souls

Divorced. Again.

Divorced. Again.

March 27, 2018
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Here I am – divorced for the second time.
This is not what I intended. But it’s what happened.

Sad?
Well, yes, sure it’s sad. I didn’t want this. Until the moment came when I actually did want it. Because that’s how it works – all of a sudden perspectives change, an insight put’s everything into a different light. I can see the sadness in life not turning out the way I wanted to, but at the same time, I’m not sad about it. I have no regrets. Fact is what I feel more than anything is gratitude that both of us, I and my ex-husband, to a large extent have – and have had – the ability to keep a cool head as well as a warm and gentle heart throughout the process från separation to settled divorce, with agreements on property settlements to child alimony and all of the other things that follows, when two souls are in the process of untangling themselves from each others lives.

The difference in my life isn’t that big either, to be honest. I still live in the house; I love it here and am very happy we’ve found a solution enabling me to stay put. The kids decide themselves how they want it, where to live and when (mostly). Kids and kids… little brother might still count as one, but the 18 year old will soon graduate, so there is a limit to the time remaining for her to “live at home”.

I ponder what makes me so calm and collected within. Perhaps because I’ve let it take its time? Or rather: I’ve let myself take the time I’ve needed to. Time to feel, time to cry, to grieve, to land in new circumstances.

I-carry-with-me-the-best-of-memoriesPerhaps because I’ve let thoughts and corresponding feelings come and go? I haven’t attached myself to any feeling as such, I’ve simply let them come, fill me up, and then I’ve let them pass through. Sometimes fast, sometimes really slow – all the while safe in the understanding that whatever I feel in the moment, it will pass. Another thought will come, eventually. No feeling is static. Ever.

And like Pernilla says – grief and joy go hand in hand, are best friends. The grief I experience when something has run its course is all about the flow of joy, love and compassion, all about the experiences. Delighting in what has been, that no longer is. Grateful for all I’ve been through, all I’ve learned, all that has arisen on account of this specific relationship. I carry with me the best of memories, and look to the future with a curious mind, all the while keeping my focus in the here and now, living and enjoying myself to the fullest.

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Souls connecting

July 20, 2017
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Today I’ve spent the day walking in Christiania in Copenhagen with Anna and Becka, two ladies I would not know were it not for social media. Becky likes to tell the story of how she, three years ago, on her first day on Twitter, a total newbie, managed to send off a tweet, which I picked up on and immediately replied with a question if she’d like to guest blog for #skolvåren (aka #schoolspring) and the rest is history as they say. We’ve been friends ever since. But as she’s a Swedish lady living in Mexico (a Swexican!) we’ve not had an opportunity before now to meet in the flesh.Christiania

Becka and Anna also hooked up via social media, and Becka hooked me and Anna up… and yes, as you might surmise, the rest is history there as well! Me and Anna have met a number of times, as we live fairly close to each other, but today way the first time we each met Becka.Three friends meeting up in the flesh

It’s quite amazing how deep a connection can become between friends, without meeting physically. And then, when the opportunity arises to actually do meet up in the flesh – it just feels so natural, easy, like old friends meeting up after a long time apart. The connections made online deepen the connection possible upon meeting physically – this I’ve experienced time and time again, and it never ceases to amaze me. So now I sit here reflecting upon the day, with the wonderful taste of the Mexican drinking chocolate gifted to me by Becka in my mouth, and a warm happy feeling within.Mexican Chocolate

Across oceans, continents, time zones – souls connect regardless!

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Connective harmonies

May 12, 2016
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At first.
There is nothing.

Silence.

Then.
A hum.
A deep, vibrating hum.

Grounding me.

The vibrations enter me, Body, Mind, Soul.
All starts to vibrate within me.

Then.

I start to hum.
Cannot keep it in.
Out it comes.

A deep, vibrating hum.
Grounding me even deeper.

Blending with the existing hum, weaving back and forth. Together.
More voices join in.
The hum grows, in strength and resonance.

When I close my eyes, the overtones are apparent within me. I can feel the vibrations, starting with the base notes, slower vibrations, at the root of my being. Vibrations spread upwards within me, octave upon octave. Soon there is a symphony of resonance engulfing me, I cannot tell my boundaries, I am dissolving, becoming a part of a big humming body, in resonance, together.

I have to breathe.

I stop humming. Deep intake of breath. My boundaries solidifies again, as I stand surrounded by the vibrations, letting them carry me while breathing.

When I’ve replenished my body with fresh air, the hum within cannot be contained anymore, so out it comes, rejoining the choir of humming voices. Together again.

Once more, I start to dissolve, the world around me disappear, all there is is this co-creation, a being made up of voices, filling me up.

Every cell of my body sings, I go from humming a sonorous base tone to a high-pitched tone, clear, wordless. It’s the voice of an angel coming through me, soaring high on unlimited and unconditional love, dancing on the threads of vibrations, expressing the exuberant joy of experiencing Heaven on Earth.

It goes on and on.
Time ceases to exist.
What is. Is.

And then. Collectively, as one, we lower our voices, the energy remains, but more contained, concentrated, slowly dissolving, like a mist, dispersed by the ray of sunshine.

Voices go silent, one after another, keeping the hum within, rather than letting it out into the world. Like a ball of energy, nesting deep within the soul of each participant, a proof of our connection, a reminder of our human potential. The ability to start with nothing and out of it create a symphony of resonance.

One single hum remains…wonder

And then.
Silence.

Except deep within our souls,
where the ball of energy remains,

a reminder of Heaven on Earth.

Since 2012 I have blogged over at herothecoach.com in a jumble of Swedish and English. This post is a sample of what I’ve been writing – in English – there over the years. As of 2016 all my English posts appear here instead.

I hope you enjoy this #ThrowbackThursday, originally published here, and if you do, please subscribe to updates so you won’t miss out on future posts.

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