inner observer

At the edge of understanding

At the edge of understanding

February 3, 2017
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Listening to Headspace Pro pack number six. The description reads:
Headspace Pro Pack 6 focuses on your sense of me, myself and I. Learn how to step back from your identity and just experience life.

I’ve meditated to this pack several times before, but this time there’s a difference in what I hear, and how it is received, within. I am at the edge of understanding here. On the event horizon, knowing there’s something else out there, I just cannot seem to grasp it, to understand it. Or even to see it.

It’s in the small things Andy Puddicombe says, a phrase here or there, that my mind knots up, and simply cannot fathom what he’s saying. And he even says that; It can take a long time to truly experience this.

I’ve been so helped by differentiating between what I experience, and observing myself experiencing it, that the concept of letting both of those go, and simply be – to just experience. Nothing else – almost scares me. That’s what I think I did. Before. When I was swept away by my experiences, taking them, and me, so seriously. And that’s n o t what Andy is suggesting, he makes that very clear, but it’s still towards that way of experiencing experiences that my mind goes when He prompts me to let go of the identification, and be in the moment.

And again. Here I am. Writing down the observations of my Inner Observer. Most definitely a part of Me. Identifying to the fullest. It almost makes me laugh out load, as I sit here in bed, typing away. Oh well.

fully understandOne thing I am not though, and that is impatient to cross this event horizon. The need, the urge, the itch to grasp this, fully, to be able to check off the box saying I, Helena, fully understand the concept of stepping back from my identity and not cling to my sense of me, myself and I. It’s not there. There’s no need, no urge, no itch. It’s just a possible understanding. One that might come to me, or not. Perhaps this is an event horizon I will never cross. And that doesn’t bother me. Come what may, I say, and fully embody that. For this piece of the puzzle, at least. I can be more impatient with other pieces of the puzzle, wanting to fully comprehend, to embody. But not here.

“At the edge of understanding” I wrote in the title for this post. I could also have written “At the edge of my understanding”. Subtle difference, but, perhaps the way I accept my non-understanding of this, is a way of simply experiencing, rather than identifying too much with my lack of understanding. What a paradox!

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Doing gentle – 24 – Cherish your inner observer

June 26, 2016
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Listened to a podcast and got a new word for my inner observer, the one that I usually visualize for myself by stretching my arm out to the side, making a little camera of my hand and point it towards myself. The word was Meta-me. Observing oneself is a meta-skill you see, the skill of you observing yourself doing something. Metacognition is a word of the day right now, and that’s what this inner observing is all about.

Having a new word for this practice of mine, made me really happy. I recognized that I am doing something that is really beneficial, and for me, my meta-me is key in doing gentle towards myself. meta-meMy meta-me is far from the inner dictator that used to run the inner show, so to speak. My meta-me is kind, gentle, encouraging, accepting, loving and most of all, very non-judgmental. And that has really been the difference that’s made all the difference!

So, why don’t you join me today in cherishing your inner observer, praising it, thanking it, rejoicing in the fact that it exist and makes life… well. Better actually. Having a greater connection with my meta-me these last few days, has truly made my life better. In all it’s glory, the up’s, the down’s, and everything in between, observing where I currently am, makes it easier to be just there, where I am. It helps me be (more) non-judgmental. It makes it easier for me to accept, to not spend my energy in vain fighting something I don’t want…. and actually, it helps me work for what I want, instead.

So – join me as I express my gratitude towards my meta-me, and express your gratitude towards your meta-you! What a friend to have around – the best ever!

Welcome to my humble abode, where the underlying tone centers around being gentle to oneself. On Sundays I share thoughts on how I do gentle, and I hope you enjoy it. If you do, please subscribe to updates so you won’t miss out on future posts in this series.

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