conversation

There’s a conversation for me to have

There’s a conversation for me to have

August 6, 2020
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There’s a conversation for me to have.
It’s prompted by one of my boundaries having been violated.
If that’s the word? Breached, might be a better choice.

I don’t set a lot of boundaries.
I think…
I’m not certain here. At all.
I do know I used to have a whole bunch of boundaries in place, boundaries which mostly did not serve me, but rather made it easier for me to be the person I did not want to be. So perhaps –quite likely even– I’ve gone too far in the opposite direction, and now have too few boundaries in place. Which makes it harder for me to be the person I want to be.

So there’s a conversation for me to have.
To enforce my boundary.
Or perhaps, rather, to honor me. Stand by me.
Be true to the one person that means more than any other in my life. Me.

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Buddhas by the Roadside, a very unusual podcast

June 27, 2020
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in Tip
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When we record Buddhas by the Roadside-conversations I greatly enjoy each conversation.

Then… sometimes I do the timecoding for an episode (basically finding a starting and an ending point, and flagging any obnoxiously odd sounds or mishaps to be edited out), getting a chance to listen to the conversation, and I greatly enjoy listening to each raw-cut as well.

Then… the episodes are actually published, and guess what?
I listen to them. Sometimes, more than once, more than twice.
And. Yes. I greatly enjoy them.

Perhaps that’s a bit odd and self-absorbed, but… there’s so much going on in these very intimate conversations, that I find new things to pick up on, to react to, to ponder, each time I listen to them.

What I’ve heard most people say, of the people who like the pod–which, yes, is a most unusual pod!– is that it’s as if they get to walk straight into a conversation, a very intimate one, at that. We have no intro/outro music, there’s no introduction, nothing. We just start talking, and off we go. For an hour. An hour and a half. Two hours even. And then… it’s over, when it’s over. But now and again, there are mini-breaks, where we pause, letting the silence engulf us–and you!–, again, in a most un-pod-like way.

And since I enjoy being a bit odd, this suits me perfectly!
However, I would be truly happy to have you give us a listen if you haven’t already. And if you have, and you like us (and even if you don’t), give us another listen. Who knows what might happen?


#tankespjärn, for those who wish to discover. More. Other. New.

 

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A nourishing conversation

June 23, 2020
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Attention energizes.
Intention transforms. 

These two sentences were the topic for the June monthly Zoom-call of the tankespjärn-community on Patreon inspired by these two posts:
Attention energizes. Intention transforms.
#blackouttuesday

Four people, 60 minutes (honestly, we ran for 70, my bad!).
Listening.
Learning.

A nourishing conversation, if ever, spanning the meaning of life to Covid-19, Black Lives Matter to the Law of Attraction (and the Law of Action), and the importance of knowing our attention as well as our intention when we decide what to focus on (based on the adage that we get more of what we focus on). 

This Zoom-call definitely whet my appetite and I already look forward to doing a Zoom in July, on… well. Who knows!

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More silence in life?

April 23, 2020
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The silence.
Again, the silence!

Of all the feedback I and my two fellow Buddhas have gotten from people listening to one or more episodes of our recently launched podcast Buddhas by the Roadside, the one thing that keeps coming up over and over again is the silence.

10 seconds.
20 seconds.
30 seconds.

I don’t know how long there have been silent parts in these episodes, as I haven’t timed them, but they are there, they are quite frequent, and they are definitely part of the way we are, together, the three of us, me, Caspian and Dominic. Well… in 3D the silences can last for way longer than half a minute, but that’s beside the point. The point is… sometimes, it is just so lovely to be able to have a bit of emptiness, to let me, my thoughts, my emotions, make their way, leisurely, to the Point of Now. Not necessarily catch up, that’s a phrase that doesn’t ring true for me, here, but rather just… at my own pace, making my way to a meeting point, an energetic center, where connections can be made, where all of it, all of me, my thoughts, my emotions, can go off again, side by side or in different directions… only to reconvene later on at a new meeting point.

For me, this is a skill I’ve rediscovered, or perhaps relearned, as I used to be working on my retort while the other was speaking, which had me not be present in the conversation. I very rarely do this, anymore. I’ve learned to listen. And then, to see what pops up. If anything, because now and again, there’s just space, vast space, of the most glorious silence. Within.

And these silences are not edited out from Buddhas by the Roadside. There are allowed their own space. And I wonder at the way these silences of ours are picked up. Might it be, that there is a longing for more silences in the lives of our listeners? That these silences stick out for the listeners could perhaps be a sign of a longing, a need, a wish for more silences in life?


#tankespjärn, for those who wish to discover. More. Other. New.
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Calm to be had.

March 27, 2020
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Last week as I stepped into the cold water of the ocean off the coast of Malmö in the south of Sweden, I had my phone with me. I’ve a habit to do that, now and again, as I record myself going in, staying in, sharing my experiences with cold bathing. What came out of my mouth that crisp spring afternoon, with sunshine and blue skies, as I was standing in the water, which, just like the air was around five degrees Celsius, was this: There is calm to be had.

