presence

Setting the tone: On gifting

Setting the tone: On gifting

January 1, 2021
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The bottom line:
Pick a topic. Any topic.
Bring it up in a circle of people, people open, curious and willing to contribute.
Behold: magic will unfold. 

Setting the tone, the tankespjärn-community monthly Zoom-call for December of 2020 on gifting, might well have been a major influence on what transpired a few days later, on Christmas Eve, as me and my children celebrated Christmas together. A Christmas different from all other Christmases, perhaps because of that fact alone, perhaps not, but regardless, the most magical of Christmases ever (another story, another time). And yes. A gift. To me.
And yes. A gift. To my kids.
And yes. A gift. To the three of us, to Us. 

We gifted each other one of the finest and most sought-after of gifts: time and attention. Presence. Respectful, loving, open and curious presence. Which, it just so happens, is also my major take-away from the Zoom-call, that being with someone, truly with, is one of the most valuable gifts a person can give anyone. Including oneself – tending to myself is (perhaps?) the biggest gift of all. If I do not, I will not, sustainably, be able to provide for others. 

In the Zoom-call on gifting we touched upon so many facets of gifting, the light, bright, shiny ones. Yes.
How a gift well-received, with grace and a heartfelt thank you, is a gift in and of itself.
How whatever it is that you do, and share, with a small or large circle, is a gift. Say, writing a book. Painting a picture. Baking a cake. 

And also, the darker, more murky and off-center-aspects.
How I am powerless over others, and thus, even if I act with the best of intentions, in gifting time and attention, or a thing, it might backfire, because those others respond in anger, in the same way I can, when I receive something I’ve not asked for, which isn’t what I want.
How the opportunities to bear gifts are so rife, it can be daunting in itself, freezing me in in-action, stuck in the thousands of opportunities arising each minute. 

And.
Then. This:
Compassion for self.
Empathy for others.

As it was spoken into the (Zoom-)room, God bumps spread across my limbs, a sign I always receive as the gift I know it to be, suggesting I pay extra attention right here, right now, because there’s Truth being told/shared. 

It is with the utmost grace I host, participate, and doodle, these community-meet up’s. To be able to do this, in the company of openhearted, respectful and loving souls, is such a gift to me, a priceless gift.


#tankespjärn, for those who wish to discover. More. Other. New. And yes. I mean you.
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Sticky presence

June 16, 2020
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Head exploding.
Meetings.
Decisions.
People getting in a jiffy; and jiffyness is a sticky presence.
Easily spread, easily caught.
[Do you give any thought to the energy you send out into the world?]

So.
This is my gardening.
Today.

Self-care, DIY-style.

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Found online. Where. And why?

April 12, 2020
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Facebook. My personal profile. Stories. My page for #tankespjärn. Groups I am a part of?
Instagram. Stories.
Cross-posting?

Patreon.
LinkedIn.
Blog(s).

So many places. So much opportunity.
My presence there, who is it for? For me? For you?
If the answer to the first is No, then I sincerely doubt the answer to the latter question could be Yes.
I have to be there. In spirit. In person. With me. Open. Honest. Wholehearted.

That’s why I don’t do Twitter anymore.
Or, more to the point, I left without closing my account, and now the only thing Twitter does is cross-post the URL of my blog posts. (Had to check, only the Swedish ones.) With just shy of 4000 followers, somehow it irked me to close the account… but now? I might as well, honestly. Because I am so not there. Not in spirit. Not in person.

I haven’t given LinkedIn a proper chance. Not yet. Should I? Should I refrain? And don’t even get me started on the fact that I could (should?) set up an English profile there, besides the Swedish one, a feature I know they rolled out a while back…
And Instagram. No. Not really gone for it properly there either. Same questions apply.

My intention for the past ten years has been to make a positive imprint. So I do my best to curate what I share, how I share, how I show up, what I respond to and how, what my tone is. And yes. That’s a big part of my decision to break up with Twitter. But the question is, given where I am right now, what do I share, when and where?

