flow

Open to the shifts

Open to the shifts

August 25, 2020
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This past week, I have not blogged daily. Haven’t written daily either, but even days of writing, have not always been days of blogging. This will likely prevail. I will blog, if blogging is in the cards. Or not, if (when) not. There’s a shift here, a desire, an inkling to play around with a somewhat different way of going forth. It’s not hard for me to blog daily. (Most times.) What’s harder is listening within, and blogging because there’s something to be said, something to be let out, rather than doing it because I’ve committed to doing it. (Makes sense?)

My deep-dive will not be published (now). But I will be writing (it). This is a commitment I’ve made, one which, truth be told, might even be hindered if I were to stick to a daily blogging scheme, having me go for the easy write rather than the deep-dive, which takes so much more from me. There’s effort. (In flow. Effort in flow. Trust me. It comes. But not without thorns, tumbles, tears.)

Then there’s the idea of doing yet another different type of writing. A deep-dive of sorts as well, but not within so much as without, into something specific. Wanting to do tankespjärn-pieces, that are more thorough. Researched. Thought through. (Yes. Mostly when I write, I simply sit down and write. But I’ve been longing for a different type of writing for a while. So how about it; Give me permission to do just that?)

As always (often? At least often!) when there’s a shift in one place/space, other shifts tag along.
One shift acting as a catalyst, causing other shifts to happen.

Being open to the shifts makes for an interesting life.
Explorative. Elucidating. Expansive.


#tankespjärn, for those who wish to discover. More. Other. New.
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When I sound like me, what do I sound like?

April 11, 2020
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When I sound like me, what do I sound like? 

The Creative’s Workshop continues to prompt me with questions like this one. Questions that give me ample amounts of tankespjärn. Questions which cause me to back off for a few days, letting whatever my response will be percolate within, before actually sitting down to respond. Just did prompt 21 [out of a total of 35, dished out three a week], which I have been sitting on for the past week, and a g a i n I am astounded that there is so much value to them, a n d how they simply pull me into them once I give them my focus for but a few initial minutes. After that I don’t have to keep my focus on it anymore, because I am hooked. Hooked by the question, hooked by the challenge, hooked in eagerness witnessing what comes out of my fingers doing their dance across the keyboard.

After prompt 21, I opened prompt 22 and it flowed out of me like melting waters in spring flow into a mountain stream.


#tankespjärn, for those who wish to discover. More. Other. New.
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Willing myself into murky waters

March 23, 2020
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Participating in The Creative’s Workshop on akimbo.com I am exposed to two sets of asks.
1) The Dailies, where I and the other players are asked to write and post every day for 100 days in a row. Subject, style, content totally up to each and every one of us.
2) The Prompts, where I and the other players are given a thrice-weekly prompt asking us to reflect and respond to questions, pushing me (at least) far outside of my comfort zone. Asking me to take a stand, to give voice to what I like and dislike, to what I do and don’t do, to what my work looks like and why. 

The different asks give rise to different response within me, something I try to give voice to below.


It’s a matter of focus. Of intent.
Of willing myself into murky waters where the going is far from easy and smooth.

That’s what the Prompts feels like to me.

Whereas the Dailies are more of an easy-peasy sit-down and let what-ever-want’s-to-come-out pour from my fingers onto the screen in front of me.

And. Luckily. It’s not a question of either-or both rather a both-and.

They give me different types of release.
The Dailies get to be lighter, or heavier for that matter, but there’s more flow to them.
Less intellectual effort.

The Prompts speak to the Upholder in me, making me want to respond quite literally to the specific questions asked. Even though I wriggle like a worm on a fishhook now and again, I get through them, slowly and steadily, one by one. A bit behind the release-schedule, but catching up.
In their iterative structure, inviting me back into past prompts, to observe, orient, decide, act (ooda), there’s progress, if by progress I mean movement. Which I do.

Thanks in large part to TCW, my mind is moving.
My understanding is increasing.
The visibility is greater, there’s more and more clarity.
In what it is I want to do, in who it is I want to be.

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How much fun are you willing to let yourself have?

March 6, 2020
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Rinse and repeat…
Sitting on the train, drinking my green smoothie.
That I remembered to bring with me, as opposed to yesterday.

I never did remember to text Pernilla asking for breakfast, but what happened turned into the perfect continuation of my early morning flow and dance. I got to her place, told her I needed breakfast, and she suggested we go horseback riding instead of working, as we have a full day working together next week, and there was nothing pressing that needed to be done.

