generous

Keep on…

Keep on…

September 21, 2020
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I read:
People don’t show up when you launch.
They show up when they’re ready.

Such a simple concept, and yet… hard to come to terms with.
Or. Rather. Hard to disassociate between me doing my work, and you showing up when –and more importantly!– if my work is for you.

This is what generosity is.
What invitations are.

Me doing my work, putting it out there, telling the world, by all means, but not shoving it down anyone’s throat, not playing dirty. Generously sharing, shipping, showing up. Reaching out a hand, with a personal invitation

(this, for me! My achilles heal. Still. And I need to stop saying that.

Let me rephrase: This has been my achilles heal. But. It. Is. No. More.

Today I exult in sending out personal invites; hammering it home… No. That’s not very generous to me, is it? Putting away my hammer, and instead, giving myself a high five for each personal invite I extend, for each generous act of mine, for all the ways I show up. For me. For you.)

…that truly is an open, honest, no-strings-attached-invitation, where a No is as welcome as a Yes.

And how inviting others into my world, my creations, is, truly, generous, and that there’s no way for me to know when you’re ready, so the best thing I can do is keep on creating, keep on shipping and sharing, keep on inviting.


#tankespjärn, for those who wish to discover. More. Other. New.
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Right/Wrong

August 8, 2020
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Right and Wrong. That was the starting point for the monthly Zoom in July, in the tankespjärn community on Patreon. An hour of gentle, exploring, curious conversation and connection, along the lines of the attached doodle.

What became apparent quite quickly was that we all had a strong sense of either ourselves or a parent, being the one who was always right. Makes me wonder about you, reading this, if you, a parent, or perhaps a grandparent or someone else, held this role in your life growing up? The one always in the right?

From the doodle, I am thrown back to that Friday morning (CET time), the way our conversation meandered about, the way they do, those generous, rich, nourishing conversations. Across the distinction between Judgment (preconceived notions) vs Discernment (being open to what is), and how that latter opens up not just within, but also without, making room for all (people, ideas, decisions). To the impactful question: Am I worthy to get what I want? Which made way for insights of not nurturing oneself as one could (can!), and how, when the notion of having to be right (while fearing being wrong) leaves room for uncertainty, how freeing that can be.

Right and Wrong.
Where does it take you?


These Zoom-conversations are a monthly feature of the tankespjärn-community–and I know I speak for every member when I say, that you are enthusiastically invited to join in!

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The generous thing is asking for help.

May 5, 2020
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Yes. The generous thing is asking for help.

And. Of course, this can be misused, everything can be misused!

So if you are a person asking for help a lot, when you ask, why are you asking?
What’s your reason? What’s your rationale? Is it a habit you’ve gotten into, a way to get out of taking responsibility for your own life? Is it a way to skirt your issues, your fears, your perceived inadequacies? In a sense, is you asking a way for you to hinder yourself (unconsciously) from growing, from learning, from expanding as a human being? A way of belittling yourself? Or is it truly because you’ve done the work, and are asking when appropriate, which I wrote in yesterday’s post as well? If so, yes, yes, yes, the generous thing is asking for help!

And if you are a person constantly asked to help, when you help, why are you helping?
What’s your reason? What’s your rationale? Is it a habit you’ve gotten into, a way to get out of taking responsibility for your own life? Is it a way to skirt your issues, your fears, your perceived inadequacies? In a sense, is your helping a way for you to hinder yourself (unconsciously) from growing, from learning, from expanding as a human being? A way of belittling yourself? Or is it truly because you’ve done the work, and are helping from a place of you taking responsibility for answering/helping truthfully, which I wrote in yesterday’s post as well? If so, yes, yes, yes, the generous thing is helping!

These aspects are really important to take into consideration

Based on a knowing that people are holding themselves (self-)worthy, (self-)responsible and (self-)honored, regardless if asking or helping, or in any other situation, I am much freer to Be in the world without taking on what is not mine to take on (There’s my business, your business and God’s business, to quote Byron Katie). This knowing might well be called an assumption. And I am not prone to liking assumptions, given that assumptions are the mother of all fuck-ups, and yet… this might well be one of those instances where it actually does serve me.


#tankespjärn, for those who wish to discover. More. Other. New.
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Not wanting to ask for help

May 4, 2020
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Like a constant hum in the background, the insistence on not wanting to ask for help. I hear it from many, most even. It’s uncomfortable, it feels scary, in part perhaps due to thoughts about belittling oneself by asking? Or is it more to do with not knowing that the answer will be favorable, and from fear of the unknown, the uncontrollable, it’s easier to simply bore down into whatever it is and try to manage by yourself, instead of putting yourself through the risk of being turned down?

