letting go

The way to live my life

The way to live my life

July 8, 2020
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The intensity!
People are responding, daily-ing, responding to prompts, sharing shipping news and aha’s like never before.

TCW is going out with a bang!
A most fitting description of these final hours (?!) of The Creative’s Workshop. But alas, how will it work, the actual shut-down? ”The final day is on the 9th of July” but what does that mean? Will it be shut-down at the start of the 9th, or the end of it? And according to what time zone?

Luckily… soon we are to find out, all of us, participating in TCW until the very end (at least our perceived end).

I’ve downloaded the CSV-file with all of my entries, have the archive-link handy, and yet… there’s so much goodness written by someone else… I just will not, ever, have the time to go through it all, even if I could save the entirety of this very first cohort of TCW.

So I shake it off, the sense of regret, of loss, accept that the FOMO is not a fear, but a fact, and as such, I could spend my time and energy fighting it. To no avail. That’s the problem with facts like these. It’s not a problem to be solved but rather a fact to accept. So I do.

I accept that there are dailies-threads I will never, ever, get to dive deep into.
That there are responses to prompts that hold potential gems and insights that would be of such service to me, responses of beauty and wit, of honesty and humor, of confusion and clarity.
Not to mention all the responses to all of these posts. Responses filled with as much beauty and wit, honesty and humor, confusion and clarity.
Astute writings I won’t ever get to see.

Ah.
Bitter-sweet.
And so so welcome.
I cannot fathom living in a world where I would feel finished.
Imagine partaking in a workshop like this, with 400+ participants (not all active, but many), and after 150 days feel that I’ve gotten everything possible from it, that there’s nothing left to learn…

I wouldn’t want that.
Not for TCW, not for anything.
Especially not for life.

So I am letting TCW go, in order to let come other things, with grace. With loving acceptance, knowing deep within that this is the way I want to live my life.


#tankespjärn, for those who wish to discover. More. Other. New.
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5 steps in Honorable Closure

July 7, 2020
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Come 9th of July 2020, The Creative’s Workshop will be closing down, leaving me with… high points, low points, key lessons, loads of gratitude, and a definitive intention going forward.

This is the framework shared by the most wonderful Kathy Karn whose presence in TCW has been monumental – for me personally, and for many of the other participants in the workshop. She’s touched the heart of all of us. Kathy wrote about it thus: When we do our leaving in a mindful way our psyche gets notice and may raise up unfinished business that is worth attending to. Good closure prepares us well for new beginnings.

The details of my response will stay in TCW, with one exception:
I had forgotten what impact it has on me, on my energy, on my creativity, to be in a setting with such fabulous people, who, with grace and humility, share their work, their struggles, their questions, their praise, their warmth. It is something I never want to forget again!

This is my testimonial for TCW, which can be found on the site, where there’s a new session opening up soon. I have a hard time seeing how any TCW-cohort can ever be as amazing and special as the one that is just about to close, but… at the same time, I know it will be a most sensational experience for anyone participating in it. So if you’ve considered it, do so no more. Take the plunge. Enroll!

And even though the details will stay in TCW, I want to share the framework, for me to know I have it handy, and for you, to try it out, if and when, it’s time for an honorable closure. And there will be times for that. Now and again. There always is.

Letting go. Letting come.
Part of living. And loving.

5 Steps in Honourable Closure

  1. High Points: Reflect on the high points in your experience – this is a way of collecting memories and building an archive of turning points, gratitude moments, moments that touched your heart and or your funny bone. It is not a full recounting of the history of an event or time period, high points bring up the significant points that are worth remembering.
  2. Low Points: Were there any low points? Reflect on the tough parts, what was hard or challenging?
  3. Key lessons: What have you learned? How are you different, what has changed?
  4. Gratitude: Moments of gratitude may have already been mentioned in the responses above. If there is more then say more. If there are particular people you are grateful for, let them know, be specific about how that person impacted you.
  5. Intention Going forward: As an experience or relationship comes to an end what are your intentions going forward? How will you take the gifts, the lessons from this experience into your life? This does not need to be an exhaustive list, in fact, a couple of key points are probably more likely to get integrated into your life than a long to-do list. Take time to consider this – be specific.

