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Insights that truly shake me to my core

Insights that truly shake me to my core

May 17, 2020
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I haven’t gotten the text on the victim vs perpetrator-perspective in the bag yet. Did discuss it with some wise friends today, and… it will come. I won’t let it go. But it’s still not ready.

And then… I wrote another text last night, after having done three more prompts in The Creative’s Workshop. The prompts gave me an insight into two modes of mine, perform/deliver and discovery, and the text I wrote a few hours later was directly related to this.

You see, a while after finishing those prompts, I got such a massive insight into my own behaviors, into where I slide easily into discovery mode, and where I stick to perform/deliver as if it was a life-raft, even though it’s most likely dragging me down, rather than saving me.

And it’s gotten to be a habit – a routine? Or perhaps even a ritual? – to write in situations like this. When hit by insights that truly shake me to my core, putting fingers to keyboard helps me find, what it is I suddenly see. It’s a way for me to step fully through the door that the insight invites me into, which is the way I describe what tankespjärn is. So yes. Insights, for me, are most often tankespjärn of the highest quality!

This insight is personal. Deeply personal.
And I don’t know if it’s to be shared widely.
Not yet.

I have to digest it a bit, wrap myself (not my head. My self! Significant difference for a recovering head-footer-person, i.e. the head with feet attached that small children draw as their first attempt at humans, that I am.) around it, and just let it be.

I did share it with two of my absolutely closest compadres, directly. They are as close to me as my own skin, in many ways, and I know, there’s nothing but love and support to be gotten from them. And within minutes and hours, I had gotten just that, from both of them. Love. Support. And more love.

The process… now and again, there are variations to the general process of writing, and this is one of them. When it’s something that hits home, deeply affecting me, I need to make sure that I am not bleeding from any wounds, before sharing. If I am, the reader gets more than they should, and it’s not fair on them. It’s not for me to spread my hurts, wounds, sorrows, on others, widely.


#tankespjärn, for those who wish to discover. More. Other. New.
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Into my head…

October 21, 2016
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At the moment, I find that it’s easy for me to fall into my head. To try to work things out, reason with myself (and others), make sense of stuff using logic. And that’s not the place for me at the moment. The stuff that’s on my mind, isn’t stuff to work out using logic.

Now. I have a spectacular brain, it works like a charm, and for many things it’s the best friend I’ve got. It serves me well, and I am grateful for it. But there are times when it’s not the go-to-place to work things out. And now is such a time.

I was reminded *again* today that I fall into the trap of trying to think my way out of a conundrum. And it simply doesn’t work. Not for this conundrum at least.

doors withinSo. I sit here.

Tired after a day with a lot of back-and-forth between head and heart, and yet, oddly pleased with my day.

I’ve cried. Oh how I have cried.
I’ve hurt. Oh how I have hurt.

But more than anything, I’ve seen new things.

The joy of discovering what’s on the inside reverberates loudly within, as I sit here, reflecting on the activities of the day.

A door within has opened, a door I never knew existed. And as with most doors, there’s probably some tears and hurt inside it.
But I don’t fear that. I think…. *There goes my head again…*

Feeling lost, not having spotted this door, not knowing of its existence, but having this sense that there’s something just out of sight, out of reach. That’s where the pain lies. Now that the door has revealed itself… I experience more curiosity than anything else. A bit of apprehension though, to be fair, because at the moment, right now, I lack the energy for a first walk-about inside this new chamber. So I won’t even take a peek. Instead, I will listen to my yawning body, and retire for the night. There’s plenty of time to go walk-about tomorrow!

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