focus

Bring that beauty to everything I do.

Bring that beauty to everything I do.

April 5, 2019
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Challenged.

Willing to take it on?

Can I not?

And if I do (I will. Of course. It’s so in line with what I am, where I am, what I am creating. God-bumps from just writing this. So yes. It’s a given.), what will change? What will I do more of? Less of? Stop completely? Start?

That picture you shared a few weeks ago, it was beautiful, he said, and as I listen to the harrowing beauty of Spiegel im spiegel it too informs me of what has to happen:
Bring that beauty to everything I do.

Intention.
Focus.
Willingness.

Challenge accepted, but not lightly.
Not at all. Accepted with the greatest sense of reverence.

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Narrowing my focus

February 12, 2019
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Gown off; my intention for the year. Gown off, as in as I am.

How will this show up to the world?

Well… the year is young, and there’s plenty of time for this to develop in ways unknown to me right now. What I am busy doing though, is making sure that what you see more genuinely reflects me as I am. I want to make sure I show up as I am both in 3D and online, so I am creating congruency between these arenas. Working on updating my website as well as my profile on LinkedIn. But am also using both Instagram and Facebook slightly differently, including my Facebook Live’s.

Working on my LinkedIn profile, and so much more with my coach Dave Kibby; it was in a session with him that gown off was revealed to me (us).
Had a hoot of a day in a photo session with photographer Anders Roos, to take new photos of me. As I am.
Spent a day cutting my soon-to-be-released podcast together with audio producer Søren Lassen Andreassen, getting raw cuts of twenty-two episodes finished. With musician Olof Jennfors putting the final touches to the soundtrack, I look forward to release my first-ever (own) podcast in a few weeks time! More on that, in due time.

Everything for everyone isn’t the best of business ideas, and it’s definitely not mine, as I am also getting much clearer with who I want to work with, separating them from those I can work with. The former is a smaller part of the latter, which means I am narrowing my focus, which feels great!

Who I want to work with? You! Given that you are a person who wants to do the work, to change, to expand. You, if you are a person ready to show up in the world as you are. Are you?

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Thinking, Fast and Slow (book 25 of 26)

December 16, 2018
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Thinking, Fast and Slow by Daniel Kahneman is not an easy read. It’s not an impossibly hard read either. But sure, it’s not a book one breezes through in a day or two, at least not me. And yet, that’s almost what I made myself do, as I had my Sunday deadline, and had only gotten about 20% of the book read earlier in the week.

“You think with your body, not only with your brain.”

Kahneman won the Nobel prize of Economics in 2002 for the discovery he writes about in Thinking, Fast and Slow, describing the two different sets of “systems” in our brains, causing us to think fast (most of the time) and slow (as little as possible, from what I gather) when (fairly) appropriate.

“‘Risk’ does not exist ‘out there’, independent of our minds and culture, waiting to be measured. Human beings have invented the concept of ‘risk’ to help them understand and cope with the dangers and uncertainties of life. Although these dangers are real, there is no such thing as ‘real risk’ or ‘objective risk’.” – Paul Slovic

When I posted a blurb on Facebook about having 40% of reading left in this book, I got a comment from a friend stating “Haha. The book that most people never finish. Me included.” and I completely understand. I admit, that this is one of those books that I would have stopped reading was it not for my reading challenge. The first part is super-interesting, but parts of part two, three and four are a bit heavy, I have to say.

“To think clearly about the future, we need to clean up the language that we use in labeling the beliefs we had in the past.”

I had no problem finding lots of passages from the book to share, and there are plenty more where these came from. But still, unless you are really nerdy about the brain and behavior, I bet you can find a great video on You Tube explaining the concepts of Kahneman in 10-15 minutes or so. (Just did a quick search on YT. Yes. You can. Better bet than picking up a copy of the actual book.)

“Optimism is normal, but some fortunate people are more optimistic than the rest of us. If you are genetically endowed with an optimistic bias, you hardly need to be told that you are a lucky person – you already feel fortunate. An optimistic attitude is largely inherited, and it is part of a general disposition for well-being, which may also include a preference for seeing the bright side of everything. If you were allowed one wish for your child, seriously consider wishing him or her optimism. Optimists are normally cheerful and happy, and therefore popular; they are resilient in adapting to failures and hardships, their chances of clinical depression are reduced, their immune system is stronger, they take better care of their health, they feel healthier than others and are in fact likely to live longer.”

