being

calling out for mama

calling out for mama

June 6, 2020
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She showed me the trailer to American son on Netflix, and in no time at all, I asked if we couldn’t watch it. So we did. Had us frustrated, irritated, annoyed, upset and shocked.

Then a friend in The Creative’s Workshop discovered Stabat Mater, the piece Jens Bragdell Eriksson, my choirmaster, wrote in 2016 for my choir. Listening she wrote, having me put the album on myself, so I can listen knowing she’s doing the same, on the other side of the world. Together, at a time like this. Important. Vital. Rejuvenating. 

American Son.

Stabat Mater.
At the Cross her station keeping,
stood the mournful Mother weeping,
close to her Son to the last.

And George Floyd calling out for his mama, before dying.
(Click this link. Read it. Promise me, you’ll read it. Then come back here.)

The synchronicity of it hitting me hard.
Parents. Children.
Death. Dying.
Life. Living. 

Trying to make sense of experiences I cannot possibly experience, asking when I don’t, taking in the differences in what it is to be human, in someone else’s body. 

There’s so much to learn, and I intend to continue learning.
Listening. Reading. Watching. Conversing. Asking. Writing. 

Being. And Doing.

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#blackouttuesday

June 2, 2020
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On this #blackouttuesday as I sit here, trying to take it all in, reading some (not a lot), watching some (not a lot), listening some (not a lot), I come back to this:

Attention energizes.
Intention informs.

To what do I give my attention?
What do I want to see more of in this world?

How am I being informed by my intentions?
What’s my learning like?
How can I expand it, go beyond, stretch myself, crossing edges as yet not crossed by me, helping me learn more, see more, grasp more?

And then… turning the energizing attention, and the informed intention into action.
That’s how change is made, by Being the person Doing the work.

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Feel the water

May 26, 2020
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Bike to the ocean.
Sit down on the bench close to the pier.
Undress. Slowly.

Pull out the sarong from my backpack, the sarong that’s always and already there, in case I feel like taking a cold bath – which, I am happy to report, it still qualifies as (my personal limit is below 14 degrees C).

Put away my phone and my glasses, use a scrunchie to gather up my hair in a bun, and walk towards the stairs, down into the water.

Sun is shining.
Hardly any wind.

Step by step, not fast, not slow, just an even pace, I walk down the stairs into the water. Face the sun and start to swim, all the while counting. Upon hitting 300 I turn around and start to swim back to the pier, but when I reach it, I stay in more. Longer. Don’t want to get out. Not yet. Haven’t had enough.

Turn to face the sun again, and with every cell of my body, every fibre of my being, I feel the water slowly lapping against my chest.

Continuing to count, I take another shorter swim, before I finally, upon hitting 800, get out of the water, realizing it’s about time to head on off to my friend for the Q&A I was to moderate an hour later.

14 minutes. Give or take.
15 degrees in the air.
11,5 in the water (I have my sources).

There’s nothing quite like it.

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Me-time. Be-time.

May 15, 2020
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Woke early. Tossed for a bit, and then turned on the light and finished reading The End of the Ocean by Maja Lunde, a book which in Norwegian and Swedish is titled Blue. (Yes. A very worthwhile read.) Did a Deepak Chopra meditation prior to my 15 minutes of deep-breathing according to Wim Hof, before getting up, accompanied throughout by Pop the cat. Finished with the morning routine and went to grab my computer to put it in my backpack when I remembered…

I prompted myself to get back to morning blogging late last night, and so. Here I am.

Ready to leave for work, with a slight headache, the type of slight hangover-sensation-from-working-too-much-headache, that has been a shadowy companion for the past few weeks, when, indeed, I have been working a bit too much.

And yet.
I love it.
Living.
Learning.
Laughing.

There’s a lot of work to do right now, and for that I am truly grateful, and yet, I should take my own advice and look just a wee bit at what I could possibly subtract.
Work? No.
Wim Hof, meditation, Seven-exercise, cold bathing and such? No.
Buddhas-podding? No.
Gardening? No.

Or rather. All of these I say Yes to, vehemently Yes!

Now. I could continue listing all of my Yes:es. But I won’t. There’s a-plenty, that’s for sure.
But the interesting thing is, that as I sit here… I struggle to find even one thing I want to give up, to pause, to stop. Forever, or just for a while.

(And yeah. I know. I did this exercise not too long ago. But hey, bear with me. I’m still learning, and am definitely but a human being, having a very human experience here on Earth, so… now and again, it takes a couple of tries before insights truly land. By which I mean, that the shift they imply, whatever it may be, is actually implemented. By Being. By Doing.)

Tried what I did last time – opened up my calendar and deleted a few activities from it – but alas, there’s not a lot to delete… like. Nothing. Honestly.

So perhaps it’s more a matter of finding the balance within the project I am working at the moment, where we are in a very intense phase at the moment, a phase that will last at least until the first week of July. Refraining from checking my emails as often when I am ”not at the office”? Getting a bit more diligent with my digital sabbats? Ensuring I have resting time, me-time, be-time, more than I do now?

Yeah.
That might be worth looking into and taking action on (ironically, as the resting time in a sense implies less action-taking).

But hey. It’s 8:20 am, and I have done my daily blog! Whoop!
(Celebrate what you can, when you can – what a great mantra to bring into daily life!)


#tankespjärn, for those who wish to discover. More. Other. New.
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You bring the world into being

April 16, 2020
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You bring the world into being, he said, D, my Buddha-friend. You bring the world into being.

