Rising Strong

#blogg100 – Show up and be seen.

#blogg100 – Show up and be seen.

May 5, 2017
/ / /

“Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it’s having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome. Vulnerability is not weakness; it’s our greatest measure of courage.”

I read the words of Brené Brown and inhale sharply, almost gasping at the air. perfect me

Knowing this is where I am at.
A moment of truth.
A time to show up and be seen, with absolutely no control whatsoever of the outcome.
Time to be vulnerable, showing up wholeheartedly, not leaving any part of me behind.

Showing up, as me.
Being seen, as me.
The perfectly imperfect and flawed human being I am;
on display.

Do I have the grace to pull it off?
Am I courageous enough to face whatever may come, whatever may happen?

#Blogg100 challenge in 2017 – post number 66 of 100.
The book “Rising strong” by Brené Brown.
English posts here, Swedish at
herothecoach.com

Read More

#blogg100 – Courage or comfort.

April 27, 2017
/ / /

Courage Comfort“We can choose courage or we can choose comfort, but we can’t have both. Not at the same time.”

And when I choose one over the other, it has consequences. Regardless of the choice, be it courage or comfort. There are always consequences to face.

Right now, I am done with the one.
It is time for me to dance to a new tune; I am choosing the other.

#Blogg100 challenge in 2017 – post number 58 of 100.
The book “Rising strong” by Brené Brown.
English posts here, Swedish at
herothecoach.com

Read More

#blogg100 – Too far in.

April 19, 2017
/ / /

the dip“You’re too far in to turn around and not close enough to the end to see the light.”

That could have been my sentiments today, as I reach the half-way mark of the #blogg100 challenge. For the specific challenge of daily blogging for one hundred consecutive days I am not experiencing The Dip, which is what Seth Godin calls that moment when you just cannot seem to get anywhere… when you’ve tried everything, but still feel as if you are stuck in a rut. With persistence the dip can be overcome though, and all of a sudden, you push through to the other side.

The risk you face is that it isn’t a dip at all, but rather a bottomless pit, and the trick is to know when to persevere, and when to let go. Because if you persevere with a bottomless pit, you are wasting time, energy, effort, for nothing. Well. Experience, I guess, trying to find a silver lining, but besides that, you’re better off letting go, to enable letting come… of what? Possibly the thing, that’s been eager to show up in your life, but for the fact that you’ve been so busy trying to fill that bottomless pit, blind to everything around you.

#Blogg100 challenge in 2017 – post number 50 of 100.
The book “Rising strong” by Brené Brown.
English posts here, Swedish at
herothecoach.com.

Read More

#blogg100 – Generous assumptions.

April 15, 2017
/ / /

What’s the most generous assumption that I can make about his response while still acknowledging my own feelings and needs?

Brené Brown is speaking about her husband, telling a story from their marriage. Being vulnerable, and showing all her struggles, her misinterpretations, her expectations and fears.

What’s the most generous assumption that I can make about someone’s response while still acknowledging my own feelings and needs?

What a great question to carry with me, in any setting, any relationship, any conversation with a tendency to turn sour. Because here’s the stinger: it’s all make belief anyway. I mean, whatever assumption I make, I am making an assumption, i.e. making up a reason for what caused you to do what you did, or to omit to do what you should have done. Why not make that assumption as generously as possible, giving me some breathing room and most definitely putting rose-tinted glasses on? Why would I ever do the opposite? Making an assumption that puts you in the worst possible standing in front of my eyes, making you out to be the worst monster on earth – why would I do that? Causing me heartache, and sending that energy right back at you, likely causing you heartache as well.

BoldomaticPost_with-a-generous-spiritNo, better to be generous. As kind as I possibly can. I can experience being snubbed, stood up, taken for granted or any number of other feelings, all of which might hurt, in one way or another. But thinking generous thoughts about your possible reasons for doing – or omitting to doing in some cases – it, makes it less of a problem really. It takes away a lot of the hurt inside. And when I am being generous in my mind, towards you, it’s actually easier for me to act in the same manner towards myself. From that view point, it’s a lot easier, and likely much more constructive, to voice my needs and acknowledge my feelings. When I speak from my perspective, with a generous spirit, I am less likely to cast blame on others and fall into the role of the victim.

I’ll be playing around with this for a while, and I’d love for you to join me:
What’s the most generous assumption that I can make about someone’s response while still acknowledging my own feelings and needs?

#Blogg100 challenge in 2017 – post number 46 of 100.
The book “Rising strong” by Brené Brown.
English posts here, Swedish at
herothecoach.com.

Read More

#blogg100 – Only a rumor.

March 25, 2017
/ / /

“Knowledge is only a rumor until it lives in the muscle.”

So say the Asaro tribe of Indonesia and Papua New Guinea, and when I read it in Rising Strong, I nod my head in agreement. Because I can know a lot. But if I do not live it, what good is it to me?

Rising strong bwIt’s like when we force our children to “say you’re sorry” when they’ve hit a friend, or snitched the toy car from baby Jane in the sand box. We tell them to “Say you’re sorry.”, and they do. Not knowing why. Not understanding that a sorry doesn’t give you carte blanche to do the same thing again and again, in the days to come. As if a sorry would be enough, making it ok to keep on acting the same way, hitting a friend, snitching the car. It’s not. It’s an excuse, and if it’s a wholehearted excuse, a sorry that we truly feel, then attached to that is the unvoiced promise, that we will not act like that again. We won’t repeat the behavior that caused the apology in the first place, again, and again. At the very least, we vow to tro to be better, act better, grounding ourselves in values and a worldview on how to treat fellow human beings (and everything else on Earth).

If we do, keep it up, repeat it, over and over again – we’ve not understood anything.