#tankespjärn, for those who wish to discover. More. Other. New.
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room for new things to come

July 6, 2020
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Continuing to clear out, Saturday the wardrobe, Sunday the bookcases in my bedroom and today (Monday) the bedside tables which have shelves where I had even more books…, I am reminded how good it feels.

To throw away trash. (Where d o e s it come from?)

To dust book jackets and shelves. (I know where dust comes from… but does it have to be so abundant?)

To sort out clothes I am no longer interested in (or fit in?).

To pick up book by book, and decide what to do with them. Keep books I’ve read and might want to read again, books I’ve not read and want to. Put to the side books I’ve read and want others to read, or books I’ve not read and won’t ever read.

(Garage sale on Saturday, that will be great, I have five more days to get even more sorted out for selling – and what remains I will donate.)

Cleanse for expansion.
That’s what I named my Impossible-project in 2015, and how true it is.

When I let things go… there’s room for new things to come.

(Oh.
The photos in the staircase.
They have to go (some. Others, perhaps another space?).
New times –since years back!– require new photos.
Letting go. Letting come.)


#tankespjärn, for those who wish to discover. More. Other. New.
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To my foremothers

March 8, 2019
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International Women’s Day.
Today.

Over lunch with friends and colleagues the other day, I talked about the deep connection I have to the long line of women that have come before me; I can literally look over my right shoulder and sense them there. All of them. Thousands of them, strong women, connected to me womb by womb by womb. Back through the ages, until the beginning of time, human time.

That’s one of the images I have – and it’s powerful. Physical in a sense.

The other one is that the buck stops here.

Not in the sense that I haven’t given birth to a daughter. Because I have.
Rather… there’s a shift. With me. I bear the full weight of all that has gone before me, all the angst, the anxiety, the strength, but also the weakness. The inability to make choices, empowering choices, due to… well. Culture? Societal norms? Heritage and expectations of parents, relatives, and society at large? Yes. All of that.

Without resilience amongst the women that I am born of, I would not be here.
But there has been a struggle. A long hard one.

Photo by Anders Roos

Photo by Anders Roos

And it stops here.
I am breaking patterns, that have been passed down, from mother to daughter for millennia.
Tossing them up in the air, and like a skilled juggler, catching the components, and making new patterns.

For all of my foremothers that have walked the earth, and all of my descendants to come – I am breaking patterns.
Healing wounds, wounds of ages past, as well as those of today.

The image of my female ancestors came to me in a session with D. Who else? A catalyst he is. Opening up for what wants to happen. For letting go, as well as letting come. At the time, I wrote about the experience thus:

I saw more of me.
Saw those that came before me, the generations upon generations of women who have given birth to babies, who in turn bore babies, and somewhere along the line, this resulted in my mother giving birth to me. And me giving birth to my daughter.

About holding it in…. or not.
The pivotal moment in time when the path ahead, for the women stemming from my womb, going back all the way to the womb of my First Mother, shifts, no longer carrying the weight, the burden, of judgement and inner harshness, concealed within. Letting it out into the world. Being, perhaps, created by those who cannot stand to see it, visibly, so used to it being concealed. Cringing from the physical aspects of it, when it is recreated outside, rather than sneakily hidden underneath the skin, the flesh, deep within our soulbodies. So much easier to ignore, pretend it’s not existing, turning it into something that-we-must-not-name…

My back pains. Related to this. Without a doubt. A not-so-gentle way to let me know, there’s more I need to let go of! For us. All of us! Knowing… that I would not be where I am, without the strength, resilience, survival instincts and skills of all the women that stand, physically, behind me, all the way back to my First Mother.

Humbled. Honored.
Proud!

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Zero burpees.

February 27, 2019
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May 28th 2016 I started a #100dayburpeeschallenge. I didn’t do the challenge as per the rules for it (Adding a burpee every day of the challenge, starting with one and ending with 100), but I did a number of burpees every day, a total of 3000 during those 100 days. And day 101, I just kept at it, and I have, ever since.