The world has turned upside-down, for so many. A global pandemic is raging, and I fear that we’ve just seen the beginning of it. Cities, counties, countries and companies are closing down in varying degrees, and whatever was normal, no longer is.

And.
With all that going on.
There is calm to be had.

It’s easy to not experience calm right now.
I know that.
I see that.

I also know it’s equally easy to experience calm.
I know that.
I see that too.

There are many things I have no say in.
What my government is –or is not– doing. Whether or not the school my youngest attends will stay opened or not, and what will happen next, neither locally nor globally.
No. Say.

But there are many things I have a say in.
In what I choose to do with my days. How I spend them, regardless of external constraints. What I read. What I listen to. What interactions and conversations I engage in. If I seek out Drama, or not. If I stick to routines (as best I can) that serve me and my wellbeing.
If I show compassion and care. To me. And you. And us.
A. Say.

There is calm to be had.
And it matters whether or not I choose calm. Or not.
Because I matter. Just as you matter.

Can I always choose calm?
Yes. I can.
But I don’t.
Because I am human. And so are you. And that’s the way it should be.

The choice is still there though.
There is –always and already– calm to be had.

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Friction

August 20, 2019
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Synchronicity. Around… Friction.

On Akimbo.
In a conversation with D and C, a conversation you just might be privy to listening in on one of these days.
With my campfire sisters, as well as in my reflection with D on that conversation we had.

And now.
As my final words of the third Mastermind-session (of 13 total) that we just wrapped up, me and my four participants.

Friction.
It makes the world move.
Without friction. No cars. No bikes. No nothing really.

We would possibly be sliding around haphazardly… might be fun. But it’s not what we have. Because we do have friction.

We even have two kinds.
There’s friction. And then there’s Friction with a capital F. Life-giving. The Friction that makes me grow, rather than just wear me down.

There’s form. And the formless.
For some, oh it’s a stretch to conform to form. Rules. Boundaries. That’s where the friction is at. Play with it. Work it. Use it. See what happens within the form.

For some, so the opposite. The formless, the vast expanse of endless possibilities. Nothing to hang onto, no given starting point. That’s where the friction is at. So play with that. Work it. Use it. See what happens within the formless.

Dance between them.
The Friction and the Frictionless. Between that which is such a stretch and that which is easypeasy.

As you dance – the event horizon for you and your relationship with the form and the formless will shift. Transform. Expand, ever onwards. Might it even constrict?

Yeah. I think it just might. And then… another transformation. Something born, which was always and already there, within you, you just had never opened that specific door within before.

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Three questions

May 22, 2019
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Finished another coaching conversation with coach Dave. A conversation much like any conversation really.
Flowing this way, then that way. Slowing down, sometimes stopping altogether, only to pick up speed, and rush forth!
Like a meandering river, conversations ebb and flow. Much like life, honestly.

Is that what coaching can be?
Yeah. Why not! Whatever serves in the moment, that’s what coaching can be.

Today, what served me the most was a meandering conversation, that has me popping ideas like crazy, on blog posts, sales pitches, other conversations to have and on and on…

Now, to ensure I don’t go off the deep end, Dave brought me back to the importance of three very basic questions. Questions I hereby vow to stick with for the next month (because boy… is it ever easy to skip these and start to build a house without having gotten the foundation well in place first!).

I will sit with them. Reflect upon them. Dig into them.
Write. Speak. Share. Listen. Learn. And… act!

The latter aspect might be one of the more important ones, given where I am at, and what I want to accomplish. So I will dig deep and act upon my findings. I will try it out, because I cannot figure this one out on my own, in conversation only with myself (and coach Dave). I have to (and want to!) put this to the test, something not done in silence, not done alone in my chambers and not done theoretically.

Three questions.
One month.

(Or more? Who knows… Or less?
Nah. I will give it a month!)

You with me in exploring this?

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A world of chance

May 15, 2018
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in Tip
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The-questions-echoed-in-my-head-without-answerIn a world of chance, is there a better and a worse? We yield to a stranger’s embrace or give ourselves to the waves; for the blink of an eyelid our vigilance relaxes, we are asleep; and when we awake, we have lost the direction of our lives. What are these blinks of an eyelid, against which the only defense is an eternal and inhuman wakefulness? Might they not be the cracks and chinks through which another voice, other voices, speak in our lives? By what right to we close our eyes to them? The questions echoed in my head without answer.

A paragraph from Foe, a book written by J. M. Coetzee. A book I read for The Gifted Book Club, chosen by Mr D. As I finished reading it, I wrote thisIt’s so interesting to read a book chosen by someone else (this is the book for my upcoming book club), a book I would not have picked up on my own volition. That in itself is a gift – to get to read a text written in a way that “most books I read isn’t written in”. Because it is an odd book, that’s for sure. I spent a few pleasant hours reading it last night.

What’s even more fascinating is that after, or honestly, during our conversation about the book that March evening, I felt a strong urge to reread it. To see if next time around, I would spot some of the things we talked about, things that deeply affected one or two of the other book club members, things which I didn’t pick up on at all, but definitely spark my curiosity.