And I claim, when we force kids to say sorry, we are making it into a rote behavior, rather than having them understand – with empathy and compassion – what just transpired and feel the sorrow within, the regret, the knowledge that what just happened was unwelcome, and an apology is one way forward.

“Knowledge is only a rumor until it lives in the muscle.”

Knowledge is of use, when it is used. When I make use of it, having it “live in my muscles”, becoming part of who I am, what I do, and why I do it. When I use it to help me be the better me, become the best me possible. And it’s great to have a repository of knowledge within, that I can use when it’s appropriate. I am n o t stating we should only learn that which we see a direct gain for, a reason for, when we plan an implicit action ahead. Oh no. Having a wealth of knowledge within, to utilize if and when I am faced with a new situation, is vital. Ensuring I have the resources when the time comes. But if I don’t use them, when it is time, that’s a missed opportunity. That’s when I should have practiced what I’ve learned, that’s how you walk your talk. Perhaps insecure, a total beginner, never having utilized the knowledge. And that’s fine. We all know it sometimes take a little bit (or a lot!) of practice to get good at something. But refraining from acting, on the basis that I’ve not done it before, don’t really know how to, unsure if I’ll do it good enough – that’s how knowledge remains a rumor. Don’t let it. Please. Make it live in your muscles, and I’ll be doing the same.

#Blogg100 challenge in 2017 – post number 25 of 100. 
The book “Rising strong” by Brené Brown.
English posts here, Swedish at herothecoach.com.

Read More

#blogg100 – Show me a woman.

March 20, 2017
/ / /

“Show me a woman who can hold space for a man in real fear and vulnerability, and I’ll show you a woman who’s learned to embrace her own vulnerability and who doesn’t derive her power or status from that man. Show me a man who can sit with a woman in real fear and vulnerability and just hear her struggle without trying to fix it or give advice, and I’ll show you a man who’s comfortable with his own vulnerability and doesn’t derive his power from being Oz, the all-knowing and all-powerful.”

I remember hearing Brené Brown say this, in a podcast I listened to, and I remember how I pressed rewind, to listen to it a few more times, because the way she said it, the feeling behind the words she was using, was so strong, so powerful and with such longing. Longing for more of us to experience this, to simply be held, in a space of love, which is one of the most amazing experiences of life. Rising strong bwNot to be fixed. Not to be told what to do. But simply held. In a space of love.

And I realize that sometimes, in a silence between two people, I am actually n o t being held. That silence rather the sign of a man not knowing how to fix, how to advice; who cannot fathom saying “I don’t know what to do or say when you are so sad and upset. What do you need from me right now?” and hence, simply refrain from doing anything. That place, that space, is not a space of love, trust me. That is a man not comfortable in his own vulnerability, and the feeling behind the non-spoken words reveal that all to clearly.

But am I that woman?

Sometimes yes. Sometimes no.

And often – how weird is this? – I wonder if I am not that man, instead: trying to fix, giving advice. Wanting to h e l p, wanting to get someone out of a muddle… Even when it’s not my muddle, not my action to take, not my responsibility to do anything but simply be there, holding a space of love. I’m practicing though. Practicing holding space for both men and women in real fear and vulnerability, without me having to assert power and status, without me fixing the issue or giving advice how to… Simply holding space. Nothing more, nothing less, and yet, speaking from personal experience, it is somehow the grandest there is. Being held in a space of love is the finest gift we can give each other. And, unfortunately, all too rare.

#Blogg100 challenge in 2017 – post number 20 of 100.
The book “Rising strong” by Brené Brown.
English posts here, Swedish at
herothecoach.com.

Read More

#blogg100 – Rising strong.

March 18, 2017
/ / /

The intention I set for 2017 is wholeheartedness, and the book Rising strong by Brené Brown that I read in 2016 played a great part in making it so.

“Rising strong after a fall is how we cultivate wholeheartedness in our lives;
it’s the process that teaches us the most about who we are.”

Rising StrongRising strong. Means what?
To you? I don’t know.
To me – living, falling down, getting up, showing up, vulnerable and courageous; and still to keep on. One step at a time.

“We need more people who are willing to demonstrate what it looks like to risk and endure failure, disappointment, and regret – people willing to feel their own hurt instead of working it out on other people, people willing to own their stories, live their values, and keep showing up.”

When I am with people who do this, who step out on a limb, who demonstrate what life is all about, they grant me space to do the same. They don’t hog the space, don’t steal the lime light from me and you and the rest of us. On the contrary I would say. They make the light shine so brightly, so far and wide, that we are all in it, we all have the space and place to be who we are. With all the trapping of human life on earth.

Brené Brown is a qualitative reasearcher, specifically a grounded theory researcher, and as such, she’s interviewed thousands of people on the topics she’s focussing her theory on. And what she found to be the common trait of people who live wholeheared lives is this:

“They’re curious about the emotional world and they face discomfort straight-on.”

For me, my whole life started to pivot once I stopped being afraid of whom I might meet when I looked within, when I started to be curious instead. Now, meeting me, within me, or in meeting you, is the most fascinating exploration of all – never really knowing what might pop up, and in constant wonderment, rather than the fear of “bad traits”, of jealousy and greed, of stingyness and weakness. No. I don’t fear myself anymore, the light and the shadow both are welcome. More than welcome even, greatly anticipated! Jumping up and down on the spot, eagerly awaiting the coming of what-ever-may-be, like a small child waiting for a favorite uncle. Ready to face it, come what may. Thrills and lows alike, warmly embraced and faced.

#Blogg100 challenge in 2017 – post number 18 of 100.
The book “Rising strong” by Brené Brown.
English posts here, Swedish at
herothecoach.com.

Read More