capacity

The edges of my capacity

The edges of my capacity

March 8, 2020
/ / /

I have high capacity.
A lot of energy.
A well-exercised ability to focus and give it (whatever it is) my all.
But today… Today I bumped up against the edges of my capacity.

With two days of training this weekend, after a jam-packed week with just one evening off, otherwise busy busy busy – a fair description of the last two months as well – it seemed wise and caring to leave the rest of the evening unscheduled…

But no. Not me.
Thirty minutes after the training ended, I had tickets to see Frida – Viva la vida. It turned out to be a movie I enjoyed… and yet… I had a very hard time staying focused. I had a hard time to even stay awake. I was – I am – exhausted. And yet, coming home from the movies I had one more promise to live up to, with a group-call scheduled at 8:45 pm.

I would have been hard-pressed to cancel the movie plans, or try to give my ticket to someone else. And honestly, the thought never even crossed my mind. I don’t know what would have made me go down that route?

The group-call is one which I scheduled after I knew my schedule for the weekend. And it’s the same here. I don’t know what would have me postpone this call? (And having just had it, I am energized, and am happy I did not cancel on it.)

I do not see myself as a person who cancels, which even though I appreciate it as a general trait, is not necessarily a good thing if it’s a fundamental belief of mine, having me not-cancel at the expense of me.

The Upholder in me definitely plays a part here, a leading part even, and from the conversation in the group-call which I just finished, I wonder… how much of this is me being not-gentle towards myself? What does serve me? What would happen if I tried to be less ”follow-through at any cost”-ish?

Perhaps something worth playing around with?
Or.
Let me rephrase that:
Something worth playing around with.
To be continued.

Read More

Advent Calendar – December 6, 2019

December 6, 2019
/ / /

Tsavo West National Park. Kilaguni Serena safari lodge.

Stunned. Amazed!

The giraffe. Such a magnificent and odd creature. Impressive!

Hippo. Hyena. African Fox. Crocodile.
Colorful birds. Buffalo. Monkeys and ostrich.

(And yes, zebra. More on that to come.)
(And no, no big cats, unfortunately.)

We’d driven approximately 200 meters from the gates of Tsavo West when the driver stopped and we all shouted in unison: Elephant!
A minute later, a family of giraffe galloped across the road, zebra grazed along the side of the road, with antelope, gazelle and tiny dik dik aplenty. Making me go wild and crazy inside the bus, eagerly jetting from side to side to take as many pictures as I possibly could.

Is it so, that what you don’t have “in your own backyard” has a greater capacity to amaze you?


Advent Calendar for 2019: sharing pictures and stories/reflections from my trip to Kenya in June. I went to visit “my trees” and get a hands-on experience of the social entrepreneurship of the Kenyan forestry company that I buy trees through.

Full disclosure: I am proud to say I am both a customer and an ambassador for the company. If you are curious to find out more, let me know and I’ll gladly get in touch with you! Here’s my sponsored link: https://betterglobe.com/27216 

Read More