So I took her puppy for a quick walk, P fixed us some breakfast, and then we headed off to the stables for an hour of riding in the forest. Absolutely lovely!

There are endless opportunities each and every day. Of having fun. Of doing something surprising, something out of the ordinary, something not usually done. Of showing up, and responding to what shows up.

How much fun are you willing to let yourself have?

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Going about my day in flow

March 5, 2020
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Tired last night after a long and intense day, I started to make my green smoothie for this morning, as I knew I would be more tired in the morning than last night before hitting the sack.

So I filled her up, my Bosch mixer… banana, apple, spinach leaves, parsley, ginger, spirulina, hemp protein powder, home grounded rose hip powder, sesame seeds, a bit of cauliflower stalk, water and whey. Pressed ON and was amazed at the difference in sound. Normally it makes quite a lot of noise, but it’s contained noise somehow. This time, I paused, turned around to look at it, and realized I’d forgotten to put on the lid. The difference in sound had to do with the fact that half-mixed bits of whatever I’d put in the container, was being sprayed onto my kitchen top and walls.

I was quick to press OFF, and then had no option but to clean up my mess.

Got it all sorted – quite gross actually, in those few seconds of mixing without a lid, the machine managed to spew out what looked a lot like barf –, and had a bottle ready in the fridge for my early departure today.

Which I remembered when I was halfway to the train station, on my bike…

Oh well.
It is what it is.
And it’s not in my bag, but in my fridge.

Nothing to do about that, it would mess up my schedule to turn around and fetch the bottle, so I trampled on instead, and will soon send a text to my colleague whom I will be working with in the morning, asking if I can make myself some porridge or something when I get to her.

That’s me dancing with whatever knocks on my door, solving what needs to be solved, working around what can be worked around, and simply going about my day in flow. Not wasting energy beating myself up for being stupid enough for forgetting the smoothie. Not wasting energy worrying about how to solve the issue of getting some breakfast. Acknowledging what is, and moving on, knowing it’s not a big deal.

This is one way I’ve automated my responses to what-ever-happens through the help of the question How does this serve me? I no longer have to actively ask it of myself (which I’ve done thousands of times, probably tens of thousands!), it’s as if my system does that automatically, and I just pop out again, ready to dance with the next thing that knocks on my door.

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I see how others…

March 2, 2020
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I see how others write, and I go Oh, I’d like to be able to write like that.
But then I realize, I write the way I write. And I’ve found a flow in my language that I enjoy and like. So… it’s more a matter of enjoying the writing of others, and possibly be inspired by it.

Doodle from a session on Innovation and ontological design by Karl McFaul and Michael Sillion, at Studio in Malmö, 2018.

I see how others draw, and I go Oh, I’d like to be able to draw like that.
But then I realize, I draw the way I draw. And I’ve found a flow in my doodling (more than anything) that I enjoy and like. So… it’s more a matter of enjoying the drawings of others, and possibly be inspired by it.

I see how others take photographs, and I go Oh, I’d like to be able to take photographs like that.
But then I realize, I take photographs the way I take photographs. And I’ve found a flow in my photography that I enjoy and like. So… it’s more a matter of enjoying the photography of others, and possibly be inspired by it.

I see how others make music, and I go Oh, I’d like to be able to make music like that.
But then I realize, I don’t necessarily make music if by making music I mean to compose. But I make music, in the way that I sing, play the guitar, and dance (isn’t that a way of making music as well?). And I’ve found a flow in how I sing and play and dance that I enjoy and like. So… it’s more a matter of enjoying the music-making of others, and possibly be inspired by it.

I see how others respond to being tagged, or how generously they comment on the posts of others when stumbling upon them, and I go Oh. Why haven’t I thought of that? That’s something I could easily do, myself.
And then I realize, that’s the beauty of a community such as The Creative’s Workshop. I can be inspired by all these wonderful creators, in any way, shape or form that I like, without ever having to belittle myself or beat myself up for not having thought of something first. I can simply bear witness and try things on, see if it’s a fit, see how I can comment more generously, connect more graciously, create more humbly.

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Why hold back?

January 10, 2020
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Why hold back?

Let those tears flow. Freely.

Tears of joy. Of sorrow. Of gratitude. Of despair. Of fond memories. Of all that is and has been. Of all that never was and never will be. 

Here I am. On the train. Watching an episode from the third season of I am Anne (of Greengables) on Netflix and I am letting those tears flow. Freely. Because why not? What do I care if others think me odd or weird? I don’t. 