But today, I made an intentional decision to stop.
1005 days in a row, I’ve done at least one burpee, often more.
A total of 12911 burpees gives me an average of almost 13 burpees/day.

But today I stopped this routine. Deliberately.

With a bit of help from my friend (D, as always. Where would I be without him? Who would I be?) I’ve realized that I need movement. My body needs movement. But not the same type of movement every day. Sometimes, I feel as if my body is of triple density, being heavy, so incredibly heavy. Those days, it’s an absolute pain doing my burpees. It’s as if I am not supposed to do them, being too much of a struggle.

Other days, it’s as if there’s no gravity holding me down. I jump, up, up, up, light as a feather, with an enormous amount of energy and bounce within bursting out of me. Those days, doing my burpees is a joy. It’s as if I am headed for heaven!

Heavy Helena and Heavenly Helena need to move. But they (me – different aspects of me, I know that.) need different movements. Not the same. One size doesn’t fit all, not even when “all” is but the various ways I show up in the world.

So I will be continuing with my daily Seven but will be dropping my daily burpees and the burpees log.
Letting go.
Letting come.

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Slow down. Ease up.

February 16, 2019
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As I walked through the door, exclaiming my back is killing me, D picked up on the message. When we sat down to work with the pain, he asked me: What did you feel as you stepped through the door?

I didn’t really have an answer, so he asked if I wanted to hear his impression. Yes, please tell me, I responded. What else could I say, being a Curious George and all that…

So he said, slow down. That’s the message I got, to slow down. Ease up a little. 

I’ve carried the message with me, this past week, using it as a baseline to reflect on what I am doing, in which areas, and how it all serves me. Or doesn’t, for that matter.

Coming to a realization that for quite some time I’ve been pushing all my own buttons. At the same time. Working on all areas, simultaneously. Pushing against the boundaries of my comfort zone… no, that’s untrue. I’ve been pushing against the boundaries of my stretch zone, going dangerously into the red snap zone… in many, if not all, areas of life.

I realized, as I took in the message I was sending but not picking up on, that I don’t have to work in all areas, everywhere, all the time. It is not only reasonable but actually wise, to heed the advice of the master of self-care, Pop the cat. Let myself rest, consolidate, push fewer buttons, letting come that which wants to come, given that I let go of that which has done its job.

So I breathe in. Hold it, for a few seconds. Then… exhale, letting go of a bit of the urge within, to be done. Knowing it’s not at the finishing line the reward of this journey lies. It is the journey itself. That is the reward. The growth. The expansion. The learning. That which is life. Living it. Loving it. Letting go to let come, and reveling in each twist and turn, each nook and cranny, falling through internal trap doors, one after the other. All the while being open. And gentle. Knowing my gentleness towards myself is that which ensures the openness, the willingness, the ability to step without hesitation into the next inch of the unknown.

As a direct result of the reflective process of this past week, I honored myself today.
Saying No to others. Saying Yes to me.
Slowing down. Easing up.

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Wholeheartedness – Reflection June ’17

June 1, 2017
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A month has passed, when I could no longer deny the soft whisperings of wisdom from within. I cried, I wrote, I refused to see the obvious, as it was laid out in front of me… but with the help of good friends, I finally opened my eyes, my mind and my heart, so that I could see – with all senses – what I have been trying to deny, for some time now.

I first spoke it into the world, in a sharing circle, with three wise ladies who simply held me. No words necessary; held in a loving silence, embraced by warmth and acceptance. A safe haven to give birth to this insight.

And, like with learning to ride a bike, or learning how to read, once it’s learned – it cannot be unlearned. The same is valid here. Once I’d spoken this truth into the world, it became solid. Impossible for me to continue to ignore.

farewell. and welcomeIt’s not been a fast process. It’s taken its time. Like a child in the womb, needing nine months to develop, this too, has been a period of gestation, needing months to develop. And finally – I was ready for it. In pain, in joy; both dreading and rejoicing in the occasion.

