didn’t really have an answer, so he asked if I wanted to hear his impression. Yes, please tell me, I responded. What else could I say, being a Curious George and all that…

So he said, slow down. That’s the message I got, to slow down. Ease up a little. 

I’ve carried the message with me, this past week, using it as a baseline to reflect on what I am doing, in which areas, and how it all serves me. Or doesn’t, for that matter.

Coming to a realization that for quite some time I’ve been pushing all my own buttons. At the same time. Working on all areas, simultaneously. Pushing against the boundaries of my comfort zone… no, that’s untrue. I’ve been pushing against the boundaries of my stretch zone, going dangerously into the red snap zone… in many, if not all, areas of life.

I realized, as I took in the message I was sending but not picking up on, that I don’t have to work in all areas, everywhere, all the time. It is not only reasonable but actually wise, to heed the advice of the master of self-care, Pop the cat. Let myself rest, consolidate, push fewer buttons, letting come that which wants to come, given that I let go of that which has done its job.

So I breathe in. Hold it, for a few seconds. Then… exhale, letting go of a bit of the urge within, to be done. Knowing it’s not at the finishing line the reward of this journey lies. It is the journey itself. That is the reward. The growth. The expansion. The learning. That which is life. Living it. Loving it. Letting go to let come, and reveling in each twist and turn, each nook and cranny, falling through internal trap doors, one after the other. All the while being open. And gentle. Knowing my gentleness towards myself is that which ensures the openness, the willingness, the ability to step without hesitation into the next inch of the unknown.

As a direct result of the reflective process of this past week, I honored myself today.
Saying No to others. Saying Yes to me.
Slowing down. Easing up.

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I’ve been low…

November 7, 2018
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Basically ever since May. And I only just found out – for real – last week, because that’s when I “became myself again”. And that was the difference that opened my eyes to the fact that I have been low, for months on end.

I mean… I’ve noticed it indirectly, but haven’t drawn the proper conclusion. Possibly you’ve noticed as well, because one of the symptoms have been my lack of energy and will to blog daily. It simply hasn’t happened since early May. After five+ years of daily blogging, it was as if I ran out of fuel. And I haven’t been “all there” in other instances as well, even when I would have liked to be fully present. I simply haven’t.

So no wonder that my summer felt a bit off as I looked back on it at the end of August.
And no wonder that the past two and a half months have gone by in a haze – I’ve had a lot to do, but didn’t ever get really grounded, not in myself, and not in my surroundings and my nearest.

And then… last Tuesday.
I was back!
Filled with energy.
With a lust to do, to write, to create.
To be me – and express myself.

And as I got through the first days of “being back to myself” – I realized…. I’ve been low. I haven’t been myself. That’s the root cause of all these symptoms of being-slightly-off-my-own-game, and I only connected the dots once I was one the game again. And let me tell you: it feels great!

I mean – if you ask people around me, possibly they might say that me-off-my-game is still a whole lotta me, with doings and writings and creations all around. And I… yeah, I won’t say that it’s not. But the difference is how it feels – within me. And what I have been doing, writing and creating this past week, has been so much more effortless that whatever I managed to get out of my system since May. So for me – the difference is significant.

Facts are that I’ve played the guitar and done an FB-live every day of November, as well as blogged five out of seven days (today included), which is way more than any seven-day-streak since May, despite starting off the month with a head cold.

I’ve been low. And now I am not. Now. I am back!

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