That in itself is a gift – how our talk made me want to read the book again, with a different lens on. Or possibly two or three different lenses, besides my own. How wonderful: I look forward to it already!


Inspired to continue blogging on the theme from the #blogg100-challenge in 2017 I give you:
The book ”Foe” by J. M. Coetzee, which also happen to be the fourth book of The Gifted Book club, discussed March 21st 2018.

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Freedom to explore more, not freedom from…

December 24, 2017
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in Tip
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These past few weeks, I’ve been pondering what my intention for 2018 is to be. During 2017 I’ve had the intention of Wholeheartedness. A few years prior I’ve also gone into the new year with an intention, and I intend to do so again for 2018.

Somewhat surprisingly for myself, what’s been popping up has been different thoughts on going more analog, of letting go of habits of checking email, facebook, messenger and the likes once every few seconds, of deleting various app’s from my IPhone, app’s which are merely a mental distraction (and time trap), and not really value-adding at all.

So as a reminder, of what it really is I am looking for (more connection, more conversation, more value-adding interactions and smarter use of my time. As well as less mindless habitual waste of my time. If I am to rest, and relax, I want to do so in the analog.) I gift you Sherry Turkle in conversation with Jonathan Fields in Good Life Project. Sherry is pro-technology, but a proponent of a mindful and intentional use of technology, which is precisely what I intend to explore deeper during 2018.

She’s gotten a lot of flak for her thoughts on the matter, but I honestly think it’s well worth reflecting upon what it is we do with technology, and what it is doing to us (or perhaps more correctly: what it is I am letting technology do to me – I am no helpless victim here!). It’s not all positive, in the same way that I don’t think a n y t h i n g exists that is entirely positive. There’s two sides to every coin, and there’s also my strong belief that whatever works for me might not necessarily work for you. We might have different needs, ideas, ways to operate in the world, to relax, to get inspired and so on – and hence, during 2018 I will be exploring what a more mindful technology use will do for me.

Freedom.toOn an interesting side note, this is my use of digital technology so far this Christmas morning: Sitting in bed, writing on my IPad, listening to Spotify on my IPhone, after having checked my email (personal and work-accounts at that), my Messenger (said good morning to my eldest who’s up and about earlier than the rest of us), my Facebook- and Instagram-feeds, thrown my first Pokémon Go-ball, done some Wordfeud and WordBrain-puzzling and finished a fifteen minute Headspace meditation. Oh, plus buying a one-year subscription to the Freedom-app, using their 40% discount code (FLASH40) I received in my inbox this morning (valid 24 hours). So yeah – a bit of intentional use of technology is just what I want – the freedom to explore more of an intentional life, not freedom from technology! Important distinction for me.

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Outing: Copenhagen

November 14, 2017
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I took a trip to Copenhagen this weekend, to spend Saturday-Sunday with my dear sweet friend Eva-Britt, who borrowed an apartment in Nørrebro from a friend out travelling.I arrived just in time for lunch, and once we were full, we went out for a walk. First stop Jægersborggade – we ambled up and down, revelling in marvellous window displays, as well as visiting some of the odd shops along the street. Den Sidste Dråbe wasn’t one of them, but I couldn’t resist capturing their shop sign, because surely “The last drop” is a great name for a liquor store!

[jeg er ikke et Hunde Toilet… Tak Hellere ikke mig = I am no dog toilet… me neither, thanks]Then we walked to Assistens Kyrkogård (cemetary) – oh so beautiful! I was awestruck by these stunning Japanese maples – displaying the most vibrant of colours!

Eva-Britt managed to find her way back to the most magnificent of beech trees ever, that she had come upon at a previous visit to the cemetary – and wow. The energy, and power of this tree! If ever there was an ent, this is the one!

On route to the burial site of Søren Kierkegaard we came across the Russian cemetery, where the destiny of Nikolaj von Gersdorff moved our hearts:
Den sidste Gersdorff av Marselisborglinien. Rejst av venner
[The last of the Gersdorff’s of the Marselisborg line. Erected by friends]
We ambled on towards and along Blågårdsgade, before turning our noses in the direction of home.

[Vil du ikke være sød at parkere din flotte jernhest på den anden side af gaden? = Would you please park your grand iron horse on the other side of the street?]

After almost 10 kilometer we landed on the sofa, with some cheese, olives, red wine and intense conversation. In all manners possible – a tonic for the soul, especially the conversations. Having a friend who know’s me as well as Eva-Britt, who’s been my friend for a bit more than twenty years – that is truly a gift.

[Ingen er en god politiker = Nobody is a good politician
Ingen ved hvordan du har det = Nobody know’s what it’s like for you
Ingen vet hvad der skal til = Nobody know’s what it takes

STEM PÅ INGEN = VOTE FOR NOBODY]After waking up on Sunday morning, we took our time, ate breakfast, talked, laughed and finished off the left-overs from lunch the day before, before I walked to the main train station to get on the train home. We’ll be doing this again, count on it!

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