The part about optimism I find really interesting because based on the experience I have of living life as Helena, I’ve changed from being a pessimist to becoming an optimist. I even have a hard time spending time with die-hard pessimists nowadays… So I don’t know about the genetic disposition? Or perhaps, that’s just one way of being a fortunate optimist, the other is by intentionally deciding to become one?

“Some experimenters have reported that an angry face ‘pops out’ of a crowd of happy faces, but a single happy face does not stand out in an angry crowd. The brains of humans and other animals contain a mechanism that is designed to give priority to bad news.”

Given the way we (modern human beings) live our life, I dare say being aware of this negativity bias is a really good idea, also because of the focusing illusion: “Any aspect of life to which attention is directed will loom large in a global evaluation. This is the essence of the focusing illusion, which can be described in a single sentence: Nothing in life is as important as you think it is when you are thinking about it.”

Or the way I usually express it: we get more of that which we focus on. So be mindful of what you think about!


The book I am blogging about is part of the book-reading challenge I’ve set for myself during 2018, to read and blog about 26 Swedish and 26 English books, one book every week, books that I already own.

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The Tibetan Art of Positive Thinking (book 23 of 26)

November 18, 2018
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in Tip
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Coming closer to the end of my reading challenge of 2018, the part which has me reading 26 books in Swedish and 26 in English, books I already had in my possession at the start of the year. The Tibetan Art of Positive Thinking by Christopher Hansard, is a book I got a year or two ago, on the recommendation of D.

“From the beating of our hearts at birth to our final breath in death, a continual stram of thought flows through us, making us, forming all our desires and directing unconscious actions, yet always guiding us towards greater self-knowledge. The power of thought is immense.”

It is. And the difference in how living life as me, before and after I realized exactly how powerful thought is… Huge.

“‘You are what you think.’ […] ‘Thoughts directs all things’, he said. ‘People pride themselves on how they think, but really it is thought that moves through people. Our thoughts create our lives, they make us sick, happy or successful. Our thoughts can pollute our planet through the actions we take. Thoughts on their own will gather like clouds in the sky, good thoughts coming together with other good thoughts and unskilful thoughts attracting other unskilful thoughts.'”

Or said in another way: we get more of that which we focus on. Another one of those clichés that I see people sharing, without fully realizing what it actually means. It means what it says. I do get more of that which I focus on. It’s simple physics. Like attracts like.

“Emotions are the teachers of human experience and we must always give thanks for them. They must not be denied but understood, loved and transformed.”

Allowing myself to feel what I feel, while at the same time, not necessarily take it so bloody seriously, or, for that matter, react upon every emotion that pops up within. Asking myself, how does this serve me, giving me that tiniest of distances towards myself, which can stop me from reacting, and instead having me choose my action.

Those are just a few of all the passages I’ve marked up until page 22. With another 250 pages to go, you do the math. So pick up a copy of this book, and find out for yourself what the ancient Tibetans (the Bön tradition, which began 17 000 years ago!) discovered about the world, our place in it and how everything connects.

“Complaining is damaging because words are the houses in which our thoughts live. They way you speak will indicate the way you think.”

That’s one reason why I have consciously chosen to be very restrictive with certain words. Such as right/wrong, good/bad, must/should/would/ought to. To name a few.

“If we become softer and slow our rush [in our search for happiness and meaning], the fear of desperation will fall away and we can then hear the tender voice of pure thought energy wishing only to guide us.
Make things simple in your life. Let your life become simple in its actions, communicate simply and let your love be simple, for then it will be profound.”

This reminds me of the phrase “Slowing down to the speed of life“, which actually is a book title, of a book I have yet to read. I will though, one of these days…


The book I am blogging about is part of the book-reading challenge I’ve set for myself during 2018, to read and blog about 26 Swedish and 26 English books, one book every week, books that I already own. 

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Divorced. Again.

March 27, 2018
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Here I am – divorced for the second time.
This is not what I intended. But it’s what happened.

Sad?
Well, yes, sure it’s sad. I didn’t want this. Until the moment came when I actually did want it. Because that’s how it works – all of a sudden perspectives change, an insight put’s everything into a different light. I can see the sadness in life not turning out the way I wanted to, but at the same time, I’m not sad about it. I have no regrets. Fact is what I feel more than anything is gratitude that both of us, I and my ex-husband, to a large extent have – and have had – the ability to keep a cool head as well as a warm and gentle heart throughout the process från separation to settled divorce, with agreements on property settlements to child alimony and all of the other things that follows, when two souls are in the process of untangling themselves from each others lives.