What is it to me if others think me brave for showing my emotions (without drama. No intrusion unto others bar the fact that I may be sniveling a wee bit, dabbing my eyes dry now and again)? A gift. From me. 

What do I care that I will be going to work with slightly puffed eyes? Well. I don’t. I am human. And proud of it. What better way to show my humanity than letting my tears flow in a moment when tears are what I have, what I am?

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Ebook in the making

October 29, 2019
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So.
Here I am. Day two of my writing retreat with Sara, and I am busy, but not writing, at least not as much as yesterday. You see. I had an(other) epiphany last night: At this very moment, I have 1768 posts on my Swedish blog and 527 on my English. Soon 528, once this goes live. It’s a gold mine! A lot of these just short of 2300 posts are really good, and it’s a shame that I don’t make more of them.

I have had “create an ebook” on my intention for this year, without taking action, and truth be told, I’ve had it on my radar for at least 3-4 years by now. It. Is. Time. To. Act.

So.
I am acting.
I’ve downloaded bookwright from Blurb that I am fairly used to working with that program, and am busy creating my first ebook. To make it as easy as possible for myself, I am ebooking (is that a verb? If not, it is now!) my Doing Gentle-series of which there are 45 blog posts with an added monthly Being Gentle-reflection, which I figure will make a great ebook or two.

(The truly observant person will, at this point, scratch their head, going Hm… Wasn’t she on another mission? To write and schedule at least 7 blog posts, to get her set up to ensure there’s more time to review and rewrite blog posts?

Yes. You are right. I was. I am. It’s just… today there’s energy for ebooking, which there hasn’t been before. Ever. So, when the urge hit me, I decided to go with the flow.

Dumb move? Well. We won’t ever know, will we? And anyway, it’s not a life-or-death-matter, and… come to think of it, perhaps there’s a way to get both these missions of mine accomplished. I want to reuse material and I want to create time to review and trim texts that are as yet unpublished. Perhaps I should set up a reposting-scheme, reusing existing blog posts on a more regular basis, like I did with my #ThrowbackThursday-posts in 2016?)

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Advent Calendar 14 – Caressed by life

December 14, 2018
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Caressed by life. 

The words popped into my mind as I was brushing my teeth this morning.
I feel caressed by life, and it’s the most wondrous of feelings.

Before brushing my teeth, I had already had a morning of letting come whatever wanted to come. Woke early, rearing to go. Settled into bed with pen and paper, and started to let words flow. Idea upon idea bubbled out of me; an explosion of creativity, captured on paper.

Went for a run, before heading into town for a creative meeting at Caspian’s invitation. A lovely meeting, making me tug at the bit, wanting to continue the exploration that we started today. At the end of the meeting, Caspian asked us for our take-away’s from the meeting. I couldn’t contain myself, blurting out I have just realized that I truly have a lot to contribute. I know stuff, have experiences and wisdom worth sharing, and I want to share it!

With another two meetings – as wonderful as my morning meetings (including the one with myself and my bubbling idea-volcano) and totally different at the same time! – during the afternoon, I’ve had a rich day. And I feel rich. Caressed by life!


Advent Calendar 2018 – number 14 of 24 – on the theme of being gentle.

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Being gentle to me – Reflection July ’17

July 31, 2017
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Being gentle to me, this past month, as been a lot about going with the flow.

It’s summertime.
There’s less assignments from clients.
Kids are off from school.

Paper borderSo I am doing that which I feel like doing, and not doing the rest.
Going on short excursions, overnight or just for the day.

Reading books I want to read – so I am. Loads of them! Going for walks I want to take – so I do. Same with the occasional run.

Haven’t felt like blogging this past week – so I haven’t. Before that, I did, daily.

Borrowed a steamer and got rid of the (very ugly) paper border in the dining room, that we just never got around to removing before. That was satisfyingly hard work, as was the hedge trimming (more like a massacre really) I did together with the neighbors.

Brought the guitar with me to my mom’s place, but have only played once so far. Will simply add dates at the end of my original 60 day-streak to make up for not playing daily.

Not putting any guilt trips on me, for that which I’m avoiding. I just am. Same goes with that which I am doing. I just am.

Welcome to my writings, where the underlying tone centers around being gentle to oneself. I reflect on a monthly basis on what that means to me, in the moment, and this is one of those reflections. I hope you enjoy it. If you do, please subscribe to updates so you won’t miss out on future reflections.

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