Not right now

Not right now

May 31, 2020
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Again, I find myself with so much that wants to come out, and yet… no energy to make it take form.
There’s so much happening in the world today, so much horror and violence, injustice and upheaval, and I haven’t got the wherewithal to comment on it, and definitely not try to make sense of it, something which I am not sure is even possible.

At the same time, there’s an equal amount going on inside myself today, so many thoughts and reflections, insights and observations, and the same is true here. I haven’t got the wherewithal to get it onto paper, to have it laid out in front of me, even though I know, doing just that, is usually very helpful to me.

But I am not resourced enough right now, to do it.
However much it is usually helpful, right now is not the time.

So I let myself be. Not having to do.
Not right now.

#tankespjärn, for those who wish to discover. More. Other. New.
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Advent Calendar – December 14, 2019

December 14, 2019
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Living in Sweden, making my voice heard is, for me, a given. It’s something I don’t think too much about because I know I have every right to speak up. However much I would want this to be the right of every human on earth, it isn’t. Or rather, it i s every human’s right, but it’s not a right every human can exercise.

This is why this picture in my view, is one of the most impactful ones from my trip to Kenya in June. I didn’t take the picture myself, because I was busy having breakfast at Lion Rock in Tsavo West National Park when this big meeting took place at the Kiambere plantation. Luckily, Jan and Jonatan were there, and one of them captured it.

You see, a new supervisor has started work a week or so earlier, and somehow there had been a misunderstanding. The dayworkers did not fully understand how they got paid – checking in with your thumbprint in the morning, checking out with your thumbprint in the afternoon, and on Friday the week after, you get your salary as M-Pesa (Sweden got Swish in 2012. Kenya has M-Pesa since 2007!) to your cellphone – and did just that: Exercise their right to make their voices – their concerns – heard.

The misunderstanding was cleared up in no time and everything went back to business as usual; except for me… I was left impacted. Moved. Proud. You see, these workers were not afraid for their jobs. Nor for their lives, which can certainly be the case in some countries/companies! This sense of pride is an unexpected side-effect, I have to say. I didn’t expect to sense into the operations of Better Globe Forestry in quite such a way, that I did during my visit. That I do, still. It has led to a deep knowing in me, that putting my savings into trees makes a real difference. And I want to make a difference. And I want you to make a difference too. Time to buy your first tree?

Advent Calendar for 2019: sharing pictures and stories/reflections from my trip to Kenya in June. I went to visit “my trees” and get a hands-on experience of the social entrepreneurship of the Kenyan forestry company that I buy trees through.

Full disclosure: I am proud to say I am both a customer and an ambassador for the company. If you are curious to find out more, let me know and I’ll gladly get in touch with you! Here’s my sponsored link: 

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Advent Calendar 10 – Close your eyes

December 10, 2018
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I blogged about the heightened sensations I experience when I close my eyes, in September 2013. Since then, I close my eyes more and more. When I sing with my choir, when I listen to a podcast, when I do my daily morning exercise or put a freshly-picked raspberry from the garden in my mouth. When I take a shower, dance to a favorite song, hug someone. Meeting life with closed eyes increases my awareness of the present moment (which is what life is. A moment of Now, replaced by a new moment of Now, and so on…).

Funnily enough, the other day I listened to a lecture on “The brain – what everyone should know” by Anna Tebelius Bodin, and she chocked me when she informed me that the brain receives 11 million inputs… per second! A ridiculous amount of inputs, and 10 million of these come from the eyes. (Valid for me as a seeing person. Someone who lacks eye sight have compensated and receives a larger part of their inputs from the other senses.) So when I close my eyes, it’s no wonder that the inputs from other senses get more attention.

I don’t know why, really, but in some instances, it is easier for me to say YES with my eyes closed. With eyes open, it’s easier for the brain to get engaged, to rationally think, to let my intellectual abilities be acting gate keeper. With eyes closed, the rest of me, my body and spirit, have a greater chance to be in on the decision.

Like my stints of digital sabbat makes me more grateful to be “back on my devices”, when I close my eyes, I experience more. Or perhaps just different?

Advent Calendar 2018 – number 10 of 24 – on the theme of being gentle.

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March 2, 2018
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SensationsI crave sensations.
Not the ”wow, that’s so cool!”-type of sensations, but rather the sensations of feeling, of touch, of sound and movement. The lightest of touch, the softest of whisper.

What can I feel?
What do I want to feel?
What do I like?
What do I want? What don’t I want?
What do I desire, what makes me aroused, what drives me over the edge?

From having been an it’s-all-in-my-head-gal, for the past few years slowly but steadily I’ve been reconnecting with my body, with all of me. I am still… hm… possibly a bit scared of it all? But more than that, it’s mostly a matter of not knowing what and how to do, being acutely aware of that fact, and fearing ridicule, so yes, fear is at the root of me depriving myself of the sensations I crave.

That won’t stop me though.
I want to sense life – in all manners possible – and I will.

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