hold back

Sure didn’t hold it in!

Sure didn’t hold it in!

May 13, 2020
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And for sure, I did not hold it in.
Not while prepping at the library.
Not while holding the webinar.
Not while riding my bike home afterward, high as a kite on endorphins.

You see, I did good!
I did really well at the webinar I held last night. Supported by two colleagues with tech and general cheers, it went really well, and it felt great!

And you know what else feels great?
Being able to see that I did do good, and that I willingly acknowledge the fact that it did. That I did.

There’s no shortage of people bashing themselves for not doing good enough, for failing, for not living up to – most often unreasonably set – expectations. They come in all shapes and sizes, and I have most definitely been amongst them for many a year!

I rarely do that anymore, belittle myself, put me down, beat myself up (internally).
I don’t see the point of it.

That doesn’t mean I cannot see areas where I could have done better. I can definitely see where there’s room for improvement.
Yesterday there was at least one major slip-up from my side, where I can improve next time if there is one. But that’s something else, that’s not me putting myself down. It’s rather me patting myself on the shoulder, saying Well done Helena! while at the same time being open and discerning to pick up on what I can tweak to do even better next chance I get. Bearing witness to the potential that exists in me (and in you!), the growth opportunities that are always and already present, calling for me to expand, to play, to experiment, to push at my own edges. Finding my optimal growth-zone, that zone that I so love.

I did not hold back.
And I did good!


#tankespjärn, for those who wish to discover. More. Other. New.
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Why hold back?

January 10, 2020
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Why hold back?

Let those tears flow. Freely.

Tears of joy. Of sorrow. Of gratitude. Of despair. Of fond memories. Of all that is and has been. Of all that never was and never will be. 

Here I am. On the train. Watching an episode from the third season of I am Anne (of Greengables) on Netflix and I am letting those tears flow. Freely. Because why not? What do I care if others think me odd or weird? I don’t. 

What is it to me if others think me brave for showing my emotions (without drama. No intrusion unto others bar the fact that I may be sniveling a wee bit, dabbing my eyes dry now and again)? A gift. From me. 

What do I care that I will be going to work with slightly puffed eyes? Well. I don’t. I am human. And proud of it. What better way to show my humanity than letting my tears flow in a moment when tears are what I have, what I am?

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