Slowing down to the speed of life

Slowing down to the speed of life

November 19, 2020
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I turn off Spotify.
The pipes leading to the heaters gargle a bit, and a car drives by on the residential road outside. And there’s another one, farther away, on one of the larger streets a block or two away. My 16-year old son Benjamin semi-shouts Hey, hey upstairs, ensconced in his room, involved in a Valorant online-tournament with some friends, online-friends.
Another car.
And this ringing noise, slightly whining… is it but a figment of my imagination? Or perhaps, the residue of noise from just before, ruffling the sensory hairs in my ear canals, generating a high-pitched, yet more grass-rustling-in-the-wind-like noise.
I hear myself, breathing out. Breathing out again, and then, there, an even softer exhalation.
Benjamin scrapes his chair against the floor, which just so happens to be my ceiling, as he’s upstairs, and I am downstairs.
He laughs and yammers away, as I raise my head, looking out the window right in front of me, a head-movement accompanied by a crack in my neck, oops, another car on the street just outside the other window, the one to my right.
I’m sitting at the dining room table, the only table around, the kitchen too small for a kitchen table.
Look up again, another crack, but softer, more of a crick.
I inhale long, and deep, exhaling even longer.

In October of 2015, I went for a walk in the recreational park just across the street. It was a walk that etched itself deeply into my memories, as, for the first time, I s a w. I was more fully present to the beauty surrounding us, surrounding me, than I’d ever been before.

I don’t think I’ve ever experienced the beauty of fall as I am this year. And I don’t think fall has gotten more beautiful – I think the change is in me. I’ve never been so aware, never taken the time, to look, to see the colors, the contrast, the smell, the vibrancy. The energy!

Looking up once more, and yes, you know it, another crack.

It’s like an undulating wave, this paying attention and noticing. Now and again, I am at the peak of the undulation, totally present, attentive, noticing. Now and again, I am at the very bottom, lost to the world, nowhere close to the here and now. Most of the time, in movement along those undulations, headed towards attentiveness, or towards not-presenceness (a habit of mine. I make up words. Sometimes really good ones. Not sure this one qualifies though).

(Years ago….) I walked behind two people while walking through Hyde Park, and overheard part of their conversation.

Sometimes I give you book on how to live a good life and sometimes I give you books with good stories in them‘, the older man told his younger female walking companion, in an accusatory tone.

I spun a tale – a story? What i s the difference? I’ve never really given that much thought either, before. Now, it’s all I can think about… (well. Almost.) – around that, imagining, reflecting, perhaps even projecting?

I started to slow down to the speed of life in 2013, perhaps even more so in 2014, and have kept on with that practice ever since. And I see now, as I sit here, that ringing tone still present within me, starting to believe it’s not within me after all, but something you might also hear, if you were here, sitting opposite me at the table, that me slowing down, simultaneously made me level up in the art of noticing and paying attention. Within, as well as without.

And I love it.
But, without a doubt, there’s a lot more attention- and noticing-powers within me, so I am upping the ante, willing myself to play around with this for the next few days (and… hopefully, forever and ever!).

#tankespjärn, for those who wish to discover. More. Other. New.
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The nudges of inner wisdom

May 23, 2020
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Woke up Thursday morning with a strong urge to stay put. To not make sure I got my normal daily ten kilometers in my body. To not step one foot outside of my property. I just didn’t want to leave.


This isn’t unheard of, sometimes I get into a reading marathon and simply stay at home… but I don’t think I ever actually felt such a strong sensation, telling me, whispering to me, to stay put.

So I did.
Had lunch in the garden and then spent hours out there.
Reading. Weeding. Reading some more. Repotting plants and seedlings. Reading some more.
Just being.

The day after I had the same sense, but went by car with Mr D to fetch some soil for the garden. Much needed and a good little excursion. One that definitely didn’t make me get any 10K in me. 

And today, I had the same sense… until it was four o’clock when, all of a sudden, I wanted to go for a slow barefoot walk.
So I did.

Listening within.
Hearing the nudges of inner wisdom.
Telling me to slow down. Let go. Just be.

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Caring. Of self. Of others.

March 13, 2020
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At home.
Not going in to work.
Not headed to Bornholm for the weekend course I signed up for around Christmas time. I canceled my attendance before the course got canceled on account of almost everyone canceling their attendance as well. 

That’s positive.
People are thinking and taking preventative action, avoiding unnecessary meetings and events, minimizing the risk of spreading and/or catching the Coronavirus. 

I haven’t seen the negative effects of this, yet. Understand there are people hoarding so much for themselves that others will go without. But I have seen the opposite, the positive effects. People volunteering their help with grocery shopping or cooking, to help those in high-risk categories. People not involved in fear-mongering, but rather the opposite, being factual and emphatic at the same time, willing us all to stay calm and caring. Of self. Of others.

Not going in to work does not mean I cannot work.
I can. Luckily.
However. Hand on heart… Have not mustered the energy to go at work in full swing. Not yet. Giving myself room to take it a bit slower, to rest more, sleep until I wake up, have a slow morning reading in bed, letting the re-calibration work it’s way into me, in the back of my mind letting the insight from my prioritization-exercise percolate. Curious to see what will come out of it. How I will protect this new space (as I was asked by a fellow TCW-attendee) of insight and a world slowed down.

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Time enough.

June 8, 2019
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Going home. Happy I chose the slow route. A full eight hours to let the experiences of the past two days settle within, integrate, solidify. 

Time enough for soul and body to catch up with each other. 

Time enough for mind and heart to digest the richness of these past few days. 

Time enough for me to revel in remembrance, letting my heart overflow with the joy and gratitude that comes with living life at its fullest. 

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