presence

Bliss.

Bliss.

October 1, 2018
/ / /

“Female sensuality”, Helena Roth. Created at a “Paint Mandala”-class (Måla Mandala) with Lisa Withlovelisa Rislöw, the day before a weekend class on Playful tantra (Lekfull tantra), given by Charlotte Cronquist, the following reflection written after day one.

Presence.
Closeness.

Finding me.
In your eyes.
Seeing and being seen.
In my yes. My no.
Lucidity is kindness, as always.
To breath; rebirthing, opening up, energies in flux. Loudly.

Body contact.
Hands caressing my body, soft as a feather.
The strength of an arm holding me close.
Letting my enjoyment be seen, heard.

Speaking out loud, my inner wish.
What I desire. Right now. With you and noone else.
To speak. Be granted my wish. Speaking another. Granted, yet again.
Daring to let go.
Daring to let me ask for, be granted, receive.
Revel.
Simply being with it. Being with.
Sensuality.
Caresses.

Not taking responsibility for anyone but me.
I. Here. For me. Not you.
You. Here for you. Not me.
In the space in between, We are created.
Multiple We’s.
Shifting. Growing. Weaved together, by laughter, eye contact, touch.

Shares. Laughs.
Truth and lies; more laughter. Frivolous and heartfelt, all at once.
That which is significant, and that which is insignificant.

Elemental massage. Like earth, fire, water, air, ether.
Heavy. Earthed. Grounded. Powerful. Well needed.
Surprised. Sweeter to receive than give, which gives me permission after the fact, for what I gave. Like a winter swim: tingling skin, awakened, alive. Blood flowing through my veins.
Rippling, sparkling. A moment of grace.
Softly, softly. Caressed by hair, by breath, by the outermost part of the fingertips. More, give me more!
Caressed by energy, by the force field generated by closeness and presence, even without physical contact. There is so much more to us, we reach far beyond our physical bodies.

The gift.
That I do. Dare. Let myself.
Give. Receive.
The exquisite thrill, heartfelt and real, far from ABC.
The amount of pleasure available to us in life, far beyond what I ever knew, dared, understood, thought myself able to.

Beginning to understand.
Bliss!

Read More

Time-travelling through internal trap doors

January 14, 2017
/ / /

So much is happening. Within. I am discovering, internally, falling down trap doors that in an instant makes me a time traveller. Takes me into a different time, another situation, with people from the past. Making me react, now, as if, I was still in the past situation. Not serving me, at all. But possible for me to observe. And when I do – the chances of me falling through that specific internal trap door again, reduces. I will be less prone to time travel to a distant memory, that no longer bear any relevance to who I want to be today, how I want to show up in this moment.

discoveryI write. Loads. And you don’t get to see it. Not yet. In time – possibly?
I discover, when I write. And it makes it easier for me, to succintly share my discoveries with You. You – the one who was there, in the moment of Now, when I time travelled and almost, almost, reacted. But I didn’t. And that’s something! No. More than some-thing. That’s a lot! It matters. Every time I time travel into the past, acting from a memory or two, I am on automatic pilot. Falling through the trap door, and responding to Now, without presence. Breaking that pattern, even if only one time, means it’s possible. It means it can become probable, it can grant me help to stay in the presence, more and more. Acting, rather than reacting. Giving me a moment of pause, to observe my whereabouts, looking around me and spotting tell-tale signs of past memories. Shaking me up, bringing me back. To Now.

Which is where I want to be, when I am in connection with people who I value. I want to be present. (And no, that does not mean I won’t ever reminice with people, on shared past experiences and sweet memories. Walking down Memory Lane can be such a treat. But that’s a whole other ballgame than time travelling through internal trap-doors!)

Such an exciting path of discovery I am on!

Read More