live

The way to live my life

The way to live my life

July 8, 2020
/ / /

The intensity!
People are responding, daily-ing, responding to prompts, sharing shipping news and aha’s like never before.

TCW is going out with a bang!
A most fitting description of these final hours (?!) of The Creative’s Workshop. But alas, how will it work, the actual shut-down? ”The final day is on the 9th of July” but what does that mean? Will it be shut-down at the start of the 9th, or the end of it? And according to what time zone?

Luckily… soon we are to find out, all of us, participating in TCW until the very end (at least our perceived end).

I’ve downloaded the CSV-file with all of my entries, have the archive-link handy, and yet… there’s so much goodness written by someone else… I just will not, ever, have the time to go through it all, even if I could save the entirety of this very first cohort of TCW.

So I shake it off, the sense of regret, of loss, accept that the FOMO is not a fear, but a fact, and as such, I could spend my time and energy fighting it. To no avail. That’s the problem with facts like these. It’s not a problem to be solved but rather a fact to accept. So I do.

I accept that there are dailies-threads I will never, ever, get to dive deep into.
That there are responses to prompts that hold potential gems and insights that would be of such service to me, responses of beauty and wit, of honesty and humor, of confusion and clarity.
Not to mention all the responses to all of these posts. Responses filled with as much beauty and wit, honesty and humor, confusion and clarity.
Astute writings I won’t ever get to see.

Ah.
Bitter-sweet.
And so so welcome.
I cannot fathom living in a world where I would feel finished.
Imagine partaking in a workshop like this, with 400+ participants (not all active, but many), and after 150 days feel that I’ve gotten everything possible from it, that there’s nothing left to learn…

I wouldn’t want that.
Not for TCW, not for anything.
Especially not for life.

So I am letting TCW go, in order to let come other things, with grace. With loving acceptance, knowing deep within that this is the way I want to live my life.


#tankespjärn, for those who wish to discover. More. Other. New.
Read More

Questions on tankespjärn?

April 25, 2020
/ / /

Do you have any questions on tankespjärn for me?
What it is? What it means? How I do it? Why I do it?
Anything else you would want to know? 

I’d love to hear them, your questions, as I am doing a live in my tankespjärn-community and I don’t know if I will be doing it with any of my community-members, or alone. I just picked a time that was open in my calendar, and I haven’t got a clue if anyone else will be able to join me, let alone if they want to. 

But hey.
They joined my community, so I presume they would want to join if they could!

So I figured, I can make this into a worthwhile exercise regardless because there’s so much on the topic of tankespjärn that I have yet to communicate, that just knowing I will be devoting myself to it for an hour this upcoming week, makes me happy! I greatly look forward to it. But any question you would like to gift me with would be of immense help for me! 

But hey (again)!
Perhaps you would want to join me and the others in the community?
If so, check out my Patreon-site, join my community, and you are good to go. Hope to see you there!


#tankespjärn, for those who wish to discover. More. Other. New.
Read More

I do now.

March 20, 2020
/ / /

When I think back and – gently – lay my eyes on Helena of the past, I can see the strain. The harsh inner dialogue. The insecurity, the lack of self-honoring, the constant belittling of myself. Not thinking I was good enough, never ever good enough. Knowing, somehow, that I’ve lots to give (as we all do), but not knowing what, not knowing how (to birth it), not being in touch with it.

I do now.

My inner dialogue has changed completely. I am gentle with myself today, gentle with an edge. #Tankespjärn provides that edge. (And it’s along the edges the magic happens.) Having learned to do #tankespjärn, to humbly receive it, to generously gift it to those who are interested, I have had such a pivotal shift in life, from being the most negative person I’ve ever encountered… into something completely different. Perhaps not the most positive person alive, but heck, I sure do have a hard time staying pissed, annoyed, angry, for longer periods. And most often, I am in full acceptance of what is, instead of wasting my energy on refusing to accept what is.

