longing

From flood to ebb?

From flood to ebb?

May 27, 2020
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Perhaps, my at least 10k in my body a day-urge is receeding?
Last week, I had four days of only doing a 3K walk, a slow one, Saturday afternoon, because I felt like it. Thursday, Friday, Sunday, I basically didn’t leave the premises.

Just. Didn’t. Wan’t. To.

Monday, biking to and fro work, I got 13+K by bike.
Tuesday, biking to and fro work, with a visit to the ocean and holding a webinar at a friends house, 22K, again by bike.

But today, I was picked up in the early morning, spent the day at the factory (current building project of mine), and then got a lift back home again. Debated going for a walk upon arriving home, but opted for 50 minutes of gardening instead. Now, I have guitar lesson in 20 minutes, which I will take my bike to, but it’s basically less than 1K away.

And I feel fine.
It feels good.

Perhaps, the flood that’s been this very visceral urge in me, for the past year or so, is receeding into ebb?
Perhaps, it’s just a minor bump in the road, and come next week, I will be hot on the wheels again, aching, longing, yearning to move, move, and move some more?

Whatever will be, will be.
Today as well.


#tankespjärn, for those who wish to discover. More. Other. New.
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What if I never…

May 25, 2020
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What if I never…
find – or am found by – that ”special someone” that I long for?
get to fall in love, deeply, crazily in love, again?
find – or am found by – someone who can see me, feel me, hold me? All of me.
get to wake next to a loved one again?
find – or am found by – one who will walk beside me?
get to experience another long relationship, where we grow to know and love each other deeper and deeper?

Who knows?
I do believe, though.
That I will.

But rest assured.
I know this ”special someone” will not meet my every need.
That’s my job, to ensure I have my needs met.
It’s my job, to parcel them out, wisely.
Myself. Best friends, Mastermind-group, coach, family and friends, Buddhas and soul sisters, colleagues and co-workers, collaborators and co-creators. Assignments and workshops, books and podcasts, dance class and gardening. There are many people and arenas that help me meet varying needs.

But now and again…
As I watch some romantic tear-jerking movie, physical longing tugs at my heartstrings, so bad it hurts.
Physically, it hurts. Within.
The longing. Some day, some time.

I believe.
I will.

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