negative

Attention energizes. Intention transforms.

Attention energizes. Intention transforms.

June 1, 2020
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Attention energizes.
Intention transforms.

Two phrases I pick up on, every time I hear them. Which I’ve done a few times lately, in the voice of Deepak Chopra from a few of the meditations that are part of his 21 day abundance-challenge.

When I hear them, I am jolted out of my lull.
There’s something to these words –this combination of words– that wakes me up, makes me alert.

At first, I put attention energizes into a negative category, linking attention to what I call drama. When someone does or says something, or omits to do or say something, and how these actions/non-actions can be nitpicked and studied, broken down into their very smallest pieces, and judged.
Right. Wrong. Who’s the victim? Who’s the perpetrator?

And, falling into the normal pattern of polarizing, if attention energizes is negative, then intention transforms would automatically fall into a positive category, right?

Well.
Let’s just say, that today upon waking, after both conversations and internal reflections upon current affairs throughout the weekend, I realized how off my categorization is.

Neither phrase is negative nor positive.
They just are.

Attention energizes.
Intention transforms.

This is information.
It’s not advice on what to do or not to do, but input to be put to use, when and where it serves me, you, us, the greater good.

Attention energizes.
Intention transforms.

What if (more) attention was given, with a clear intention at its core, as the driver? What might shift then? Individually as well as collectively?


#tankespjärn, for those who wish to discover. More. Other. New.
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A touch of gentleness

March 28, 2020
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In much of the work I do –tankespjärn, coaching, leadership training– I use me as my go-to-example. What I write and tell stories about (in essence what #tankespjärn is about) is not something I’ve thought up, it’s something I have lived for many years, and still live. Daily.

#tankespjärn has been my life philosophy for 20+ years (even though the word came to me in 2013), and it’s been the single biggest contributing factor having me shift from being the most negative person in the world, to… something very different, if perhaps not the most positive person in the world. But not far from. So whatever it is I write or say, is what I’ve done. Myself. I know it can be done, and I know that it can be helpful.

I also know it’s not a one-size-fits-all solution that I am ”selling”, and I try my utmost to not be prescriptive but descriptive in my work. I share what has worked for me, in the hope that it might inspire you to think differently, to act differently, to try on a new trait or two to see what might come of it. Not saying you must do what I’ve done, but rather, that it’s possible to create huge shifts in inner dialogue and ways of interacting with self and others, if what’s is isn’t serving you. And I’ve yet to meet one person who’s served (truly) by all he/she/they do either consciously or unconsciously.

I’ve learned how to be gentle (with an edge) towards myself, after having an internal dialogue hijacked by a combo of Hitler/Mao/Stalin, and in this era of an epidemic of harshness (not speaking about Corona…), the opportunities that open up when people learn how to treat themselves gently –self-honoring– are just limitless.

A little bit goes a long way, as a touch of gentleness, teases out even more gentleness, and soon enough, you’ve unlearned harshness and learned gentleness.

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I do now.

March 20, 2020
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When I think back and – gently – lay my eyes on Helena of the past, I can see the strain. The harsh inner dialogue. The insecurity, the lack of self-honoring, the constant belittling of myself. Not thinking I was good enough, never ever good enough. Knowing, somehow, that I’ve lots to give (as we all do), but not knowing what, not knowing how (to birth it), not being in touch with it.

I do now.

My inner dialogue has changed completely. I am gentle with myself today, gentle with an edge. #Tankespjärn provides that edge. (And it’s along the edges the magic happens.) Having learned to do #tankespjärn, to humbly receive it, to generously gift it to those who are interested, I have had such a pivotal shift in life, from being the most negative person I’ve ever encountered… into something completely different. Perhaps not the most positive person alive, but heck, I sure do have a hard time staying pissed, annoyed, angry, for longer periods. And most often, I am in full acceptance of what is, instead of wasting my energy on refusing to accept what is.

From this point of acceptance, I can create. Freely.
Reshape what is, into what it can and wants to become.

#tankespjärn is the essence of this pivotal shift of my life, which has me Live today, not simply go through the motion. That’s why I want to share it, with anyone who wants to receive it.

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Caring. Of self. Of others.

March 13, 2020
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At home.
Not going in to work.
Not headed to Bornholm for the weekend course I signed up for around Christmas time. I canceled my attendance before the course got canceled on account of almost everyone canceling their attendance as well. 

That’s positive.
People are thinking and taking preventative action, avoiding unnecessary meetings and events, minimizing the risk of spreading and/or catching the Coronavirus. 

I haven’t seen the negative effects of this, yet. Understand there are people hoarding so much for themselves that others will go without. But I have seen the opposite, the positive effects. People volunteering their help with grocery shopping or cooking, to help those in high-risk categories. People not involved in fear-mongering, but rather the opposite, being factual and emphatic at the same time, willing us all to stay calm and caring. Of self. Of others.