…to be continued.

But I am curious.
Where are you to be found online? Truly, you, your presence? And why? Why have you set up your chosen online-presence the way it is?


#tankespjärn, for those who wish to discover. More. Other. New.
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Bliss.

October 1, 2018
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“Female sensuality”, Helena Roth. Created at a “Paint Mandala”-class (Måla Mandala) with Lisa Withlovelisa Rislöw, the day before a weekend class on Playful tantra (Lekfull tantra), given by Charlotte Cronquist, the following reflection written after day one.

Presence.
Closeness.

Finding me.
In your eyes.
Seeing and being seen.
In my yes. My no.
Lucidity is kindness, as always.
To breath; rebirthing, opening up, energies in flux. Loudly.

Body contact.
Hands caressing my body, soft as a feather.
The strength of an arm holding me close.
Letting my enjoyment be seen, heard.

Speaking out loud, my inner wish.
What I desire. Right now. With you and noone else.
To speak. Be granted my wish. Speaking another. Granted, yet again.
Daring to let go.
Daring to let me ask for, be granted, receive.
Revel.
Simply being with it. Being with.
Sensuality.
Caresses.

Not taking responsibility for anyone but me.
I. Here. For me. Not you.
You. Here for you. Not me.
In the space in between, We are created.
Multiple We’s.
Shifting. Growing. Weaved together, by laughter, eye contact, touch.

Shares. Laughs.
Truth and lies; more laughter. Frivolous and heartfelt, all at once.
That which is significant, and that which is insignificant.

Elemental massage. Like earth, fire, water, air, ether.
Heavy. Earthed. Grounded. Powerful. Well needed.
Surprised. Sweeter to receive than give, which gives me permission after the fact, for what I gave. Like a winter swim: tingling skin, awakened, alive. Blood flowing through my veins.
Rippling, sparkling. A moment of grace.
Softly, softly. Caressed by hair, by breath, by the outermost part of the fingertips. More, give me more!
Caressed by energy, by the force field generated by closeness and presence, even without physical contact. There is so much more to us, we reach far beyond our physical bodies.

The gift.
That I do. Dare. Let myself.
Give. Receive.
The exquisite thrill, heartfelt and real, far from ABC.
The amount of pleasure available to us in life, far beyond what I ever knew, dared, understood, thought myself able to.

Beginning to understand.
Bliss!

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Time-travelling through internal trap doors

January 14, 2017
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So much is happening. Within. I am discovering, internally, falling down trap doors that in an instant makes me a time traveller. Takes me into a different time, another situation, with people from the past. Making me react, now, as if, I was still in the past situation. Not serving me, at all. But possible for me to observe. And when I do – the chances of me falling through that specific internal trap door again, reduces. I will be less prone to time travel to a distant memory, that no longer bear any relevance to who I want to be today, how I want to show up in this moment.

discoveryI write. Loads. And you don’t get to see it. Not yet. In time – possibly?
I discover, when I write. And it makes it easier for me, to succintly share my discoveries with You. You – the one who was there, in the moment of Now, when I time travelled and almost, almost, reacted. But I didn’t. And that’s something! No. More than some-thing. That’s a lot! It matters. Every time I time travel into the past, acting from a memory or two, I am on automatic pilot. Falling through the trap door, and responding to Now, without presence. Breaking that pattern, even if only one time, means it’s possible. It means it can become probable, it can grant me help to stay in the presence, more and more. Acting, rather than reacting. Giving me a moment of pause, to observe my whereabouts, looking around me and spotting tell-tale signs of past memories. Shaking me up, bringing me back. To Now.

Which is where I want to be, when I am in connection with people who I value. I want to be present. (And no, that does not mean I won’t ever reminice with people, on shared past experiences and sweet memories. Walking down Memory Lane can be such a treat. But that’s a whole other ballgame than time travelling through internal trap-doors!)

Such an exciting path of discovery I am on!

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