From this point of acceptance, I can create. Freely.
Reshape what is, into what it can and wants to become.

#tankespjärn is the essence of this pivotal shift of my life, which has me Live today, not simply go through the motion. That’s why I want to share it, with anyone who wants to receive it.

Read More

The Swan Thieves (book 1 of 12)

January 30, 2020
/ /
in Tip
/

“It was as if he simply did not know how not to be himself, and I felt his selfhood go down through me like lightning–I who doubted and second-guessed and analyzed every second of my own life.”

Started reading one of the books on my reading challenge… but was somehow drawn to pick up The Swan Thieves by Elisabeth Kostova instead. And why resist? If a book is calling to me, why not go with the flow?

“But most women were remarkably strong, I’d always thought; those who healed themselves were full of a deeper life afterward.”And how I loved this book. Thick, deliciously thick; weaving together now with then, through the eyes of not one, not two, but many more. Once I finished it, I gave the book 5 stars on Goodreads, only to have my eyes fall upon a couple of reviews by other readers. Some low ratings, and then, a very interesting 4- or 5-star review saying something along the lines of understanding the low ratings, as “nothing really happens” in the book. That got me thinking… and I agree. It is a very slow novel, with a lot of technicalities into the art of painting, about colors and brush-technique and fading light… and yet. What I love about it is just that. I am given a glimpse into the ordinary day-to-day-life of not just the main character, but of his wife, his psychiatrist, his art student, and of others, such as not just one, but at least two, and in a sense, even three artists, of a century long since passed.

Then there are the beautiful passages that I’ve marked.
And others that I simply let enter me as my eyes gently span page after page, sentence after sentence.

I love how I can find a sentence or two, or longer passages, that speak to me, in basically any book I read. Speak to my sense of aesthetics, curiosity, to my longing for romance, love, human touch. Sometimes making me connect dots to other books, other pieces of fact, of questions or ponderings I have. Sometimes tapping into my sense of justice, outrage; making me cry, laugh, strive to do, to be, better at being me, of letting more of me out, refraining from holding myself back.

“It’s a shame for a woman’s history to be all about men–first boys, then other boys, then men, men, men. It reminds me of the way our school history textbooks were all about wars and elections, one war after another, with the dull periods of peace skimmed over whenever they occurred. […] I don’t know why women so often tell stories that way, but I guess I’ve just started to do the same thing myself […].”

The Swan Thieves is a story of strength. Of skill and talent.
Of love, of sleuthing, of daring to live. Or not.
Of hope. Longing. Courage.

“Aren’t there things greater than public censure, things that ought to be attempted and cherished?”

Yes.
There is.
And to do so requires me to be me. And you to be you.


The book I am blogging about is part of the book-reading challenge I’ve set for myself during 2020, to read and blog monthly about 12 Swedish and 12 English books, books that I already own.

Read More

Content.

May 3, 2019
/ / /

Make the most of your created content… or so I read. And hear. Over and over again.
Realizing, I definitely do not.

I have, to date, 1692 blog posts over at my (nowadays solely) Swedish blog, and with this post published, 497 blog posts here. In a little while I will do my 184th Facebook live, recorded in as many days. Not even counting 2374 Instagram posts, there’s quite a lot of content I’ve created that I could/should do something more with.

I have recently started Doing Gentle with an Edge, my podcast where I read blog posts from my Doing Gentle-series, as well as reflections. That’s one way to reuse my original content, in a way that makes me happy. But surely there’s so much more I could do with everything I’ve done these past years?

Ebooks?
Transcribe some of my lives and turn them into blog posts?
Make lives (more deliberately) on the topic of blog posts I’ve written?
Pick out quotes from my writings, mount on value-adding (in one way or another) images and post on Instagram?
Start a Pinterest-account and post them there as well?
Be more deliberate in how I post and cross-post on social media in general, and Facebook, LinkedIn, and Instagram in particular?

