feel

Feel the water

Feel the water

May 26, 2020
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Bike to the ocean.
Sit down on the bench close to the pier.
Undress. Slowly.

Pull out the sarong from my backpack, the sarong that’s always and already there, in case I feel like taking a cold bath – which, I am happy to report, it still qualifies as (my personal limit is below 14 degrees C).

Put away my phone and my glasses, use a scrunchie to gather up my hair in a bun, and walk towards the stairs, down into the water.

Sun is shining.
Hardly any wind.

Step by step, not fast, not slow, just an even pace, I walk down the stairs into the water. Face the sun and start to swim, all the while counting. Upon hitting 300 I turn around and start to swim back to the pier, but when I reach it, I stay in more. Longer. Don’t want to get out. Not yet. Haven’t had enough.

Turn to face the sun again, and with every cell of my body, every fibre of my being, I feel the water slowly lapping against my chest.

Continuing to count, I take another shorter swim, before I finally, upon hitting 800, get out of the water, realizing it’s about time to head on off to my friend for the Q&A I was to moderate an hour later.

14 minutes. Give or take.
15 degrees in the air.
11,5 in the water (I have my sources).

There’s nothing quite like it.

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What makes you not a Buddhist (book 4 of 12)

May 8, 2020
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Dzongsar Jamyang Khyentse, author of What makes you not a Buddhist, has really managed to clarify for me what makes me not a Buddhist, and consequently, what would make me a Buddhist. I appreciate his take on this, and the book, short and easy-read that it is, is very informative and to-the-point.

”All compounded things are impermanent.
All emotions are pain.
All things have no inherent existence.
Nirvana is beyond concepts.”

If you do not accept these four truths, you would not be a Buddhist.
If you do, well, then… you are?!

”The recognition of impermanence is the key to freedom from fear of remaining forever stuck in a situation, habit, or pattern.”

Finished reading the book, and the morning after, was sent day 19 of the 21 days of Abundance-meditation by the (Deepak) Chopra Center. And funnily enough, the exercise for the day, attached to the meditation, centers around the parable of This too shall pass.

And I have to say, in my ever-deepening knowing of this, through and through, I find life more enjoyable to life. The high’s. The low’s. The nothing-much-is-happening-at-all’s. All of it.

”[…] when we remember that things are impermanent, we are less likely to be enslaved by assumptions, rigid beliefs (both religious and secular), value systems, or blind faith. Such awareness prevents us from getting caught up in all kinds of personal, political, and relationship dramas. We begin to know that things are not entirely under our control and never will be, so there is no expectation for things to go according to our hopes and fears.”

This is right up my alley, and something that greatly helps me in life. But no. I don’t see myself as a Buddhist, nor do I have any desire too. But I also want to clarify that in no way, does this mean that I don’t feel. That I don’t cry tears of despair as well as tears of the utmost joy.

I do. And I want to.
In no way do I want to go through life numb.
But knowing that whatever is, is right now and not forever, makes it easier to feel in the now, and not fall down the rabbit hole (at least not as often, as long, or as easily) of getting stuck in remembrance of feeling into what was, or imagining what might be.
Being here. Now.
Knowing nothing lasts forever. 

Recognizing the instability of causes and conditions leads us to understand our own power to transform obstacles and make the impossible possible. This is true in every area of life.


The book I am blogging about is part of the book-reading challenge I’ve set for myself during 2020, to read and blog monthly about 12 Swedish and 12 English books, books that I already own.

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Sensations

March 2, 2018
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SensationsI crave sensations.
Not the ”wow, that’s so cool!”-type of sensations, but rather the sensations of feeling, of touch, of sound and movement. The lightest of touch, the softest of whisper.

What can I feel?
What do I want to feel?
What do I like?
What do I want? What don’t I want?
What do I desire, what makes me aroused, what drives me over the edge?

From having been an it’s-all-in-my-head-gal, for the past few years slowly but steadily I’ve been reconnecting with my body, with all of me. I am still… hm… possibly a bit scared of it all? But more than that, it’s mostly a matter of not knowing what and how to do, being acutely aware of that fact, and fearing ridicule, so yes, fear is at the root of me depriving myself of the sensations I crave.

That won’t stop me though.
I want to sense life – in all manners possible – and I will.

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