grace

Setting the tone: On gifting

Setting the tone: On gifting

January 1, 2021
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The bottom line:
Pick a topic. Any topic.
Bring it up in a circle of people, people open, curious and willing to contribute.
Behold: magic will unfold. 

Setting the tone, the tankespjärn-community monthly Zoom-call for December of 2020 on gifting, might well have been a major influence on what transpired a few days later, on Christmas Eve, as me and my children celebrated Christmas together. A Christmas different from all other Christmases, perhaps because of that fact alone, perhaps not, but regardless, the most magical of Christmases ever (another story, another time). And yes. A gift. To me.
And yes. A gift. To my kids.
And yes. A gift. To the three of us, to Us. 

We gifted each other one of the finest and most sought-after of gifts: time and attention. Presence. Respectful, loving, open and curious presence. Which, it just so happens, is also my major take-away from the Zoom-call, that being with someone, truly with, is one of the most valuable gifts a person can give anyone. Including oneself – tending to myself is (perhaps?) the biggest gift of all. If I do not, I will not, sustainably, be able to provide for others. 

In the Zoom-call on gifting we touched upon so many facets of gifting, the light, bright, shiny ones. Yes.
How a gift well-received, with grace and a heartfelt thank you, is a gift in and of itself.
How whatever it is that you do, and share, with a small or large circle, is a gift. Say, writing a book. Painting a picture. Baking a cake. 

And also, the darker, more murky and off-center-aspects.
How I am powerless over others, and thus, even if I act with the best of intentions, in gifting time and attention, or a thing, it might backfire, because those others respond in anger, in the same way I can, when I receive something I’ve not asked for, which isn’t what I want.
How the opportunities to bear gifts are so rife, it can be daunting in itself, freezing me in in-action, stuck in the thousands of opportunities arising each minute. 

And.
Then. This:
Compassion for self.
Empathy for others.

As it was spoken into the (Zoom-)room, God bumps spread across my limbs, a sign I always receive as the gift I know it to be, suggesting I pay extra attention right here, right now, because there’s Truth being told/shared. 

It is with the utmost grace I host, participate, and doodle, these community-meet up’s. To be able to do this, in the company of openhearted, respectful and loving souls, is such a gift to me, a priceless gift.


#tankespjärn, for those who wish to discover. More. Other. New. And yes. I mean you.
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Terrible, thanks for asking

October 8, 2017
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in Tip
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Terrible, thanks for askingI found a new podcast to listen to, thanks to the New York Times podcast club on Facebook. It’s called Terrible, thanks for asking, and on the surface it might seem to be a “true life drama junkie”-podcast. This is how it’s described:
You know how every day someone asks “how are you?”. And even if you’re totally dying inside, youn just say “fine”, so everyone can go about their day? This show is the opposite of that. Hosted by author and notable widow (her words) Nora McInerny, this is a funny/sad/uncomfortable podcast about talking honestly about our pain, our awkwardness, and our humanness, which is not an actual word.

As I don’t peg myself a “true life drama junkie”, or a drama junkie at all for that matter, this podcast isn’t that at all, in my experience. It’s not a “revel in our horrible stories and sympathise like crazy with the storytellers while being happy as hell it’s not my own life”-podcast. Rather it’s a podcast where I can empathize with people having (had) various experiences that affected them and their lives.

Having only listened to a handful of episodes so far, the fifth one titled Help me remember is the episode that’s affected me the most so far. Grace, the daughter of Dawn Pereda whom the show is about, is wise beyond her years, and it hurts to hear her wisdom spoken out loud like this. It hurts, because she’s twelve, and she’s already experienced enough trauma, heartache and concern to last a lifetime. And yet, she continues on with her life, with grace, enormous grace.

I cannot help but think:
Here’s a young child who’s learned the hard way that the stories she tells herself shape her reality, making her deliberately very careful to create the best reality she can, given her circumstances.

In 2015 I ran a series on herothecoach.com with Sunday postings of podcasts to my liking. In 2017 I will be re-posting some of those blog posts, mixing them up with new podcast recommendations, such as this one. 

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Being gentle to me – Reflection April ’16

April 25, 2016
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There is a sacredness in being gentle. If done deliberately, in full awareness.
Gentle. On purpose. A fundament. To life.
To a life well lived, as opposed to a life where one simply survives.
Gentleness. Compassion. Grace. Kindness.

My discovery of gentleness – of learning not only how to be gentle to myself, but starting from scratch with understanding that it’s an option. That being gentle to me a choice that I have – in the way I think of it today, is something I’ve grown into, this past quarter of my life. I am grateful for the discovery of gentleness, which has led me to so many insights. So many.

As a result of this discovery, I am free to explore and uncover. I get to be curious about all things, within as well as without. And I learn. I listen. Ask questions, and reflect on answers. Feel. Experience. Live. Upon discovering being gentle, to me, I learned to lavish the world with it.
Gentleness. Compassion. Grace. Kindness.April reflection

And the concept of gentleness pops up, everywhere. Over and over. In conversations, in podcasts I listen to, articles, books, songs, quotes.
Over and over.
Gentleness. Compassion.
Grace. Kindness.

And then.
Then there are the places where I spot the absence of it.
The absence of gentleness.
A void. Something is missing that is needed, a necessity; leaving me in dire straights. It’s as if I get short of breath. Gasping for air, but there’s too little of it.

Gentleness. Compassion.
Grace. Kindness.
Can we live without it?
Can I? Do I want to?
Is life worth living without?

Welcome to my humble abode, where the underlying tone centers around being gentle to oneself. I will be reflecting on a monthly basis on what that means to me, in the moment, and this is one of those reflections. I hope you enjoy it. If you do, please subscribe to updates so you won’t miss out on future reflections.

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