And that’s just ”my content”, which is but a part of what I do/am capable of doing. Just writing this, I get a bunch of other ideas.

However. What I notice more than anything is that what is lacking in how I make the most of my content, as well as of my skills, is deliberateness.

I am an upholder.
When I say I will blog daily, I do.
When I start doing daily lives on Facebook, I do them.
When I say I will do something, it takes a lot for me not to follow through.
But… have I honestly asked myself what’s my Why behind doing what I am doing?
And if so – have I followed it up with the How in the form of actions? In turn, followed by What the actions of my How’s turn into?

No.
Have not.
Not all the way through the Golden Circle of Why – How – What.

Deliberateness, you read, and perhaps think That sounds so boring, and, somehow, almost manipulative, doesn’t it?

Well. To tell you the truth – no. Not to me. Where I am at right now, in an ongoing transformation of my business, it sounds anything but boring. It sounds outright enticing! I mean… what if I sat down, with pen and paper, and got deep into the question of What want’s to happen here/now? Perhaps I would stop blogging and live:ing daily? Perhaps I would do it even more often? Perhaps I would stop altogether? Who knows!

And… given how many ideas I am getting just from writing this, what if I hook my newfound friend deliberateness up with a hefty dose of focus? What might be possible then?

Read More

Relevance and value?

March 14, 2019
/ / /

FB Live #134 🇬🇧🇱🇷 – Courage to dare?

FB Live #134 🇬🇧🇱🇷 – Courage to dare?

Publicerat av Helena Roth Torsdag 14 mars 2019

Filming myself while reflecting, actually transmitting it live as I speak – can that really have any value?
Is it relevant at all, and if so, for whom?

Questions that popped into my question, as I was in the midst of my Live. Perhaps because this was the first live in a long time where I actually just spoke, without really knowing what I would be speaking about. I had written the title of the live Courage to dare? but didn’t have any definitive thoughts on it. Until I pressed Start livevideo. Then I found myself following the energy of the moment. Courage to dare took me for a seven-minute journey, taking twists and turns that I had not envisioned at the get-go. 

Perhaps that in itself shows some courage? Or it might just be plain dumb. 🙂
I can not speak for anyone else, so I do not claim it to be neither relevant nor having value for you. But for me it does. This type of Live is sort of like my favorite type of writing. When I put my hands to the keyboard… and all of a sudden, there are words amassing on the digital page, revealing something to me, which I didn’t know was there. And I love that! So having found yet another medium which can give me the same type of sensation as writing does, has me thinking I’ll be continuing with my Lives.

But they are very me-centered, I admit. Just like my blogging.
I blog. (For me.)
I vlog. (For me.)

Perhaps that’s why I enjoy them so much?
Because these forms of expression are a way for me to create value for myself?

Read More

Advent Calendar 9 – Dream!

December 9, 2018
/ / /

Do you dream?
And more importantly, do you act on your dreams?

To dream is important. And sadly, I think there are a lot of people who don’t dare to dream… or perhaps rather don’t act on making dreams come true, whether or not they are big or small dreams. (It doesn’t matter if your dreams are big or small. As long as you dream.)

And I do think that is sad, because most of us, who have the type of life I do, live lives of such comfort and safety, that dreaming and acting upon our dreams is definitely something for us to do. There are many others, who actually have a much harder time to dream, who perhaps don’t even know how to. But that is far from my reality. I am a citizen of one of the most rich countries of the world, I own a company, have a house, a family and the Swedish social security system to back me up. That is my reality. And likely your reality is akin to mine, where you are not struggling to survive on a daily basis.

So. Dream. And act on it. Try, rather thank think you can, or cannot. And why not use design thinking, where you iterate loops of planning – doing – analyzing – tweaking and then starting over again. Rather than try to eat the elephant whole, go at it in smaller pieces, starting with a tail or an ear. Bite-sized actions, taking steps towards achieving your dreams. That’s what it means to live, rather than to be in survival mode.

