parenting

Good bye 2019!

Good bye 2019!

December 31, 2019
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This year with the intention As I am has truly been a most wonderful, challenging and rich year. So much has happened, so many meetings have taken place, so many insights and lessons have come my way. 

Monthly follow-up of the intention of the year: As I am
Continuously following up on the fairly detailed ambitions I set within four areas (bodily, mental and spiritual wellbeing, creativity and financial husbandry) has been a very interesting activity, helping me to remain focused, as it has given me at least (!) a monthly reminder on what it is I want to focus on.

Timetravel
The invite to T and Hs 100-year party in Stockholm gave me a day (or two) of time-travelling. The theme of the party was the 1920s, and with my soul sister S and A I was given a chance to truly travel in time. As if I simply stepped outside of my ordinary life during these days… magical!

Cold baths
I started taking cold baths at the end of November 2018, and took it to new heights during 2019, ending on a high with 8 days of cold bathing in a row. Thanks to the deep breathing-practice that’s taken a firm place in my life during 2019, I’ve given up the quick ”in and out”-dips of before, in favor of five-ten minute submersions in cold water, thanks in large part of breathing and focus. It’s absolutely amazing and definitely something I will continue doing!

Coach Dave
In December 2018 I hired coach Dave for a year’s worth of coaching, at substantial cost, a tad more than 100% more than I’ve ever invested in myself before. When the time came to pay the second installment, my Jenny (who does my company finances) if Dave was worth it. My answer was fairly illuminating: No, Dave isn’t worth it, but I am! It’s been a fantastic journey and I have learned a lot, but perhaps the most important insight is just that one. I am worth investing in!

Podcasting
I have released one round of my own pod Doing gentle with an edge, and have twice as many episodes recorded but as yet unreleased. I will, in due time! I have taken part in Caspians Ett samtal (for the second time round; in Swedish) and have, thanks to Caspian, moderated the pod Fria Barn (in Swedish) released in the fall of 2019. Together with Caspian and Mr D I am also busy recording a number of episodes of a new pod in English which will be released in January. Finishing of the year with a couple of days of New Years retreat with those two gentlemen – what a wonderful way to end a year and a decade in!

60 hours of tankespjärn
For many years, tankespjärn has been my companion, as a word, as a concept, even, when I started to reflect upon it, as my life philosophy, since long before the word revealed itself to me. During the year the idea to host 60 hours of tankespjärn was born in a conversation with coach Dave. That’s what happened and there will be more, mark my word, in years to come.

Pecha Kucha and TEDxSlottsparken
As I so often do, once again I say: Thanks to Caspian I did a Pecha Kucha in Lund in April headlined How I broke up with my inner dictator, and that experience in contrast with my June experience as a moderator at TEDxSlottsparken was enormous. I was very nervous to do the Pecha Kucha, whereas I, moderating TEDx felt calm and collected. The difference? My Pecha Kucha was written in advance, and had me timing speech with 20 slides for 20 seconds each, while as a moderator I could act in the moment from what was, which (apparently) suits me much better!

Kenya
Nine days in Kenya after midsummer turned into one of the most rewarding experiences of the year. It’s given me so much, in so many aspects, such as an increased understanding of the tree-savings-scheme I have as a part of my (and the kids) long-term savings since 2015, to an increased network and a very close friendship with my roommate Lena. I finished the blog-year with a 25-days advent calendar here, with images and stories from the trip, something which deepened my gratefulness for going, even more.

Mastermind-pilot
Another thing was born during a coaching conversation with Dave, when he gave me 15 minutes to “do something”, which resulted in my sending out an invite on the fly, to a handful of chosen people, to participate in a Mastermind-pilot. During thirteen Tuesday evenings starting in August, had me spending an hour with four participants and me as the facilitator. What a journey that turned into. A pilot that definitely has me wanting more!

Culture
It’s been a year of many lovely cultural experiences of all kinds. With Heléne I have experienced Patricia Piccininis A World of LoveGuds olydiga revben, sing-a-long to Rocketman på Spegeln as well as Stina Wollters exhibition in Borstahusen. Add to that a fantastic production of Mozart’s Requiem at Malmö Opera with Skånes Dansteater, yet another sing-a-long with Dirty Dancing on the big screen and last but not least, performing Stabat Mater over Easter, the first-ever performance of Missa Brevis at All hallows eve and the choir trip to Jämtland.