Not going in to work does not mean I cannot work.
I can. Luckily.
However. Hand on heart… Have not mustered the energy to go at work in full swing. Not yet. Giving myself room to take it a bit slower, to rest more, sleep until I wake up, have a slow morning reading in bed, letting the re-calibration work it’s way into me, in the back of my mind letting the insight from my prioritization-exercise percolate. Curious to see what will come out of it. How I will protect this new space (as I was asked by a fellow TCW-attendee) of insight and a world slowed down.

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Data rights are human rights

August 11, 2019
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The Great Hack. On Netflix.

Jeez.

One of those documentaries I’d almost rather not have seen… because once seen, it’s hard to “unsee”.

Overall, I am public, I am not very considerate of my data. I put a lot of my faith of what is fair and reasonable when it comes to my data rights, to those who are technology and/or human rights and/or legal nerds in various ways, people who seem to be more wired for suspicion as well as being sticklers for the rules… but hey… After watching The Great Hack it is hammered home in no uncertain terms how extremely lazy that is of me.

It’s just… I feel so much better when I view the world from an advantage point of trust. I don’t want to turn into a person of distrust, again, as this is where I came from. The person I was before I made a huge personal transformation was as the most negative and mistrusting person I’ve ever known. And that person, I never want to become again. So how to reconcile the deliberately naive and trusting person that I am today, with the understanding that my data is most definitely for or against me, in ways I simply have no idea of. None. Nada. Zilch. How can that be done? Can it?

Our dignity as humans is at stake. But the hardest part in all of this is that these wreckage sites and crippling divisions begin with the manipulation of one individual. And another. And another. So I can’t help but ask myself: Can I be manipulated? Can you? David Carroll

 

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Advent Calendar 11 – I was the most negative person I knew

December 11, 2018
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I have been the most negative person I knew.

For real.

The shift came about when I was nine months pregnant with my first child, when my then-husband called to break up with me. I was shaken, understandably, but at the same time took the opportunity to ask do you like who you are Helena? I also dared answer, truthfully, and the answer was heck no. I am so fed up being me!

Because I did hate. Or rather, I used the word hate. Possibly what I intended was disliked, but the word I used was h a t e. And it’s a word I am extremely restrictive with today. I can’t even say that I know there’s anything I hate, honestly. Hate takes a lot of energy. And I don’t want to put my energy on to that which I don’t want more of. I would much rather put my energy on that which I do want to see more of.

It is also very powerful for me to state this:
I have been and no longer am the most negative person I know! 

Once in a while, I do fall into negativity. Of course. I am human.
But it’s hard for me – truly hard – to remain negative for long. I simply cannot stay there. My mind automatically starts to look at what-ever-is-the-issue-at-hand from different perspectives, making it impossible to stay negative. Guess three times if I prefer being the most negative person in the world, or the opposite?


Advent Calendar 2018 – number 11 of 24 – on the theme of being gentle.

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Doing gentle – 4 – Understand that feelings are neutral

February 7, 2016
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doing gentle 4Can you tell me three good feelings? And three bad feelings?
I’m sure you could.

Love, generosity, happiness. Hatred, greed, envy.
Gratitude, joy, satisfaction. Anger, suspicion, jealousy.
Or any other combination.

There are a lot of feelings available to pick from, and there might be some differences in what I deem good and bad, and what you judge good or bad. But generally, I think we have a fairly similar take on it. Only thing is, there’s no such thing as a good or bad feeling. It’s the story we tell ourselves about those feelings that make them appear positive or negative. Feelings just are. Neutral. It’s the action we take based on them, that makes us judge them as good or bad, positive or negative.

There’s nothing wrong with feeling hate, jealousy or envy. Just as there’s nothing wrong with feeling happy, generous or satisfied.

What makes us judge feelings as good or bad, positive or negative, is what actions they (might, could, often do) give rise to. If I feel happy, I might laugh, give you a hug, dance around in my living room. Whatever. To a large part, actions that serve me.

If I feel hate, what actions will I take that will serve me? What if I lash out at you, screaming I hate you, or I write a vitriolic comment on a Facebook post, letting all my hatred flow out through my finger tips, onto the social media platform. How does this serve me? What serves me, out of these actions? Do they serve me at all?

Sometimes, actions taken from hatred, will serve. Sometimes actions taken from love, won’t. I can’t say with certainty that all action I take from love will serve me. Just as I can’t say that any action taken from hatred won’t. The deciding factor lie in the moment and the chosen action.

Being conscious to what you feel, in the moment, and actively choosing your action, makes a much better basis for life, than painting the world in black and white, saying feelings are either good or bad. Because they aren’t. They are neutral. Once I grasped this, I started to become aware of the stories I’d told myself around certain feelings. And as my awareness rose, I could start to let myself feel what I felt, without beating myself up over it.

Welcome to my new website, where the underlying tone centers around being gentle to oneself. On Sundays I will be sharing thoughts on how I do gentle, and this is the fourth of those. I hope you enjoy it and if you do, please subscribe to updates so you won’t miss out on future posts in this series.
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