insights

Writing

Writing

August 24, 2020
/ / /

Third day in a row.
Sitting in bed, iPad in my lap, leaning against the headboard, supported by pillows.
Writing.

Oh!
At long last, getting back to this lovely routine.
Waking up, getting out of bed to go pee, and then sneak downstairs, fetching my iPad, before heading back under the covers. Setting myself up for a few minutes, half an hour, an hour, of writing.
Writing.

Writing, intentionally, a deep-dive into a topic (or rather, into an exploration within), a strong enough Why to get me to commit, to take action, to Do in order to match who I want to Be. An exploration I am, for now, keeping to myself, or at least, to a small group of people. Figuring things out, discovering, uncovering, not wanting to publish, as this specific baby is far from ready to meet the world. Perhaps it will be. One day. Perhaps it never will be. Ever. Regardless, it feels very good to be writing.
Writing.

And as always (often?), when I start to write, more wants to be written. It’s as if I open the faucet, and out it comes. Like this. Writings related to the experience of writing, or other; experiences, urges and insights, all of a sudden start to flow, wanting to come out, wanting to be written.
Writing.


#tankespjärn, for those who wish to discover. More. Other. New.
Read More

Change is coming.

August 11, 2020
/ / /

Change is coming.
(It always is, isn’t it?)

The change that I know is coming, will greatly impact what I do, and how I make my living, for the next 1,5-2 years. Or rather, what I will no longer be doing for the next 1,5-2 years.

And again, I thank my lucky star, that I’ve worked so much with myself, with embracing what is, with finding new ways forward, that this news doesn’t wreak havoc within.

Yes. There is sadness, at not being allowed to finish what we’ve started. At not getting to face the hurdles that were sure to come, with the team we’ve built. At not getting to share my everyday working life with these people, whom I’ve come to care greatly for, value and honor, and have so much fun with. At not getting the ample opportunities for learning, that were sure to rain down upon me, on a weekly if not daily basis.

And. There is gratitude. At having come as far as we have. At getting a strong team to gel together in a most amazing way. At getting to know so many new people, people whom I definitely want to stay connected to. And not least, of having been able to amass some funds, which will take me through the upcoming year, without having to go desperate.

And, yes, there’s a bit of frustration as well. At stopping this at this time, wasting money already spent, for reasons I cannot fathom, or at the very least, disagree with.

But.
I can also see what opens up for me, with letting go of what was to have been, making room to let come whatever will come in its place. Being able to serve other existing customers more fully again. At putting more focus on building my tankespjärn-community and all of the ideas I have around that. Of picking up the work of other things that I put at a lower priority than this project. And the opportunity, once more, to give myself more me-time, which I’ve not done this past year.

I’ve learned so much, though…
I’ve seen my strengths in greater clarity. (And my flaws.)
I’ve been validated as being an ace trainer.
I know that I work best as a project manager when I do it in tandem with another when that other complements me.
I’ve got proof –again– that I do have a high capacity, and that there’s a limit to it, to what I can keep track of with regards to details.
And that I absolutely love working with professionals!

I will make good use of all the learnings, insights and experiences I’ve gotten from working this project, and I am, more than anything else, extremely glad that I’ve been a part of it!

And so, change is coming.
(It always is, isn’t it?)


#tankespjärn, for those who wish to discover. More. Other. New.
Read More

The energy is rising

July 2, 2020
/ / /

The pace is picking up, the energy is rising, and more and more people are getting active again. Responding to prompts for the first time, or –as I am doing– revisiting them once more, generously (as is wont to happen in The Creative’s Workshop!) sharing insights and questions and cheerings-on in comments to prompts and dailies, engaging with others to ensure there’s ”connectability” once TCW shuts down in 8 days…

and I still don’t want it too!

And yet…
I know. I will be there, every day, until it’s over.
And I know. I will miss it dreadfully, when it does.
And I know. I need it too.
I need the break.
I need digital sabbats. For longer than I’ve been taking them these past months (barely, honestly).

The increase and decrease.
After a massive surge –not least this past month with a lot of work as well– both work and TCW are set to decrease around the same time.
A massive deadline at work in 7 days, TCW ends the day after.

Perhaps, it’s even a godsend?

Read More

100 days later…

May 21, 2020
/ / /

A celebratory hour in lieu of 100 dailies in The Creative’s Workshop. An hour in honor of the letter S, in the form of:
Sensational (work, engagement, cohort!)
Shift (what has been the shift?)
Stranger (who was your unexpected stranger and what did they give you?)
Shipping (What have you shipped and what has it meant to you/those you serve?)
Step (Next step? How to continue doing your work?)
Salute (100 dailies later!)

What was it like for you 100 days ago?
Less energy. More lethargy. Ready to step into the land of ”don’t know what”.

What has changed in 100 days?
Me!
Energized. Awed and wowed!
A tankespjärn-community launched. Friendships forged.
INSIGHTS & CLARITY!

Who was your unexpected stranger and what did they give you?
Mary Ellen Bratu and our Reading Retreats, a gift I will carry with me for life!