Goodreads reading challenge
I set a goal to read 75 books during 2019, and finished my 76th book on New Year’s Eve, so mission accomplished. I also have the 12 Swedish och 12 English books I chose at the start of the year, to read and blog about on a monthly basis. Ever since I invented this challenge in 2018, when I chose 26 + 26 (which was a bit too much) I have realized this to be an excellent way for me to ensure that the books I buy “in order to read” which then end up unread on a bookshelf, actually get read. So I will do the same for 2020, 12 + 12.

Ready to leave the nest
My firstborn headed off to Australia on adventures in January, coming home end November, just having turned twenty. 10,5 months on the other side of the planet, and if I had any doubt before the trip, by now I am 100% certain this kid is ready to leave the nest. This makes me very happy and grateful because this is what parenting is really about, making kids ready to fly on their own!

The year that has passed has, of course, been loaded with a huge number of things besides the few I display here, but in general, it’s been a fabulous year with up’s and down’s, with tears of joy as well as sorrow, with amazing moments in solitude as well as in togetherness, and I am thankful to each and everyone and everything–including myself–that’s participated in making this year so rich.

Finally, I wish for you and yours to have a truly wonderful new year, in joy and love, with warmth and light–take good care of yourself!

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#blogg100 – Worthy of imitation.

May 13, 2017
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The parents Tao Te Ching is brimful of little nuggets (and large ones for that matter). Nuggets that makes me gasp for air, shake my head with regret at what I’ve omitted to give my children during their upbringing, nod in agreement, rejoice at having learned how to and what I actually have done as a role model for them… and every other sentiment available for a parent, regardless of the age of the children. Mine are seventeen going on eighteen, and twelve going towards thirteen.

kidsAs I read and experience all of the above mentioned, and then some, I don’t wallop myself over the head, blaming myself for not having been a better parent, damning myself for not doing that, or for doing this. No. What has been has been, and that’s as it should be. But I can look at it, what has been, and take it in – what I did, what I did not. Why I did, why I did not. Looking within, reflecting, daring myself to look in the mirror that the book holds up in front of me, and with an open heart and mind, look at my reflection.

Gently, I look at myself, at what I see, at what the past has to show me, and learn from it. Because there’s a lot of road ahead of me, as a parent, still. It is not too late to ask for forgiveness, for those things I’ve done or not, that might have been harmful in some way. Acknowledging it, and, more importantly, learning from it. Trying out new ways to parent, new ways of relating to my precious children, as they are fast approaching adulthood. Being the best parent and person I can, in words as well as action. Because, and we all know this, and it’s one of the first quotes in the foreword to the book as well, in the words of James Baldwin:

”Children have never been very good at listening to what their parents tell them, but they never fail to imitate them.”


And as they come of age, being a role model worthy of imitation has never felt as important. Giving me great cause to continue to learn, to grow, expand as a human being. To continue to walk the path of my life, with gentleness and curiosity, making sure I grasp every opportunity to laugh and enjoy life to it’s utmost.

#Blogg100 challenge in 2017 – post number 74 of 100.
The book “The parents Tao Te Ching” by William Martin.
English posts here, Swedish at herothecoach.com.

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#blogg100 – Learning by doing.

May 1, 2017
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Parents tao te chingSitting in the most serene and relaxing surroundings, ensconced on a day bed in the light filled relax room at the Ystad Salt Creek Spa, I pick up one of the books I brought with me. The parents Tao Te Ching, by William Martin. I’m at the spa, together with my eldest child, and am finally at exactly the right time and place for this book. And is it ever just right. The beauty. Simplicity. Gentle nudgings, in the form of questions or statements, making me nod, cringe, smile, rue past behavior, happily bring to mind moments of great connection… all of which is a part of my parenting. That, and so much more.

”Mature adults don’t necessarily create children, but children help create mature adults.” 

For me it is definitely due to my children that I have grown into the person I am today. Parenting, hard, tricky, filled with trap doors and hidden fears, made me go into therapy, ages ago. And since then, it’s been a wonderful journey, walking the way of life (which, incidentally is one way to translate Tao). High’s and low’s abound, as well as shallow middle ground, getting through the days, one after the other.

”Making babies – having children – is a capacity bestowed by biology, but raising them well is an art we learn by doing.”

I for one am definitely still in the learning by doing-phase of parenting, that’s for certain.

#Blogg100 challenge in 2017 – post number 62 of 100.
The book “The parents Tao Te Ching” by William Martin.
English posts here, Swedish at
herothecoach.com.

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