He wasn’t addressing me, nor my other Buddha-friend C. But rather, at least that’s what I picked up, that I/you/we, bring the world into being.
The world is on account of my consciousness. On yours. On ours.

Even though we were in the middle of another pod-recording of Buddhas by the roadside, I took up my phone and wrote down you bring the world into being in my to-do-app, simply because it was the quickest way I could jot it down. As I did not want to forget.

Hearing this –you bring the world into being– I exhale. Relax.
(Then scramble for my phone to write it down, before getting back to the relaxed sensation again.)

This is why when the being infuses the doing, there’s magic.
Because I bring the world into being.

But I am curious.
What do you hear when you hear you bring the world into being?


#tankespjärn, for those who wish to discover. More. Other. New.
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The lesser known cousin

March 21, 2020
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The Law of Attraction.
Sure does work. Can cause serious shifts within.

But.

It’s seldom enough.
Needs to be coupled with it’s less known cousin The Law of Action.

Now we’re talking.
When the two of them get together, that’s when magic can truly start to happen.

When Doing is infused by Being, and Being is infused by Doing.

Have you ever been there?
If so, what happened? How did it feel?
What was born from that place?

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Just Being.

March 14, 2020
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Completely blank calendar.
24 hours of naught.
That does not happen often, and the only reason it happened today was the cancellation of my trip/course this weekend.

Not a cloud in the sky, almost no wind, 6 degrees Celsius and the warmth of the sun.

Slow morning in bed, reading, tindering with an interesting bloke, did my morning seven’s (two of them) before my three-round Wim Hof-deep breathing, breakfast. A 15 km bike ride, left-over lunch of the loveliest Jerusalem artichoke soup and now… headed outside for some gardening.

Dry leaves, withered stalks.
To be gathered and collected, tossed in the garden bin.
Filling up a few bags of firewood to bring inside, for those sure-to-come stormy and cold spring evenings. And if not… it will be very ready to burn come the fall dito’s.
Perhaps a bit of weeding as well, even though very few plants that are considered weeds in my garden.

Just Being.
Being.

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The time in between the seconds

May 29, 2019
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The spaces in-between.
I have grown to love them.
To understand, value, cherish and seek them.
Rejoicing in them, when able to. Which I am not all the time. Far from it.
But as with most things… the more I am with the spaces in-between, the better I am at rejoicing in them, revelling in them, revering them.

Rectify. 
A series I just started watching.
Daniel is asked what was real to him during his years in prison. He replies:

The time in between the seconds

The in-betweens.
There they are.

Synchronicity in the making.
I’ve had a day filled with in-betweens. At a customer, all day, participating in a quality audit. Responding to questions when needed, keeping notes of what was being done and said. And in-betweens. Loads of them. Just sitting there, waiting (resting in the tranquility of it!) for the inspectors to finish reading, to come with the next question or request.

On the bus home, I watched episode two. And then… towards the end; this. A reminder!
A reminder for me, to make room for the in-betweens. Those moments of doing nothing. Waiting for the tea kettle to boil. For the final spin cycle on the washing machine to come to an end. For the red light to turn to green when out and about on my bike. For the sun to settle.

Not having to fill every moment with action – checking email, social media feeds, messages, or any number of other activities that have come to take the place, the space, of the in-betweens – but rather… simply… being? Breathing? Like balm to the soul.

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Doing. Being. Causing pain?

February 26, 2019
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Back pains again.
Desperately trying to figure out what to do to stop the pain, as well as ensure it doesn’t return.

Got valuable help from the one and only D once more, suggesting I look less at what to do, and more at what I am doing and how I am being it.

Still. Struggled with it.
Frustration and pain. Horrible pain.

Two full days at a customer site – long days.
Busy evenings at that.

So this morning (after 4 full days of pain) I relented and rescheduled a meeting I had this evening, giving myself an evening of rest with an added bonus-online therapy session with D as well. Got to my customer – and an hour before lunch I suddenly noticed: pain gone.

Just like that.

The appearance of these back pains has me looking within, with invaluable help from D. And I have to say, I humbly bow down to those who suffer constant bodily pain. It’s hard to avoid giving my backpain my entire focus, even though I know that’s the best way to ensure I suffer the pain all the more.

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A languorous few hours

November 16, 2017
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languorous hours in bedHere I am, still in bed. It’s a quarter past eleven, I’ve been awake for three and a half hours, but have yet to leave bed for the day. I’ve done my daily Headspace meditation; have read a bit, written some more; all the while listening to Peaceful Piano on Spotify.

One of those days which is mine, with no planned activities, no urgent Musts to deal with, a lot of Wants though – but this, allowing myself a languorous few hours, of doing mostly nothing really, just chilling, hanging around, relaxed, probably even lazy.

Oh how wonderful life is! Giving myself this gift of a few languorous hours of Being, with no requirement of Doing. Whatever does get done, does so out of pleasure and curiosity; Doing:s just for the plain fun of it!

And in case you wonder – no, I really don’t hear the monkey mind chattering away inside, filled with impatience, highly annoyed at this self-indulgent waste of time that could be put to better use. It might be chattering away…. but if so, it’s white noice that goes by unnoticed. And honestly I don’t think it’s there. Even the life of my inner monkey mind has gotten to be a lot more relaxed as years have passed and my experience of life has shifted along with my growing skill of being gentle with myself.

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