What have you shipped and what has it meant to you (and those you serve)?
My tankespjärn-community on Patreon. Taking baby-steps.
I’ve truly seen the generosity inherent to shipping.

What’s the next step? How will you continue doing the work?
One day at a time, generously sharing and shipping.

Read More

Insights that truly shake me to my core

May 17, 2020
/ / /

I haven’t gotten the text on the victim vs perpetrator-perspective in the bag yet. Did discuss it with some wise friends today, and… it will come. I won’t let it go. But it’s still not ready.

And then… I wrote another text last night, after having done three more prompts in The Creative’s Workshop. The prompts gave me an insight into two modes of mine, perform/deliver and discovery, and the text I wrote a few hours later was directly related to this.

You see, a while after finishing those prompts, I got such a massive insight into my own behaviors, into where I slide easily into discovery mode, and where I stick to perform/deliver as if it was a life-raft, even though it’s most likely dragging me down, rather than saving me.

And it’s gotten to be a habit – a routine? Or perhaps even a ritual? – to write in situations like this. When hit by insights that truly shake me to my core, putting fingers to keyboard helps me find, what it is I suddenly see. It’s a way for me to step fully through the door that the insight invites me into, which is the way I describe what tankespjärn is. So yes. Insights, for me, are most often tankespjärn of the highest quality!

This insight is personal. Deeply personal.
And I don’t know if it’s to be shared widely.
Not yet.

I have to digest it a bit, wrap myself (not my head. My self! Significant difference for a recovering head-footer-person, i.e. the head with feet attached that small children draw as their first attempt at humans, that I am.) around it, and just let it be.

I did share it with two of my absolutely closest compadres, directly. They are as close to me as my own skin, in many ways, and I know, there’s nothing but love and support to be gotten from them. And within minutes and hours, I had gotten just that, from both of them. Love. Support. And more love.

The process… now and again, there are variations to the general process of writing, and this is one of them. When it’s something that hits home, deeply affecting me, I need to make sure that I am not bleeding from any wounds, before sharing. If I am, the reader gets more than they should, and it’s not fair on them. It’s not for me to spread my hurts, wounds, sorrows, on others, widely.


#tankespjärn, for those who wish to discover. More. Other. New.
Read More

Automate it!

February 6, 2019
/ /
in Tip
/

Automate it, I said, and she frowned. That sounds like robots and stuff, she responded and had me off on a rant about the marvel of automating things, and how it can be robots and stuff, certainly, but also what I make automatic in my life. Like the question Does this serve me? which I’ve asked myself thousands of times since… 2012?

In fact, I’ve asked myself this question so many times, that I no longer have to ask it to answer it. It’s now something I do automatically, whenever (or at least most of the times) I experience a really strong sensation, be it anger, irritation, frustration, fear, sadness, anxiety, worry. Or for that matter extreme elation, joy, curiosity, bubbling eagerness. The script of does this serve me runs automatically, and my response has me make a more conscious decision. It gives me just enough of a pause, or a distance if you will, to be able to observe what I am experiencing and respond to the question.

If the answer is yes I keep on going. If the answer is no sometimes I keep going anyway, taking full responsibility for it, and sometimes (most of the times, I would like to think) I stop, since the pause I’ve given myself gives me a way out somehow.

Insights are amazing. They are one of, if not the best superpowers of human beings. One of the most impactful insights I’ve gotten was that I don’t have to be so hard on myself. Sounds silly almost, but I was actually about… let’s see… 35 years old when I fully got this. So for 35 years, I lived with an extremely harsh inner dialogue. But – and this is important – just because I got the insight, didn’t mean that I automatically stopped being hard on myself. You see, for 35 years, I’d very efficiently built a whole system of neural pathways on how to be hard on myself. And just because I got that insight, those pathways didn’t disintegrate. They didn’t, because neural pathways don’t. (Unless you have a neural degenerative disease of some sort. Luckily, most of us don’t.) So what I had to do, once I got that insight, was learn new ways of interacting with myself.

I was helped along by my willingness to change my inner dialogue (which definitely also affected the way I interacted with everyone else. As above, so below and all that stuff!) and my observatory powers. I started to observe myself being hard on me. At first… it could take me hours (if not days) to spot it, after the fact, that is. After a stint of that, my revelatory observations crept closer and closer to the actual situation, and before I knew it, I was picking up on my soon-to-be-harsh inner dialogue. Before it happened. When that happened, I had a choice. Harsh. Or gentle. And I could pick which route to go down. And once I started picking gentle I started to build new neural pathways, training myself into new patterns of being with me.

Now 10-11 years after that first initial insight of not having to treat myself so harshly, I’ve gotten sooo good at being gentle with me. Not soft. Not weak. Not letting myself off the hook, and never challenging me. No, not even close to that! I challenge myself so much more now that I no longer fear my internal judge! So in a sense, I’ve not just automated does this serve me, but also being gentle with myself.

Both of these are ”automated scripts” that I find truly serve me as well as those around me.

Read More