desire

Sensations

Sensations

March 2, 2018
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SensationsI crave sensations.
Not the ”wow, that’s so cool!”-type of sensations, but rather the sensations of feeling, of touch, of sound and movement. The lightest of touch, the softest of whisper.

What can I feel?
What do I want to feel?
What do I like?
What do I want? What don’t I want?
What do I desire, what makes me aroused, what drives me over the edge?

From having been an it’s-all-in-my-head-gal, for the past few years slowly but steadily I’ve been reconnecting with my body, with all of me. I am still… hm… possibly a bit scared of it all? But more than that, it’s mostly a matter of not knowing what and how to do, being acutely aware of that fact, and fearing ridicule, so yes, fear is at the root of me depriving myself of the sensations I crave.

That won’t stop me though.
I want to sense life – in all manners possible – and I will.

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Wholehearted – Reflection November ’17

November 29, 2017
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conflicting emotionsIn the last month I’ve had been in conversations with a few loved ones into topics less often broached (by me, at the very least), such as menopause and money, desire and divorce, sex and shame. All of them topics well worth a conversation or two. Or more, lots more than two.

I am, slowly and steadily, approaching these topics, and my oftentimes conflicting emotions around them. It sure helps to have people close to me whom I can discuss them with – voicing even that which I am ashamed of, in the knowledge that it will be received with grace and tenderness. I’ve chosen wisely. My loved ones are people I trust completely.

Mmm.
Just writing that last sentence brings a smile to my face, and a warmth that sweeps across my insides.

How sweet it is, to sit here, knowing deep within, that I am worthy of this.
Worthy of having people close to me, worthy of loving and being loved.

It’s not always been apparent to me, this inherent worthiness, that I share with each and every soul on earth. I know it’s not apparent to many of you either. I wish you will be converted, as I’ve been, into this words-are-unnecessary-and-couldn’t-describe-it-anyway type of knowledge – and perhaps, knowing it’s possible to go from one to the other can make a difference?

Wholeheartedly, I do my very best to embrace myself, the light and the darkness, the skills that are so easily perceived, as well as the hidden potential, yet to be uncovered. It’s there. I hide it. From me. From you. But I hide less and less. And spending time with people who do the same – show up, in their full glory of humanness – is such an inspiration. It helps me. You are my role models. From you I generate strength, passion and ideas and, most importantly, you are my invaluable sounding boards, allowing me to bounce my insecurities, fears and desires off.

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