choose

Own your reactions

Own your reactions

August 18, 2020
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I am no longer willing to let myself be used as the scapegoat. I am no longer willing to step up when others claim that my words, my deeds, my actions, are what angers them, what upsets them or what scares them. Because in truth, it is their reaction to my words, my deeds, my actions, that angers, upsets and scares them.

This never means I get to act like a brute, avoiding responsibility for my words, deeds and actions. That’s on me.

What’s on you, is to do the same. To own your reactions.

You might well be angered or upset, even scared. But own it.

Don’t go here:
”You make me angry, upset, scared.”

Or here:
”Your words, deeds, actions, make me angry, upset, scared.”

Rather, try to find something like this place within:
”I felt angered, upset, scared by what happened within me when I came upon your words, deeds, actions.”

When both of us own our reactions, progress is possible. Connection, understanding and respect is to be had.

And I know, I cannot make you choose this. And it’s not for me to tell you what to do, or not do.
What I can do though, are two things:
I can strive to live up to this ideal, myself.
And I can be very clear with what is OK for me. To not swallow it, to not take it, should you happen to put your shit on me.

And that latter one, is where I have an opportunity to improve. To learn how to live it, to actually be someone who doesn’t take others’ shit. The outcome of that might well be that I also choose to not be with you, simply because I get to choose my company. And as peer pressure is very real and we become like those closest to us, I honor me by being very specific and particular in choosing whom I spend time with. Because that choice will impact me, making me be more –or less– of the person I want to be in the world.

And there’s nothing I want more than to surround myself with people who see and encourage the potential harbored within me, who positively challenge me to –always and already– be and become the better me.


#tankespjärn, for those who wish to discover. More. Other. New.
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It Is.

March 30, 2020
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It is!

I did press Launch (but not today, I actually launched it last night, thanks to two fellow TCW:ers kicking me very lovingly in the butt. 💚), and all of a sudden… there’s the feeling of being slightly embarrassed. Feeling a bit awkward. As if I am already second-guessing myself. Shouldn’t I have put more effort into it after all? Perhaps I shouldn’t promote it until I can get a better introductory video made, and have gotten a bit more material up on the site, and…

But, once again, I have a choice.
A choice of whether or not to put my focus on these thoughts and their corresponding feelings, or not.

And I choose not to. I feel it –heck, I’m even letting these thoughts step up and get their moment in the spotlight right here, right now– but that’s enough. I have better use for my energy than to waste it beating myself up over any imagined faux pas of mine. 

Because the truth is this: It Is. 

The #tankespjärn-community is now a reality.
I hold the space, and I opened the space.
But everyone is invited to dance.

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Let it choose us.

October 6, 2016
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I am taking part in the global U.Lab course of Transforming Business, Society, and Self, and as a part of week two, we were given a five-minute clip from The Legend of Bagger Vance to watch:

It’s a great clip, and as I watched it, or perhaps, more like it, listened to it, deeply listened with all that I am, goose bumps spread all over my body.

Especially this part,where Bagger Vance says:

There’s a perfect shot trying to find every one of us.
All we got to do is get ourselves out of its way…
…and let it choose us.
Look at him, he in the field.
You can’t see that flag as some dragon you got to slay.
You’ve got to look with soft eyes.See the place where the tides, and the seasons…
…the turning of the earth…
…all come together.
Where everything that is…
…becomes one.
You’ve got to seek that place, with your soul, Junuh.

Seek it with your hands, don’t think about it, feel it.
Your hands are wiser than your head’s ever gonna be.
I can’t take you there…
…just hopes I can help you find a way.

BoldomaticPost_Seek-it-with-your-hands-don-tIf ever there was a perfect description of what it’s like to enable another person to find their way, this is it. I’ve experienced it, in coaching as well as in conversations with friends and loved ones. I’ve been helped to find my way (but have also found it myself, in those instances of flow that seem to happen all to seldom), and I’ve helped others find theirs. I’ve witnessed others being helped along as well. And regardless of my part in it, it’s an amazing sensation, to experience, to witness, to assist, when a soul finds a way forward, getting out of the way and letting it choose us.

Letting it choose us. Surrendering to what wants to happen. Letting it flow.

Letting it choose you. Because something does want to happen. And it’s not something you can construct with rational thought. It’s felt. It comes.

So ask yourself: What wants to happen here?

Since 2012 I have blogged over at herothecoach.com in a jumble of Swedish and English. This post is a sample of what I’ve been writing – in English – there over the years. As of 2016 all my English posts appear here instead. I hope you enjoy this #ThrowbackThursday, originally published here, and if you do, please subscribe to updates so you won’t miss out on future posts.

PS – #ulab is running again, third time around!

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