darkness

Advent Calendar 5 – Find in ME?

Advent Calendar 5 – Find in ME?

December 5, 2018
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When I stopped banging myself over the head on the inside, my life shifted. Gradually starting to see that the harsh voices on the inside weren’t necessarily the Truth, and learning to speak more gently to myself, made a world of difference.

It also enabled me meeting myself, as well as you. Because I was no longer afraid to meet myself, neither the light nor the darkness, it gave me the opening to truly meet people. And I am quite adamant that these meetings take place both with me meeting me as well as others. They are both significant – as I can mirror myself in all kinds of meetings.

I talked about this in my Facebook-live of the day, and a few hours later, Vanessa of Crafting Connections posted this image.

What might I find in ME when I meet YOU?

Synchronicity. I never stop being amazed at the synchronicities of the world around me – and the more aware I get of myself and my surroundings, the more synchronicity I spot.

This question is one I bring with me, but softly, like music playing in the background. Not in-your-face, but off in the distance. When I do my CoachWalks I have this question with me as well. Never as a goal in and of itself, because my CoachWalks are for my clients, so what I might find in me when meeting them is not something I have as a focal point – but it’s definitely something I am open to, being curious with an openness for what wants to happen. This openness I find benefits my clients as well, as it means I can pick up on minute shifts, both within me and them, that might very well be just what wants to be discovered in the moment.

To think… none of this might have occurred to me had I not stopped knocking myself over the head with a shovel. 


Advent Calendar 2018 – number 5 of 24 – on the theme of being gentle.

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Unexpected kindness

February 18, 2017
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I got a message, that made my eyes well up in tears.
Unexpected kindness, from a person long since in the perimeter of my life. The acknowledgement that there’s a common love, for yet another person.

With grace, I honor the love we share, and extend my gratitude, that I will be let in, when the time comes.

The unexpected kindness envelopes me in warmth and belonging, even though I long since stopped belonging to that particular tribe. And even though it is so, there’s the high level tribe that we all belong to, the one that says we are all humans.

unexpected kindnessThe realization that there is, in fact, always (!) the ability, the choice, the possibility of an intentional decision, that opens up, rather than closes down. The choice to “go high, instead of low” to paraphrase a certain First Lady, is there. Always. And being on the receiving end of someone who chooses the High instead of the Low, grants me relief, at a time when I sorely need it.

So thank you. The unexpected kindness shown to me today, brings tears of joy and relief to my weary soul, and gives me a boost to face yet another day, where hopelessness is much to rife. Provides a guiding light to shine my way through the darkness all around, ensuring I will not get lost today.

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A day of despair

February 7, 2017
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Yesterday, a day of despair. Hard to have any feeling of hope. At all. Darkness all around, people in pain, severe pain, and nothing I can do to alleviate the pain. Except to be there. And now and again, “to be there” makes me feel inadequate. Even though I know it’s a gift, not everyone get enough of. But it just seems too little, too ineffective, when pain is all around.

Today. not a doorUpon aking up, I picked up my copy of Rebecka Solnit’s book Hope in the Dark, and met hope. Again. It seems to come and go. And that’s fine. All other human emotions do the same, so of course hope would too. And when I am in contact with my sense of hope, it is much easier for me to be present, to be compassionate and hold a space of love, for those around me in need.

I don’t know where the door is, for this particular situation that grieves me so, but today, I am connected to the sense that we just might be able to find it. Somewhere. Somehow. And I am not alone. I am supported by family and friends, holding me – when I need it -, pushing me on – when I need that -, assisting me in reaching out to those who are in the know – and you bet that’s precisely what I need right now!

So. Hope. Here again. I can see the darkness; the failings, the misery, the utter and total despondence. But I also see the light; the generosity, the outpouring of love and willingness to make an effort for a fellow human being. It’s not either or, total darkness or blazing light. It’s both. At the same time. All around us. And that’s hopeful!

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Doing gentle – 40 – What do you fill your days with?

October 16, 2016
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What do you fill your days with? Light? Or darkness? Love? Or fear? Trust? Or distrust? Ownership? Or victimhood?

Have you ever asked yourself these questions? Do you see that it’s actually a choice we can make, all of us, for our own lives?

magpieBecause it truly is. It is a choice. I get to choose. And I can make those choices as a kind of guiding light, and/or in every moment. For me, I’ve made most of those choices on the level of guiding light, as a kind of direction in life, rather than as a choice in the moment. For instance, I’ve very clearly chosen trust. I trust those around me, I trust in the goodness of people, and I did that because I want to live in a world filled with trust, rather than distrust. When I am in distrust, life sucks, honestly. It’s so much more energy-wasting to go around distrusting people, organizations, companies, societal systems, than it is to work out of the basic assumption that I trust in all of these. I trust they are in it for the betterment of us all.

I do get knocked down once in a while, of course. And that’s hard. But I don’t want to change my basic trust in people, because when I am in trust, I feel so much better.

Welcome to my new website, where the underlying tone centers around being gentle to oneself. On Sundays I will be sharing thoughts on how I do gentle, and this is the fortieth of those. I hope you enjoy it and if you do, please subscribe to updates so you won’t miss out on future posts in this series. Also make sure to track back and ready the previous posts.

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Doing gentle – 23 – Dare to choose light over darkness

June 19, 2016
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I have a friend who told me she’s cut all news media from her life. The news on TV, daily newspapers, listening to the radio and so on. She’s deliberately cut it out, because it was too filled with worry, anxiety, dread, crimes, hatred, fear, terror. Too much darkness. She told me she’s choosing light instead. She’s deliberately choosing to surround herself with light. Love. Happiness. Generosity. Care and concern. She says, if there’s something going on that she really needs to know, she’ll be told. Or, she can ask.

What’s this thing about Panama-papers?

What’s happened in Brussels?

What went down in Orlando?

When she’s told, she knows enough. She doesn’t then dive headfirst into the news sites, to find out all the gory details. It’s enough to be told, to have an inkling.

glimmerThere’s been a revelation that many people we thought we could trust, have been hiding money in Panama. Investigative journalism uncovered a bunch of papers revealing names and companies, and that’s what the Panama-papers refers to.

Bombs went off, killing people. In Brussels as well as at the airport.

A mass-shooting at a night club, killing fifty people.

That’s enough. She need not know more than that.
Because she chooses light. Over darkness.

More darkness might smother the light. Whereas more light is the only thing that can affect the darkness, make it less dark.

Makes me wonder. Perhaps it’s time for me to look at my news intake as well. Or at least, balance it more? Make sure my daily diet consists of a lot more light than darkness. If nothing else, because it makes me better equipped to spread light into the world. If I get a light-recharge, so to speak, I can share my light, gladly, generously. Spread it around, and perhaps, light up a few dark alleyways?

Welcome to my humble abode, where the underlying tone centers around being gentle to oneself. On Sundays I share thoughts on how I do gentle, and I hope you enjoy it. If you do, please subscribe to updates so you won’t miss out on future posts in this series.

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