I mean… what have you got to loose by acting upon your dreams?


Advent Calendar 2018 – number 9 of 24 – on the theme of being gentle

Read More

The Tibetan Art of Positive Thinking (book 23 of 26)

November 18, 2018
/ /
in Tip
/

Coming closer to the end of my reading challenge of 2018, the part which has me reading 26 books in Swedish and 26 in English, books I already had in my possession at the start of the year. The Tibetan Art of Positive Thinking by Christopher Hansard, is a book I got a year or two ago, on the recommendation of D.

“From the beating of our hearts at birth to our final breath in death, a continual stram of thought flows through us, making us, forming all our desires and directing unconscious actions, yet always guiding us towards greater self-knowledge. The power of thought is immense.”

It is. And the difference in how living life as me, before and after I realized exactly how powerful thought is… Huge.

“‘You are what you think.’ […] ‘Thoughts directs all things’, he said. ‘People pride themselves on how they think, but really it is thought that moves through people. Our thoughts create our lives, they make us sick, happy or successful. Our thoughts can pollute our planet through the actions we take. Thoughts on their own will gather like clouds in the sky, good thoughts coming together with other good thoughts and unskilful thoughts attracting other unskilful thoughts.'”

Or said in another way: we get more of that which we focus on. Another one of those clichés that I see people sharing, without fully realizing what it actually means. It means what it says. I do get more of that which I focus on. It’s simple physics. Like attracts like.

“Emotions are the teachers of human experience and we must always give thanks for them. They must not be denied but understood, loved and transformed.”

Allowing myself to feel what I feel, while at the same time, not necessarily take it so bloody seriously, or, for that matter, react upon every emotion that pops up within. Asking myself, how does this serve me, giving me that tiniest of distances towards myself, which can stop me from reacting, and instead having me choose my action.

Those are just a few of all the passages I’ve marked up until page 22. With another 250 pages to go, you do the math. So pick up a copy of this book, and find out for yourself what the ancient Tibetans (the Bön tradition, which began 17 000 years ago!) discovered about the world, our place in it and how everything connects.

“Complaining is damaging because words are the houses in which our thoughts live. They way you speak will indicate the way you think.”

That’s one reason why I have consciously chosen to be very restrictive with certain words. Such as right/wrong, good/bad, must/should/would/ought to. To name a few.

“If we become softer and slow our rush [in our search for happiness and meaning], the fear of desperation will fall away and we can then hear the tender voice of pure thought energy wishing only to guide us.
Make things simple in your life. Let your life become simple in its actions, communicate simply and let your love be simple, for then it will be profound.”

This reminds me of the phrase “Slowing down to the speed of life“, which actually is a book title, of a book I have yet to read. I will though, one of these days…


The book I am blogging about is part of the book-reading challenge I’ve set for myself during 2018, to read and blog about 26 Swedish and 26 English books, one book every week, books that I already own. 

Read More

#blogg100 – Observe yourself.

April 12, 2017
/ / /

“Do not observe yourself too closely.
Do not draw too rapid conclusions from what happens to you;
let it simply happen to you.”

Yes.

But also – No! A strong and resounding No rising from within the depths of me, reverberating in my entire being.

Perhaps my fervent opposition to Rainer Maria Rilkes two sentences is his use of the words observation and drawing conclusions, without using also the word judgement. Because there is nothing that has helped me as much to Live life as it happens to me, as the ability to observe myself. But here’s the clou: To observe myself, without judgement. Rilkes “rapid conclusions” in my mind is to do with making judgements.

chainsOnce I learned to observe myself (which for me means the ability to bear witness to myself, to all that I am experiencing, while simultaneously seeing what I am experiencing – I am in it, but at the same time outside of it) and fully understood that whatever I am thinking isn’t Truth, but rather a filter which shapes the experience of the world I am in, life changed. Oh how it changed! It became possible for me to let life happen, without me having to fight it each and every inch of the way. No longer shackled to the harsh voices within.