The difference in my life isn’t that big either, to be honest. I still live in the house; I love it here and am very happy we’ve found a solution enabling me to stay put. The kids decide themselves how they want it, where to live and when (mostly). Kids and kids… little brother might still count as one, but the 18 year old will soon graduate, so there is a limit to the time remaining for her to “live at home”.

I ponder what makes me so calm and collected within. Perhaps because I’ve let it take its time? Or rather: I’ve let myself take the time I’ve needed to. Time to feel, time to cry, to grieve, to land in new circumstances.

I-carry-with-me-the-best-of-memoriesPerhaps because I’ve let thoughts and corresponding feelings come and go? I haven’t attached myself to any feeling as such, I’ve simply let them come, fill me up, and then I’ve let them pass through. Sometimes fast, sometimes really slow – all the while safe in the understanding that whatever I feel in the moment, it will pass. Another thought will come, eventually. No feeling is static. Ever.

And like Pernilla says – grief and joy go hand in hand, are best friends. The grief I experience when something has run its course is all about the flow of joy, love and compassion, all about the experiences. Delighting in what has been, that no longer is. Grateful for all I’ve been through, all I’ve learned, all that has arisen on account of this specific relationship. I carry with me the best of memories, and look to the future with a curious mind, all the while keeping my focus in the here and now, living and enjoying myself to the fullest.

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What we focus on becomes our reality.

November 9, 2016
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What do we know?

One thing and one thing only: Donald Trump won more electoral votes than Hillary Clinton, and hence will *barring unforeseen circumstances* be the next president of the United States.

Will it be a disaster? The end of the world as we know it?
Will Trump build a wall along the Mexican border, stop muslims from entering the US and put a ban on free trade by imposing high taxes on goods from China and Europe?

We don’t know.
Because none of it has actually happened. It’s definitely not happening now, right this minute. But given the outrage and horror, it might as well have. But it hasn’t, not yet.

And yes. It might happen. For sure. But it’s also possible (perhaps not probable, but definitely possible) that it might not happen.

We. Just. Don’t. Know.

And no. I see no good in Trump becoming POTUS, that’s for sure. I have a hard time taking the guy seriously, and for the life of me, have a hard time understanding how the Republican Party ended up where it’s at right now. But still. Nothing has happened, yet. So why waste a lot of energy focussing on what horrible things we think might happen? Why not put that energy to better use instead?BoldomaticPost_What-we-focus-on-becomes-our

Welcome your feelings of horror, despair, anger, frustration, of being scared for what might be. They will come anyway, because they are a part of the human experience on earth. We feel. The entire spectrum. All that is possible to experience, we experience. But you can let the feelings that don’t serve you particularly, wash over you, and continue on their way. You don’t have to invite them in, make up the guest bed and serve them dinner. That’s a choice you can make. Because, and this is important: What we focus on becomes our reality.

So make sure you focus on that which you want to see in the world, rather than what you don’t want to see. What we give energy to, grows stronger. Chose wisely and with great care, given the state of the world right now, what to feed with your attention – my choice is love, cocreation, playfulness. Honesty, care and empathy. And many many other things, that all make up parts of what constitutes living a good life in my view.

What do you chose to give energy to?

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A world in or out of focus

August 11, 2016
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Dramatic blue skies.

A small holt of trees, branches slowly moving from the wind.

Out of focus. In focus.

My IPhone had trouble focussing in the dusk.

The image to the left remind me of the way I see the world when I have taken off my glasses. To the right, I have put them on again. I am the filter for my experience of the world. Because regardless if I have my glasses on or not, the trees and the sky remains the same. No difference at all. Except in my perception of them.

And just as I understand that my glasses help me perceive the world around me with greater clarity, I know that sometimes I am in a high mood. When I am, my experience of the world is a world in focus. When I’m in low mood, it’s like I’ve lost my glasses and everything is out of focus. But alas, again, remember that the world itself can never be out of focus. It just it. It is I who am in or out of focus, in high or low mood, and my experience of the world will be shaped accordingly.

In focus. Out of focus.

Constantly shifting. A part of human nature. What makes all the difference in the world is being aware of my mood – because if I see that, I will understand why my world – in any given moment – appears to be in or out of focus.

Since 2012 I have blogged over at herothecoach.com in a jumble of Swedish and English and this post is a sample of what I’ve been writing there over the years. As of 2016 I only write in Swedish there, and in English here. I hope you enjoy this #ThrowbackThursday, originally published here, and if you do, please subscribe to updates so you won’t miss out on future posts.

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