With my whole heart, I am taking steps forward, expanding into a new reality.

Letting go; letting come.
Farewell. And welcome!

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Doing gentle – 44 – Letting go and letting come

November 13, 2016
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aloneI want to separate. He said.
I don’t. I said. But what to do, since it takes two to tango? 

So he left. Got a rental apartment and moved out, a month later, providing me with the grand opportunity to practice the fine art of letting go and letting come.

Letting go of all my beliefs about what our relationship was, and should be.
Letting go of the way I would have liked for us to be working on our relationship, living under the same roof.
Letting go of the feeling that somehow I’ve failed. Again. Second time around.

Letting come whatever our relationship might transform into.
Letting come the sweet sensation of knowing it – life – is up to me. Going it alone, with all the up’s and down’s it brings with it.
Letting come the curiosity of what wants to happen now.

Letting go of that which has been, that which is no more.
Letting come that which wants to happen.

What is there for you to let go of, in order to let something else come?

Welcome to my humble abode, where the underlying tone centers around being gentle to oneself. On Sundays I share thoughts on how I do gentle, and I hope you enjoy it. If you do, please subscribe to updates so you won’t miss out on future posts in this series.

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Letting go – Letting come

September 15, 2016
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Found this little video snippet in the MITx U.Lab-group on Facebook, about the power in spending more time being, rather than doing. And no. I don’t knock doing. I know we live in a world where we have to do both this and that, to survive. But still. I’d venture a bet that the doing part sort of works itself out, without us fussing so much over it. But the being part. Now, that’s something that it seems we’ve almost forgotten about, how it’s done. *pun intended*

One of the concepts within the #ULab is Letting go – Letting come. And I love that. I’ve let myself sink into that concept, it’s like a soft woolen blanket, wrapped around me, reclining in a comfortable armchair…

Letting go.

When letting go, I open up for new things. If I let them, that is. It can be as hard to let go of my resistance to let go, as it can be to let come. These ladies talk about what they wouldn’t give for a chance to revisit their younger self. Being kinder to themselves, with the ability to let go, spending more time being, not doing.

It’s beautiful this video, I’ve watched it several times now, and causes me to stop.
Pause. Look around me. Inhale and smell my surroundings.
Take in the sounds close and afar, feel my body relax as I exhale. Noticing.

Relax. Breathe.
#LetGo. 

What might come, if you let go?

Since 2012 I have blogged, mostly in Swedish, over at herothecoach.com and this post is a sample of what I’ve been writing over the years, in English. I hope you enjoy this #ThrowbackThursday, originally published here, and if you do, please subscribe to updates so you won’t miss out on future posts. And as an extra gift for you – check out #ulab – Leading from the emerging future, that is just starting in September 2016. I have joined in – again – and I strongly recommend that you do too!

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That which is

August 29, 2016
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that which isThat which is, it is. No less. No more. Just, what is.

I can like it. Or not.
I can dislike it. Or not.
It doesn’t really matter, because it is.
How I respond to it, will cause me to suffer. Or not.

Is it really as simple as that?
Yes. It is.

But just because I know this, doesn’t always mean that I like it. However, the fact of the matter is, what I believe should be, that is not, is the cause of all my suffering. Not accepting the now, the here, the isness of the present moment.

So I sit here, letting it all flow through me. All the emotions. The highs. And the lows. Especially the lows. Oh, those lows. Letting go…. letting come. Not clinging to any one emotion, or thought. Not fighting them off either. They can come. But if the answer is No when I ask How does this serve me? – then I will gently show them the door, and resist the temptation (habit?) to hold on desperately to what should be, rather than what isn’t. To frenetically fend off that which is, when I want something else instead.

That which is, it is.
What I can do, is to call forth the best me I can, under the circumstances.

Closing one door, knowing that somewhere, a door is opening. Somewhere. It will come to me. When it is time.
Until then – letting go, letting come. Like a breath. Inhale. Exhale.

Knowing, owning, accepting, that what is, is. 

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