care

Calm to be had.

Calm to be had.

March 27, 2020
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Last week as I stepped into the cold water of the ocean off the coast of Malmö in the south of Sweden, I had my phone with me. I’ve a habit to do that, now and again, as I record myself going in, staying in, sharing my experiences with cold bathing. What came out of my mouth that crisp spring afternoon, with sunshine and blue skies, as I was standing in the water, which, just like the air was around five degrees Celsius, was this: There is calm to be had.

The world has turned upside-down, for so many. A global pandemic is raging, and I fear that we’ve just seen the beginning of it. Cities, counties, countries and companies are closing down in varying degrees, and whatever was normal, no longer is.

And.
With all that going on.
There is calm to be had.

It’s easy to not experience calm right now.
I know that.
I see that.

I also know it’s equally easy to experience calm.
I know that.
I see that too.

There are many things I have no say in.
What my government is –or is not– doing. Whether or not the school my youngest attends will stay opened or not, and what will happen next, neither locally nor globally.
No. Say.

But there are many things I have a say in.
In what I choose to do with my days. How I spend them, regardless of external constraints. What I read. What I listen to. What interactions and conversations I engage in. If I seek out Drama, or not. If I stick to routines (as best I can) that serve me and my wellbeing.
If I show compassion and care. To me. And you. And us.
A. Say.

There is calm to be had.
And it matters whether or not I choose calm. Or not.
Because I matter. Just as you matter.

Can I always choose calm?
Yes. I can.
But I don’t.
Because I am human. And so are you. And that’s the way it should be.

The choice is still there though.
There is –always and already– calm to be had.

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Being gentle to me – Reflection August and September ’17

September 25, 2017
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I don’t know if you’ve noticed the absence of my monthly reflection on how I do gentle to myself; I did. But I didn’t act upon it, so in a sense, that’s me being gentle to me. It’s not a m u s t to write these monthly reflections, it’s an intention, a gift I give myself, but also one that I can refuse, if that’s what feels best. And honestly, I didn’t really know what to write.

Acceptance on chestnutYou see, it’s been a time of winding down, a time of less emotional storms and upsets, a time of me simply being. At the same time it’s been a time of winding up, of getting my sh*t together, a time of me figuring out what being me means, right now, right here.

A chapter is closing, and I am deliberately trying to close it with gentleness and great care. And that feels really good – that’s what’s deserved.

At the same time, I know I’ve been necessarily blunt with others at times, and the only thing I can do (after saying sorry) is to take heed, to remember what it felt like, what it lead to, and try to behave more in the way I want to (being proactive rather than reactive) from now on, and most importantly: to not beat myself over the head for my bluntness. That won’t make it alright, and it certainly doesn’t serve either party, so, no. I am not taking that route. And I hope I’ve learned that lesson to the degree that I will never again chose the ”beat myself over the head”-route. I’ve done that enough, and nothing good comes from it.

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#blogg100 – A nothingness enters.

April 7, 2017
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”There is no evidence of the soul except in its sudden absence. A nothingness enters, taking the place where something was before. A night without starts falls and for a moment covers everything in the room.”

Bruce Springsteen writes about the death of The Big Man, Clarence Clemons. As I sit here, horrified by the events today – one wreaked havoc and caused deaths on a street in Stockholm this afternoon. Another the less public and Kafkaesque experience, of sitting in on a ”return dialogue” at the Swedish Migration Agency, where all I wanted to do was shout This is not dignified! We cannot treat human beings as if they are pawns in a chess game! – I remember Bruce words, that affected me so a few nights ago, as I read it.

me and ekmanA nothingness enters… and all I am left with is a resounding sense of regret. Regret at what we humans are capable of doing towards and against one another. Dehumanizing our brothers and sisters, and in one fell swoop dehumanizing ourselves at the same time.

I don’t want to become numb. So I ration my exposure to the horrors of the world. Knowing I show up more loving when I do. And yet. Sometimes it is hard to resist, the numbness alluring, like the song of the siren… But even more enticing is the love, the generosity, the human instinct to look after one another, to care for our brothers and sisters. With that sense of love and compassion, I go to bed, lucky me and my loved ones are safe, sending out a warm heartfelt embrace to those less lucky.

”There is no evidence of the soul except in its sudden absence. A nothingness enters, taking the place where something was before. A night without starts falls and for a moment covers everything in the room.”

#Blogg100 challenge in 2017 – post number 38 of 100.
The book “Born to run” by Bruce Springsteen.
English posts here, Swedish at
herothecoach.com.

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What we focus on becomes our reality.

November 9, 2016
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What do we know?

One thing and one thing only: Donald Trump won more electoral votes than Hillary Clinton, and hence will *barring unforeseen circumstances* be the next president of the United States.

Will it be a disaster? The end of the world as we know it?
Will Trump build a wall along the Mexican border, stop muslims from entering the US and put a ban on free trade by imposing high taxes on goods from China and Europe?

We don’t know.
Because none of it has actually happened. It’s definitely not happening now, right this minute. But given the outrage and horror, it might as well have. But it hasn’t, not yet.

And yes. It might happen. For sure. But it’s also possible (perhaps not probable, but definitely possible) that it might not happen.

We. Just. Don’t. Know.

And no. I see no good in Trump becoming POTUS, that’s for sure. I have a hard time taking the guy seriously, and for the life of me, have a hard time understanding how the Republican Party ended up where it’s at right now. But still. Nothing has happened, yet. So why waste a lot of energy focussing on what horrible things we think might happen? Why not put that energy to better use instead?BoldomaticPost_What-we-focus-on-becomes-our

Welcome your feelings of horror, despair, anger, frustration, of being scared for what might be. They will come anyway, because they are a part of the human experience on earth. We feel. The entire spectrum. All that is possible to experience, we experience. But you can let the feelings that don’t serve you particularly, wash over you, and continue on their way. You don’t have to invite them in, make up the guest bed and serve them dinner. That’s a choice you can make. Because, and this is important: What we focus on becomes our reality.

So make sure you focus on that which you want to see in the world, rather than what you don’t want to see. What we give energy to, grows stronger. Chose wisely and with great care, given the state of the world right now, what to feed with your attention – my choice is love, cocreation, playfulness. Honesty, care and empathy. And many many other things, that all make up parts of what constitutes living a good life in my view.

What do you chose to give energy to?

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