loved

Being one with all

Being one with all

July 16, 2018
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July 7 to 14, 2018, I was at No Mind, a festival at Ängsbacka. Upon leaving, I had no intention of coming back. However, the most amazing sensation is with me, making me wonder if maybe I will. Sometime.

Arriving home after a ten hour journey, I was, understandably, quite exhausted while at the same time, brimming with energy. So much so, that I unpacked in a jiffy and immediately donned my running clothes and shoes. Went out for a slow run, before taking a shower and hitting the sack.No MindThat’s when it started.
A sensation of being part of a thousand-headed entity, of being one with everyone who attended No Mind, experiencing everything each and every one of these thousand souls experienced in the moment. Being asleep – yet wide awake. Tired – yet filled with energy. Floating on the sensation of being one with a thousand people, the most exquisite experience – wondrous!

Throughout the night, while sleeping, this is what inhabited my dream state.
Waking up, this is what inhabited my waking state.

Getting up, the day after coming back, I carried it with me – being a part of it, there was simply no other option available. Going through the day, it was there, in the background, only to blossom into full aliveness once more as I went to bed yet again in my own bed, twenty four hours after coming home. And immediately, the sensation doubleness in intensity, ten-fold, a hundred-fold, a thousand times more intense – once again, my entire being filled with the sensation of being one with all, no division, no separateness. Unity. Blissful.

Rocked by a thousand hearts, a thousand embraces, a thousand slow breaths – in and out – I gently drifted away into my dream state; Held. Caressed. Cared for. Loved. Part of a beloved community.

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Wholehearted – Reflection November ’17

November 29, 2017
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conflicting emotionsIn the last month I’ve had been in conversations with a few loved ones into topics less often broached (by me, at the very least), such as menopause and money, desire and divorce, sex and shame. All of them topics well worth a conversation or two. Or more, lots more than two.

I am, slowly and steadily, approaching these topics, and my oftentimes conflicting emotions around them. It sure helps to have people close to me whom I can discuss them with – voicing even that which I am ashamed of, in the knowledge that it will be received with grace and tenderness. I’ve chosen wisely. My loved ones are people I trust completely.

Mmm.
Just writing that last sentence brings a smile to my face, and a warmth that sweeps across my insides.

How sweet it is, to sit here, knowing deep within, that I am worthy of this.
Worthy of having people close to me, worthy of loving and being loved.

It’s not always been apparent to me, this inherent worthiness, that I share with each and every soul on earth. I know it’s not apparent to many of you either. I wish you will be converted, as I’ve been, into this words-are-unnecessary-and-couldn’t-describe-it-anyway type of knowledge – and perhaps, knowing it’s possible to go from one to the other can make a difference?

Wholeheartedly, I do my very best to embrace myself, the light and the darkness, the skills that are so easily perceived, as well as the hidden potential, yet to be uncovered. It’s there. I hide it. From me. From you. But I hide less and less. And spending time with people who do the same – show up, in their full glory of humanness – is such an inspiration. It helps me. You are my role models. From you I generate strength, passion and ideas and, most importantly, you are my invaluable sounding boards, allowing me to bounce my insecurities, fears and desires off.

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