Because simultaneously, my inner Judge and Dictator lost its power over me and my life. He could be shouting at me (I often liken him to a combination of Hitler/Mao/Stalin. Perhaps a bit dramatic, but hey, that’s what it felt like to be me), the same things he’d been shouting at me for years on end, relentlessly, and all of a sudden… I was able to let it be. To avoid engaging with it. To avoid the conclusions stemming from an internal dialogue telling me You are so dumb!, You should have known better! and Why on earth would you ever do something that stupid, haven’t you learnt anything?.

Once I stopped paying attention to the harsh inner dialogue of mine, the tone of it shape shifted, into something that gradually turned into the ability to be gentle towards myself. And from that place, whatever happens to me, as I am living my life, is easier to handle with grace, come what may.

#Blogg100 challenge in 2017 – post number 43 of 100.
The book “Letters to a Young Poet” by Rainer Maria Rilke.
English posts here, Swedish at
herothecoach.com.

Read More

Being gentle to me – Reflection January ’17

January 25, 2017
/ / /

After a full year of monthly reflections on what it means, for me, to be gentle towards myself, you might think this is a topic that I’ve exhausted. That I’ve written what’s possible for me to write about. But far from it. I am, constantly, observing that I am being gentle towards myself, in situations where it greatly gladdens me, instances where I know – and I do mean Know – that in the past I would not have been able to chose gentleness, if nothing else than for the reason that I simply did not know it was an option!

Choosing to be gentle towards myself is becoming second nature. It is something that comes first, almost always, nowadays, and from that I conclude that I have practiced the art of being gentle for long enough, so it no longer takes as much effort to choose the path of gentleness, as compared to when I first realized that it was, indeed, a viable option for me – and anyone! – to choose.

I normally say the first big insight that it was even an option, was when I did not bring cash to pay my therapist, some 10-11 years ago. I was ashamed, and wildly kicking myself verbally, and she was astonished that I was so hard on myself. She told me what she’d done if the situation had been reversed, and my jaw fell. I simply could not believe it was an option not to beat myself up internally for having done such a low thing.

But as I sit here and look back at my journey of discovery into the world of gentleness, I spot the birth of my first child as one of those moments, when I was given the choice – by the midwife – to be more gentle to myself. Under slightly unusual circumstances – as me and my then-husband had separated and filed for divorce just a few weeks prior to the birth of our child – I was accompanied by two friends, while giving birth.

When we got to the hospital, I got into a warm bath, and after a while, the midwife looked at me and more or less gave me permission to keep my focus on me, rather than on the comfort of my friends. I was conversing them, staying cheerful and positive, all the while having contractions that hurt like hell… The midwife looked at me, and calmly said You don’t have to entertain your friends. They can take care of themselves. You conserve your energy. You will need it later.

And now, as I reflect back on that moment, I see what I chose then, as I did heed the experienced midwife’s words, was to be gentle to myself. To let myself off the hook to be a gracious “hostess” to my two friends. To truly see that they were there for me, because I had asked them, because I had a need for their strength. In that moment, they were there solely for me and my unborn child. Not the other way around. comfortable spotAnd that was ok. I could let myself off the hook, and relax into being supported, fully, without having to reciprocate, in that time and space. That there would be a time for me to be there, fully, for them. But that would not be the moment of birth of my firstborn. That’s for sure.

Funny that… How I have these recollections of specific moments when I discovered that being gentle to myself was a choice I could make. That there was a choice, and that gentleness was one of the options open to me. As a result, it’s much easier for me to love myself, to like myself, and to enjoy the daily exploration of Life. The life I lead from the place of being gentle to me, is a ridiculously comfortable spot to live from, as compared to my life while being harsh on myself (oh, so harsh!).

Read More