learning

I stand accused

I stand accused

July 14, 2017
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I realize how difficult it is to be human together, to relate to one another, especially when language and culture creates barriers that make us falter, stumble, thread carefully, for fear of harming, of confusing, of misunderstanding.

It’s not a great feeling, to be accused of wrong-doing. But each is entitled to their view, and as their experiences are shaped by their current state-of-mind, I am the first to see beyond my initial reaction, and spot the world view underlying the accusation.

standing accusedKnowing I don’t set out to harm, to expose, to do wrong. I don’t. I might do it, anyway, because of my own fallibility, exposed to situations new to me, unsure of what’s the best route ahead. Finding my way, slowly, as if I was stepping barefoot into a stream, threading on sharp rocks, carefully making my way forward. Sometimes needing to retrace my steps, because the path ahead turned out to be a dead-end, filled with sharp stones I cannot make my way across. Hurting, cold water, cuts and bruises from the stones, and yet. I keep on walking. There’s nothing else to do. I have come to far to turn back, and yet, I have not come far enough to actually see the light at the end… Not knowing what my next step is, I pause, gather myself, and while exhaling, gently feel my way forward, inch by inch, all the while trying, still, to stick to my core value: wanting to make a positive imprint, to make a difference. 

The older I get the more I realize the importance of grounding myself in what that means. For me. Finding out, by trial and error, what it entails. How I do it. How do I make a difference? How do I make a positive imprint? Learning from my mistakes, fine-tuning actions and intentions, being ever more precise in my language, minimizing the risk for mishaps and misunderstandings. But never seizing to act. Never to stop doing, for fear of doing wrong, of standing accused. I’d rather do, and be accused, than not do, and risk ending up at the end of life, regretting what I did not do, when I could have; regretting not speaking my truth, when I had the opportunity.

So here I stand, accused, knowing I would do it again if I had the chance.
I might do it slightly different, but not for the fear of being accused of wrong-doing, but for what I have learned in the process.

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#blogg100 – Above all love them.

April 3, 2017
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“A world will come over you, the happiness, the wealth, the inconceivable greatness of a world. Live for a while in these books, learn from them what seem to you worth learning, but above all love them.”

I do. Love them, that is.
I love books. Love reading.
My mother tells me, that once I learned how to read in first grade, I wouldn’t stop.
That was the start of a life-long (or so I believe) love for books and reading, that has only ever had one temporary lull, when me and my then soon-to-be husband first met. That whirlwind romance had me so up in the air, I was not grounded enough to pick up a book. So I didn’t, at all, for the better part of a year.

BooksWhat I’m reading has change a lot over the years, and also how I read, actually.

I do have a tendency to have multiple books going at the same time, and that’s a tendency that’s growing stronger again, after a less intense period.

I no longer feel the need to finish each and every book I pick up – and that has certainly made my relationship to reading much more enjoyable, infused with a greater sense of fun.

I’ve more or less completely stopped to read any type of crime novels, suspence thrillers and the likes. Don’t want to fill my inside with the horrors of what mankind is capable of doing to our fellow human beings.

I’ve started reading a lot more non-fiction than ever before, a lot of psychologically and spiritually exploring books.

But I still do love me a great science fantasy-series. And many are the books for young adults that I find immence pleasure in diving deep into.

And. Perhaps more so now than ever before, I am learning from them what seem to me worth learning. This is something I am concious of today, whereas for most of my reading years, I’ve not put as much of the spotlight onto that aspect of reading books. Now I do. This #blogg100-series on snippets of gold found in books is most definitely a direct consequence of this aspect of reading: these blog posts are all a tribute to what I’ve found that seems worth learning, for me. And you?

#Blogg100 challenge in 2017 – post number 34 of 100.

The book “Letters to a Young Poet” by Rainer Maria RIlke.

English posts here, Swedish at herothecoach.com.

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Please be gentle, I’m still learning

January 7, 2016
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Please be gentle, I’m still learning” Robbie Williams sings in the song Advertising Space. Imagine living approximately forty years before getting that. Forty years before understanding that if I’m not gentle with myself, much less learning takes place. 

If I associate learning with pain, with being chastised, told off, “I should have known”:ed, do you think my system would be promoting and encouraging learning? 

No. It (I) will run the other way. Shut down, slowly, insights will be fewer and farther apart… or at least, they will be significantly more quiet, almost unaudible. The inner voice of wisdom, of universal mind, will be barricaded, by myself, by my self-preserving ego. The inner voice will be unwanted. Out of fear. Fear of the pain that comes with learning, which I’ve associated with pain and harshness. 

And that will only change once I begin to be gentle with myself. And I speak from personal experience when I say that being gentle with me, is a very strange and unfamiliar concept for one accustomed to being harsh. Realizing my internal harshness was one of the greatest aha-moments of my life, and what I saw was that it’s not mandatory to be my own harshest judge. Kindness, gentleness, is an option. Also for me. 

This insight has been with me since 2006 or 2007, and took place during a therapy session. Since then I’ve practiced being gentle with myself, och it’s something which comes more and more natural to me nowadays. And that’s me reverting back to being more fully me, because I think it is our natural state. We’re born and created to be gentle with ourselves, otherwise we wouldn’t be the learning creatures that we are, from the very get go.

Imagine a small child being harsh with herself for not immediately knowing how to walk, run, ride a bicycle. A child is naturally gentle with themselves, trying, failing, falling down, trying again, failing, falling down, trying again…. over and over until suddenly, one step is managed, then two, then all of a sudden, the child can walk, can run, can ride a bike. 

What happens to us? Why do we – or at least I – stop being gentle with ourselves, and rather start to be hard on ourselves? Is that why children are the greatest learners there is? Not because adults don’t have the capacity to learn, but because we’ve stopped being gentle with ourselves, we expect to get things right away, and we are afraid to try and fail.

Because we’ve put another meaning on what it means to fail, than the child trying to learn how to walk, run, rida a bike. We believe it means we are bad, not good enough. While the child simply knows it means that the learning process is still unfolding, there’s more to learn, more to master, before the learning process has manifested into yet another skill. And somehow, adults impose their faulty understanding upon children, creating yet another harsh un-learner. What if we adults instead would learn from children what it is we are born to be? Life long learners, where the only prerequisite is being gentle to ourselves.

Please be gentle, I’m still learning. Are you?

Welcome to my new website!
Since 2012 I have blogged over at herothecoach.com and this post is a sample of what I’ve been writing over the years. I hope you enjoy this #ThrowbackThursday, originally published here, and if you do, please subscribe to updates so you won’t miss out on future posts.

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