One of the interesting facts about help – almost no-one claims to like asking for help, but most everyone loves to help. So the generous thing is to ask for help, when appropriate, giving others an opportunity to step in and help.

For me, asking for help is something I’ve gotten quite good at, in large part due to the fact that since childhood I have a friend who’s a great helper, and at the same time, someone who would never say that she can help if she cannot. So I know, upon asking, that if she says Yes, it’s unequivocal, and if she says No, it’s because she cannot. Making it very easy for me to ask, as I know she takes full responsibility for answering truthfully. And when there’s a No, it’s not because she doesn’t like me, or thinks I am silly to ask, or… you know, all those dead-ends the mind has a habit of detouring into now and again.

But is there a difference between asking for Help versus asking for Assistance? Or is that difference purely semantic? And, equally important to ponder, is there a difference between Helping versus Assisting?


#tankespjärn, for those who wish to discover. More. Other. New.
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Pay as much as you want?

April 28, 2020
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It’s funny how the (or at least my) brain works. An event or two flashed before my eyes last night, scrolling my social media feed, and they used the Pay as much as you want-, Donation based-, or phrased differently Pay as much as you think it’s worth-strategy.

Upon waking, my brain told me there are two, or possibly three, rationals for using this strategy:

  1. It’s a truly generous move, one where the organizer wants everyone to be able to come, to experience, to participate, regardless of their financial means.
  2. It’s a chicken move, evoked as a way to skirt one’s own responsibility. Not wanting to, being able to, feeling comfortable with (or whatever reason there might be subconsciously) actually putting a price on one’s services. Not knowing what it might be worth to others it is so easy to simply let the others decide. But what does that tell you about your own belief in your product/service? How much do you value you?
  3. A combination of the two where there is a genuine desire to be open for all, and yet getting away with it… One way to avoid this is to do Donation based with an added indication of what is going rate.

What do you see with these strategies, that I don’t?

Anyway.
That’s how my brain works.
How does your work?


#tankespjärn, for those who wish to discover. More. Other. New.
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Something other

April 26, 2020
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In twenty minutes, we had it together.
The outline of it at least.

What?, you ask, slightly confused.

Well.
A webinar that me and a few of my friends are putting together in a few weeks time. An event normally run live in May that we are turning digital, for obvious reasons. We started off thinking we’d simply run last year’s presentation slightly tweaked… but when we looked at it, we realized that Nah, that won’t do.

Doing things online instead of in the flesh, requires something else, something other.

So I asked for pen and paper, we gathered around the kitchen counter, and in twenty minutes, we had a plan of who’s doing what when, and how to turn this event into something other, just like we wanted to. 

Now, I don’t know about you, but surrounding myself with people like these, enriches my life beyond belief. This is a group of skilled, professional, warm, generous, smart and fun people, and I love having them in my circle of influence. Who’s in yours?

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#blogg100 – Generous assumptions.

April 15, 2017
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What’s the most generous assumption that I can make about his response while still acknowledging my own feelings and needs?

Brené Brown is speaking about her husband, telling a story from their marriage. Being vulnerable, and showing all her struggles, her misinterpretations, her expectations and fears.

What’s the most generous assumption that I can make about someone’s response while still acknowledging my own feelings and needs?

What a great question to carry with me, in any setting, any relationship, any conversation with a tendency to turn sour. Because here’s the stinger: it’s all make belief anyway. I mean, whatever assumption I make, I am making an assumption, i.e. making up a reason for what caused you to do what you did, or to omit to do what you should have done. Why not make that assumption as generously as possible, giving me some breathing room and most definitely putting rose-tinted glasses on? Why would I ever do the opposite? Making an assumption that puts you in the worst possible standing in front of my eyes, making you out to be the worst monster on earth – why would I do that? Causing me heartache, and sending that energy right back at you, likely causing you heartache as well.

BoldomaticPost_with-a-generous-spiritNo, better to be generous. As kind as I possibly can. I can experience being snubbed, stood up, taken for granted or any number of other feelings, all of which might hurt, in one way or another. But thinking generous thoughts about your possible reasons for doing – or omitting to doing in some cases – it, makes it less of a problem really. It takes away a lot of the hurt inside. And when I am being generous in my mind, towards you, it’s actually easier for me to act in the same manner towards myself. From that view point, it’s a lot easier, and likely much more constructive, to voice my needs and acknowledge my feelings. When I speak from my perspective, with a generous spirit, I am less likely to cast blame on others and fall into the role of the victim.

I’ll be playing around with this for a while, and I’d love for you to join me:
What’s the most generous assumption that I can make about someone’s response while still acknowledging my own feelings and needs?

#Blogg100 challenge in 2017 – post number 46 of 100.
The book “Rising strong” by Brené Brown.
English posts here, Swedish at
herothecoach.com.

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