rediscovery

Who do you want to put more focus on?

Who do you want to put more focus on?

February 17, 2020
/ / /

Invited to an all-ladies dinner party, with a total of 16 ladies, of whom I knew two beforehand. To open up for sharing amongst many newcomers, the two hostesses passed around a deck of Vertellis cards, and mine read: Looking forward, who do you want to put more focus on?

My answer to that prompt was, a bit surprising to many, was me.

I have been self-employed since 2007, and the past 4-5 years up until a year ago, I had a lot of time working from home, in the company of me. In a sense, [I’ve gotten used to, or even, spoiled with having ample time and opportunity to hang with myself and for the better part of the past year, I have had so many assignments where I spend my days at my customer’s sites, so that time for me, just me, has diminished. Not even weekends are unscheduled enough to give me my daily – or at least weekly – dose of solitude. 

And I need it. I want it. I crave it.
It’s when I create. It’s when I blog. It’s when I connect dots.
It’s when I honor myself and rediscover even more of my Self.

So I vow to make room for me, to put more focus on me and ensure there is me-time in my life. 

Who do you want to put more focus on in the upcoming year? And why?

Read More

The Law of Light (book 20 of 26)

October 7, 2018
/ /
in Tip
/

The Law of Light – the secret teachings of Jesus, written by Lars Muhl. As with The O Manuscript, Lars Muhl provides me with yet another wonderful reading experience. Not as outer worldly as The O Manuscript; but most definitely a book well worth the read.

The book is… well… It contains a mix of verses out of Biblical sources paired with Lars providing explanations or perhaps rather interpretations as well as his own little gold nuggets of wisdom. The book ranges over a wide expanse, covering heavenly archetypes and mystery traditions, conscious breathing and sin, love and free will, and much much more. This is a book I already know I want to – and will! – reread. There is simply so much here that intrigues me, that resonates, that provides little glimpses into things I have barely begun to scratch the surface of.

“A person who lives entirely in the outer world without any connection to his or her inner life always ends up as a victim of loneliness and separation. Such a minus-person […] is often frustrated about the past and in constant fear of the future.”

How I can relate to that. My entire recollection of childhood centered (! Yes. Past tense. Because I can change the story I tell about my childhood experience, to best serve me and those around me.) on being left out, feeling isolated and alone, observing rather than taking part.

“Mankind has only one self. On the other hand, this self has two sides, the small, personal self and the higher, transpersonal Self. Through our free will we have, at every instant, the opportunity to choose the type of reality we desire. We can choose the small self’s limited reality, or we can raise ourselves above the personality’s pettinesses and take responsibility for our life in the creative possibilities of the great Self: NOW.”

Another verse I can relate to. Ever-so-much. The rediscovery of my Self, a journey that has lasted – consciously – for the past three years. A journey that inspires me, encourages me, expands me. At the moment, a journey leading me on a playful dance of discovering my inner Yes (and No – but my lukewarm yeses and no’s have been frequent visitors within, those aren’t my main challenges.) which also has me saying yes and no. Stating it, plain and simple, is a challenge in and of itself. But I am getting there!

“Let what you say be simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything more than this is of confusion.” (Matthew 5:37)


The book I am blogging about is part of the book-reading challenge I’ve set for myself during 2018, to read and blog about 26 Swedish and 26 English books, one book every week, books that I already own.

Read More

A rediscovery of my Self

January 9, 2016
/ / /

It’s three am in the morning. I cannot sleep. Something wants to come out, and I let myself follow the urge, the need, to sit down with my computer, to let it out.

It’s the rediscovery of the Self. Of my Self.

Slowly, bits and pieces of me, left by the roadside, by myself, for one reason or another, are rediscovered. Like long lost friends, meeting up again after ten years, twenty, thirty… possibly even forty. I am that old. Forty three. Physical years. And there are bits and pieces of my Self, that I’ve left behind. Thinking I had to. Believing they were not ok. Not desired. Or desirable. Not wanted. By anyone.

Oh. My precious Self.

How misguided of me, to ever believe that any part of me, of my Self, didn’t have a place in my life.
Misguided. Innocently misguided. No judgement. Stating fact.
Holding no harshness within, as I rediscover my Self, piece by piece.

Tenderly, I hold myself, while reflecting on my Self. It’s the process of self-reflection.

Rediscovering my Self, while journeying within, inviting insights and discoveries.

Welcoming any and all. Welcoming back.

My long lost Self.

How precious you are.

MylonglostSelfAnd how my experience of life widens, expands, as I meet the world a fuller me. More whole.

Not because I was ever broken.

I do not believe human beings are ever broken. We just get lost underneath the trappings of shoulds, musts, wants. Huge parts of my Self got lost along the way. As the expectations of my surroundings – of my self, of what I should be, must be, would be – grew, the less of me shone through. Misguidedly thinking something else, something different, needs to come on top of that which is me, my Self.

And as I built the image of myself, slowly crafting a persona, parts of my Self got hidden, deep inside.

The process is like the rediscovery of a trunk full of photographs from generations passed, up in the attic. Dusty. Coated in spider-web. With that parched feeling to it, not having been replenished by the moisture and oil off the human skin, of hands gently caressing and passing photos along, to browse, to reflect, to revive, for eons. Always there. But forgotten, hidden away, not out of spite, but simply because box after box of stuff was put up in the attic. Making that precious trunk recede further and further into the background. A faded memory, like a photo slowly degrading from exposure to the sun…. fading, dissolving, disappearing.

A rediscovery of my Self.
Gently peeling away those externally or internally mandated layers, diminishing the light that is me. The light of the specific wavelength constituting my Self. Being expressed in the world distortedly. Through a filter. Many filters. Years of adding one filter upon another, fooling even myself into thinking what came out was my true wavelength. Thinking that’s the way I radiate in the world.

And now. Something completely different. As filter after filter is removed, the wavelength of my inner light shines a path ahead, guiding me towards more rediscovery of the Self. The Self that’s always been there. Waiting for me to reconnect. Oh, the joy of seeing the light radiate from within me, my inner light, my Self.

My long lost Self.

Welcome home.
I have missed you, and promise to take better care of you this time around. You are too precious to me ever to get lost again.

Having rediscovered how rich life is, meeting the world a fuller me, I look forward to explore and discover, to expand into that which is – as yet – unknown to me.

Read More