hard

Change is hard.

Change is hard.

February 22, 2020
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Change is hard.

Truth?

Nah. I don’t think so.

But I did think so until I fully embodied the concept of #tankespjärn and applied it to this so-called truth.

Hard? No.
Something you are unused to so it requires some extra effort? Yes.

Change might require more or less effort of me, but it’s not necessarily hard. It might be, learning quantum physics or… I don’t know.
But inherently hard? Nah.

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Automate it!

February 6, 2019
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in Tip
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Automate it, I said, and she frowned. That sounds like robots and stuff, she responded and had me off on a rant about the marvel of automating things, and how it can be robots and stuff, certainly, but also what I make automatic in my life. Like the question Does this serve me? which I’ve asked myself thousands of times since… 2012?

In fact, I’ve asked myself this question so many times, that I no longer have to ask it to answer it. It’s now something I do automatically, whenever (or at least most of the times) I experience a really strong sensation, be it anger, irritation, frustration, fear, sadness, anxiety, worry. Or for that matter extreme elation, joy, curiosity, bubbling eagerness. The script of does this serve me runs automatically, and my response has me make a more conscious decision. It gives me just enough of a pause, or a distance if you will, to be able to observe what I am experiencing and respond to the question.

If the answer is yes I keep on going. If the answer is no sometimes I keep going anyway, taking full responsibility for it, and sometimes (most of the times, I would like to think) I stop, since the pause I’ve given myself gives me a way out somehow.

Insights are amazing. They are one of, if not the best superpowers of human beings. One of the most impactful insights I’ve gotten was that I don’t have to be so hard on myself. Sounds silly almost, but I was actually about… let’s see… 35 years old when I fully got this. So for 35 years, I lived with an extremely harsh inner dialogue. But – and this is important – just because I got the insight, didn’t mean that I automatically stopped being hard on myself. You see, for 35 years, I’d very efficiently built a whole system of neural pathways on how to be hard on myself. And just because I got that insight, those pathways didn’t disintegrate. They didn’t, because neural pathways don’t. (Unless you have a neural degenerative disease of some sort. Luckily, most of us don’t.) So what I had to do, once I got that insight, was learn new ways of interacting with myself.

I was helped along by my willingness to change my inner dialogue (which definitely also affected the way I interacted with everyone else. As above, so below and all that stuff!) and my observatory powers. I started to observe myself being hard on me. At first… it could take me hours (if not days) to spot it, after the fact, that is. After a stint of that, my revelatory observations crept closer and closer to the actual situation, and before I knew it, I was picking up on my soon-to-be-harsh inner dialogue. Before it happened. When that happened, I had a choice. Harsh. Or gentle. And I could pick which route to go down. And once I started picking gentle I started to build new neural pathways, training myself into new patterns of being with me.

Now 10-11 years after that first initial insight of not having to treat myself so harshly, I’ve gotten sooo good at being gentle with me. Not soft. Not weak. Not letting myself off the hook, and never challenging me. No, not even close to that! I challenge myself so much more now that I no longer fear my internal judge! So in a sense, I’ve not just automated does this serve me, but also being gentle with myself.

Both of these are ”automated scripts” that I find truly serve me as well as those around me.

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Outliers (book 17 of 26)

August 26, 2018
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in Tip
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OutliersI have been attending a training all weekend, and once that finished, I went immediately to a dear friend for dinner, arriving back at my hotel room just after nine pm, with 70 pages yet to read. Luckily, I am a fast reader. With an hour to spare, I just finished reading my book-of-the-week, Malcolm Gladwell’s Outliers.

”Outliers are those who have been given opportunities – and who have had the strength and presence of mind to seize them.”

Another stroke of luck: Outliers is an easy read. A fun read. Highly informative and once in a while very thought-provoking. At the same time, Malcolm hails hard work a tad too much to my liking. Because somehow I find he misses out on the distinction of hard Smart work.

I mean. I get it, hard work, tenacity, the ability to put in the effort and do the work – of course that is a trait worth praising.

But at the same time – using my smarts to not only work hard, but also to work smart – to ensure I set up feedback loops, find rolemodels whos work or traits I can emulate and/or get inspired by, and most importantly, work hard at building pipelines rather than hauling buckets (a Robert Kiosaki-reference, aka Rich dad – Poor dad) – is something I don’t find expressed in so many words in Outliers.

Still. He has sure found some great stories to tell, and he is a very skilled storyteller. And I fully agree with this:
”To build a better world we need to replace the patchwork of lucky breaks and arbitrary advantages that today determine success – the fortunate birth dates and the happy accidents of history – with a society that provides opportunities for all.”


The book I am blogging about is part of the book-reading challenge I’ve set for myself during 2018, to read and blog about 26 Swedish and 26 English books, one book every week, books that I already own.

 

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Doing gentle – 1 – Awareness

January 17, 2016
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My first step to awareness on how I was treating myself was the insight that I wasn’t gentle towards me. Doing gentleAnd that I could be.
During a therapy session many years ago, my therapist saw me treating myself with mental boxing gloves, and pointed it out to me.

Why are you so hard on yourself?, she asked.

I was flabbergasted.
Because in asking, she implied there was another option. And I just had not seen that, had not known that.
So I asked Don’t I have to be?

She smiled her sweet and gentle smile at me, and told me how she would have handled the situation we’d just been discussing.

I broke down in tears, exclaiming I didn’t know that I don’t have to be harsh towards myself.

I truly didn’t know that gentle was available to me.
Do you? Do you know, deep within yourself, that you can be kind and gentle towards yourself?

Welcome to my new website, where the underlying tone centers around being gentle to oneself. On Sundays I will be sharing thoughts on how I do gentle, and this is the first post on the topic. I hope you enjoy it and if you do, please subscribe to updates so you won’t miss out on future posts in this series.

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