criticism

Releasing criticism

Releasing criticism

August 6, 2017
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in Tip
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During the Christmas holidays I took long solitary walks along the beaches off the coast of Vejbystrand, where my mother lives. Beautiful landscape, highly varying weather, and great podcasts to keep me company, vejbystrandwhen I didn’t feel like walking in silence.

One of the podcasts I listened to was this one, the Good Life Project-interview with Tara Sophia Mohr, who said something to the likes of this:

Feedback tells me nothing of me, and everything about the person giving it. 

And I stopped in my stride. Went back on the podcast, and listened again, and yup, that’s what she said, Tara. That the feedback she get’s tells her everything about the feedback-giver, and nothing about herself.

Wow. I giggled a little to myself, and could imagine the amount of energy I’ve wasted on fully diving headlong into someone else criticism and feedback about me – taking it for truth. Scary almost, now that I think of it.

Now, she made it clear, that just because she doesn’t believe feedback tells her something about her, that she’s not interested in hearing it. On the contrary, she’s extremely interested in it – just because it tells her so much about those she’s interacting with.

Come to think of it, it’s been a while since I listened to this episode of Good Life Project, and I think I might take my own recommendation and re-listen to it the upcoming week.

What do you make of her statement? Agree? Disagree?

In 2015 I ran a series on herothecoach.com with Sunday postings of podcasts to my liking. In 2017 I will be re-posting some of those blog posts, or posts with other podcast recommendations – and this is one of them, originally posted here – , mixing them up with new podcast recommendations. 

 

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#blogg100 – On creation and criticism.

May 15, 2017
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“Works of art are of an infinite solitariness, and nothing is less likely to bring us near to them than criticism. Only love can apprehend and hold them, and can be just towards them. Decide each time according to yourself and your feelings in the face of every such declaration, discussion or introduction; if you should still be wrong, the natural growth of your inner life will lead you slowly in the course of time to other perceptions. Let your judgments have their own quiet, undisturbed development, which must, like all progress, come from deep within, and cannot in any way be pressed or hurried. It means everything to carry for the full time and then to bring forth. To allow every impression and every germ of a feeling to grow to completion wholly in yourself, in the darkness, in the unutterable, unconscious, inaccessible to your own understanding, and to await with deep humility and patience the hour of birth of a new clarity: that is alone what living as an artist means: in understanding as in creation.”

gerilla artOh.
How that rings true within me.

…nothing is less likely to bring us near to them than criticism. 

For sure, good can and might come out of criticism, but just imagine the amount of ”works of art” not born to this world, due to the fear of being criticized alone. And not but from others. I believe many have the most strident critic within them; stopping works of art from being born, out of fear of what inner or outer critics might (or might not!) say.

…the natural growth of your inner life will lead you slowly in the course of time to other perceptions.

So please. Create.
Knowing there’s no hurry. No rush.
Let it take its time and be whatever it wants to be.
But do not withhold that within you that which is to be, that which wants to be… perhaps even, that which must be?

It means everything to carry for the full time and then to bring forth.

Once born, it might not be, what you wanted it to. But the next creation, might. Or the one after.
In time, I believe it will. To get there, one has to let go, and let come, that which wants to happen.

#Blogg100 challenge in 2017 – post number 76 of 100.
The book “Letters to a Young Poet” by Rainer Maria Rilke.
English posts here, Swedish at
herothecoach.com.

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Criticism from a loved one

April 28, 2016
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Criticism from a loved one. Cuts so deep.

Holding a larger weight, coming from someone close to me, than remarks from a stranger or acquaintance. The thoughts of loved ones about me matter more, than the thought/belief others more distant might or might not hold of me. Sometimes it’s not even criticism, simply an observation or a wandering though being voiced. But I take it as criticism, I turn it into critique in my inner monologue.

When I get lost in the criticism from loved ones, my fear of losing the love of those closest to me, losing their respect, grows and grows, the more I value that unique individual. The greater the importance I place upon that someone, the greater the fear of having them disappear from my life. And if/when they critique me, that is what I fear the most. That they will leave me.

And it is odd. Because this means that I don’t hear what they say. I don’t hear the possible truth or message there might be in what I’m being told. I shut down, stop truly listening, my love for me and them seems to dissipate and my fear takes over. Fear of what might be, of what it might mean.

Often, arguments follow. Or sulking.
Sometimes what started as an innocent remark can escalate into what feels like an outright war.

getting lostAnd guess what.
I just realized, I am that loved one once in a while as well. I am not solely the one being critiqued, I also give critique to others. It doesn’t seem too farfetched to suggest that it works the same for them, as it does for me, does it?

But what would happen, when critiqued (that is, when I perceive that I am being critiqued!), if I stayed in love, rather than jump headfirst into my deepest fears? What might I learn? Is there learning for me there? About me? Or about my loved one? Learnings that I turn my back on, all because I lose my way, and get lost in the dungeons of my fear landscape. Dark. Cold.

What if I simply stick to love instead?

Welcome to the English writings of Helena Roth. Since 2012 I have blogged over at herothecoach.com and this post is a sample of what I’ve been writing over the years. I hope you enjoy this #ThrowbackThursday, originally published here, and if you do, please subscribe to updates so you won’t miss out on future posts.

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